Tetrax

Wow. Thanks margbella. That's actually really informative to hear. Sorry for your past troubles, hope you're doing well currently. Obviously I am terrified of withdrawal and was hoping for some medical relief. But I feel your experience with A&E just helps highlight yet again how badly addiction is dealt with in our country.

margbella

But I think if you really got in trouble with withdrawals Tetrex, A&E would help. There was nothing really wrong with me medically, just going through run of the mill withdrawals, even though it felt to me in my anxiety and agitation as if I was dying haha

Tetrax

I know what you're saying, don't worry. For me it's more of a shame that there's no US rehab equivalent. Though I understand why. I mean everyone bangs on about the NHS, but I think if we're gonna continue going down the universal healthcare route (and I believe that we should), then we need to find a way to put more money in the pot to help people like us go to rehab or whatever.

margbella

Well the way the Tories are going be no NH at all soon. We do have the American system here too, if you have private health insurance you can get private rehab. I think only the lucky US citizens have enough insurance for rehab, They are cutting back on every service in NH. Someone I knew died of liver failure last year. They kept turning her away from A&E for months cos she kept going cos her legs were swelling and giving way. They eventually took her into hospital and she died a few weeks later.
This is what I mean, the NH is dying, it's too ailing to look after anyone but the most death's door sick.
The way I see it, you have to look after yourself. I went cold turkey a week ago, cos I felt I had no choice. I had a the usual hallucination that are not quite hallucination things, had some auditory hallucinations, anxiety, agitation, insomnia, sweating, cold chills, shaking two days later the worst was over.

That was the choice I made, to take my chances. Cos I knew I could not rely on NH to get me out of this.
I also gave up smoking cold turkey. As I see it, if the drugs society push, make me sick, society will not be there to pick up the pieces so I'll do it myself.

I though have a real downer on the society we live in haha

Primativo

Mate a year ago I was exactly where you are now, it got to the point where I was having a mental health crisis, due to the effects of the 10 day alcohol binge. I'd wake up at 5am every morning, feel utterly awful, panic stricken, depressed, I'd have to chug down loads of alcohol to feel "normal', but of course once I'd started drinking I couldn't stop, the next day day it would be exactly the same. It is truly a horrible way to live. I ended up calling NHS direct, who advised me to go to my Dr. I told my Dr I felt suicidal, I didn't really, I was in panic,, impending feelings of doom despair, not so much suicidal, but I knew it would get them to take me seriously, and it did. My GP brought me in, checked me over and send me off to A&E. They had an alcohol addiction specialist at the hospital who came to speak with me. medically I was fine, it was just the anxiety and panic I felt when I alcohol started to wear off.

Like you I told her I wanted to stop drinking, but I couldn't. I even had a bottle of wine with me in my hospital bed. That's how bad I was. As the withdrawels were so bad. I told her I needed something to get me through the 5am withdrawels, if I could just get through the first morning.

So they gave me a tablet, I don't know what it was, but it took about 6 hours to kick in, by the time I got home and 9pm came round, I drank but the tablet made the drink lose it's appeal, as the tablet took over, it kind of buzzed me out all night long, I slept reasonably well on it, and when I woke up in the morning, I'd managed to sleep through the 5am withdrawals and I just felt buzzed out in the morning, so I didn't need a drink so badly.

Then on day 1 at about 10am I took a benzo taper for four days only. They really didn't want to give me benzo's though which is basically dry alcohol. I had to basically beg for them.

Whatever that tablet was, it was the only thing that allowed me to stop drinking. Going to A&E is a good idea if you are unable to drop drinking. You can't carry on like you are for another 4 - 5 weeks. Unfortunately, many people, medics included, have not lived through the hell of being physically and mentally dependent on alcohol on a binge, so they don't quite understand.

I do understand. Get yourself to A&E.

Tetrax

Yeah I'm in a bad place. I'm gonna have to pass out tonight (and it's not even tonight anymore, it's 10:20 in the morning for chrissake but whatever). I think my next step is A&E. Cos though I believe in AA in the future I somehow need to get off this stuff first.

What do I say to be taken seriously at A&E is all I am wondering?

