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Old 09-15-2019, 01:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Sick of myself


I was doing well got to 2 weeks then thought i can be normal, had 2 glasses of wine on Thursday and thought amazing i am normal this is great then friday, Saturday and today turned into one big blur and no im defo not normal. I hate myself i hate alcohol i just want to be normal
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Old 09-15-2019, 01:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Thť nature of addiction telling us maybe we can drink but we canít as it always ends up the same, donít beat yourself up, get back to day 1 and start again good luck 👍
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Old 09-15-2019, 01:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
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why do you equate "being normal" with "drinking"? of all the attributes one could claim........

alcoholics don't want to be normal, they want to drink.
until that dependence is broken for good, a drink will always seem like a good idea.
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Old 09-15-2019, 01:39 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Great post anvil.

I totally relate tinker but all the normal people i know don't or rarely drink at all.
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Old 09-15-2019, 01:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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If by 'normal' you mean, able to drink normally, you might as well face it, you're not 'normal'. I'm not a normal drinker either, so I just quit drinking altogether and I'm much happier this way. And I have little to no drama in my sober life. I feel at peace and content. I hope you can get sober for good before something really bad happens.
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Old 09-15-2019, 01:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
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If you want to be "normal" in order to drink like a "normal person" you should seek the reason that propels you to drink in the face of the destruction it brings. That discovery might help lead you to the work necessary to discover a fulfilling life. One without the need for alcohol which now only seems so important. Drinking as we do is anything but normal.
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Old 09-15-2019, 02:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Tinker, I think that you're normal, but you can't drink alcohol. That doesn't make you abnormal, it's just a fact. Acceptance is huge and will help you to accomplish sobriety.
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Old 09-15-2019, 02:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Tinker - I did that very same thing. Thought I could be a social drinker after 3 yrs. sober. I went off the rails worse than ever - it was horrible. It took me a long time to get my sobriety back. I'm glad you posted about what happened. Let's try this again.
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Old 09-15-2019, 03:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinkerbeau View Post
I was doing well got to 2 weeks then thought i can be normal, had 2 glasses of wine on Thursday and thought amazing i am normal this is great then friday, Saturday and today turned into one big blur and no im defo not normal. I hate myself i hate alcohol i just want to be normal
Welcome to the lovely world of alcoholism. I can't possibly count the number of times I've heard your story from other alcoholics determined to drink like normies. It's not going to happen after 2 weeks, 2 years, or 2 lifetimes. We all wanted to drink like normies. I stubbornly tried to do that for years, constantly getting drunker and drunker. But stubborn doesn't change reality. You sound stubborn too. Now apply that to never taking another drink. Sounds like a bummer, right? Well, it's not, but if you are stubborn enough, you can probably convince yourself that it IS a bummer.

Buzzzt! Incorrect use of personal strength! Penalty 500 yards.

Now it's good to be stubborn, but you've got to apply it to productive behaviors (or is it non-behavior in this case)? What you are failing to see, maybe, is that never taking another drink is freedom from a horrible addiction and a blessing, not a curse. I fully see why some people in AA think it's a miracle. It feels like a miracle. Whatever you call it, I'm not trading it for anymore misery and self loathing, and I'm not taking any more 500 yard penalties.

If it doesn't work and makes yourself miserable, stop doing it. This is a basic logical deduction (or is it an induction)? Whatever, it's quite simple and doesn't require a genius to figure it out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinkerbeau View Post
I thought i can be normal, had 2 glasses of wine on Thursday and thought amazing i am normal this is great then Friday, Saturday....
I love this. I just love it. It's absolutely classic and will be repeated as long as man is on the Earth. It could be the "Alcoholic National Anthem" and sung in parades and sports events.
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Old 09-15-2019, 04:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Games over, accept it and embrace it. Itís not the end of the world . Itís a wonderful beginning
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Old 09-15-2019, 05:05 PM   #11 (permalink)
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i hear you tinker.. everyone here is nitpicking you a bit about the use of the word normal.
i want to drink a couple beers to fit in, have a good time.. but usually it ends up being 8-10 beers. wake up hungover and hating myself.

gotta get off the ride tinker. accept we're not "normal."
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Old 09-15-2019, 05:38 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Iím becoming my new normal. In order to do so, I had to fully accept that I do not have a normal relationship with alcohol. My new normal looks very different than who I once was and what I thought of as ďnormalĒ back then. I think you can also find your new normal.
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Old 09-15-2019, 06:09 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Thank you TB for having the courage to post this. It is important for recovery to remind ourselves how painful drinking is for an alcoholic. You can do this, and it does get better, definitely thinking of you!
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Old 09-15-2019, 06:17 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I'm sorry you drank again TB This time, I really urge you to do something different - whatever that might be - more support, more changes, I dunno.

If you're not really changing anything that much each time, you're gonna meet that 'you can have one or two drinks' thought again and have nothing in particular to counter it with?

D
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Old 09-15-2019, 08:51 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I'd like to put this normal thing to rest if anyone will listen to me.

