1stOct2019

I am glad to be here... and won't tell you I feel like an 'impostor' for not having approached Day One yet.. because I know there will most likely just be encouragement --just for being here.

My friends have planned me a birthday bash next week - 1st Oct, how could I possibly tell them that I do not plan on drinking the "halloween" birthday cocktails that they have especially planned for me? ...Or is that just yet another excuse to carry on buying wine after work up until that date?

I hope to be successful at leaving the drink behind. I quit smoking about 5 years ago, after reading Allen Carrs "Easyway" for the second time, and I know I shall never smoke again - I tried his drinking book, but it has not had the same affect, so here I am! Rolling around in alcohol for a long time and part way through Catherine Gray's book, and hoping I can do it before poisoning my internal organs to death (I have drank habitually for at least 15 years now).

If being here helps with the process-- then bring it on. I want free of the shackles of drinking, and don't want that niggling voice in my head anymore telling me to just pop to the shop (or the one that is paranoid that I smell of booze when at work the next day). want to be good at my job, and healthy and happy.

I have set the 1st Oct as my day one - I doubt I will have finished reading Catherine Gray's book by then, but guess I should just go for it on that date? What has worked for you? Allen Carr in his books says quite strongly "Do not jump the gun" (ie read the whole book first) what has worked for you?

Thank you for your help.

Mummyto2

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

I drank ten years planning to quit "tomorrow" or on some date of importance.

A plan to quit in the future is just a plan to keep drinking.

NerfThis

Welcome to SR!

How could you possibly tell them? By simply telling them you don't drink any more, but the excuse to buy wine is probably the reason for your delayed quit.
I decided to quit a week before my Birthday last year (not a predetermined date, but the day I really felt I couldn't take anymore, which just happened to be before my Birthday) and people were informed that I simply do not drink any more, which was met with zero negativity and zero people feeling let down.

To succeed, you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink, so if you're planning advanced drinks already, you probably want to drink more than you want to be sober.

abgator

Yep. It's like planning to "diet" or change your eating habits after Halloween. Then after Thanksgiving. Then after Christmas. And then....

Hevyn

Welcome 1stOct! It's wonderful to have you join us.

I drank most of my life. When I joined SR I didn't know what to expect - really didn't understand how it could help. I never expected to have the understanding & sense of family that I found here. It certainly lessened my anxiety - no one else in my life had a clue what I was going through. We're here to listen and help - you can do this.

Ringside

There will always be an excuse for not quitting now. Can you imagine doing ________ without drinking? Can you imagine going to _________ without drinking? I did that for a long time, and continued to drink for a long time, until I was finally able to fundamentally shift my paradigm by doing things (not planning to do things) dramatically different, even if it was a little uncomfortable at first.

In any event, good luck!

Dee74

Hi and welcome Oct1!

I spent decades waiting for the right time to quit - never found it.

With all due respect to Allen Carr I can't remember anything in the later chapters he doesn't reiterate earlier elsewhere.

My advice is don't wait til the 1st of October, and just be honest with your mates.

D

least

Welcome to the family. Putting off your day one is just a way to keep drinking. Do yourself a huge favor and get sober today. Why wait? The longer you keep drinking, the more chance of something bad happening as a result of your drinking.

As to telling your friends you're not drinking - just tell them! It's your life anyway, and it's your responsibility to decide how you want to live. If your friends are true friends, they won't give you a hard time about not drinking.

I hope you'll decide to stop drinking now and celebrate your birthday sober.

fini

hello 1st,
you’re not an imposter...you just are someone who is not willing to quit today. or tomorrow.
i don't know if being here will be helpful with “the process” for you, as i myself didn’t join a forum until a few days after i quit, though i had been lurking quite a while.
and i don’t know if setting a date will be helpful to you, either. it wasn’t, for me. i tried that many times.
but it might well work for others, and maybe for you.
in the end, i was at the point where i had no reservations about being done, and now!
sounds like you are not at that point. and maybe YOU don’t need to be at that point in order to quit.....we can’t know that for sure.
i’d encourage you to really check your motives for not doing it tomorrow.

SoberRican

Welcome to SR my friend. In my case I was just sick and tired. I gave up. Surrendered . didnt pick a date per se. It just happen to 144 days ago that I decided to give sobriety a try. Results? I love it. ... So will you. ✌

Callas

Reading here and reading books may be helpful. In the end it is up to you and you know this.

