mandypandy

This, this type of thinking bugs me. They would rather say that the universe shouldn't exist according to their theory. Than just say their theory could be wrong.
I don't know why this bugs me so much. I'm sure the answer to why it does will float up into consciousness eventually though.

Mireille

Good morning Pandy - it's nearly 6am and I've got a full day ahead
of me.
Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts today.

mandypandy

Thanks Mireille, holding it together, been dreading this day, for about a week.

I have caved with the smoking again though.

The littles have made my dad a birthday card and say they are going to show his star it when it gets dark.

Hope your day goes well

soberista

Sending you some cosmic energy today MP.

Gregg Braden is quite interesting if you can get to watch some of his talks.

mandypandy

We ARE the cosmic energy, in human form haha

Thanks soberista, will check Gregg Braden out

2ndhandrose

Lots of hugs for you and your sweet littles, mandy ♥

mandypandy

Thanks rose

Littles were devastated, because there were no stars to be seen tonight. Although there's been a break in the falling snow, the skies are heavy with snow clouds.
So my son got a website on his TV that showed the night sky, and they were happy enough with that in the end haha

mandypandy

Day 27 wrapping up. Feeling better now.
I think all it's true, what all the bereavement literature says. That after a parent dies, you do start questioning your own mortality and the meaning of life and all that stuff.
It's very uncomfortable to do.
And I reckon that's where I have been at the last couple of days.

And I don't think the answers lie in materialist science. As I think that is very narrow, and misguided in a lot of things. It seems it has become as dogmatic as religion became. Now instead of religion hounding the heretics that believed in
science, the scientists hound the heretics that don't believe in materialism.

mandypandy

Anyway, I hope this phase is finished, as my head hurts.

soberista

I find I am a bugger for overthinking things. Its better, when i walk in the country or open air, and find that space between the thoughts...well thats where i find the answers (and the calm or maybe the answer is the calm).

Glad youre feeling better.

mandypandy

I really don't think it's been overthinking. Some things have to be thought of in depth, to come to terms with
I think calm is over rated. We were not built to live in a constant state of calm. That's why we have a range of emotions.
Calm is good, but as one of a range of feelings.

Hawkeye13

That's what I've found to be true as well.
You know, you may find that the urge to find the answers doesn't go away
no matter how much it makes your head hurt.

I used to hurt my head a whole lot worse with hangovers.
Metaphysics seems an honorable headache to my view.

The science these days points towards the so-called / perceived intangible
as being the model for what we think is "real".

Where does a quark go when it blinks out of this place?
Where do we go when we blink out of this place?

What better question to pursue, pandy girl?

Across the Unknown by Stuart Edward White & Harwood White.

mandypandy

Hi Hawkeye, Yes, I've been into this stuff for quite a number of years. I started in my teens with metaphysics

I do find it fascinating though how quantum theory shows a lot of the things in metaphysics, previously dismissed in materialistic science as impossible, is not so far fetched after all.

Carl Jung, after his investigations into his own unconscious mind and discovering the collective unconscious came to the conclusion that the whole universe and all of creation was the "mind" of a creator (although he did not believe in a religious God). That one conscious energy runs through everything.

I think what I meant by the looking at your own mortality thing being brought to the fore, with my dad dying and diving back into this, is, we live this life half blind because of what materialistic mainstream science dogmatically push as "truth" even though it's becoming clear their theories do not hold up in light of new evidence coming up all the time. Yet, still they will try to twist everything to fit into their tiny boundries

I'll have a look on Amazon for that book thanks

I liked Biocentrism by Robert Lanza

mandypandy

But, there wasn't the emotional intensity in my "investigations" in the past. That's what was a bit wearing. haha

mandypandy

I have to start with the packing in the smokes again.
I found out just how addicted I was in that hospice.

They had automatic doors to get in and out during the day. But after 8pm until 7am, you had to buzz the nurses to automatically release the doors from their nursing station. Trouble was, as well as the nurses being busy, the buzzer was very loud.
A couple of nights before my dad died, I was finding it very intense in that room. So felt totally claustrophobic at times. He had chein stokes breathing, and the death rattle had set in too.
We knew the end was near, but didn't know when at this point could be hours, could be days.
There was a knot in my stomach, and everytime it unravelled a bit, I could feel panic setting in.

I didn't want to keep bothering the nurses after 8pm to get in and out the unit to go for a smoke. And being outside and looking at the moon while I smoked helped pull me back together.
I had a box of celebration sweets, tiny bars of bounty, snickers, choclate etc.
I found, if I used a bounty sweet, I could wedge in under the inside door and leave it open a smidge, so it wouldn't click And it wasn't noticable.
Then I could stand under the sensor on the outside door so that wouldn't close.

