CupofJoe

Sweeti,

I'm so glad you reached out and didn't drink. That's the first step.

But, like you say, you're dealing with a lot. That doesn't mean you can't get sober. It just means that I'd really, really, really strongly recommend getting help. Don't try to do it alone.

Are you still on a waiting list for rehab? Can you enroll in one? (There was some way that it was possible, I think, but sorry that I can't remember the details.) The people there will be able to help you navigate the early days and emotional ups and downs. You'd also meet and be around people, which could be good for you.

For your next payday, instead of spending money on alcohol, could you parcel out the money to pay for taxis to go to AA meetings? That would help get you on your way to sobriety.

You've had a lot of pain. I can't even imagine some of what you've gone through.

But there's hope for the future. I've heard amazing stories of recovery from terrible life events and situations. It's one of the things I love about SR and AA. People have amazing stories. Yours will be amazing, too.

I think we're close to the same age (I'm almost 50) and I can tell you I'm happier about life than I was when I quit. Life has its ups and downs, but it's so much easier to deal with sober.

You're resilient. That says a lot. Imagine what life would be like if you were healthy. We can heal. There might be scars, but they're no longer open wounds.

You have a lot to look forward to, but sometimes the haze of alcohol prevents us from seeing that.

You're not in the clear yet. Stay vigilant. Stay close. Really, really consider inpatient or AA. You can do this, but you have to stay focused. And call an ambulance if you start to feel bad. (Or get checked out now, like today. Alcohol withdrawal can be deadly.)

Really pulling for you as always.

tomsteve

all of that has solutions. the solution of drinking sure as hell dont read to be workin good except to dig your grave.
do you want to do something about it or keep living in the drama and chaos? you said you want to quit, but its the DO part that has been asked many,many times without answering, that needs answering.
you have a jillion reasons not to drink,sweeti:
gain a relationship with your children again.
gain a realtionship with your mother again.
gain a relationship with yourself again.
have the self pity vanish.
have the drama disappear.
have the self centeredness disappear.
help others.
just to name a few.

you have the resources to help you. there is absolutely nothing more anyone here can say to help. you have to DO it.

ReadyAtLast

Imagine how your daughter felt you walking past and not recognizing her. She knew who you were.but you didnt know Her.

if that isn't a truly utterly real heartbreaking reason for you to stop drinking then nothing will.

Do you want to stop drinking. Rhetorical question. You don't need to answer me.

Dee74

How are you feeling this morning sweetichick?

D

Delilah1

Just caught up on your thread, I’m glad you chose not to drink. I worry that having too much time on your hands may be part of the problem Sweeti. You have the perfect opportunity to really throw yourself into recovery. I hope you are feeling a little better, and that you continue to build the sober time up.

gypsytears

Day 3 today? Hopefully you’re feeling better physically. Now you can start to focus on living. Really living. Drinking is a bandage that never allows old wound to heal. Sometimes you have to rip off the bandage for some air. That time is now sweeti.

newhope01

newhope01

Sweetichick2

Thanks for all the support. I had a bad experience at the pharmacy and nearly fell down 3 stairs. This lady came out to see if I needed help. All the more reason for not one drink ever. It was quite embarrassing. At least now I have my medication. My doctor upped my Valium because of the shaking. Feeling scared and anxious.

tomsteve

are ya gonna answer the question asked by many:
do you want to do ANYTHING to stop drinking FOR GOOD?

or continue ignoring them.

AnvilheadII

MORE valium? you can not drive to an AA meeting, but you can drive to the pharmacy to get more drugs? even tho you almost fell, can barely walk.

eating valium like candy is NOT sobriety. do you not realize how close you are to NOT being able to make a cognizant decision regarding your LIFE?

newhope01

gypsytears

Sweeti I’m very worried about you. You’re falling while you’re drinking... and also now while you’re withdrawing. You feared having a seizure this morning. Being shakey and driving isn’t safe for you or others on the road. Your own doctor phoned you and thinks you may have wet brain on top of the bipolar and other health issues. I really, really wish you’d go to the ER and tell them the depth of your drinking and health issues. I believe you need medical supervision to detox and rehab to get a foothold in sobriety.

CupofJoe

Please read this over and over again, Sweeti. And listen to everybody posting on here.

I'm also very worried about you. I'm afraid you're going to just stay on the same cycle until the worst happens. Please don't throw away your life.

Dee74

Yeah I dunno what else to say sweeti except that I think you've passed the point of being able to get out of this by yourself.

It's like being caught in a double loop of addiction and anxiety.

I think you need a professional detox and then a residential stay in a facility.

D

Sweetichick2

I had a long nap and feel a lot better . Shakes are minimal. I am just taking it easy. I believe that the worst is over. No bad cravings today. I will soon try weaning myself off Valium. I was first put on it for panic attacks but only one when needed. The falls are caused by the peripheral neuropathy. Hopefully that will get better in time. I am sorry for worrying everyone.

snitch

Just this.

Obladi

There is no need to apologize for worrying us, but there is a need for you to face this thing and get help. Sweeti, I don't like to be a doomsayer, but I don't believe that the worst is over at all. I recognize this pattern you're in because I was in it: drink drink drink, shame and helplessness, desperation, sober up and feel like total crap, start feeling physically better, assure everyone esp myself I'm ok now, repeat.

I don't know what to say that will help you; all I know is that repeated urges from people here convinced me to get the help I needed. I didn't think about it, I just did it. Because if I thought about it, I had a million reasons not to go.

Sweeti, please get some inpatient help.

O

Bethany57

sweeti may I respectfully ask why you do not want to do rehab? Is it the money? I thought you were on a list for rehab? I really think you are so isolated and you need more help than just doing this alone.

Hawkeye13

I’m really worried about you sweeti. What Dee said is true. I know it is hard to face but you need professional help to get out of this cycle.