August252015

Welcome- but Imma tell you straight - NO is a complete sentence. To anything, friends, birthday, Tuesday, Halloween....everything.

If you wan to quit, do it. Today.

Up to you - not a book, or us, or a friend. Just you.

Hope you do it.

AAPJ

A lot of folks are skeptical about your future quit date. I think that in general this is good advice. I personally would not set a future date for quitting.

But before jumping on the quit now train because a future date is just an excuse may I remind everyone of 5329guy?

Here are the threads with his first and last posts:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...610-hello.html (Hello!)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-checking.html (Checking in)

As far as I can tell he set a future quit date and stuck with it.

So my input is a bit different. OK you chose a quit date. Let's see that you follow through and quit on October 1. I wish you success in your soon to be sober life.

August252015

I ALMOST mentioned that. I was indeed one of the skeptics about 5329 - and remember discussing with him a lot. As far as I have heard around here, he's the only one I know who a) had a future quit date b) planned well and c) executed.

Hope it has kept going for him.

I'll also throw in the part that sobers people up in AA meetings (ha) - the stories of many, MANY people who drink...at some point. 5 yr, 10 - 30! - after one of a billion reasons they didn't plan on and keep acting to prevent (ie, get a reprieve from by a life of living their program). And I don't just hear that stuff from AA-ers...

I personally wouldn't bet the farm on me being a unicorn.

1stOct2019

Yes I see your point(s) which are over-whemingly sided towards "you're an idiot for not doing it now."

My friends have literally planned me personallised birthday halloween cocktails (I mean literally bought the boozes and come up with the recipes / pun names for my birthday etc! It seems pretty arsey to be like "oh by the way guys, you know how I've drunk for the last 15 years, well I'm sober as of 4 days ago!!! So I'm not going to try any of this stuff you've planned..."

October is also conveniently "Stop-tober" which I feel is a great way to tell my mates - this is my last drink... due to Stop-tober, and then take it forward from there.

From where I am - this does not seem like an unreasonable move, and I am mustering resources in the mean time (reading, joining places like this, making lists of ideas etc.)

AAPJ

Despite my personal reservations, I am willing to give anyone support on one future quit date concept for starting a path to sobriety. Key point here is the number one. I hope it works for you. But if it does not and you relapse I hope you will understand when I will move to the" today is the day to quit" crowd.

August252015

This is all alcoholic thinking. All of us had some version, list, or to-do ideas like you have. And it got us....drunk. Over and over.

And, it's about everything BUT you. Telling your friends, any stop-month-thing, etc. All of that is beside the point.

None of this will likely make sense to you until you quit, and start to see what has to change and where you (like the rest of us) had things all sorts of wrong in our views and decision making processes.

And, you're not an idiot. You're an alcoholic - which I've found often means quite the opposite of being an idiot as we can be a pretty smart lot of people. Who have a disease of insanity- or, put less harshly, very poor judgment skills. We get what you are saying- and what we are saying in response is from hard won experience, both defeat and ideally, victory by being sober now.

Best to you.

NerfThis

As August has said, absolutely none of us think you are an idiot.

I do however wonder how truly successful you think quitting will be if your current mindset is that you don't want to upset your friends and don't want to miss out on special celebratory cocktails? Also waiting for Stop-Tober because you are scared to tell them you are permanently quitting. There will always be another celebration after this. Will you keep drinking because you don't want to let your friends down? Are you drinking because you don't want to let them down or as an excuse to continue drinking?

In order to maintain my sobriety, I've had to understand that alcohol is in no way a reward or celebratory substance for me. I cannot glamourize the drinking process.

I'm sure your friends (if they are true friends) would value your decision to get sober rather than be annoyed because they spent some time looking at recipes and coming up with cocktail names.

August252015

One thing we learn when we quit? Who our friends really are. That's a bit ahead of where you are now - maybe. But I can tell you that I don't have a single person in my life who doesn't support me being sober.

I'm also going to challenge you on this: what is your plan for not drinking, from the day you quit to every day?

It's one thing to set a date (and we've been discussing this) but the real question about whatever day any of us stops drinking is: what next?

That's another thread topic that comes up often and, gently, I hope we will get to have with you because you DO decide to quit.