Disconnected
ChloeBitsy
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 8
Disconnected
Hi all - I am 45 days sober and new to the site...Im hoping to be able to understand the feelings im having and maybe offer advice where I can.
i have been doing well up until this week and now I’m really feeling disconnected from everyone in my life. My mum is struggling with a serious addiction to alcohol and pain
medication and I think she might be using again. Just waiting on the SOS call from my dad...
I really want to physically connect with my husband but he has suffered from ED since his dad died 5 years ago and our sex life has just stopped. He pretends to give physical affection but I can see it’s not real.
i just feel very alone and I guess usually I would pour some wine on the problem but I can’t now and I don’t know where to turn.
I don’t even know what I need from here. Maybe it was just to reach out.
i have been doing well up until this week and now I’m really feeling disconnected from everyone in my life. My mum is struggling with a serious addiction to alcohol and pain
medication and I think she might be using again. Just waiting on the SOS call from my dad...
I really want to physically connect with my husband but he has suffered from ED since his dad died 5 years ago and our sex life has just stopped. He pretends to give physical affection but I can see it’s not real.
i just feel very alone and I guess usually I would pour some wine on the problem but I can’t now and I don’t know where to turn.
I don’t even know what I need from here. Maybe it was just to reach out.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
I'm so glad you found us and reached out. We are family here and we do understand.
45 days of sobriety is fantastic! But, it's hard to deal with the realities of life when we are used to numbing away our emotions. But, you can do it. Be patient with yourself and be proud of what you've accomplished. The best thing you can do is to stay sober for your father and maybe even, set an example for your mother. I wonder if you and your husband have thought about getting couples counselling? It could be helpful for you.
45 days of sobriety is fantastic! But, it's hard to deal with the realities of life when we are used to numbing away our emotions. But, you can do it. Be patient with yourself and be proud of what you've accomplished. The best thing you can do is to stay sober for your father and maybe even, set an example for your mother. I wonder if you and your husband have thought about getting couples counselling? It could be helpful for you.
I hope our support can help you stay sober for good. 
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
chloe,
I quit drinking around 4 years ago. I don't feel like counting any more because I prefer to consider myself a born again non drinker.
My ED is off and on. But, even as a kid...sometimes it was off and on.
From the man's stand point things like stress, time of day, rest, and stimulation are my helpers and hinders.
I do the best job after a night out with my wife where she is dressed nice and we see a show with a bunch of lovely young people in it (e.g. cirque).
I don't fantasize about the girls I see, I just feel more loving.
Proudly sober here. It is a struggle once in a while, but normally it is amazing.
The ability to contrast the feelings of being a hungover weak stinking drunk to being sober this long is a gift that non drinkers can't relate too. That is one of the gifts of being an ex drunk that is now clean as a whistle. Yay!
Thanks.
I quit drinking around 4 years ago. I don't feel like counting any more because I prefer to consider myself a born again non drinker.
My ED is off and on. But, even as a kid...sometimes it was off and on.
From the man's stand point things like stress, time of day, rest, and stimulation are my helpers and hinders.
I do the best job after a night out with my wife where she is dressed nice and we see a show with a bunch of lovely young people in it (e.g. cirque).
I don't fantasize about the girls I see, I just feel more loving.
Proudly sober here. It is a struggle once in a while, but normally it is amazing.
The ability to contrast the feelings of being a hungover weak stinking drunk to being sober this long is a gift that non drinkers can't relate too. That is one of the gifts of being an ex drunk that is now clean as a whistle. Yay!
Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome Chloe 
I this disconnection is fairly normal when we feel overwhelmed, but you've found a good community here.
I remember finding SR was like a revelation to me - not only were there people like me but they understood
You'll find a lot of support here - and some good ideas too - congrats on 45 days
D
I this disconnection is fairly normal when we feel overwhelmed, but you've found a good community here.
I remember finding SR was like a revelation to me - not only were there people like me but they understood
You'll find a lot of support here - and some good ideas too - congrats on 45 days
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
That's a lot of stress for everyone to be under that you are encountering. You're right that pouring wine over it isn't going to make things any better for yourself or for anyone else. Having been sober for forty-five days is certainly a great way to begin to face things in a more intelligent and secure way, congratulations.
Lots of things do affect our bodies, women and men, too. How things go for your husband are difficult for him to take on with respect to self-image and for his health. Physical things can be a cause or a part of ED, so if he hasn't been to see a doctor about it, that's something to consider. It's not an easy thing to do, and he might feel more comfortable if he did that on his own. I'm not sure how well your communication on the subject is, but he at least seems sensitive to your feelings about it.
I'm sure that your father is under a lot of duress with your mother's problems, but seeing you do well is going to be a source of well-being for him. How to address another addict in the family is hard, it has been a part of what has occurred in mine, now twice with first my brother and then me. Keeping your boundaries while being supportive is tough and can be touch and go at times with success and failure. Don't let your own aims for yourself and for your husband fall second fiddle to having another addict that may not want to get sober run you off the rails.
Lots of things do affect our bodies, women and men, too. How things go for your husband are difficult for him to take on with respect to self-image and for his health. Physical things can be a cause or a part of ED, so if he hasn't been to see a doctor about it, that's something to consider. It's not an easy thing to do, and he might feel more comfortable if he did that on his own. I'm not sure how well your communication on the subject is, but he at least seems sensitive to your feelings about it.
I'm sure that your father is under a lot of duress with your mother's problems, but seeing you do well is going to be a source of well-being for him. How to address another addict in the family is hard, it has been a part of what has occurred in mine, now twice with first my brother and then me. Keeping your boundaries while being supportive is tough and can be touch and go at times with success and failure. Don't let your own aims for yourself and for your husband fall second fiddle to having another addict that may not want to get sober run you off the rails.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
That's a lot to deal with.... with barely lucid eyes. You're much further along in sobriety that I but I can certainly appreciate the myriad of awkward and uncomfortable feelings you must be going through. Not easy to look around when we quit numbing out. I was a week sober and something snapped in me at work a couple days ago. I had enough. Lost in on my boss and walked out the door. It's him or me. I have the rest of this Canadian long weekend to compose the most important written submission of my career. I digress....
I don't know if I sobered up to do this....or this happened because I sobered up. I truly believe that sometimes we drink to simply not deal with things we'd rather not. I fear I have made a lifetime of it.
I don't know if I sobered up to do this....or this happened because I sobered up. I truly believe that sometimes we drink to simply not deal with things we'd rather not. I fear I have made a lifetime of it.
ChloeBitsy
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 8
Thank you all...I’m definitely feeling overwhelmed this week and when I do I start worrying about everything in my life. My head is full of worrying thoughts and I need to shut off for awhile. I’ve cancelled all my plans and am just enjoying my own company this weekend.
Thank you for the support. I’m glad I signed up!
hope to return the favour one day
happyvale your last 2 sentences speak to me A LOT
Thank you for the support. I’m glad I signed up!
hope to return the favour one day
happyvale your last 2 sentences speak to me A LOT
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by ChloeBitsy 
My head is full of worrying thoughts and I need to shut off for awhile.
Luckily I fell asleep relatively quickly - but that is a thought I need to prepare for. I suppose that is why so many folks who have struggled with addiction have found respite in meditation or physical activity.
I understand exactly what you're saying and I need to accept there will be those moments where my thin sober skin may be underarmed.
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