Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > New to Addiction and Recovery? > Newcomers to Recovery
Reload this Page >

Almost to D 100, and rethinking my relationship with my partner

Blogs


Notices

Almost to D 100, and rethinking my relationship with my partner

Old 09-30-2018, 08:30 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
sober style
 
SnazzyDresser's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,075
Reading your posts, it sounds to me like you've thought this through and know where you stand. You don't want to move in with this guy, then don't. Maybe stop doubting yourself and your conclusions so much. Have faith in yourself!
SnazzyDresser is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SnazzyDresser For This Useful Post:
Free2bme888 (09-30-2018), MantaLady (09-30-2018)
Old 09-30-2018, 08:51 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Free2bme888's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,631
Thanks Snazzy
Free2bme888 is offline  
Old 09-30-2018, 08:53 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Free2bme888's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,631
I’m just not sure why it can’t be status quo with him. I guess he’s not getting what he needs and that’s what it comes down to, and I’m afraid to get bamboozled.

Free2bme888 is offline  
Old 09-30-2018, 09:31 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9,323
I think the drinking is the biggest issue on the table. I was the drinker and my spouse essentially became an alcohol abuser due to drinking with me.

Whatever you said when you were drinking--things are different now. Protect your sobriety and don't compromise your future when you already have serious doubts. Trust your gut. Congrats on your 100 days
Hawkeye13 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Hawkeye13 For This Useful Post:
2ndhandrose (10-01-2018), Dee74 (09-30-2018), Free2bme888 (09-30-2018), MantaLady (09-30-2018)
Old 09-30-2018, 09:53 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Free2bme888's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,631
Thanks!
Free2bme888 is offline  
Old 09-30-2018, 10:10 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Free2bme888's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,631
Hawkeye. Are you still with your wife?

I know it changes things when their drinking partner is involuntarily taken away
Free2bme888 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Free2bme888 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (10-01-2018)
Old 09-30-2018, 08:19 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 535
I am an animal lover, having lived rurally all my life with horses, cattle, dogs and cats. I try to keep my house clean and free of the various dirt or contaminants that dogs and cats are exposed to while outside that they naturally carry in on their feet. (I don't even want to talk about what they incur when they lick themselves.) I prefer to keep my cats outside (they have a heated shop to sleep in when they want). Dogs are crated inside in the mud/utility room at night. They are not mistreated or lacking in love, and they understand boundaries because of my consistent training. I would not allow a dog to sleep on my bed. Sorry, but those are my rules. When I met my partner he had a house cat who slept on his bed. When he (cat) got older with a sensitive stomach, he would wake us up barfing on the bed. Cat ruined several expensive down comforters even with a duvet covering. Once he passed away I have ruled "no more house pets". I like my cleanliness too much. It would be a deal breaker for me to endure that again.

Children are another topic entirely. The dynamics of extended families takes a lot of give and take, communication and negotiation. If they are adult children and need some supportive contribution from a parent, I get that. It's easy to feel resentment when it becomes a financial burden that takes away from a tight budget. If money is not an issue, it can still impact the spouse. I personally would never marry again as it seems keeping things separate keeps my security and sanity in-tact. I have my income, he has his, and we share our common expenses.
Ladysadie is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Ladysadie For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (10-01-2018), Free2bme888 (10-01-2018), trailmix (10-01-2018)
Old 09-30-2018, 08:35 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 535
PS I should have added a couple other comments. It seems we have a lot in common. My partner and I do not live together full time. I couldn't handle it if we did as he also drinks while I try to abstain. He pushes this constantly and like your situation, he is unwilling to quit. He's gotten quite scary and quite frankly I am worried about the liability of his being on my property. I have been having nightmares lately about our relationship and need to deal with where I go from here. I would be fine without him. Hopefully you don't risk your financial soundness on your man. At our age, it's not easy to recover financially. Wishing you a clear head to know your heart and mind. There are worse things than being alone. I'm facing something of the same conundrum.
Ladysadie is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Ladysadie For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (10-01-2018), Free2bme888 (10-01-2018), trailmix (10-01-2018)
Old 09-30-2018, 10:27 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Iíd say trust your gut - sobriety is giving you the gift of a clear mind and it sounds like you know what needs to happen! Iíve never been able to remain sober, happy or free with an alcoholic partner or heavy drinker. You sound happy and content to be alone in the meantime, and who knows what wonderful sober man might also be out there waiting for you and more suited to your new life path!!
Mrrryah86 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mrrryah86 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (10-01-2018), Free2bme888 (10-01-2018)
Old 10-01-2018, 05:02 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9,323
Originally Posted by Free2bme888 View Post
Hawkeye. Are you still with your wife?

I know it changes things when their drinking partner is involuntarily taken away
I'm still married and my spouse's drinking has greatly reduced. I actually have more problems with temptation from his more moderate drinking and I wish he'd stop all together as sometimes I want to join him and do, which is something I'm trying to fix on my quest for permanent sobriety.
However, we were married over a decade before the issues really got serious, so I think we had a foundation to build on. It sounds like your parnter's drinking has been an issue from the onset--you have to really decide if that is a foundation you want to build you life and future on.
Drinking only gets worse if they don't quit. This may be as good as it gets.

I think not having a drinking spouse would be easier for me, but I realize I make the choice and can't blame anyone for relapsing but me. I got nearly two full years of sobriety before, and I am going to get there.
The honest truth is, however, that early sobriety is a really fragile time and it is so easy to fall back into bad habits, so put yourself first here.
Hawkeye13 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Hawkeye13 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (10-01-2018), Free2bme888 (10-01-2018), trailmix (10-01-2018)
Old 10-01-2018, 10:43 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Free2bme888's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,631
Thanks Hawkeye last and mrrrry
Free2bme888 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Free2bme888 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (10-01-2018)
Old 10-01-2018, 10:44 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Free2bme888's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,631
Lady. Hahaha. Not Ďlastí with auto correct
Free2bme888 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Free2bme888 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (10-01-2018)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:05 AM.