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Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 83
Re
I too had an episode in the ER many years ago...not quite as bad as yours..and i too had a terrible out of control eating disorder. I was certain i was going to die from one or the other..yes, your right, getting help with your eating disorder is just as important. You can message me if youd like. Id be happy to share my experience with you..😊.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Hey guys, thank you for thinking of me 
I am still here, and sober and doing really well.
It has been a month now since I had my last drink, since I went into the hospital, and was given yet ANOTHER chance at life. I feel a lot of gratitude every day.
I really do consider myself exceedingly lucky and blessed. What I thought were lingering withdrawals didn't last beyond when I last posted, so the week that I went home and started refeeding myself showed me just how sick I'd made myself through malnutrition (not so much the withdrawals, that was the biggest thing I was afraid of with quitting). That to me, was even scarier.
So I got down to business getting really healthy.
I've lost weight in a healthy way, not too much, and I have gained an incredible amount of strength and endurance. Not only that but I am able to put money into really healthy food choices and instead of not eating, I eat a LOT all throughout the day. My body and my brain love me for it.
There is definitely some lingering damage and I am very mindful of how I am feeling and what I am doing and putting into my body. I injured my liver and kidneys (will find out in a couple weeks at my next specialist appt how those things are looking) and I have some issues with absorption and digestion, but I am learning ways to manage with all that as best I can. Not only have I helped myself a lot, I have also learned a lot more, very quickly and through my own trial and error, knowledge and experience I can pass on to others in my work.
Also, I still get some swelling in my legs, and some intense numbness and tingling at times. And my joints get very cranky with me.
There is definitely something funky going on with my hormones too, I don't know if I am genuinely perimenopausal or if my thyroid is just very, very out of whack. Again, we will wait and see what bloodwork and doctor says..
All in all, the fact that I am very active and taking much better care of myself has put me in a head space that not even when I was medicated did I manage to achieve. I am grateful to be off the benzos and so far away from my last drink. I hated it so much at the end, I hated the benzo withdrawals even more.
I don't ever want to go through that again.
Nothing is perfect but what a world of difference a month has made. I am slowly widening my support circle again and not trying to deal with everything all at once or all on my own. I had a massive bomb dropped on me yesterday that I am still trying to work through, but it didn't make me drink, it didn't make me bury my head in a mountain of food either. I just stayed calm and talked it out.
Gearing up for back to school and the start of fall sports, for which I am really excited about. I've offered to help coach or manage my son's football team (not that I know much about football, haha). I can almost run a 5k now, don't have asthma attacks no matter how hard I push myself. It feels good, I love running and haven't been able to run like I can now for over a decade.
I hope this doesn't sound too much like pink cloud syndrome here, because I know it's not- been there before. This is kind of like, well, waking up and coming back to life. I have never been able to be sober and in control of my eating in a healthy way (while not 100%, my days no longer revolve around binge and purge cycles like they used to those first many, many months I was sober). I feel like somehow something clicked and I figured out something I've struggled to understand and accomplish pretty much my whole life.
I am still here, and sober and doing really well.
It has been a month now since I had my last drink, since I went into the hospital, and was given yet ANOTHER chance at life. I feel a lot of gratitude every day.
I really do consider myself exceedingly lucky and blessed. What I thought were lingering withdrawals didn't last beyond when I last posted, so the week that I went home and started refeeding myself showed me just how sick I'd made myself through malnutrition (not so much the withdrawals, that was the biggest thing I was afraid of with quitting). That to me, was even scarier.
So I got down to business getting really healthy.
I've lost weight in a healthy way, not too much, and I have gained an incredible amount of strength and endurance. Not only that but I am able to put money into really healthy food choices and instead of not eating, I eat a LOT all throughout the day. My body and my brain love me for it.
There is definitely some lingering damage and I am very mindful of how I am feeling and what I am doing and putting into my body. I injured my liver and kidneys (will find out in a couple weeks at my next specialist appt how those things are looking) and I have some issues with absorption and digestion, but I am learning ways to manage with all that as best I can. Not only have I helped myself a lot, I have also learned a lot more, very quickly and through my own trial and error, knowledge and experience I can pass on to others in my work.
Also, I still get some swelling in my legs, and some intense numbness and tingling at times. And my joints get very cranky with me.
There is definitely something funky going on with my hormones too, I don't know if I am genuinely perimenopausal or if my thyroid is just very, very out of whack. Again, we will wait and see what bloodwork and doctor says..
All in all, the fact that I am very active and taking much better care of myself has put me in a head space that not even when I was medicated did I manage to achieve. I am grateful to be off the benzos and so far away from my last drink. I hated it so much at the end, I hated the benzo withdrawals even more.
I don't ever want to go through that again.
Nothing is perfect but what a world of difference a month has made. I am slowly widening my support circle again and not trying to deal with everything all at once or all on my own. I had a massive bomb dropped on me yesterday that I am still trying to work through, but it didn't make me drink, it didn't make me bury my head in a mountain of food either. I just stayed calm and talked it out.
Gearing up for back to school and the start of fall sports, for which I am really excited about. I've offered to help coach or manage my son's football team (not that I know much about football, haha). I can almost run a 5k now, don't have asthma attacks no matter how hard I push myself. It feels good, I love running and haven't been able to run like I can now for over a decade.
I hope this doesn't sound too much like pink cloud syndrome here, because I know it's not- been there before. This is kind of like, well, waking up and coming back to life. I have never been able to be sober and in control of my eating in a healthy way (while not 100%, my days no longer revolve around binge and purge cycles like they used to those first many, many months I was sober). I feel like somehow something clicked and I figured out something I've struggled to understand and accomplish pretty much my whole life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
So glad you're feeling better. You sound very focussed on your physical recovery. Have you been working on your head and heart in other ways as well? (relapses tend to be a result of stinking thinking and letting our emotions turn into our reality. You did talk before about committing to your recovery work with AA and counselling etc. How's that going?
BB
BB
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
I'm so happy that you're on the right track, Del. Congratulations on one month. I too was malnourished--I never ate, and at the end was dry heaving frequently--the thought of it makes me shudder. Excercise has helped me greatly. I practice yoga daily and as I don't have a car I commute on my bike, riding 85-100 miles per week. I've lost weight and feel healthy. I love the endorphin rush, the natural high of good health. Wishing you all the best.
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