I'm so glad you found us and reached out. We are family here and we do understand.
45 days of sobriety is fantastic! But, it's hard to deal with the realities of life when we are used to numbing away our emotions. But, you can do it. Be patient with yourself and be proud of what you've accomplished. The best thing you can do is to stay sober for your father and maybe even, set an example for your mother. I wonder if you and your husband have thought about getting couples counselling? It could be helpful for you.