It's time for me to get serious
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
It's time for me to get serious
Drank again last night. Got a pretty good hangover going. Thought I was going to puke earlier and I am seriously tired. Don't remember the last bit of the evening. Not doing the greatest at work this morning. I decided today has to be my day 1.
I realized some things about why I have been drinking and self destructing yesterday. I am overwhelming myself with stress and most of the stressors I have no control over. It's time to stop.
I realized some things about why I have been drinking and self destructing yesterday. I am overwhelming myself with stress and most of the stressors I have no control over. It's time to stop.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Welcome, Five.
I'm glad you're ready to change your life and begin recovery. And, yes, when you realize that the only thing you can control is your own response to things, it's a big step towards healing. I'm glad you found us.
I'm glad you're ready to change your life and begin recovery. And, yes, when you realize that the only thing you can control is your own response to things, it's a big step towards healing. I'm glad you found us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Thank you Anna. I just wrote out a list of everything that is stressing me. It's quite a long list. I think I will write a paragraph on each one. But just looking at that list revealed that there is not a whole lot I can do about most of them.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I think stress is something we all have to live with to a certain degree, especially in a pandemic...no one leads a stress free life...but it’s important to accept there are other ways to deal with stress than drinking.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...44-stress.html (Stress)
Don’t get stuck in the why I drink rabbit hole either - ‘cos I’m addicted’ is a pretty good reason.
Not drinking anymore is the solution; and you can do that without full enlightenment about the many and varied reasons we all drink. You can do all that musing later on, if you want
D
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...44-stress.html (Stress)
Don’t get stuck in the why I drink rabbit hole either - ‘cos I’m addicted’ is a pretty good reason.
Not drinking anymore is the solution; and you can do that without full enlightenment about the many and varied reasons we all drink. You can do all that musing later on, if you want
D
Erica375
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: MA
Posts: 493
Five, we really have so little control over so many things. Will my bus be late? Will I be offered that job I applied for?
I think I'm paraphrasing the Serenity Prayer, but focus on what you do have control over: YOU. And your thoughts. And your actions and words.
"I am responsible for myself and for my actions. I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life."
~Jean Kirkpatrick, PhD, founder.of Women For Sobriety
I think I'm paraphrasing the Serenity Prayer, but focus on what you do have control over: YOU. And your thoughts. And your actions and words.
"I am responsible for myself and for my actions. I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life."
~Jean Kirkpatrick, PhD, founder.of Women For Sobriety
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Five. I'm so glad you're here to talk things over with those who understand & care.
I spent so many years thinking I was calming myself down with alcohol. The more my dependence grew, the more stressful & anxious I became. The thing I had counted on for fun & relaxation was destroying me. You don't need it in your life.
I spent so many years thinking I was calming myself down with alcohol. The more my dependence grew, the more stressful & anxious I became. The thing I had counted on for fun & relaxation was destroying me. You don't need it in your life.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Booze causes permanent brain damage. The symptoms are the same as insanity.
Each relapse does more and more permanent brain damage. Dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline, melatonin are all altered.
I am positive a Dr. would agree. The conversation would transition towards a person should cut down the drinking and if there are mental issues, drugs could be given.
Anyway...
There are parts of my brain that are gone forever. The brain has to rewire around the damaged areas.
It has taken the better part of 5 years to get used to what normal feels like.
SR educated me and gave me hope that I could recover back to where my mind and body started at birth.
The addiction will say anything for the fix. Denying the fix causes suffering. The suffering escalates and morphs.
So far, it has continued to evolve as my clean time counts up. The crave is still there.
Analysis must defeat the emotion. Left vs right brain. Hence the insanity.
Suffering and time.
Thanks for the therapy.
Each relapse does more and more permanent brain damage. Dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline, melatonin are all altered.
I am positive a Dr. would agree. The conversation would transition towards a person should cut down the drinking and if there are mental issues, drugs could be given.
Anyway...
There are parts of my brain that are gone forever. The brain has to rewire around the damaged areas.
It has taken the better part of 5 years to get used to what normal feels like.
SR educated me and gave me hope that I could recover back to where my mind and body started at birth.
The addiction will say anything for the fix. Denying the fix causes suffering. The suffering escalates and morphs.
So far, it has continued to evolve as my clean time counts up. The crave is still there.
Analysis must defeat the emotion. Left vs right brain. Hence the insanity.
Suffering and time.
Thanks for the therapy.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 69
I agree
Originally Posted by Five101520 
Drank again last night. Got a pretty good hangover going. Thought I was going to puke earlier and I am seriously tired. Don't remember the last bit of the evening. Not doing the greatest at work this morning. I decided today has to be my day 1.
I realized some things about why I have been drinking and self destructing yesterday. I am overwhelming myself with stress and most of the stressors I have no control over. It's time to stop.
I realized some things about why I have been drinking and self destructing yesterday. I am overwhelming myself with stress and most of the stressors I have no control over. It's time to stop.
Best of luck to you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 69
food for thought
Originally Posted by D122y
Booze causes permanent brain damage. The symptoms are the same as insanity.
Each relapse does more and more permanent brain damage. Dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline, melatonin are all altered.
I am positive a Dr. would agree. The conversation would transition towards a person should cut down the drinking and if there are mental issues, drugs could be given.
Anyway...
There are parts of my brain that are gone forever. The brain has to rewire around the damaged areas.
It has taken the better part of 5 years to get used to what normal feels like.
SR educated me and gave me hope that I could recover back to where my mind and body started at birth.
The addiction will say anything for the fix. Denying the fix causes suffering. The suffering escalates and morphs.