Normal. Are you telling me that all the Lakota I know from the Pine Ridge Reservation, all the Sioux from Rosebud I've met, all the Apache from down there in Arizona are not normal? Because I'll tell you this, every Indian I know will tell you flat out that Indians and firewater do not mix. Can't touch the stuff. Ever. So what? They're not normal?

I personally know lots of men and women from all walks of life and backgrounds who can't drink. And they're just as normal as I am. I can't drink. No way. Crossed the line. So what? I'm not normal? That's just baloney.

(Okay, okay, I admit it, I may not be normal ---hahahaha---but it isn't because I can't drink.)

So the next time anybody thinks they want to drink like normal people, maybe they're thinking of the wrong people.
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Old 09-15-2019, 10:30 PM   #16 (permalink)
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By the way, by "you" I don't mean you Tinker; it's just the rhetorical 2nd person address to anyone.

In fact, once you pass through this "sick of myself" stage, and I think it's great you posted something here, I really hope you can make a plan for how to stay away from a drink.
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Old 09-16-2019, 05:19 AM   #17 (permalink)
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So the next time anybody thinks they want to drink like normal people, maybe they're thinking of the wrong people.
This is important for those still struggling to understand. It's easy to confuse normal with desirable or some idealized state. But God knows I look around at "normal" society sometimes and think to myself, "Please don't let me become a part of this stupidity." Now drinking isn't necessarily stupid. It just turns out that way a lot of the time. If someone wants to achieve a normal state, I would argue that sobriety is the default, and therefore by most definitions,... the norm. And after I got sober, it was truly a surprise to realize that most people aren't normally drunk after 5:00 PM.

I think another definition for normal is "average." But there's nothing particularly noteworthy about being average. You get a "C" for that. You can do better. And the golden rule in self improvement, whether its letting go of your addiction, getting closer to a god, or developing self awareness is not to get normal. It's to improve. THAT'S THE GOAL. if someone believes being normal should be a goal, I would encourage them to rethink that. Normal is a perception at best. Perceptions are usually flawed too.

The real reason alkies drink is not to be normal. It's because they are addicted. What they really want to be able to do is feed their addiction without suffering consequences. And we know that's just not possible.

One more thought, before I shut up. Feed as much alcohol to a normie as I used to drink, and I think he'd end up acting just as stupid most of the time. You know, like falling down, throwing up, and having a "good" time.
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Old 09-16-2019, 06:29 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinkerbeau View Post
I was doing well got to 2 weeks then thought i can be normal, had 2 glasses of wine on Thursday and thought amazing i am normal this is great then friday, Saturday and today turned into one big blur and no im defo not normal. I hate myself i hate alcohol i just want to be normal
do you hate yourself because ya cant control drinking?
or?
it reads like yer definition of normal is to be able to drink a couple and walk away with no ill effects.
i know a lot of people i consider normal. they dont drink at all. they live their lives, have fun without thinking alcohol will make more fun, go out to for dinner without thinking alcohol will make the meal better, face the stresses in life when they pop up without thinking alcohol will help, relax at the end of the day without thinking alcohol will make it more relaxing....
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Old 09-16-2019, 06:49 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Hi Tinker! I hope you can hop right back into sobriety. Two weeks is wonderful! It's too bad you drank again, because for me and for a lot of people it really starts getting easier at two weeks. I didn't have a craving at all yesterday, and I think it will be the same today, since I'm not working and 'tired' is my biggest trigger. Along with hungry.
For me, sober is the new normal. I am so grateful not to have to drink. I know you can get there too. Please don't hate yourself, it just makes it harder to get sober. Love yourself, and love the person you are going to be. Gather up a lot of sobriety tools and give it another try.
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Old 09-16-2019, 07:40 AM   #20 (permalink)
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By normal, I guess you mean a "normal" drinker. I am not really sure what "normal" (and i am putting the word normal in inverted commas because to be honest I dont really know what normal is when it comes to drinking alcohol) drinkers do but I would assume they dont come onto a site like SoberRecovery for help. And all my friends drank, quite heavily too, but as far as I know I was the only one with a shelf full of recovery books on how to quit drinking alcohol.

for me personally I had to be completely broken to admit that I was an alcoholic and that alcohol had me beat. And even now, 16 months later, that voice sometimes whispers to me, "go on, you will be able to handle one drink now". But I surrender on a daily basis. I am an alcoholic. I dont know why I am. I dont know if I was born this way or if I became one either over time or because of some trauma I suffered. I don't know and it doesnt really matter now because I am. That is my reality. That is my truth. For me, I cannot ever have 1 drink. Or even 2. Once I put alcohol in my body I set off a craving, an allergy if you like. And I cannot STOP drinking. I have no idea where alcohol will take me and even if I drink at home alone, what alcohol does to me mentally and physically is just not worth it.

Maybe you need more proof that you are an alcoholic but the trouble is that alcoholism is progressive and the consequences (in my own experience) just get worse. You can get off the elevator now Tink. You don't have to let it go down any further. Or, if you are like me, you can continue to try and drink "normally" until you are totally broken. I wouldnt recommend that lol.

Always here for you

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