Progressively getting worse
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Welcome Eric. You're doing the right thing. I tried to quit at 40 and couldn't do it, floundered and effed around with it for 15 more years. By then I had quit a career where I was at the top of my game and climbing fast.. but I couldn't take the stress and was drinking to try and control it. Of course that only makes things worse. I quit the rat race and did more freelance gigs the last 5-10 years of my drinking and managed to control it to some degree, but even then, when you're still in your addiction you are a diminished person, and any other behavioral or emotional issues continue to simmer in the background.
As a result of my continuing to drink well into my 50's despite trying to moderate, I never remarried after I screwed up my first marriage to a lovely and talented woman, or had my own kids, or fulfilled many of the dreams I had. And in the same vein as what happened with your friend, while heavily in my addiction at age 36, I failed to make it home to see my father, who had gone into a detox, and he passed - something I will always regret too. All I can do now is live with my sadness, appreciate him for the things he did and honor him by not putting anymore alcohol into my system. I made many bad decisions while still fighting my addiction. Undoubtedly, when we are in it we are selfish and often not the real person we are without the drug.
It's a shame to waste a life, man. I really hope you make the effort and avoid the same types of consequences I suffered, because trust me it will get bad if you keep on that road. It is just a matter of time. You're young and can have a great life, mate.
As a result of my continuing to drink well into my 50's despite trying to moderate, I never remarried after I screwed up my first marriage to a lovely and talented woman, or had my own kids, or fulfilled many of the dreams I had. And in the same vein as what happened with your friend, while heavily in my addiction at age 36, I failed to make it home to see my father, who had gone into a detox, and he passed - something I will always regret too. All I can do now is live with my sadness, appreciate him for the things he did and honor him by not putting anymore alcohol into my system. I made many bad decisions while still fighting my addiction. Undoubtedly, when we are in it we are selfish and often not the real person we are without the drug.
It's a shame to waste a life, man. I really hope you make the effort and avoid the same types of consequences I suffered, because trust me it will get bad if you keep on that road. It is just a matter of time. You're young and can have a great life, mate.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,576
I'm sorry about your friend. Please don't beat yourself up about it too bad. While I do not know what caused your friends brain hemorrhage, I do know that 1 in 50 people have a brain aneurysm. Some are genetic, others lifestyle, and most do not know that they have them until they rupture. Many do not survive, and there is likely nothing that you could have done.
I know how you feel though. I saw my best friend as a teenager at a gas station couple years back and pretended to not recognize her. She was buying booze and I was headed to work. I just didn't want to deal with it. She appeared loaded and not looking so great. She was dead a few weeks later. I felt terrible about it, but I also know there was nothing I could do. You can't help someone that doesn't want it. I went to the service and was told she had been suffering for years.
I really hope that you can stop drinking. Its a progressive illness. Always worse, never better.
Keep posting.I'm glad you are here.
I know how you feel though. I saw my best friend as a teenager at a gas station couple years back and pretended to not recognize her. She was buying booze and I was headed to work. I just didn't want to deal with it. She appeared loaded and not looking so great. She was dead a few weeks later. I felt terrible about it, but I also know there was nothing I could do. You can't help someone that doesn't want it. I went to the service and was told she had been suffering for years.
I really hope that you can stop drinking. Its a progressive illness. Always worse, never better.
Keep posting.I'm glad you are here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
So I'm back, nothing has changed, still drinking to the same level sat here in work feeling like ****.
To make matters worse I've just been told by my mother she has been having a few health issues and that the doctors have run a few tests on her and that they've asked to speak to her on Friday and that it's urgent and a call that she can't miss. Due to Covid she can't even go into the hospital to talk to a doctor face to face when she could be getting some terrible news.
Can people be honest with me, is half a bottle of 70cl Vodka a day really that concerning?
Am I being over dramatic because when I read online some people are drinking upwards of two to three litres of spirits a day. Added to that I do have at least one or two rest days each week.
To make matters worse I've just been told by my mother she has been having a few health issues and that the doctors have run a few tests on her and that they've asked to speak to her on Friday and that it's urgent and a call that she can't miss. Due to Covid she can't even go into the hospital to talk to a doctor face to face when she could be getting some terrible news.
