Dee74

I'm glad things are looking better for you Jeff.

I hoped that getting a better job, feeling more productive, or being in a good relationship would cure my problem... but it didn;t - things kept bubbling back to the surface.

I wasn't able to ignore my addiction, or my other problems - pretending they didn't exist did not make them go away.

Make no mistake tho - I hope this is the solution for you.
I think everyone here would like to see you happy contented sober and at peace.

D

Surrendered19

Jeff, let's do a post-weekend review on Monday. It can be a self appraisal. The job performance category is "Jeff stayed sober." The possible ratings are "Meets Expectations" and "Needs Improvement". Let us know what your rating is on Monday.

Seriously, good job on much-deserved recognition and a job well done at work.

anxiousrock

Congrats Jeff, must feel good. If you like your job, it's easy to do good work. Keep it up!

thomas11

I see far too many people on my shift that look like they go home every night, down a fifth of their favorite spirit, eat, pass out, sleep, get up and go back to work. And they have been doing it for 20+ years. Not much of a life in my opinion.

Glad you are clear headed while going into work, they'll notice, trust me on that one.

Steely

I need improvement.

Hated going into work hungover. It is so obvious. So awful.

Great to be no longer.

thomas11

"Or was it other things as well?"

Yes, its other things. I've had a pretty healthy work ethic and attitude my entire life. Without going down a big giant rabbit hole, I'm not happy with the relationship I have under my own roof and need to take action. My wife is one of the nicest people I've ever met, but she's not a wife....she's a babysitter, roommate, mom, maid, caretaker.....and still not a wife.

thomas11

Thanks Dee. I know what has to be done, but it will be painful and emotional etc....I have drank to the numb the void. I haven't done well with that. So, I need to address the root of the problem and fill the void with something other than alcohol. And I will (I hope). I understand that's kind of "code", but if anyone wants to know what I mean, DM me.

thomas11

That sounds fair. FYI, I'm responding to this posts individually until I eat and take my melatonin. Then I'm pretty much done until tomorrow 8-10AM central standard time USA. Better than drinking until 4AM.

thomas11

I've personally been through a lot of bad stuff in my life, but there is nothing worse than staring at a 8-9 hr shift in the face being hungover.

Be123

Well done on the work review Jeff. My experience has been that I couldn't work out the rest of the **** going on for me whilst I was still drinking...I almost had to seperate them out to begin with, on the understanding that long term they weren't separate. Does that make sense?

So I just had to stay sober, not drink, and put all my energy into that. As time has gone on (starting pretty early through therapy, for me) I have begun unpacking all the other crap in my life. I love it, working out why I am the way I am and what drives my behaviour. Sorting out finances, addressing habits of behaviour etc. All of this is supporting me to stay sober forever

I started off doing this stuff so that I wouldn't drink, but now I don't drink so that I can continue doing this stuff.

Dee74

I'm on my way out the door but I wanted to say thanks for the reply Jeff - and good luck in sorting things out.

D

Steely

Jesus, Jeff.

Your wife would't have had much time to be anything other than, "babysitter, roommate, mom, maid, caretaker", given all that has been happening to you at the moment.

.....And still not a husband.

Maybe your wife will do better at her next review?

I know which way my vote will be cast.

Steely

I reckon you're lucky she's sharing a room with you.

You've gotta admit it, Jeff.

Steely

This thread has been used for videos so think this should be allowed. Due Notice.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sbVPcP...BWgl7_&index=1

thomas11

Steely, I respectfully disagree. more later.

BeABetterMan

Steely I think you’re spot on. But we admittedly come from a place of partial ignorance. I mean we don’t know anything about her, but we do know what it’s like living with an addict. Alcohol wreaks havoc of those unlucky enough to be in the path of our tornado.

Steely

That's true BABM, but given her job description (as written by Jeff) she seems pretty 'good' to me. Maybe, too good?

You are right, I don't know her, but can imagine what it must be like. All that work, even 'caretaker'. Family and friends need support too. Need to be heard.

I think his wife does a legend job even if she's Moriati in disguise.

Don't ever become a 'wife' is my best advice.

Steely

Become a 'mother' by all means, but 'wife'? nah.

Obladi

I don't know about Jeff, but I personally intensely dislike when people talk about me in the third person when I'm right here in the room.

Jeff, I'm glad you haven't been drinking since... last week, was it? Or was it two weeks ago - I can't quite remember. Truly, I am glad for that if it remains true this morning.

But also, I'm worried for you. Still. I understand the need/drive to focus on situations external to myself to be able to Not Drink. I had a lot of contingencies and things that needed to change, and when all of those things came to pass, I still remained here in my house, now alone, drinking. The "causes and conditions" of my drinking were entirely internal - it was my reaction to external situations that sparked the drinking and fueled its continuation. Some of that stuff was really crappy, and when telling the tales, people would say thing to me like, "That would drive me to drink!" and in my head I'd say "And how!! You have no idea."

I'm really shocked to read how your wife is the problem now, man. Really? But honestly, I don't know why I'm shocked by this. I did exactly the same sort of thing, as alluded to in my previous paragraph. And you know what? Your wife may indeed be part of the problem, but the truth is that you are the only person who can control how you address how your relationship has morphed into one of dependency. I'd wager she's done her best even if it's not good enough for you. (Even if it's not good enough for her.)

I don't know how to say it plainer, Jeff. You haven't found a way yet to release that mess that resides in your soul. In my opinion, which of course you are free to disregard, you need that. You put a foot into counseling a year back. I suggest (again) that you put your entire self back in there and do the work. This unsolicited advice is coming entirely from my experience and my perception of the demons you seem to keep bottling up, one way or another. I know you can do the hard work (and it is hard) to actually get to a place of emotional sobriety because I'm doing it. You are every bit as strong as I am, probably more.

In case it's not abundantly clear, I care about you, man.

O

Steely

That's exactly what I'd thought after posting my replies Obladi.

It was too late to go back and change the person.

I'm sorry Jeff. Obladi.

My commitment to women overrunneth me.

You are right. Third person not good. And I do apologise, Jeff.