Blogs


Notices

Please help quickly...

Old 01-20-2020, 03:41 PM
  # 121 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 184,897
Blog Entries: 1
Iíd hate for any newcomer to read this and think ďIt is still this hard at 258 days?!?!Ē To those people Iíd say: itís gotten MUCH easier. But that doesnít mean that the first year canít be a bit like a roller coaster and some surprise ironing out of issues wonít be necessary. I like to believe these bumps each will make me a stronger sober person, though. Yet another part of the mountain climbed. And thank you to all who leaded a helping hand this weekend. Really, thank you.
Noone needs to be afraid of the truth

this thread is a great example of how we can have an old thought , discard it , with help, and exchange it for a new one
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
BackandScared (01-22-2020), HeadEast (01-20-2020), mnjen (01-20-2020), silversky (01-20-2020)
Old 01-20-2020, 03:44 PM
  # 122 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,163
Originally Posted by BackandScared View Post
You cannot control the impact of your posts on others. Most of us have bad days/tempting situations/cravings. Some relapse. The numbers say the majority relapses.

During the first few weeks I avoided relapse stories. They were a massive trigger. When every hour was an achievement taking me closer to a better place, reading that someone was still craving this much after months (months was like a life time) was ridiculously depressing.

It always made me feel there was no point i fighting this hard. It obviously did not mean that others should not write about their cravings or relapses.

Now I read posts like yours and they inspire me: to remain vigilant, to look for the dangerous signs, to reach out when it happens, to trust myself.

So thank you for sharing Sohard.
Iíve had the same experience where my reactions to posts have changed, dependent upon where I am in my sobriety. Strange how that works!
Sohard is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sohard For This Useful Post:
BackandScared (01-22-2020), Delilah1 (01-20-2020), HeadEast (01-20-2020)
Old 01-20-2020, 03:48 PM
  # 123 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,163
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Noone needs to be afraid of the truth

this thread is a great example of how we can have an old thought , discard it , with help, and exchange it for a new one
Iím so grateful for your help. 🙏 THANK YOU.
Sohard is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Sohard For This Useful Post:
BackandScared (01-22-2020), Dee74 (01-20-2020), Delilah1 (01-20-2020), mnjen (01-20-2020)
Old 01-20-2020, 05:31 PM
  # 124 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 491
Originally Posted by Sohard View Post


Hmmm. I guess thatís the crux of the issue. I really donít think I am romancing it. Iíve acknowledged all the HELL it came along with. And how much better my life is without it. But, I canít lie to myself and say I never enjoyed myself, because that wouldnít be true. I have to move forward as a sober person being honest with myself - that it came with a load of sheer hell, but evenings like I described above were fun. I mean, I think lots of stuff might be fun but not worth it. Lying out in the sun all day might be fun, but skin cancer isnít worth it. So, Iím trying to be at peace with missing the few fun nights of drinking so that I get ALL the positives that come along with sobriety. But I donít think that means I have to pretend I didnít enjoy myself at times. I know there are some alcoholics that really donít enjoy themselves ever. But there are some that do. I wish I was part of the group that came to hate it. I just came to hate 99.9% of it.
That is one of the mysterious things about it.

After all the hell it brought , we can still have a natural tendency to look back with rose colored glasses, not all the time, but as you found out, on the odd occasion when it strikes, it can be quite alarming.

As Dee likes to say, building sober muscles.

Next time you know what to do and it won't hit as hard.

The efforts from it get weaker, which is why it gets easier 👍😎
Derringer is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Derringer For This Useful Post:
BackandScared (01-22-2020), Dee74 (01-20-2020), Delilah1 (01-20-2020), fishkiller (01-22-2020)
Old 01-22-2020, 08:02 AM
  # 125 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 444
Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
Thanks all. Back at home, safe and sound.

