That's a lot of stress for everyone to be under that you are encountering. You're right that pouring wine over it isn't going to make things any better for yourself or for anyone else. Having been sober for forty-five days is certainly a great way to begin to face things in a more intelligent and secure way, congratulations.
Lots of things do affect our bodies, women and men, too. How things go for your husband are difficult for him to take on with respect to self-image and for his health. Physical things can be a cause or a part of ED, so if he hasn't been to see a doctor about it, that's something to consider. It's not an easy thing to do, and he might feel more comfortable if he did that on his own. I'm not sure how well your communication on the subject is, but he at least seems sensitive to your feelings about it.
I'm sure that your father is under a lot of duress with your mother's problems, but seeing you do well is going to be a source of well-being for him. How to address another addict in the family is hard, it has been a part of what has occurred in mine, now twice with first my brother and then me. Keeping your boundaries while being supportive is tough and can be touch and go at times with success and failure. Don't let your own aims for yourself and for your husband fall second fiddle to having another addict that may not want to get sober run you off the rails.