Would I want to drink ...After all this time sober? Weekenders 30 October-02 November 2020
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
I'm in!
Before I get all serious, I just want to say that "fluffy jellybeans" made me snort-laugh. Thank you, Andy.
As for the "maybe someday I can drink again" thing. I did think that when I first got sober. it was just so huge to try to wrap my brain around never drinking again. Part of me KNEW I'd have to quit for good, but I hung onto a quiet little thought that maybe someday I'd be able to sip a little glass of sherry in front of a cozy fire when I am a little old lady. Somehow, that helped me in the early days when everything was so hard and huge and scary. And I didn't know much about alcoholism then, I just knew things had to change or I'd probably die.
But as time went on, I changed my thinking. I began to realize I really enjoyed my life sober. And I gained clarity around my drinking. I realized there was no way I would want to (or be able to) moderate in some hazy future. I also learned a lot about the disease from a scientific standpoint, and heard about kindling, and the fact that for alcoholics, the disease is progressive whether you are drinking or not. And, sadly, I watched someone I loved who had sobriety for many years slide back into full-blown drinking, ending in his taking his own life after less than 2 years. This was someone who worked a very active program for years, and some inner demon got the better of him and he chose to drink again. And I have seen many many other people here, and in real life, drink again with disastrous results.
Are there some people who can moderate after being heavy drinkers? Sure, I guess that's possible. But my thinking is that those folks are not alcoholics. Or that it's a matter of time before they are in deep trouble again. Maybe some people can hang on to "moderating" a long time before it becomes a major problem again.
But what I know for sure is this: I have zero desire to test those waters. I have no illusions that I can ever be a "normal" drinker. From the moment I had that first sip of alcohol, I had an unhealthy relationship with it. I was never a normal drinker. It may have appeared that I was to others for most of my life, because for a long time I could put the brakes on when I wanted to, but my thoughts surrounding alcohol were always abnormal. The most important reason I won't drink again is not fear, though. That's a big part of it, because of things that happened to me and others, but the main factor for me is that I really, really like my life sober. I like myself for maybe the first time ever. Or at least I don't hate my reflection in the mirror anymore. Let's say I accept myself now. Liking myself is still a challenge some days. I'm proud of my sobriety and how I have turned my life around. Why in the WORLD would I want to put that on the line for a temporary buzz that would never satisfy the AV beast that still lives deep within me? Nope. Not a chance.
Before I get all serious, I just want to say that "fluffy jellybeans" made me snort-laugh. Thank you, Andy.
As for the "maybe someday I can drink again" thing. I did think that when I first got sober. it was just so huge to try to wrap my brain around never drinking again. Part of me KNEW I'd have to quit for good, but I hung onto a quiet little thought that maybe someday I'd be able to sip a little glass of sherry in front of a cozy fire when I am a little old lady. Somehow, that helped me in the early days when everything was so hard and huge and scary. And I didn't know much about alcoholism then, I just knew things had to change or I'd probably die.
But as time went on, I changed my thinking. I began to realize I really enjoyed my life sober. And I gained clarity around my drinking. I realized there was no way I would want to (or be able to) moderate in some hazy future. I also learned a lot about the disease from a scientific standpoint, and heard about kindling, and the fact that for alcoholics, the disease is progressive whether you are drinking or not. And, sadly, I watched someone I loved who had sobriety for many years slide back into full-blown drinking, ending in his taking his own life after less than 2 years. This was someone who worked a very active program for years, and some inner demon got the better of him and he chose to drink again. And I have seen many many other people here, and in real life, drink again with disastrous results.
Are there some people who can moderate after being heavy drinkers? Sure, I guess that's possible. But my thinking is that those folks are not alcoholics. Or that it's a matter of time before they are in deep trouble again. Maybe some people can hang on to "moderating" a long time before it becomes a major problem again.
But what I know for sure is this: I have zero desire to test those waters. I have no illusions that I can ever be a "normal" drinker. From the moment I had that first sip of alcohol, I had an unhealthy relationship with it. I was never a normal drinker. It may have appeared that I was to others for most of my life, because for a long time I could put the brakes on when I wanted to, but my thoughts surrounding alcohol were always abnormal. The most important reason I won't drink again is not fear, though. That's a big part of it, because of things that happened to me and others, but the main factor for me is that I really, really like my life sober. I like myself for maybe the first time ever. Or at least I don't hate my reflection in the mirror anymore. Let's say I accept myself now. Liking myself is still a challenge some days. I'm proud of my sobriety and how I have turned my life around. Why in the WORLD would I want to put that on the line for a temporary buzz that would never satisfy the AV beast that still lives deep within me? Nope. Not a chance.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: England
Posts: 520
I know that i could never just drink one, so there's no way I'd go back to drinking again.
I'm in for a spooky sober AND bulimia-free weekend. Yay!!
I'm in for a spooky sober AND bulimia-free weekend. Yay!!
Last edited by Devizes; 10-29-2020 at 07:12 AM. Reason: add something
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Thanks, Mags, for another thread and opening post.
I firmly believe that a single drink would spell disaster for me. No, thank you. I really love the sober life.
lunar, so nice of you to introduce Jobu to some friends.
Off to the beach tonight for sunset. Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy a sunset together?!?!
I firmly believe that a single drink would spell disaster for me. No, thank you. I really love the sober life.
lunar, so nice of you to introduce Jobu to some friends.
Off to the beach tonight for sunset. Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy a sunset together?!?!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 61
Two drinks
Originally Posted by Mags1 
If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!)