Primativo

Yeah AA can wait until you get off the stuff first. You need to be able to function and get over the acute withdrawals. I went to AA on day 2, which helped tremendously but day 1 was all about just not drinking and making it through the anxiety.

Well I went there with a letter from my GP. I am sure if you turn up at A&E and say you need help as you are unable to stop drinking without going into extreme withdrawals, they will help. I found it easier to go there whilst still "drunk", as otherwise I was too frightened to leave my house.

August252015

Just piping in here.....it's not about our healthcare systems. Yeah, in the US, it sounds like going to an ER is in some ways better than the A&E experience - you will get seen and you will get something in most cases, but you do still have to wait unless you present with something that puts you at the head of the line (note: I did that once with such out of control seizures that of course THEY didn't know were alcohol related...)

And everyone here knows I went cold turkey.

Whatever the circumstances around us, whatever money we do or don't have (and btw having rehabs is not a simple thing because while we do, here, they are very costly in most cases and it's not as simple as just walking in the door and signing up), whatever our politicians do - and here, the lack of knowledge most drs have about addiction is appalling, still- on and on....IT DOESN'T MATTER on our individual level.

You have to quit, Tetrax. I had to quit. Everyone here who gets sober has to quit.

And sitting in an AA room is one way to be apart from alcohol. Lots of us started going to meetings still in withdrawals and in really bad shape. You will not be the first or last, Tetrax. You aren't working - so what ARE you going to do?

Please don't keep harping on the "system" etc - because any valid points you have about its flaws (which I see many) just don't matter if you keep drinking.

biminiblue

Right, I agree that going to meetings under the influence is not a bad thing. It's an AA meeting, not a parent teacher meeting. They've seen it all before, someone may volunteer to sit with you through withdrawals. You don't know how much help they can and will be until you go. You definitely don't have to be sober to show up, just not be disruptive is all.

I quit with a very short taper. I had been drinking a fifth of hard alcohol every two days for years. Some days more. I tapered down from about 12 -15 drinks per day to two drinks on the First taper day, one drink on the Second taper day, and on the Third and final taper day I had about a half shot.

I was still really uncomfortable. Shakey, hallucinating (audio and visual), off-the-charts anxiety and fear, inability to eat or sleep. I really REALLY wanted to drink, but I didn't. That lasted about three days. It was bad. I went to an AA meeting on Day 3 of withdrawal. I'm glad I did. Even though I don't currently go to AA, it was really helpful in those early days. I needed reassurance and resources, and I found it there and I found it here on this site.

I still felt pretty bad for about two weeks. The anxiety was bad for quite a while - months. It does get better, but it's uncomfortable. That's just the price I had to pay for my drinking.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Tell them you've had a seizure before during withdrawal and you're terrified it's going to happen again. Tell them you've been drinking to keep that from happening.

MLD51

All these stories are chilling to me. I guess I was lucky - I quit cold turkey and never even realized it could be dangerous, but I was ok, just uncomfortable for a few days.

Tetrax - I understand your frustration with the system. But I guess my thought is that you can't really control that, so it's best to focus on what you CAN control. If you really feel you are in danger, get to A&E and tell them how frightened you are of a seizure, and that you need help NOW. Tell them you really feel that you can't wait 4-5 weeks, that you are in danger now of really serious problems if you keep drinking. Not sure if it will work, but you can try. If that doesn't work, work within the flawed system to get what you need down the road. if you decide to try tapering on your own, please try to get to a meeting or two soon - people there should be really willing to help if you are honest with them. My AA group is great about helping people get through withdrawals and making sure they get to meetings by giving rides, calling often, etc. You do not have to be sober at a meeting. Just not disruptive. I have been to several meetings where someone showed up under the influence and asked for immediate help. It was freely given.

Forwards

Hi Tetrax,

I'm in the UK and have used the local Drug and Alcohol service for the last year and a half after being in and out of AA and many years on SR. I thought I would share my experience. I'm on Day 108 sober so it's still fairly early days for me.

Firstly, like you, I went to a drop in session, was assessed and assigned a case worker. They did not offer me home detox but weekly meetings to discuss reducing my drinking. I attended these, sometimes under the influence. They just asked my 'have you had a drink today' and I truthfully responded 'yes, two beers' when I had and they were OK with that.

