Lixie

Oh my gosh, my heart is beating so fast! Just talked to a breeder about a dog they might want to sell us, a gorgeous little golden retriever, four years old. I was so happy to hear this and I immediately thought "let's celebrate"! My partner agreed, and wanted to get a few bottles of Prosecco - but I said no. I SAID NO!!! This is SO not me!

And we might get a dog.... Will know for sure some time next week.

YAY!

Devizes

That's brilliant, Liz. ... in more ways than one! Well done, you

MLD51

I hope you get the dog, Liz, and congratulations on saying no to a toxic celebration!

CityBoy, I also got to a point when I was ready to just be "gone" so I didn't have to feel the pain of the shame and so that I was no longer causing any pain to anyone else. I never had actual suicidal ideations, per se, but I remember feeling disappointment and such dread waking up in the morning, and wishing I would just not wake up anymore. On one hand, that really scared me, but on the other, it was comforting to think about being dead. It was so weird and I really didn't talk to anyone about it at the time. Looking back, that was my real rock bottom, and I stayed in that place for quite some time before I had the DUI that shook me to the core and made me realize I could not continue to live that way. If I ever need a reason to never drink again, the memory of that time makes me so very sad, and I realize now that I would have hurt so many people if I had died. Way more than I was hurting them with my drinking. I know what it feels like to be left behind by someone who let alcoholism kill them. It's a pain that will never fully go away.

On a happy note, It's Friday, and I have my daughter home from college for the day. I went and got her early this morning and she has to go to the orthodontist here in town later, and then I'll run her back to school this evening. We had a good talk in the car on the way home. She's struggling, and that makes my heart hurt, but we have a little bit of a plan and I think things will be ok. Her grades are not great which is really not in character for her (4.0 GPA in high school, with lots of advanced classes). It's this whole pandemic thing and her classes all being online. It's tough for her to adjust to that and she's not alone in that. Her time management needs work, and we are also going to finally make sure she gets evaluated for ADHD. We have long suspected something like that might be at play, but she managed so well in high school that we didn't worry about it too much. But now that there is less structure and she doesn't have me to gently prod her, things gave fallen apart a little. I have never been a helicopter parent at all, and she didn't need much help from me, but I think just my presence helped somehow. Anyway, It's nice to have her here, even if she's in her room doing homework. I know she's there.

Cityboy

Difficulties build character, but I hate to see my kid struggle with things. He was hyperactive to the point of interfering with school while he was in early grade school, but he grew out of it around the 2nd or 3rd grade. If she is struggling a little with time management and refocusing on schoolwork, but staying out of trouble, I would imagine that my parents would have traded with you during that time in which I had just finished high school, LOL.

MLD51

There were issues with acting up in class in grade school that had a couple of teachers thinking she needed to be evaluated. But it just wasn't bad enough to warrant at the time, or so we thought. Mostly it came across as talking too much and finishing work early and being disruptive to others who were still working. We chalked it up to boredom. And she did manage in middle school and high school. We actually had her tested for autism spectrum disorder last year because that seemed to fit, but that was not it. Close but not quite. So yeah, it has not been that bad. But now it seems to be an issue, if that is really what's going on.

SoberLeigh

MLD, so nice to have your daughter home for the day. Freshman year is such an adjustment and I imagine COVID makes it so much more so. It is great that she is expressing her concerns to you and that the two of you are working on a plan. You are such a good Mom, MLD; your daughter is very blessed.

My nephew returned to his University in late August for sophomore year and returned home mid-September; he just couldn’t justify the “cost/on-line learning experience/lack of socialization” situation. He will return post COVID. In the meantime, he may pursue an on-line AA degree while living at home in a Minor which could make him “employable“ while breaking into his Major career which is highly competitive.

Lixie, so exciting about the possible new dog; golden retrievers are such loving and nice dogs. Hope it goes well for you. (So sad about your last dog.)

Kaily, sounds like you made the right decision on the dog; hope the right pup comes along soon. Hugs to you. Stay close, okay? Wish you could have been there for stargazing, too.

and ❤️ to all. Have a nice a Friday.