‘Surely.....I’m okay to have a drink now?....After all this time sober’
I thought this the first time I got sober, . I was confident I’d become a sober, sensible person, in check of my thoughts and actions. So surely one or two drinks would be ok.
..I had thoughts that I was a ‘normie’ drinker..
..I was an adult after all and I’d proven I could do it!..
If you’ve had these thoughts and perhaps forgotten why you decided to stop drinking, please re-think your thoughts.
Remember why you want to stop or have stopped already..... I could write a story of why I did and I think, perhaps you could too?
If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
for me, it is about a simple choice...…
: If I make a choice to go back to drinking...it wouldn't be. covered up with pretty words and rationalisations ,sugar coated lies, it would be fully knowing within hours I would be drinking to blackout.....and there would only be one next time, then I would die.....for good.
I choose life.
: If I make a choice to go back to drinking...it wouldn't be. covered up with pretty words and rationalisations ,sugar coated lies, it would be fully knowing within hours I would be drinking to blackout.....and there would only be one next time, then I would die.....for good.
I choose life.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,930
Thanks for the link, Bimini-
Lots of fascinating critters there!
Lunar, the most recent Seattle Zoo Blog will be of interest to you!! (It's topical!! Halloween-ish even.) It's interesting.
https://blog.zoo.org/ Thanks, Mags and Leigh!
Although he seems to like the fish, he did kick the ivory snail.
I barely caught the action out of the corner of my eye, while seated at the computer.
The snail got a little too close to one of his powerful feet.
He kicked the snail hard, sending it to ricochet off the side glass.
Tightly closed, it sank to the bottom.
Unfazed, the snail opened back up and resumed its cleaning duties.
Lots of fascinating critters there!
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Lunar, the most recent Seattle Zoo Blog will be of interest to you!! (It's topical!! Halloween-ish even.) It's interesting.
https://blog.zoo.org/
Although he seems to like the fish, he did kick the ivory snail.
I barely caught the action out of the corner of my eye, while seated at the computer.
The snail got a little too close to one of his powerful feet.
He kicked the snail hard, sending it to ricochet off the side glass.
Tightly closed, it sank to the bottom.
Unfazed, the snail opened back up and resumed its cleaning duties.
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
Thank you Mags! 
I'm in for the weekend
It's been awhile since I checked in with the weekenders and as always I learn valuable information from reading everyone's posts. Thank you!
Coming up on 5 years of sobriety, I've read that is the beginning of long-term sobriety? I hope so.
In the beginning of my sober journey I read on SR about others who had tested the water after some years of sobriety and it didn't end well. So I'll continue to heed the warnings from others who have been down this path and know that 1 or 2 drinks will never suffice for me either.
In my case, my liver survived but my immune system and my brain were profoundly impacted by my heavy drinking. I lost over 80% of my smell & taste (due to pneumonia), they have never returned and cognitively I test impaired on many skills. I am college educated and had a successful career yet sometimes I struggle to write a simple sentence. This simple post took about 30 minutes to write and my sentence structure and grammar may or may not be correct.
Taking 1 or 2 drinks with the likelihood that I will quickly descend into madness once again isn't a chance I'm willing to take and ruin what's left of my brain. In any event, I can't smell or taste whatever I liked to drink (not that I was picky in the end) so there's that working in my favor as well.
I'm in for the weekend It's been awhile since I checked in with the weekenders and as always I learn valuable information from reading everyone's posts. Thank you!
Coming up on 5 years of sobriety, I've read that is the beginning of long-term sobriety? I hope so.
In the beginning of my sober journey I read on SR about others who had tested the water after some years of sobriety and it didn't end well. So I'll continue to heed the warnings from others who have been down this path and know that 1 or 2 drinks will never suffice for me either.
In my case, my liver survived but my immune system and my brain were profoundly impacted by my heavy drinking. I lost over 80% of my smell & taste (due to pneumonia), they have never returned and cognitively I test impaired on many skills. I am college educated and had a successful career yet sometimes I struggle to write a simple sentence. This simple post took about 30 minutes to write and my sentence structure and grammar may or may not be correct.
Taking 1 or 2 drinks with the likelihood that I will quickly descend into madness once again isn't a chance I'm willing to take and ruin what's left of my brain. In any event, I can't smell or taste whatever I liked to drink (not that I was picky in the end) so there's that working in my favor as well.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I can't remember when I lost the desire to drink. If I had to guess I'd say between the first and second years. Practicing gratitude helped a lot.
And I don't see it as "I can't drink" but rather, "I don't have to drink". I am free of that ball and chain and my life is so much better for it.
And I don't see it as "I can't drink" but rather, "I don't have to drink".
I am free of that ball and chain and my life is so much better for it. Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
It is so good to see you on Weekenders, bandi. Five years is fantastic.
Drinking again, even one, isn’t a risk that I am willing to take, either; we may not be able to fully repair the damage incurred by our drinking but we can be certain that we won’t make it any worse.
Let’s walk on together along the paths of this sober recovery journey on which we have all embarked. These paths are good ones on which to navigate the rest of our lives. As Suze says, together we are strong.
So, Sobriety it is - all of the todays and and all of the tomorrows to come. Good stuff, there.
Drinking again, even one, isn’t a risk that I am willing to take, either; we may not be able to fully repair the damage incurred by our drinking but we can be certain that we won’t make it any worse.
Let’s walk on together along the paths of this sober recovery journey on which we have all embarked. These paths are good ones on which to navigate the rest of our lives. As Suze says, together we are strong.
So, Sobriety it is - all of the todays and and all of the tomorrows to come. Good stuff, there.
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