Can people be honest with me, is half a bottle of 70cl Vodka a day really that concerning?
Am I being over dramatic because when I read online some people are drinking upwards of two to three litres of spirits a day. Added to that I do have at least one or two rest days each week.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,601
I don't think comparing our intake to others is helpful.
it sounds like you are just looking for excuses or for someone to say your drinking is ok or normal when you know it isnt. No one on here will tell you your drinking is ok.
People who drink normally and don't have a problem dont post on recovery websites.
I go back to your first post when you said your wife wants you to stop. Be assured it gets worse. There is every chance your wife will leave you eventually if you keep drinking . Although you have to stop for yourself not for her.
it sounds like you are just looking for excuses or for someone to say your drinking is ok or normal when you know it isnt. No one on here will tell you your drinking is ok.
People who drink normally and don't have a problem dont post on recovery websites.
I go back to your first post when you said your wife wants you to stop. Be assured it gets worse. There is every chance your wife will leave you eventually if you keep drinking . Although you have to stop for yourself not for her.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by RAL 
I don't think comparing our intake to others is helpful.
it sounds like you are just looking for excuses or for someone to say your drinking is ok or normal when you know it isnt. No one on here will tell you your drinking is ok.
People who drink normally and don't have a problem dont post on recovery websites.
I go back to your first post when you said your wife wants you to stop. Be assured it gets worse. There is every chance your wife will leave you eventually if you keep drinking . Although you have to stop for yourself not for her.
it sounds like you are just looking for excuses or for someone to say your drinking is ok or normal when you know it isnt. No one on here will tell you your drinking is ok.
People who drink normally and don't have a problem dont post on recovery websites.
I go back to your first post when you said your wife wants you to stop. Be assured it gets worse. There is every chance your wife will leave you eventually if you keep drinking . Although you have to stop for yourself not for her.
You're right, I wouldn't be posting here if I didn't have concerns and I apologise if me looking to compare seemed like I was trying to excuse my drinking. I bet there isn't a person on here who hasn't compared at some point and thought I'm not that bad.
Reality is I've got a huge problem, it needs addressing because I could be so much more without it in my life.
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Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,077
Howdy, I just had to look up what the amount of 70cl is it's equivalent to 1 1/2 pints. An alcoholic is an alcoholic no matter what there pattern of drinking is, but I do believe that amount consumed plays a roll, because obviously the more you drink the more damage your doing to yourself and I think the higher the level of physical dependence will be, and of course your level of inebriation whilst drinking. So basically your consuming approx. 3/4-1 pint of vodka a day. On my binges I was consuming 1-2 pints of vodka a day along with a few beers, so yeah I would say your qualified...lol....And will face pretty bad withdrawal symptoms when you decide to stop and I hope that you do.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Do you think its a lot of alcohol? Your opinion on the amount is really what matters.
There will always be news coming to us. Bad and good and in between news. Information that we process and take action with.
I drank over everything and anything. I am sorry to hear about this phone call your mother will be having. Take it one step at a time.
I also think its terrible for a medical profession to call and say "Hey, we have some bad news for you but we cant tell you until a future date. So, call us in a few days and we will tell you all about it!'
Those types of phone calls truly helps no one in the moment. No one.
There will always be news coming to us. Bad and good and in between news. Information that we process and take action with.
I drank over everything and anything. I am sorry to hear about this phone call your mother will be having. Take it one step at a time.
I also think its terrible for a medical profession to call and say "Hey, we have some bad news for you but we cant tell you until a future date. So, call us in a few days and we will tell you all about it!'
Those types of phone calls truly helps no one in the moment. No one.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by KingEric
Can people be honest with me, is half a bottle of 70cl Vodka a day really that concerning?
Am I being over dramatic because when I read online some people are drinking upwards of two to three litres of spirits a day. Added to that I do have at least one or two rest days each week.
Am I being over dramatic because when I read online some people are drinking upwards of two to three litres of spirits a day. Added to that I do have at least one or two rest days each week.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi Eric. I agree with Steely and others. For anyone - normal drinkers and all of us nag-headed drinkers - 1.5 pints of vodka is an extremely dangerous level of drinking. Just because you don't currently have a gun in your mouth doesn't mean that you aren't working on killing yourself. Amounts, methods and comparisons are so unhelpful in all of this. You know that alcohol is causing you problems and that is all you really need to know.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
With that much a day, and yes, it is a lot (far more than I could drink daily without ending up in the hospital and I do have a serious alcohol problem) you need to be very careful in quitting—cold turkey is dangerous— best thing would be to get some support from your Dr. to safely detox.
