Please help quickly...
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I’d hate for any newcomer to read this and think “It is still this hard at 258 days?!?!” To those people I’d say: it’s gotten MUCH easier. But that doesn’t mean that the first year can’t be a bit like a roller coaster and some surprise ironing out of issues won’t be necessary. I like to believe these bumps each will make me a stronger sober person, though. Yet another part of the mountain climbed. And thank you to all who leaded a helping hand this weekend. Really, thank you.
this thread is a great example of how we can have an old thought , discard it , with help, and exchange it for a new one
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by BackandScared 
You cannot control the impact of your posts on others. Most of us have bad days/tempting situations/cravings. Some relapse. The numbers say the majority relapses.
During the first few weeks I avoided relapse stories. They were a massive trigger. When every hour was an achievement taking me closer to a better place, reading that someone was still craving this much after months (months was like a life time) was ridiculously depressing.
It always made me feel there was no point i fighting this hard. It obviously did not mean that others should not write about their cravings or relapses.
Now I read posts like yours and they inspire me: to remain vigilant, to look for the dangerous signs, to reach out when it happens, to trust myself.
So thank you for sharing Sohard.
During the first few weeks I avoided relapse stories. They were a massive trigger. When every hour was an achievement taking me closer to a better place, reading that someone was still craving this much after months (months was like a life time) was ridiculously depressing.
It always made me feel there was no point i fighting this hard. It obviously did not mean that others should not write about their cravings or relapses.
Now I read posts like yours and they inspire me: to remain vigilant, to look for the dangerous signs, to reach out when it happens, to trust myself.
So thank you for sharing Sohard.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Dee74
Noone needs to be afraid of the truth
this thread is a great example of how we can have an old thought , discard it , with help, and exchange it for a new one
this thread is a great example of how we can have an old thought , discard it , with help, and exchange it for a new one
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Originally Posted by Sohard
Hmmm. I guess that’s the crux of the issue. I really don’t think I am romancing it. I’ve acknowledged all the HELL it came along with. And how much better my life is without it. But, I can’t lie to myself and say I never enjoyed myself, because that wouldn’t be true. I have to move forward as a sober person being honest with myself - that it came with a load of sheer hell, but evenings like I described above were fun. I mean, I think lots of stuff might be fun but not worth it. Lying out in the sun all day might be fun, but skin cancer isn’t worth it. So, I’m trying to be at peace with missing the few fun nights of drinking so that I get ALL the positives that come along with sobriety. But I don’t think that means I have to pretend I didn’t enjoy myself at times. I know there are some alcoholics that really don’t enjoy themselves ever. But there are some that do. I wish I was part of the group that came to hate it. I just came to hate 99.9% of it.
After all the hell it brought , we can still have a natural tendency to look back with rose colored glasses, not all the time, but as you found out, on the odd occasion when it strikes, it can be quite alarming.
As Dee likes to say, building sober muscles.
Next time you know what to do and it won't hit as hard.
The efforts from it get weaker, which is why it gets easier 👍😎
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by Sohard
Thanks all. Back at home, safe and sound.
I was thinking as I was driving back home, maybe it’s not the dog that is the comfort but everything in this new situation I’m in (my new city, my new apartment, my new dog, etc.) I associate all these things with my new life. But, when I go back up to where I used to live (around my sister and mom) the drinking associations are just so big there bc that’s where I used to drink so much. Like if someone who used to hang out in bars then went back to a bar. I’m thinking about while I’ve made 258 days and it’s gotten progressively easier, I also had a bumpy time around the holidays at my sister’s and now this MLK weekend at my mom’s. And the other day I’d been feeling shakey after I got in an argument with my sister about bringing the dog up for this weekend. All of my bumpy moments have involved either my sister or my mom. This is NOT to say this is their fault (it’s definitely, definitely not...it’s no one’s fault, it’s just a fact). This is just to say i think I definitely associate being at their homes with drinking and I also associate dealing with things like family drama with drinking. Not because of their drinking but bc that is where I was often when I was drinking too much (and they’d been long asleep) and that is how I used to deal with conflict.
I’d hate for any newcomer to read this and think “It is still this hard at 258 days?!?!” To those people I’d say: it’s gotten MUCH easier. But that doesn’t mean that the first year can’t be a bit like a roller coaster and some surprise ironing out of issues won’t be necessary. I like to believe these bumps each will make me a stronger sober person, though. Yet another part of the mountain climbed. And thank you to all who lent a helping hand this weekend. Really, thank you.
