First time Iíve logged in for over 2 years

Old 08-23-2018, 02:51 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 296
Welcome back! Thank you for being honest about your journey. I'm grateful to everyone who posts about their relapses and the whys because I look at them as cautionary tales to keep me in line.
You did this before, you CAN do it again.

Originally Posted by BrandNewDay11 View Post
One of the most helpful tools I picked up here was to re-train my mind to associate getting drunk with something so vile and undesirable that I truly would never want to get drunk again.
... now I wake up the next day rested and clear headed, feeling good about myself instead of passing out on the couch at 9, waking up at midnight and spending the next 7 hours staring at the ceiling, and the next day sleep deprived, nauseous and dehydrated, not to mention ashamed, embarrassed, and anxious.
Exactly this. #Metoo. This is why I come on this site every day, so I don't forget how much "fun" drinking close to a bottle of wine a night was: passing out at 9 on the couch, waking up at 2 with a pounding heart and acid reflux so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. Good times, no?

I have not woken up once with a pounding heart since I put the wine glass down. Stomach is on the mend. Now I posses: mental clarity and peacefulness. I get over "stuff" more easily. There's still the ups and downs of life, but they're a lot easier to handle without being "sleep deprived, nauseous, and anxious."

I will join you both in not having a drink tonight!
Branches is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Branches For This Useful Post:
Baker123 (08-23-2018), Hevyn (08-24-2018), Ladysadie (08-23-2018), Spiritman (08-27-2018)
Old 08-23-2018, 10:25 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Delilah1's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 12,165
Welcome, back Kamm!
Delilah1 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Delilah1 For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (08-24-2018)
Old 08-23-2018, 11:00 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
bexxed's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,227
Welcome back! Thanks for your post. I think many of us have been there. I know I have.
bexxed is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to bexxed For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (08-24-2018)
Old 08-24-2018, 06:08 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,261
Hi Kamm,
Glad you decided to put it down. I drank after 10 years of abstinence and didn't come back quickly at all...actually almost didn't come back at all because I almost died. After that I decided my field research on whether I could drink or not was all done and I knew once and for all that I would never drink again.

Glad you're here!
soberlicious is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to soberlicious For This Useful Post:
CaptainHaddock (08-25-2018), Fearlessat50 (08-24-2018), Hevyn (08-24-2018), seraphyne (08-24-2018), Tang (08-26-2018)
Old 08-24-2018, 06:29 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Learning to live again
Hevyn's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 41,153
It's wonderful to see you, kamm.

I drank after 3 yrs. & was back out for 7 yrs. It was hell to get my life back. Never again. I know you've learned something valuable, kamm.
Hevyn is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
CaptainHaddock (08-25-2018), Fearlessat50 (08-24-2018), soberlicious (08-24-2018)
Old 08-24-2018, 06:57 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 290
Thank you for sharing this! It is a reminder that I need. This is the time that Iím sober for good. I have so much to love for and I donít need booze to have a good time.

Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Welcome back Kamm!

I did the same thing. Went from a daily drinker, maybe drinking 3 glasses of wine a day. Drinking more on weekends. I would have considered myself an early stage alcoholic. I quit for a year. Returned to drinking, began hiding it and became more of a bender drinker. This hiding and lying drove me underground and made me more and more unhealthy. That's when the 'real' drinking began. I'd be sober for months, maybe years, then HUGE bender that would end in hospitalization. Yikes. You don't have to go there. Its progressive and will get worse....just depends on the timeline.

Hang in there!
kamm is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to kamm For This Useful Post:
CaptainHaddock (08-25-2018), Dee74 (08-25-2018), seraphyne (08-24-2018)
Old 08-24-2018, 08:12 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
CODPlayer's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 99
Welcome back!
CODPlayer is offline  
Old 08-24-2018, 09:25 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Asia
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by kamm View Post
I relapsed. I should have seen it coming but I didnít. And you know what? All the stories are true... it took me no time at all to get back to daily drinking and even worse unhealthy hiding habits.

I read through my old posts and donít recognize that person who was 400 days sober. She sounds pretty awesome and sure of herself... until the last few posts. I wish sheíd noticed it.
400 days! That's incredible. Thank you so coming back and being so generous with your story. I felt a little bit teary reading your story. So much to relate to.

Sending you warmth and strength for this coming weekend.

seraphyne is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to seraphyne For This Useful Post:
CaptainHaddock (08-25-2018)
Old 08-26-2018, 03:22 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 290
Iím at 9 days and starting to feel normal again. Joy has returned. I am present in conversations again. I know it is so early but this is a glimmer of what I can get to!

It so amazing how I trick myself into thinking that booze makes things better! How does my brain trick itself that way! For me, drinking just makes me a nervous wreck and then an emotional one. And then the hangover comes followed by hopelessness.... at which point I tell myself that drinking will make it better! What and insane cycle! And what clarity just over a week had brought.

Thank you for the warm welcome back. It is so good to be here.

kamm is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kamm For This Useful Post:
Branches (08-26-2018), yinzer (08-27-2018)
Old 08-26-2018, 07:19 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
MetalRose's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Louisiana, USA
Posts: 61
I am back at Day 1 again, myself.
Cheers to trying again!
MetalRose is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to MetalRose For This Useful Post:
Branches (08-26-2018)
Old 08-26-2018, 08:09 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Gottalife's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Thailand
Posts: 6,556
Glad you made it back Kamm. Don't feel bad that you didn't see it coming, that is very normal for the real alcholic in my experience. It is one of those conundrums that the person who is aware something is amiss and perhaps makes a call for help, usually doesn't drink, so they think all you have to do is call someone.
However the real aloholic on their way to relapse may be totally unaware. Life may be a bit crap, things may not seem quite right, but we don't connect the dots. Then the obsession (I can handle it) thought returns and from that point on all defenses are down. We never call because we either don't think of it, or as we have already decided we can handle it, we don't want any advice to the contrary. When the obsession is back we are going to drink and that is that.

Ideas like playing the tape tthrough didn't work for me either. Those kind of thoughts never came to mind. The horrible memory idea also fails. It was tried back in the dark ages in aversion therapy rehabs. They filled you up first with antabuse, and then twice a day gave you as much alcohol as you could stand. Anyone who has had an antabuse reaction would know that is a pretty horrible experience, however it never worked to keep the real alcoholic sober which is why none of those clinics are operating today.

It takes something more than fear of consequences or memory or self discipline to stay sober. It takes work, usually in a recognised program of recovery.
Gottalife is offline  
Old 08-27-2018, 11:53 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Beautifully Broken
Jam13's Avatar
Join Date: May 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 47
Welcome back Kamm, I was sober for over 5 yrs and have been back drinking almost a year. It got WAY worse.
I’m on Day 2 and don’t plan on another day 1.
I don’t want to go through this withdrawal, misery, shame mess again.
I’m done.
It is not worth it. Never will be.
Good luck to you and thanks for sharing!
Jam13 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:22 PM.