So far, it has continued to evolve as my clean time counts up. The crave is still there.
Analysis must defeat the emotion. Left vs right brain. Hence the insanity.
Suffering and time.
Thanks for the therapy.
Each relapse does more and more permanent brain damage. Dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline, melatonin are all altered.
I am positive a Dr. would agree. The conversation would transition towards a person should cut down the drinking and if there are mental issues, drugs could be given.
Anyway...
There are parts of my brain that are gone forever. The brain has to rewire around the damaged areas.
It has taken the better part of 5 years to get used to what normal feels like.
SR educated me and gave me hope that I could recover back to where my mind and body started at birth.
The addiction will say anything for the fix. Denying the fix causes suffering. The suffering escalates and morphs.
So far, it has continued to evolve as my clean time counts up. The crave is still there.
Analysis must defeat the emotion. Left vs right brain. Hence the insanity.
Suffering and time.
Thanks for the therapy.
so true!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Originally Posted by proudtobehere
I am not an expert by far, but couldn't agree more. I have realised that I alone am responsible for the damage that drinking causes yet am having great difficulty stopping. I have had many day 1's....but the real proof is in day 2 forward Best of luck to you
Best of luck to youMember
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
I think I am going to have to post a lot here to keep my focus on sobriety. So sorry in advance. Right now physically I feel pretty good other than some pains in my sides. I feel kind of wired tonight and I know that it will be difficult to get to sleep. Mentally I am a wreck. I'm just coming to this realization that so many times when I am drinking it's like I am trying to hurt myself and I am scared of that thought. There's so much despair. And then the cherry on top is the fear of facing life from here on out sober. Yes I know about one day at a time but once days start adding up I always feel like I have been holding my breath for a century. What scares me right now is that I am completely emotionless about the whole thing. I don't know how to feel anymore.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Early sobriety can be a real emotional roller coaster, Five, but your emotions will even out in time.
Alcohol and anxiety often go hand in hand. We are anxious so we try to relieve the anxiety with alcohol; alcohol exacerbates anxiety and so we drink again . . . . . Giving up the alcohol removes the exacerbation of anxiety.
What have you done for your anxiety? Have you tried any relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation? You may them very helpful. A Google search should point you in the right direction.
There are some good meditations, soothing listening apps. Insight Timer is a good one. No experience necessary - just listen.
Anyway, keep posting. The folks here truly care.
Alcohol and anxiety often go hand in hand. We are anxious so we try to relieve the anxiety with alcohol; alcohol exacerbates anxiety and so we drink again . . . . . Giving up the alcohol removes the exacerbation of anxiety.
What have you done for your anxiety? Have you tried any relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation? You may them very helpful. A Google search should point you in the right direction.
There are some good meditations, soothing listening apps. Insight Timer is a good one. No experience necessary - just listen.
Anyway, keep posting. The folks here truly care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome to SR, glad you found us! You may also want to join the November of 2020 class, Dee will be starting that one soon, the October of 2020 is a good one as well, and the 24 Hour Recovery Thread. All three places are great places to check in throughout the day to get support.
I hope you’re feeling better tonight, and that day three is a good one.
I hope you’re feeling better tonight, and that day three is a good one.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Hi Five (see what I did there? 😂 )
Right with you. Day one is the only place to start. Post as much as you need and replicate that in the rest of your life - whatever you need to do to get and stay sober. Be recklessly selfish in pursuing it.
Right with you. Day one is the only place to start. Post as much as you need and replicate that in the rest of your life - whatever you need to do to get and stay sober. Be recklessly selfish in pursuing it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: casablanca
Posts: 282
Originally Posted by Five101520
I think I am going to have to post a lot here to keep my focus on sobriety. So sorry in advance. Right now physically I feel pretty good other than some pains in my sides. I feel kind of wired tonight and I know that it will be difficult to get to sleep. Mentally I am a wreck. I'm just coming to this realization that so many times when I am drinking it's like I am trying to hurt myself and I am scared of that thought. There's so much despair. And then the cherry on top is the fear of facing life from here on out sober. Yes I know about one day at a time but once days start adding up I always feel like I have been holding my breath for a century. What scares me right now is that I am completely emotionless about the whole thing. I don't know how to feel anymore.
AA online meetings: https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/
SMART ( they use CBT) their online meetings on here https://www.smartrecovery.org/commun...p#.Uv_4ws6dCRM
AVRT https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-6-a.html (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) Discussion — Part 6)
RECOVERY INTERNATIONAL (CBT) online meetings on here: https://recoveryinternational.org/wp...CT-2020PDF.pdf
You could also read this interesting article on how the brain heals itself from addiction:
Google The Brain That Heals Itself: Neuroplasticity and Promise for Addiction Treatment.
Last edited by Dee74; 11-09-2020 at 01:50 AM. Reason: removed commercial link
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
All we have is today.
We get to wake up sober and go about our business today.
Let tomorrow be in tomorrow.
I know its hard to do.
I cant think about my life one week from now let alone the rest of my life.
Waking up without a hangover and crippling anxiety is such a blessing.
Keep posting. Post every hour if needed. You can do this.
We get to wake up sober and go about our business today.
Let tomorrow be in tomorrow.
I know its hard to do.
I cant think about my life one week from now let alone the rest of my life.
Waking up without a hangover and crippling anxiety is such a blessing.
Keep posting. Post every hour if needed. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.
You will frequently hear this at AA meetings. I've also heard a bunch of other valuable stuff at AA meetings. You should try one.
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.
You will frequently hear this at AA meetings. I've also heard a bunch of other valuable stuff at AA meetings. You should try one.
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