First time I’ve logged in for over 2 years
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 317
Welcome back! Thank you for being honest about your journey. I'm grateful to everyone who posts about their relapses and the whys because I look at them as cautionary tales to keep me in line.
You did this before, you CAN do it again.
Exactly this. #Metoo. This is why I come on this site every day, so I don't forget how much "fun" drinking close to a bottle of wine a night was: passing out at 9 on the couch, waking up at 2 with a pounding heart and acid reflux so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. Good times, no?
I have not woken up once with a pounding heart since I put the wine glass down. Stomach is on the mend. Now I posses: mental clarity and peacefulness. I get over "stuff" more easily. There's still the ups and downs of life, but they're a lot easier to handle without being "sleep deprived, nauseous, and anxious."
I will join you both in not having a drink tonight!
You did this before, you CAN do it again.
Originally Posted by BrandNewDay11 
One of the most helpful tools I picked up here was to re-train my mind to associate getting drunk with something so vile and undesirable that I truly would never want to get drunk again.
... now I wake up the next day rested and clear headed, feeling good about myself instead of passing out on the couch at 9, waking up at midnight and spending the next 7 hours staring at the ceiling, and the next day sleep deprived, nauseous and dehydrated, not to mention ashamed, embarrassed, and anxious.
... now I wake up the next day rested and clear headed, feeling good about myself instead of passing out on the couch at 9, waking up at midnight and spending the next 7 hours staring at the ceiling, and the next day sleep deprived, nauseous and dehydrated, not to mention ashamed, embarrassed, and anxious.
I have not woken up once with a pounding heart since I put the wine glass down. Stomach is on the mend. Now I posses: mental clarity and peacefulness. I get over "stuff" more easily. There's still the ups and downs of life, but they're a lot easier to handle without being "sleep deprived, nauseous, and anxious."
I will join you both in not having a drink tonight!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Hi Kamm,
Glad you decided to put it down. I drank after 10 years of abstinence and didn't come back quickly at all...actually almost didn't come back at all because I almost died. After that I decided my field research on whether I could drink or not was all done and I knew once and for all that I would never drink again.
Glad you're here!
Glad you decided to put it down. I drank after 10 years of abstinence and didn't come back quickly at all...actually almost didn't come back at all because I almost died. After that I decided my field research on whether I could drink or not was all done and I knew once and for all that I would never drink again.
Glad you're here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 316
Thank you for sharing this! It is a reminder that I need. This is the time that I’m sober for good. I have so much to love for and I don’t need booze to have a good time.
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Welcome back Kamm!
I did the same thing. Went from a daily drinker, maybe drinking 3 glasses of wine a day. Drinking more on weekends. I would have considered myself an early stage alcoholic. I quit for a year. Returned to drinking, began hiding it and became more of a bender drinker. This hiding and lying drove me underground and made me more and more unhealthy. That's when the 'real' drinking began. I'd be sober for months, maybe years, then HUGE bender that would end in hospitalization. Yikes. You don't have to go there. Its progressive and will get worse....just depends on the timeline.
Hang in there!
I did the same thing. Went from a daily drinker, maybe drinking 3 glasses of wine a day. Drinking more on weekends. I would have considered myself an early stage alcoholic. I quit for a year. Returned to drinking, began hiding it and became more of a bender drinker. This hiding and lying drove me underground and made me more and more unhealthy. That's when the 'real' drinking began. I'd be sober for months, maybe years, then HUGE bender that would end in hospitalization. Yikes. You don't have to go there. Its progressive and will get worse....just depends on the timeline.
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Asia
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by kamm
I relapsed. I should have seen it coming but I didn’t. And you know what? All the stories are true... it took me no time at all to get back to daily drinking and even worse unhealthy hiding habits.
I read through my old posts and don’t recognize that person who was 400 days sober. She sounds pretty awesome and sure of herself... until the last few posts. I wish she’d noticed it.
I read through my old posts and don’t recognize that person who was 400 days sober. She sounds pretty awesome and sure of herself... until the last few posts. I wish she’d noticed it.
Sending you warmth and strength for this coming weekend.
xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 316
I’m at 9 days and starting to feel normal again. Joy has returned. I am present in conversations again. I know it is so early but this is a glimmer of what I can get to!
It so amazing how I trick myself into thinking that booze makes things better! How does my brain trick itself that way! For me, drinking just makes me a nervous wreck and then an emotional one. And then the hangover comes followed by hopelessness.... at which point I tell myself that drinking will make it better! What and insane cycle! And what clarity just over a week had brought.
Thank you for the warm welcome back. It is so good to be here.
Love,
Kamm
It so amazing how I trick myself into thinking that booze makes things better! How does my brain trick itself that way! For me, drinking just makes me a nervous wreck and then an emotional one. And then the hangover comes followed by hopelessness.... at which point I tell myself that drinking will make it better! What and insane cycle! And what clarity just over a week had brought.
Thank you for the warm welcome back. It is so good to be here.
Love,
Kamm
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Glad you made it back Kamm. Don't feel bad that you didn't see it coming, that is very normal for the real alcholic in my experience. It is one of those conundrums that the person who is aware something is amiss and perhaps makes a call for help, usually doesn't drink, so they think all you have to do is call someone.
However the real aloholic on their way to relapse may be totally unaware. Life may be a bit crap, things may not seem quite right, but we don't connect the dots. Then the obsession (I can handle it) thought returns and from that point on all defenses are down. We never call because we either don't think of it, or as we have already decided we can handle it, we don't want any advice to the contrary. When the obsession is back we are going to drink and that is that.
Ideas like playing the tape tthrough didn't work for me either. Those kind of thoughts never came to mind. The horrible memory idea also fails. It was tried back in the dark ages in aversion therapy rehabs. They filled you up first with antabuse, and then twice a day gave you as much alcohol as you could stand. Anyone who has had an antabuse reaction would know that is a pretty horrible experience, however it never worked to keep the real alcoholic sober which is why none of those clinics are operating today.
It takes something more than fear of consequences or memory or self discipline to stay sober. It takes work, usually in a recognised program of recovery.
However the real aloholic on their way to relapse may be totally unaware. Life may be a bit crap, things may not seem quite right, but we don't connect the dots. Then the obsession (I can handle it) thought returns and from that point on all defenses are down. We never call because we either don't think of it, or as we have already decided we can handle it, we don't want any advice to the contrary. When the obsession is back we are going to drink and that is that.
Ideas like playing the tape tthrough didn't work for me either. Those kind of thoughts never came to mind. The horrible memory idea also fails. It was tried back in the dark ages in aversion therapy rehabs. They filled you up first with antabuse, and then twice a day gave you as much alcohol as you could stand. Anyone who has had an antabuse reaction would know that is a pretty horrible experience, however it never worked to keep the real alcoholic sober which is why none of those clinics are operating today.
It takes something more than fear of consequences or memory or self discipline to stay sober. It takes work, usually in a recognised program of recovery.
Beautifully Broken
Join Date: May 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 47
Welcome back Kamm, I was sober for over 5 yrs and have been back drinking almost a year. It got WAY worse.
I’m on Day 2 and don’t plan on another day 1.
I don’t want to go through this withdrawal, misery, shame mess again.
I’m done.
It is not worth it. Never will be.
Good luck to you and thanks for sharing!
I’m on Day 2 and don’t plan on another day 1.
I don’t want to go through this withdrawal, misery, shame mess again.
I’m done.
It is not worth it. Never will be.
Good luck to you and thanks for sharing!
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