I was thinking as I was driving back home, maybe it’s not the dog that is the comfort but everything in this new situation I’m in (my new city, my new apartment, my new dog, etc.) I associate all these things with my new life. But, when I go back up to where I used to live (around my sister and mom) the drinking associations are just so big there bc that’s where I used to drink so much. Like if someone who used to hang out in bars then went back to a bar. I’m thinking about while I’ve made 258 days and it’s gotten progressively easier, I also had a bumpy time around the holidays at my sister’s and now this MLK weekend at my mom’s. And the other day I’d been feeling shakey after I got in an argument with my sister about bringing the dog up for this weekend. All of my bumpy moments have involved either my sister or my mom. This is NOT to say this is their fault (it’s definitely, definitely not...it’s no one’s fault, it’s just a fact). This is just to say i think I definitely associate being at their homes with drinking and I also associate dealing with things like family drama with drinking. Not because of their drinking but bc that is where I was often when I was drinking too much (and they’d been long asleep) and that is how I used to deal with conflict.
I’d hate for any newcomer to read this and think “It is still this hard at 258 days?!?!” To those people I’d say: it’s gotten MUCH easier. But that doesn’t mean that the first year can’t be a bit like a roller coaster and some surprise ironing out of issues won’t be necessary. I like to believe these bumps each will make me a stronger sober person, though. Yet another part of the mountain climbed. And thank you to all who lent a helping hand this weekend. Really, thank you.
For many, faith must be there all along. In addition, we can also rely on lived experiences and memories. The 'first time' of everything are always extra difficult. The same happens with alcohol: first birthday sober, first Christmas, first reunion with your old drinking buddies, etc.
Next time you visit your mother you will know you can do it because you have already done it. You have created the foundations for a new set of memories even within your old environment.
It is a massive step. I hope you are enjoying it.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
I think for me over time as I have build a sober life, my "comfort zone" has shifted from drinking as a stress response to just being with the stress but totally sober.
As sober months / years have accumulated, I get farther removed from my identity as a drinker and more identified as a sober person. The last couple of relapses were absolutely unsatisfying and felt "out of character" to who I am now. The last one in particular really shifted something deep inside me which was a fundamental acceptance that I not only cannot drink safely, but that I don't want to, no matter what.
I think that's what has become "easier" for me. Yes, I must watch out for cravings during stress or previous "happy" drinking situations, but that foundation shift is like an anchor that brings me back to my sane sober self.
It has been a heLL of a a lot of work to get there, but worth every effort.
Very helpful thread--thank you sohard et al. . .
As sober months / years have accumulated, I get farther removed from my identity as a drinker and more identified as a sober person. The last couple of relapses were absolutely unsatisfying and felt "out of character" to who I am now. The last one in particular really shifted something deep inside me which was a fundamental acceptance that I not only cannot drink safely, but that I don't want to, no matter what.
I think that's what has become "easier" for me. Yes, I must watch out for cravings during stress or previous "happy" drinking situations, but that foundation shift is like an anchor that brings me back to my sane sober self.
It has been a heLL of a a lot of work to get there, but worth every effort.
Very helpful thread--thank you sohard et al. . .
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
After my relapse on the back of two and a half years content sobriety, I finally realised that my AV's euphoric recall (just my brain's learning mechanism that created the addiction) was a lie. I can't stop at a few - end of, those days are gone forever, so acceptance of that fact is the key to my freedom.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
So very glad this worked out!
Tomorrow will be officially nine months sober (which is twice as long as my previous 4 1/2 months sober about 2 years ago). How sad and what a waste that would’ve been to have blown it when I first started this thread a couple of weeks ago. So thank you all again!
I am pleased to say my sanity has not been shaken again. For now, I really think I got this. Whew. But vigilance remains, of course.
Tomorrow will be officially nine months sober (which is twice as long as my previous 4 1/2 months sober about 2 years ago). How sad and what a waste that would’ve been to have blown it when I first started this thread a couple of weeks ago. So thank you all again!
I am pleased to say my sanity has not been shaken again. For now, I really think I got this. Whew. But vigilance remains, of course.
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