I was thinking as I was driving back home, maybe itís not the dog that is the comfort but everything in this new situation Iím in (my new city, my new apartment, my new dog, etc.) I associate all these things with my new life. But, when I go back up to where I used to live (around my sister and mom) the drinking associations are just so big there bc thatís where I used to drink so much. Like if someone who used to hang out in bars then went back to a bar. Iím thinking about while Iíve made 258 days and itís gotten progressively easier, I also had a bumpy time around the holidays at my sisterís and now this MLK weekend at my momís. And the other day Iíd been feeling shakey after I got in an argument with my sister about bringing the dog up for this weekend. All of my bumpy moments have involved either my sister or my mom. This is NOT to say this is their fault (itís definitely, definitely not...itís no oneís fault, itís just a fact). This is just to say i think I definitely associate being at their homes with drinking and I also associate dealing with things like family drama with drinking. Not because of their drinking but bc that is where I was often when I was drinking too much (and theyíd been long asleep) and that is how I used to deal with conflict.

Iíd hate for any newcomer to read this and think ďIt is still this hard at 258 days?!?!Ē To those people Iíd say: itís gotten MUCH easier. But that doesnít mean that the first year canít be a bit like a roller coaster and some surprise ironing out of issues wonít be necessary. I like to believe these bumps each will make me a stronger sober person, though. Yet another part of the mountain climbed. And thank you to all who lent a helping hand this weekend. Really, thank you.
This makes a lot of sense. My experience is that alcohol free life becomes easier for many reasons. One of them is that we make new sober memories. We know we can have a good/bad/boring/exciting/etc. time sober. The first few days we must rely on the adrenaline created by the determination and will-power associated to the decision to quit. We must have hope on a better future. It is a massive act of faith.
For many, faith must be there all along. In addition, we can also rely on lived experiences and memories. The 'first time' of everything are always extra difficult. The same happens with alcohol: first birthday sober, first Christmas, first reunion with your old drinking buddies, etc.
Next time you visit your mother you will know you can do it because you have already done it. You have created the foundations for a new set of memories even within your old environment.
It is a massive step. I hope you are enjoying it.
BackandScared is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BackandScared For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (01-22-2020), fishkiller (01-22-2020)
Old 01-22-2020, 08:18 AM
  # 126 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9,179
I think for me over time as I have build a sober life, my "comfort zone" has shifted from drinking as a stress response to just being with the stress but totally sober.

As sober months / years have accumulated, I get farther removed from my identity as a drinker and more identified as a sober person. The last couple of relapses were absolutely unsatisfying and felt "out of character" to who I am now. The last one in particular really shifted something deep inside me which was a fundamental acceptance that I not only cannot drink safely, but that I don't want to, no matter what.

I think that's what has become "easier" for me. Yes, I must watch out for cravings during stress or previous "happy" drinking situations, but that foundation shift is like an anchor that brings me back to my sane sober self.

It has been a heLL of a a lot of work to get there, but worth every effort.

Very helpful thread--thank you sohard et al. . .
Hawkeye13 is online now  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Hawkeye13 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (01-22-2020), fishkiller (01-22-2020)
Old 01-22-2020, 09:42 AM
  # 127 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,143
After my relapse on the back of two and a half years content sobriety, I finally realised that my AV's euphoric recall (just my brain's learning mechanism that created the addiction) was a lie. I can't stop at a few - end of, those days are gone forever, so acceptance of that fact is the key to my freedom.
Tatsy is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Tatsy For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (01-22-2020), fishkiller (01-22-2020)
Old 01-30-2020, 06:50 PM
  # 128 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,163
So very glad this worked out!

Tomorrow will be officially nine months sober (which is twice as long as my previous 4 1/2 months sober about 2 years ago). How sad and what a waste that wouldíve been to have blown it when I first started this thread a couple of weeks ago. So thank you all again!

I am pleased to say my sanity has not been shaken again. For now, I really think I got this. Whew. But vigilance remains, of course.
Sohard is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sohard For This Useful Post:
Hawkeye13 (01-31-2020), LadyBug66 (01-30-2020), least (01-30-2020)
Old 01-30-2020, 06:59 PM
  # 129 (permalink)  
Member
 
fishkiller's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: VA
Posts: 1,037
Congrats on 9 months!
This thread has helped me more than you know.
fishkiller is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fishkiller For This Useful Post:
least (01-30-2020), Zevin (02-05-2020)
Old 01-30-2020, 08:17 PM
  # 130 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 83,058
Blog Entries: 32
Congrats on your nine months sober!
least is online now  
Old 01-30-2020, 09:57 PM
  # 131 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 184,897
Blog Entries: 1
Congrats on 9 months
Dee74 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:02 PM.