Besides, the amounts will keep increasing as it is progressive. That’s already happened, hasn’t it? Takes more to get your buzz on and keep it going? Again, that is typical. It can go downhill fast once you hit a certain level. I was in the so-called “functional” stage of drinking for decades—doing fine at work, managing to keep the facade up. But performance was decreasing, spouse was getting really fed up, and I stood to lose everything.
Sounds like you know things aren’t right or really working. It’s critical to be honest with yourself.
Besides, the amounts will keep increasing as it is progressive. That’s already happened, hasn’t it? Takes more to get your buzz on and keep it going? Again, that is typical. It can go downhill fast once you hit a certain level. I was in the so-called “functional” stage of drinking for decades—doing fine at work, managing to keep the facade up. But performance was decreasing, spouse was getting really fed up, and I stood to lose everything.
Sounds like you know things aren’t right or really working. It’s critical to be honest with yourself.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Doesn't matter what volumetric measurement you use to quantify the amount of alcohol - the point is that your life, your one and only time around the sun, is not what you want it to be because of drinking. As you wisely admit above, you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to quit.
I will say that if you are looking for excuses to keep drinking, rationalizations as to how much is not too much, reasons to return to the bottle - you don't have to do much work or look too far - there are plenty of us out there still drinking, wasting our lives, waiting for someone to save us, expecting a tomorrow that will never come.
You have work to do to reclaim your life. The abundance and beauty that sobriety brings are earned, not handed out like candy. You have to start with some discomfort, some hard decisions and some sacrifice. It sounds like you have a supportive spouse, that's awesome. You have the incredible collective wisdom and support of this site, among many other resources. The only person that matters though is you - can you convince yourself that your life is worth saving? That's the question.
I will say that if you are looking for excuses to keep drinking, rationalizations as to how much is not too much, reasons to return to the bottle - you don't have to do much work or look too far - there are plenty of us out there still drinking, wasting our lives, waiting for someone to save us, expecting a tomorrow that will never come.
You have work to do to reclaim your life. The abundance and beauty that sobriety brings are earned, not handed out like candy. You have to start with some discomfort, some hard decisions and some sacrifice. It sounds like you have a supportive spouse, that's awesome. You have the incredible collective wisdom and support of this site, among many other resources. The only person that matters though is you - can you convince yourself that your life is worth saving? That's the question.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,703
Originally Posted by KingEric
So I'm back, nothing has changed, still drinking to the same level sat here in work feeling like ****.
To make matters worse I've just been told by my mother she has been having a few health issues and that the doctors have run a few tests on her and that they've asked to speak to her on Friday and that it's urgent and a call that she can't miss. Due to Covid she can't even go into the hospital to talk to a doctor face to face when she could be getting some terrible news.
Can people be honest with me, is half a bottle of 70cl Vodka a day really that concerning?
Am I being over dramatic because when I read online some people are drinking upwards of two to three litres of spirits a day. Added to that I do have at least one or two rest days each week.
To make matters worse I've just been told by my mother she has been having a few health issues and that the doctors have run a few tests on her and that they've asked to speak to her on Friday and that it's urgent and a call that she can't miss. Due to Covid she can't even go into the hospital to talk to a doctor face to face when she could be getting some terrible news.
Can people be honest with me, is half a bottle of 70cl Vodka a day really that concerning?
Am I being over dramatic because when I read online some people are drinking upwards of two to three litres of spirits a day. Added to that I do have at least one or two rest days each week.
The volume of alcohol doesn't really matter at the end of the day. A higher volume will obviously start causing more and more issues moving forward. Some people
in recovery drank more than me, others drank less.
The way I view it is that if alcohol is causing you problems, then you have an alcohol problem! Simple.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: London
Posts: 333
Originally Posted by KingEric
So I'm back, nothing has changed, still drinking to the same level sat here in work feeling like ****.