This worked well, I just had to make sure no nurses were about when I did it.
It worked well until my mother ate the little bounty!! She was more concerned it had been on the floor when I told her than she had eaten my smoke escape!

So I only had a galaxy chocolate one left. It was so warm that half melted and wouldn't wedge the door.
So, I said to my mother at about 2 in the morning, I would go out and text her when I wanted to be back in and she could open the doors for me.
She was to say she was on her way to the chapel, if she got copped (which was outside the first locked door.

All went well the first time. 4am I wanted to go out again.

I came back from a smoke, and a really fearsome nurse was waiting outside of the inner door for me.

My mother, having been copped and asked "can I help you" aka..."what are you doing" said "My daughter is out there having a smoke and I'm waiting to let her back in"
No cover story! Grassed me straight up!!

So then the nurse was, well how did you get into the outer door? She was very scary.
So I told her I had kept it open, because I didn't want to buzz the buzzer and wake people.

So then I was told off again, because I hadn't been in proper smoking area.
And told not to go out for smokes between 8pm and 7am again.

And thats when it hit me just how addicted I was, and why it has to go!!

mandypandy

The bloody littles!!!

They are off school and nursery because of the snow. Must be 7 inches at least fallen since Monday. Not a lot, a mere flurry according to my Canadian relatives on Facebook. But enough to being this country to a grinding halt! A single snowflake on a train track halts this country.
My son and DIL don't have to work today either as their places are closed, due to lots of roads being closed so I had the littles for a couple of hours this morning.

I let them play out back in the snow, and they brought a plastic wheelbarrow full of snow into my living room and dumped it on the floor before I could stop them.

When my son came for them, he knocked on the door, hid around the side of the house and when I answered, threw a snowball and it hit me in the ear. My ear is killing, I feel a bit dizzy from the snow that went inside it.
He didn't even say sorry, just doubled up laughing when I went mental.

And that is where the littles get their "stupid ideas" gene from

2ndhandrose

Good Morning mandy (for me!)

I could relate (again!!!) to a lot of your smoking/dad story. When my dad was last in the hospital, after a fall and a series of strokes, my sister and I made sure one of us was always with him, as he was fast approaching the end. My dad suffered the end stage apnea and death rattle. The death rattle was almost more than I could bear. I was still drinking and smoking during this time (17 years ago). It was winter and bitterly cold, even for us hardy Calgarians! But, if anything, I wanted to smoke more when I was at the hospital with him. One time I came back in, after a smoke break, and my dad said "someone is smoking in here", which, of course there wasn't, it was the lingering odour on me Sheesh. I was careful to wash up after my frequent smoke breaks after that.

After reading your story, mandy, I will never look at a miniature chocolate bar the same, now I'm gonna see a tiny doorstop!

Are the bounty's with coconut? If so, I know the ones

rose

2ndhandrose

oooooh, those mischievous littles!!!!!!! (and the 'big', your son )

I have lived in a place where we did not get a lot of snow, and I well remember the city practically coming to a standstill for a mere dusting of the stuff. No one had snow tires, not to mention, neither could they drive in it. Not fun!

2ndhandrose

And, just wanted to add, I don't know a lot about Metaphysics, so for those conversations, I will take the armchair position

I am just a just a simple christian woman (hah, not really simple although, some might disagree with that) but I am always interested and open to hearing other life views.

mandypandy

Those are the ones rose, with the coconut in, they were sturdier than just pure chocolate, in warm rooms

Yeah, I just wanted to smoke and smoke in the hospice. I limited myself best I could, but I think it was the thoughts of being locked in all night that made me want to more!
And I had to hold it together for my mother and try to appear calm. The wanting a smoke just made things worse, and why I see it all in a new light and want rid!
My brother who is in an admin job with the NHS said they can't lock you in.
But if you go out and can't get back in whats the difference? haha
They had a smoking room for patients that wanted it, but visitors weren't allowed to smoke in there!
There was an outdoor balcony too with the room, but they wouldn't open it at night.
Yes, listening to the death rattle and cheyne-stoking for over 48 hours, gets inside your head. It's horrible.

I know as well, the lingering smell. Everytime I came in my mother greeted me with "you stink"

The driving instructor hasn't cancelled tomorrow with the snow, and I'm not going to cos he might charge haha. If he's stupid enough to want to take me on icy roads, on his head be it haha

I think the metaphysics stuff and all the stuff we call "supernatural" now and psychic phenomena will turn out to be just a bigger part of material sciences denied "reality"

It's snowing again now, been a blizzard infact. No buses on, I'm especially glad I don't need the trains...it's carnage!!
And I have confiscated the littles wheelbarrow and spades. When I catch my son, he's going to get a clip around the head. Even if I will have to ask him to bend down so I can reach.
I've been trying to watch a film on netflix, but my internet is up and down...surely with fibre optic the snow couldn't affect it? Very annoying.