Glad to be here
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
helli 1st,
how are you doing in the run-up to the set quit date?
when i used to set a date, i always had that relieved feeling. relief that i could still drink for a little longer, and relief of what turned out to be the illusion that i had it all under control. after all: since i am clear i will quit on that certain day, i have entirely taken charge of the whole "situation".
sounded reasonable. and it does and it is....it's just that when i got to trhat date, something else popped up, either on that very day or shortly after, and it turned out i couldn't not drink after all.
anyway, that is MY story. just wondering about your thoughts and experiences now that the date is coming closer, and after reading posts here that you may not have enjoyed at all?
how are you doing in the run-up to the set quit date?
when i used to set a date, i always had that relieved feeling. relief that i could still drink for a little longer, and relief of what turned out to be the illusion that i had it all under control. after all: since i am clear i will quit on that certain day, i have entirely taken charge of the whole "situation".
sounded reasonable. and it does and it is....it's just that when i got to trhat date, something else popped up, either on that very day or shortly after, and it turned out i couldn't not drink after all.
anyway, that is MY story. just wondering about your thoughts and experiences now that the date is coming closer, and after reading posts here that you may not have enjoyed at all?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 14
Thanks Fini,
I'm doing good thanks, I have not drunk for a couple of days and am bulked up on "Shleur" stuff for Saturday night - my friend let it slip that there was (another!) Birthday party for me on the Saturday... I almost wasn't going to go for the weekend because my pet hamster was ill, but the friend then told me that they have got me a cake and are cooking a meal etc! So I decided to drive up for the Saturday night (Shleur in hand - they will never know the difference!)
As a side note - poor Hammy had to be put to sleep at the vets tonight, turned out she had bowel cancer. :-( She was a sweetheart.
I seem to be getting a lot of negativity about accepting the cocktail birthday drinks my friends have organised for Tuesday. Quite frankly I think it's a good plan, and a good way to tell them, and I am not that rude to kick my friends preparation efforts in the teeth like that. I am already looking forward to the time after that date, and am already practicing the techniques - such as recognising the destructive inner voice.
I do not expect to struggle to fill time afterwards - sleep would be nice.... plus I always get stuck at work, my boss would love even more hours out of me, and I have a great job. Also have outdoor hobbies which I am keen to spend more time on, and volunteer quite a good proportion of my weekends to the National Trust.
I also look forward to spending time cleaning the house (not so good at that right now) more time on beauty regime, and things like baths and reading.
I'm doing good thanks, I have not drunk for a couple of days and am bulked up on "Shleur" stuff for Saturday night - my friend let it slip that there was (another!) Birthday party for me on the Saturday... I almost wasn't going to go for the weekend because my pet hamster was ill, but the friend then told me that they have got me a cake and are cooking a meal etc! So I decided to drive up for the Saturday night (Shleur in hand - they will never know the difference!)
As a side note - poor Hammy had to be put to sleep at the vets tonight, turned out she had bowel cancer. :-( She was a sweetheart.
I seem to be getting a lot of negativity about accepting the cocktail birthday drinks my friends have organised for Tuesday. Quite frankly I think it's a good plan, and a good way to tell them, and I am not that rude to kick my friends preparation efforts in the teeth like that. I am already looking forward to the time after that date, and am already practicing the techniques - such as recognising the destructive inner voice.
I do not expect to struggle to fill time afterwards - sleep would be nice.... plus I always get stuck at work, my boss would love even more hours out of me, and I have a great job. Also have outdoor hobbies which I am keen to spend more time on, and volunteer quite a good proportion of my weekends to the National Trust.
I also look forward to spending time cleaning the house (not so good at that right now) more time on beauty regime, and things like baths and reading.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
wishing you all the best for implementing that plan, 1st.
and sorry to hear about your hamster’s death...glad his/her suffering is over. so hard to know about animals’ pain.
also, just a heads up for future possible events: you might very much need to prepare for getting “rude” like that, though i don’t consider it rude as such. many if us here thought it wise in the beginning to turn down invitations that involved others drinking, or in drinking establishments or activities that happen usually around drinks.
something to consider while you are planning ahead.
and sorry to hear about your hamster’s death...glad his/her suffering is over. so hard to know about animals’ pain.
also, just a heads up for future possible events: you might very much need to prepare for getting “rude” like that, though i don’t consider it rude as such. many if us here thought it wise in the beginning to turn down invitations that involved others drinking, or in drinking establishments or activities that happen usually around drinks.
something to consider while you are planning ahead.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 14
I hopefully shouldn't have too much of the turning down to do - I'm not a social drinker, more of a "winding down on an evening, watching TV, after a hard day of work" drinker - I'm actually quite antisocial (I cannot hear conversations in large gatherings because of a hearing problem) also, I'm just introverted in character and don't enjoy gatherings.
