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First time Iíve logged in for over 2 years

Old 08-22-2018, 08:21 PM
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First time Iíve logged in for over 2 years

I relapsed. I should have seen it coming but I didnít. And you know what? All the stories are true... it took me no time at all to get back to daily drinking and even worse unhealthy hiding habits.

I read through my old posts and donít recognize that person who was 400 days sober. She sounds pretty awesome and sure of herself... until the last few posts. I wish sheíd noticed it. Hindsight is so funny that way.

I have so much shame.

But Iím back. Iíve been sober for 5 days now. Iím sweaty, anxious, canít sleep, and overall feel like poo but Iím here and digging myself back out. Iíve missed it here.
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Old 08-22-2018, 08:34 PM
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I'm sorry you drank Kamm but I'm glad you made it back

D
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Old 08-22-2018, 08:43 PM
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Welcome back!
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Old 08-22-2018, 08:58 PM
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Welcome back. Some don't make it.
Yes, the shame was an awful thing for me, too. I was still drinking when I came here, now I can't even imagine taking a drink.
You were there and you can do it again.
Thank you for your post, it's why I still come here, even with nine and a half years sober. I don't want the guilt, shame, anxiety and thinking, how could I do it again?
You've got five days. Build on it. We never can take back the past. But don't forget it. Remember how you feel now and realize you never have to feel that way again.

And I know all too well, after many relapses, I will be back up to speed drinking in short order.
Best to you. I feel for you. I've been there many times.
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Old 08-22-2018, 09:01 PM
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Well done for choosing to come back and sharing. Keep adding to the 5 days. You have already proven that you are able to stay sober.
Post your progress.
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Old 08-22-2018, 09:56 PM
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welcome back, kamm.
the important thing now is that you made it back and you're posting.
Keep posting, keep reading. SR works!
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Old 08-23-2018, 12:39 AM
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Welcome back kamm

I am always in awe of members who relapse but have the strength to come back to SR, admit it and start over.

Day 5 is brilliant, stay strong.
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Old 08-23-2018, 12:53 AM
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Phew. Thank God you're back.

BB
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Old 08-23-2018, 01:26 AM
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Welcome back kamm.

Well done for the 5 days. Sorry to hear you're not currently feeling good but I'll remind you that things do get a little bit better as each day passes, just in case you've forgotten, so hang in there.

Good luck.

John
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Old 08-23-2018, 02:05 AM
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Welcome back Kamm - it could happen to anyone of us, at anytime, if we let our guard down. I'm so pleased that you decided to be here and not there. x
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Old 08-23-2018, 02:49 AM
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Prayers and Support K. You are not alone.
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Old 08-23-2018, 02:55 AM
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You made a great decision to come back. Soon you will recognize that girl all over again. You can do this.
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Old 08-23-2018, 03:30 AM
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Early days for me Kamm, so don't have too much wisdom to pass on, but glad you have made it back and hope that the general feeling "poo" days pass soon for you. Sending all good wishes your way, SP
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Old 08-23-2018, 04:18 AM
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So glad you are here!! Keep posting. We are here for you 💕
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Old 08-23-2018, 04:41 AM
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Thank you

Thank you to everyone for the encouraging words. I know it gets better but I am so impatient these days. Iíve been working on my plan and have a lot of plans coming up that I may cancel on. They will all be triggers (tailgates/beach parties/etc) for me and I need to focus on staying sober. I remember the first 6 months were hard with triggers and cravings and then after that things got so much easier and more routine.

Having said all that I have not lost sight of today and the need to be sober today.

Sending love and needing it at the same time.
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Old 08-23-2018, 05:00 AM
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Sounds like your head is in the right place kamm.

You can do this!
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Old 08-23-2018, 05:52 AM
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Some people don't every make it back when they return to drinking. Glad that you did.
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Old 08-23-2018, 05:56 AM
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Welcome back Kamm!

I did the same thing. Went from a daily drinker, maybe drinking 3 glasses of wine a day. Drinking more on weekends. I would have considered myself an early stage alcoholic. I quit for a year. Returned to drinking, began hiding it and became more of a bender drinker. This hiding and lying drove me underground and made me more and more unhealthy. That's when the 'real' drinking began. I'd be sober for months, maybe years, then HUGE bender that would end in hospitalization. Yikes. You don't have to go there. Its progressive and will get worse....just depends on the timeline.

Hang in there!
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Old 08-23-2018, 06:13 AM
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Welcome back Kamm. I came back to this forum a little more than 3 months ago and it's truly what helped me get past those early days. Remember to use this forum to keep you accountable. I found the daily sobriety pledges so helpful, as well as reading and posting each and every day early on. The wisdom and advice I got here is truly priceless.

One of the most helpful tools I picked up here was to re-train my mind to associate getting drunk with something so vile and undesirable that I truly would never want to get drunk again. I discovered that drinking cravings were nothing more than my beast-brain (the part of me that wanted to keep drinking) glorifying being drunk, romanticizing it, while ignoring the ugly reality that it was actually destroying my mind and body and my life.

I'm at a place now that the thought of ever getting drunk again is baffling. Why would I want to spend the money, consume the calories, isolate myself (near a toilet of course for the endless peeing) only to get my mind to a state where I'm not in control and will likely forget half of what I did anyway? For the reward of short burst of "good feelings" the buzz gives me? I can get that buzz naturally now through exercise and activity, only now I wake up the next day rested and clear headed, feeling good about myself instead of passing out on the couch at 9, waking up at midnight and spending the next 7 hours staring at the ceiling, and the next day sleep deprived, nauseous and dehydrated, not to mention ashamed, embarrassed, and anxious. It really is a no brainer.

Good luck and hope to see you around here more.
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Old 08-23-2018, 06:30 AM
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Glad to see you back!
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