This kept me reasonably well for a few months but then my mental health got worse, I let my guard down and my drinking increased to a higher level (up to 30 units a day). I tried going to A&E but they gave me a Diazepam for the shakes and told me to go home and keep drinking. I tried going cold turkey but had a seizure on Day 3. I kept drinking out of necessity.

My case worker arranged for me to be admitted to inpatient detox after a couple of months wait and they found some funding to pay for this. I was in the rehab for three weeks and completely sober for three months afterwards, attending meetings with my case worker every couple of weeks. I got complacent again, picked up and then with my case worker's supervision had to taper back to zero over ten days which was uncomfortable but not too dangerous. I had my last drink on New Year's Eve.

As you can see, getting sober is not always a straightforward path. Throughout all of this though my case worker has been amazing. She has always been encouraging, always returned my phone calls and always offered good advice. I'm now seeing her for just half an hour once a month and that is still helpful.

I have had to put in the hard work like everyone else who tries to get sober and I am incredibly grateful for all the help I have been given along the way. I'm sure you can do the same. Trust the experts and give it a chance. Good luck!

Forwards.

dpac414

Hey Tetrax, how are you doing? I haven't commented on this thread yet but I have been following it.

Just wondering if you're okay and such.

Dee74

me too.

D

Tetrax

Hey, thanks for people's concern. I'm surviving, but basically completely lost the plot. 100% nocturnal now. It's hard to get straight when you wake up at 10pm.

However, I forgot I had a big stash of beta-blockers. I mean I know they're not benzo tapers or anything but they could be the thing I need to help get me off this stuff. I've a brother who lives nearby who might let me try detoxing on his couch. My home is always a tricky place.

I will get there eventually.

Mags1

Tetrax, hi, I’m worried about you...
Hope you don’t mind me saying, but I feel you’re in complete denial.

We can make all the excuses in the world for not stopping drinking but always can managed to get booze to tip down our necks. That was me.....

Tetrax, I also think you’re very brave too... you lay your problem out here and accept all our comments....me I was a coward.....couldn’t tell anyone how much of a boozer I was...

I understand the heartache you’re going through...and if I say, it doesn’t have to be like this, there is a life after booze...does it matter to you?

I really hope so..... I really hope that it matters so much that you’ll stop. Stop making excuses for yourself (it’s what we do, woe is me), Stop drinking. (Hell,... forever?, a big YES) Can I do it? HELL YES.

When are you going to do it. When are you going to put the booze and drugs down and say ‘Enough is Enough, now how can I do this’

I really hope you stop... I’ve seen many people’s demise from booze and drugs,
Tetrax don’t add your name to the ever growing list.

Please.
Regards Mags

Dee74

I don't think self medicating with beta blockers is a great idea especially just now Tetrax

I'm seriously worried about you too.

D

Tetrax

Thanks guys again for your concern. Dee, I wouldn't take them whilst drinking. I just meant on the flip side - the anxiety and panic side, staying utterly dry - they might help. And obviously they were prescribed previously for anxiety and panic, which I already had, and which I know will come into play quite dramatically soon enough.

August252015

Maybe.

Maybe not.

We do not get infinite chances to quit and to live, Tetrax.

We just don't. Our bodies can't take it, or we do something stupid, or....by the point where I was and where you are based on what you keep telling us, we DO NOT KNOW when the last single drink or snort or....will be the ONE that does us in.

Go to the dr or don't. It's up to you.

I just said this pretty much verbatim on a podcast: "there's a time for straight talk, not the gentler "we're glad you're here." Because you won't be here if you don't quit. This stuff kills."

I hope you quit.

A, peace out

Tetrax

Went to an AA meeting, not sure what I was hoping for. I was ten minutes late and had to stand, sweating profusely because it's like the hottest day of the year over here. And probably because of all the booze. I probably stink of a vodka distillery and my eyes are a bit glazed but I felt I was passable in public. But probably not. Anyway the point is the two shares after I rocked up lasted at least ten minutes each, which is obviously insane. And they were almost entirely directed at me, and people laughed, and I know people will say that's paranoia and maybe it was but I just don't really care anymore. I stood there quiet and polite and left likewise after 20/25 minutes. Another waste of time.