I have been thinking tho that this could actually make it harder to stop, cause the act of being able to "turn down" an event to escape from the proximity of alcohol is not really going to be a thing for me (after my birthday) until Christmas, but I'm spending it just with my sister, who will be totally supportive, I know that.
But being alone, on those evenings, in the house, I cannot "remove" myself from that situation every time... sure I can do more hobbies, but not every singe night... I'm still alone in the house... suggestions please!
PS: I do not intend in suddenly adopting a social life, I enjoy peace and quiet, and I work hard.. the level of social interaction during a normal working day is enough for me.
I have been thinking tho that this could actually make it harder to stop, cause the act of being able to "turn down" an event to escape from the proximity of alcohol is not really going to be a thing for me (after my birthday) until Christmas, but I'm spending it just with my sister, who will be totally supportive, I know that.
But being alone, on those evenings, in the house, I cannot "remove" myself from that situation every time... sure I can do more hobbies, but not every singe night... I'm still alone in the house... suggestions please!
PS: I do not intend in suddenly adopting a social life, I enjoy peace and quiet, and I work hard.. the level of social interaction during a normal working day is enough for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 7
Same here
I’m not terribly social myself. Not anti social just enjoy quiet time. I am very new to sobriety and almost always drank alone. I am also wondering how to say “no thanks” to myself. I have started practicing meditation and that seems to help. Heading over to the local community center and working out has taken up some time. It seems to me that I need to fill in that space that alcohol took up in both time and mental “clock cycles”, with something.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by fini 
wishing you all the best for implementing that plan, 1st.
and sorry to hear about your hamster’s death...glad his/her suffering is over. so hard to know about animals’ pain.
also, just a heads up for future possible events: you might very much need to prepare for getting “rude” like that, though i don’t consider it rude as such. many if us here thought it wise in the beginning to turn down invitations that involved others drinking, or in drinking establishments or activities that happen usually around drinks.
something to consider while you are planning ahead.
and sorry to hear about your hamster’s death...glad his/her suffering is over. so hard to know about animals’ pain.
also, just a heads up for future possible events: you might very much need to prepare for getting “rude” like that, though i don’t consider it rude as such. many if us here thought it wise in the beginning to turn down invitations that involved others drinking, or in drinking establishments or activities that happen usually around drinks.
something to consider while you are planning ahead.
If being sober first is selfish - if anyone I know views it that way- well, tough cookies. Took me time to realize that "no is a complete sentence" and I can turn down any and every invite. Oh, and I don't matter as much as I think in any event, celebration, meeting, dinner, family situation.....but that's cart ahead of the horse if you are still in the head space of engaging in stuff you say you want to quit.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by 1stOct2019
...
But being alone, on those evenings, in the house, I cannot "remove" myself from that situation every time... sure I can do more hobbies, but not every singe night... I'm still alone in the house... suggestions please!
PS: I do not intend in suddenly adopting a social life, I enjoy peace and quiet, and I work hard.. the level of social interaction during a normal working day is enough for me.
But being alone, on those evenings, in the house, I cannot "remove" myself from that situation every time... sure I can do more hobbies, but not every singe night... I'm still alone in the house... suggestions please!
PS: I do not intend in suddenly adopting a social life, I enjoy peace and quiet, and I work hard.. the level of social interaction during a normal working day is enough for me.
How's the October 1st resolution......you know.....tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
1st,
My drinking was almost exclusively home on the couch alone. I’m introverted to the point that socializing makes me quite anxious, and I have a job where I have to be “on” a lot of the time, so I enjoy the quiet when the evening comes. I couldn’t imagine, given that pattern and no one to be accountable to, how I’d break the cycle.
I, like many others, started exercising in sobriety and paying attention to my health and appearance. I started eating dinner as soon as I got home, (even getting takeout sometimes as I often drank and cooked). My drinking was always on an empty stomach so that helped a lot. I also started walking in the evening, and shifted my schedule to be tired early and get up early as well.
For Sunday afternoons I bowled (?!) for awhile. It got me out of the house, but I didn’t have to talk.
I could go on, but you get the gist. Do something different. Break the pattern, whatever the pattern is. The next day, do it again. Over 2 years in, and I’ve become a runner (jogger!). Who would of thought I could? But the point is, the pattern and focus of my days is totally different.