MLD51

Thank you for saying that, Leigh. I do worry that I have failed both of my daughters. There's so much mom guilt over my drinking years. They were never neglected outright but I know they knew mom was not always ok and I know they were worried and probably embarrassed at times. I cringe to think about it. I didn't keep them as safe as I should have. I am doing my absolute best now, though. That's all I can do.

saoutchik

Thanks for thanks for the 2015 link bim. 815 posts! Good going.

biminiblue

I know...I read both those threads. They were good ones!

SoberLeigh

The two of you have so much of a beautiful future ahead of you - lots of goodness to come.

biminiblue

I know...I read both those threads. They were good ones! We used to get close to 1000 posts regularly back then.

SoberLeigh

It was really nice to see Weasel’s avatar pop up. Thanks, Bim.

MesaMan

,
Hello, Friends ~

I've been on a self-imposed hiatus from posting here to deal with the pervasive Grief of having put down our Family Member MesaDog back in early June. He tore an ACL last January. Bone Cancer in his Leg was spotted by a Specialist Surgeon right before Surgery was to began. He enjoyed good life quality right up until we had him euthanized him up here on our Land. I made a solo trip to the California Coast to scatter a bit of his Ashes into the Ocean by Hearst Castle at a favorite spot of his. Besides a Cairn and Stone Memorial I made off in the Cedar Trees nearby, we have a bazillion backed-up Pix and Vids to remember him by.

The profound depth of my Grief was simply unparalleled. My daily, four-legged Companion of ~12 Years was gone, and there's no trick to healing except Time. I'm pleased to report that Drinking again wasn't a viable option. I did wish I could just go into a Supervised Coma, and wake up next Summer. Every Daily Routine has be plodded through in considerable pain, and the up/downs were absolutely dreadful.

We're forever Dog People, so we picked out our 5th Goldie yesterday from a local Breeder I chanced upon after a 10 State Search. COVID-19 has pressurized the Puppy Scene considerably, and I recognized early on we'd have to throw down a $$ Deposit to get on with it. I looked at hundreds of Shelter Dogs on line. Our remote location meant they were repeatedly spoken for before we could travel in our Trailer, and pick one. I'm letting The Universe guide me more these Days. So, this unexpectedly call yesterday to pick out our Pup at 3 Weeks old was perfect in a circular way. It was on a Thursday in early June that we put down MesaDog.

While I could blather on for many Paragraphs, I can report that surviving Grief while Sober is achievable. Emotional Hell in these bizarre times, to be sure, but achievable. The only choice I had...
.

MLD51

I'm going to share something big here now. My daughter I keep talking about --- is trans. Maybe some of you who have been around a while remember me talking about my son in high school... same kid. The transition process is ongoing, it started two years ago now when she told me who she really is. So that adds a whole other dimension to her life that she and I are dealing with. It's going well, no real concerns there, and her father and I have been nothing but 100% supportive, as has the rest of the family and all of her high school friends. It's just another thing - but it's not nothing.

biminiblue

Thanks, MesaMan.


awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, so flippin' cute.

Coldfusion

MLD, I hope that some day the world will see sexuality as a continuum instead of binary. I wish your daughter all the best!

Mesa Man, I'm not a dog person, but that puppy is about the cutest thing I've ever seen!

We're going to a drive-through flu shot clinic later today. Have to remember to wear a short-sleeved shirt...

Glad to be sober today!

Caramel

MesaMan - sincere and understanding sympathy; the death of a pet can be a profound grief.
Wishing you the consolation of happy memories, and the joy of seeing your new pet become part of your life and heart.

SoberLeigh

You are a wonderful mother, MLD. Helping your daughter through such a crucial and pivotal decision and process is, I imagine, so integral to the success of the transition. Your daughter is so blessed.

SoberLeigh

MesaMan, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved four-legged friend; it must have been gut wrenching; what a fantastic life he had with you, though.

And the new guy looks adorable.

MLD51

I am very saddened about the passing of Bosco. What a great dog he was. And he was given a wonderful life by you and MesaMate, MesaMan. He was a lucky pooch, and your next little guy will be too.