To make matters worse I've just been told by my mother she has been having a few health issues and that the doctors have run a few tests on her and that they've asked to speak to her on Friday and that it's urgent and a call that she can't miss. Due to Covid she can't even go into the hospital to talk to a doctor face to face when she could be getting some terrible news.
Can people be honest with me, is half a bottle of 70cl Vodka a day really that concerning?
Am I being over dramatic because when I read online some people are drinking upwards of two to three litres of spirits a day. Added to that I do have at least one or two rest days each week.
To make matters worse I've just been told by my mother she has been having a few health issues and that the doctors have run a few tests on her and that they've asked to speak to her on Friday and that it's urgent and a call that she can't miss. Due to Covid she can't even go into the hospital to talk to a doctor face to face when she could be getting some terrible news.
Can people be honest with me, is half a bottle of 70cl Vodka a day really that concerning?
Am I being over dramatic because when I read online some people are drinking upwards of two to three litres of spirits a day. Added to that I do have at least one or two rest days each week.
I know people who have drunk at your level for decades without any health issues whatsoever, but they would never say they had a problem nor ever consider stopping. Why would they, it doesn't bother them and they enjoy it, and 70 units a week is more than they should be drinking but if they keep fit is unlikely to cause too many problems until older age. Your drinking is obviously bothering you though so, like me, you have to identify the real reasons why you do it? Are you self medicating? Are you escaping? What from? Etc. Write it all down one day. The you will need a plan to either cut down or stop your drinking, which you will need to put together, with help from outside sources if you need it which imo it sounds like you might do. I go to AA, it's great for all kids of drinkers, keeps you busy in early recovery.
Be there when people need you, like your Mum's call and get on with your life after, if you see what i mean. Making a decision one way or the other sounds like it is doing your head in. So make it, but be gentle with yourself if you then struggle to stick to it, if you don't give up you never fail (just realised how inappropriate that phrase is in this situation lol).
You can make a healthy change for you at anytime if you really want to do so
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Well today I got a message on my phone off my wife on my arrival to work, we'd fallen out the night before as I'd been drunk and taken something she said which really innocent and made it a big issue.
She's basically had enough, to put it as blunt as I can she thinks it's taken over my personality. I go to work, I come home, it gets to around 8pm and I drag out the bottle or go shop and buy myself a bottle. Everything is dictated around my time schedule, we go out somewhere and I always make sure we are home for that time, often rushing her around a shop or forcing the issue to get home.
I'm pretty sound of mind today as last night I stopped drinking when she went upstairs, I knew in myself I wasn't being fair and that she doesn't need to be sat with someone getting drunk every night.
So I've messaged her back, admitting I'm struggling with it, I'm finding an excuse to drink every night, I'm saying I will stop next week over and over, I've been saying I'm going on the health kick I've been talking about for the last two years.
This time it's got to happen though, starting from today I've got to throw the towel in and admit I can't drink alcohol at all. I can't say I'm going to drink only at a weekend and not drink through the week because it doesn't work like that, once that drink touches my mouth again the ball will be rolling and I will be looking for excuses each day or night again.
If I don't I think I'm going to lose it all and that will no doubt be the pathway to oblivion.
She's basically had enough, to put it as blunt as I can she thinks it's taken over my personality. I go to work, I come home, it gets to around 8pm and I drag out the bottle or go shop and buy myself a bottle. Everything is dictated around my time schedule, we go out somewhere and I always make sure we are home for that time, often rushing her around a shop or forcing the issue to get home.
I'm pretty sound of mind today as last night I stopped drinking when she went upstairs, I knew in myself I wasn't being fair and that she doesn't need to be sat with someone getting drunk every night.
So I've messaged her back, admitting I'm struggling with it, I'm finding an excuse to drink every night, I'm saying I will stop next week over and over, I've been saying I'm going on the health kick I've been talking about for the last two years.
This time it's got to happen though, starting from today I've got to throw the towel in and admit I can't drink alcohol at all. I can't say I'm going to drink only at a weekend and not drink through the week because it doesn't work like that, once that drink touches my mouth again the ball will be rolling and I will be looking for excuses each day or night again.
If I don't I think I'm going to lose it all and that will no doubt be the pathway to oblivion.
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