Hope the party goes well, and best wishes for a fresh start!
-bora
My drinking was almost exclusively home on the couch alone. I’m introverted to the point that socializing makes me quite anxious, and I have a job where I have to be “on” a lot of the time, so I enjoy the quiet when the evening comes. I couldn’t imagine, given that pattern and no one to be accountable to, how I’d break the cycle.
I, like many others, started exercising in sobriety and paying attention to my health and appearance. I started eating dinner as soon as I got home, (even getting takeout sometimes as I often drank and cooked). My drinking was always on an empty stomach so that helped a lot. I also started walking in the evening, and shifted my schedule to be tired early and get up early as well.
For Sunday afternoons I bowled (?!) for awhile. It got me out of the house, but I didn’t have to talk.
I could go on, but you get the gist. Do something different. Break the pattern, whatever the pattern is. The next day, do it again. Over 2 years in, and I’ve become a runner (jogger!). Who would of thought I could? But the point is, the pattern and focus of my days is totally different.
Hope the party goes well, and best wishes for a fresh start!
-bora
Last edited by boreas; 10-01-2019 at 05:04 AM. Reason: typo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 14
Yup - here I am! Although probably with a bit of alcohol left in the blood from yesterday!
I'm so glad not to have pooh-poohed my friends efforts for my birthday because the effort they had gone to was just so much - they even decorated the glasses with little stick on bats! A lot of the drinks were "blood" themed, and we watched a washed-out vampires movie, which was really funny.
In other news, I had some rather bad news on Sunday (I do not want to go into it, but yeah, it's stressful.) but I figure the timing is spot on, because better to start the sobriety on super bad news then have to navigate difficult waters if I was coasting smoothly a little while in - and then got the bad news. It's actually given me more motivation to kick the drinking in the balls!
So yeah - all good so far in the less than 24 hours zone, but from what I understand there's a possibility of feeling like crap in the first few weeks.
I think the best thing I have learned so far is to recognise the inner "destructive" voice - since reading about it, I have noticed it in the last few days before quitting.
I'm so glad not to have pooh-poohed my friends efforts for my birthday because the effort they had gone to was just so much - they even decorated the glasses with little stick on bats! A lot of the drinks were "blood" themed, and we watched a washed-out vampires movie, which was really funny.
In other news, I had some rather bad news on Sunday (I do not want to go into it, but yeah, it's stressful.) but I figure the timing is spot on, because better to start the sobriety on super bad news then have to navigate difficult waters if I was coasting smoothly a little while in - and then got the bad news. It's actually given me more motivation to kick the drinking in the balls!
So yeah - all good so far in the less than 24 hours zone, but from what I understand there's a possibility of feeling like crap in the first few weeks.
I think the best thing I have learned so far is to recognise the inner "destructive" voice - since reading about it, I have noticed it in the last few days before quitting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Jeniket
... I am also wondering how to say “no thanks” to myself. I have started practicing meditation and that seems to help....
I have found the following quite good suggestions which I have used during short breaks before:
1) recognising the "voice" that suggests having a drink as an enemy to be laughed at and told to get lost.
2) Shutting down thoughts which are "suggestions" or "bartering" don't even entertain an inner suggestion of drinking for a second - just laugh it off and take it right off the table or you'll just think yourself round and round and potentially give in.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
I’m glad you’re here, 1st. Good starting thoughts to head off the AV. For me, I stayed busy the first few weeks. I pretty much cleaned everything in my house, was always doing laundry, and read SR continuously.
Im sure you’ll get lots of suggestions here.
Im sure you’ll get lots of suggestions here.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Hope this is day 2 sober!
What are your upcoming social plans? Many of us found we had to seriously consider what, when and with whom we did things, at first and even for a lot longer if you were conservative like me. I raise the question because you've already shared that while you do spend time alone....your friends are incredibly influential in your decision to drink. Birthday, aside, treating something like dinner out or a semi-frequent get together without a plan to stay sober is setting yourself up for failure.
Best to you.
What are your upcoming social plans? Many of us found we had to seriously consider what, when and with whom we did things, at first and even for a lot longer if you were conservative like me. I raise the question because you've already shared that while you do spend time alone....your friends are incredibly influential in your decision to drink. Birthday, aside, treating something like dinner out or a semi-frequent get together without a plan to stay sober is setting yourself up for failure.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by 1stOct2019
Yup - here I am!
...It's actually given me more motivation to kick the drinking in the balls!....
Do you realize what you said there? You have proven that bad news can be an excuse to drink or a reason not to drink...your choice.
Good job.
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