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Originally Posted by mandypandy 
I have never been a "mainstream" kind of person, although I have certainly tried to change myself and "fit" into the mainstream for the sake of peace.
And this, I think is my problem. It. does .not. make. me. happy.
It just makes other people less uncomfortable.
And this, I think is my problem. It. does .not. make. me. happy.
It just makes other people less uncomfortable.
I need to be true to myself.
mandy, after being part of your thread, "mainstream" is so not how I see you
and I love that about you!
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Can't sleep, restless legs with nicotine withdrawals.
rose "all of our thread" haha
You are right, I need to be true to myself, its like denying part of you exists if you are not.
Oh my goodness, that IS me being mainstream on here. How many "methods" of recovery have I tried to fit myself into? haha
When I knew I didn't even need a "method" after I felt the shift.
Ok, I know I can't just stop at that. But I have made my 6 month list of targets I want to meet. And am doing something about the OCD.
But I was the original "I see dead people" when I was growing up . Just relatives who had passed over though.
My mother tried her best to persuade me I hadn't. None of our family believe in stuff like that. Once you are dead, you are dead.
I think she would have had me off to see some child shrink, if it wasn't for the fact I also had predictive dreams. I saw in dreams, before it happened, exactly how all my 4 grandparents died and what they died from.
I couldn't predict when it would happen, but a couple of weeks before each of their deaths, I would get a really heavy morbid feeling.
I could also, in the days before scan, predict the sex of any pregnant womans baby and get it right ..50/50 chance on that haha
I also had out of body experiences. I remember going to visit one of my grandmas house during one, and saw her asleep in the chair. She woke up and saw me and went back to sleep.
Next day she told my mother she had a weird dream where she saw me floating in front of her in the living room. My mother turned a whiter shade of pale, cos I had told her earlier I'd been to visit my grandma while I was OOB haha
When I got older, while I was in uni, I made money doing psychic readings. I also did healing (but not for money)
Also a lot of insights about the nature of existence and how a living consciousness runs through everything, including plants, trees rivers.
I am also an empath, I feel what people are feeling. That's a pain in the arse.
Under pressure (from family (husband) and work and busy with kids) I blocked all this off. Then came the drinking.
Being with my dad, in the hospice, I saw stuff my mother didn't the night before he died (the staff said he could last for days). But I could see by his energies he was getting ready to leave.
I think that may have opened things up again, they were so strong. But I blocked it straight back out with drink again the next day after he had passed.
So when I had that dream visitation from Sam, and it shifted something, I think it was meant to shift something.
Even tonight, I did have some drink cravings,easily dismissed, and I didn't consider for a minute I would cave. I just don't want that anymore.
rose "all of our thread" haha
You are right, I need to be true to myself, its like denying part of you exists if you are not.
Oh my goodness, that IS me being mainstream on here. How many "methods" of recovery have I tried to fit myself into? haha
When I knew I didn't even need a "method" after I felt the shift.
Ok, I know I can't just stop at that. But I have made my 6 month list of targets I want to meet. And am doing something about the OCD.
But I was the original "I see dead people" when I was growing up . Just relatives who had passed over though.
My mother tried her best to persuade me I hadn't. None of our family believe in stuff like that. Once you are dead, you are dead.
I think she would have had me off to see some child shrink, if it wasn't for the fact I also had predictive dreams. I saw in dreams, before it happened, exactly how all my 4 grandparents died and what they died from.
I couldn't predict when it would happen, but a couple of weeks before each of their deaths, I would get a really heavy morbid feeling.
I could also, in the days before scan, predict the sex of any pregnant womans baby and get it right ..50/50 chance on that haha
I also had out of body experiences. I remember going to visit one of my grandmas house during one, and saw her asleep in the chair. She woke up and saw me and went back to sleep.
Next day she told my mother she had a weird dream where she saw me floating in front of her in the living room. My mother turned a whiter shade of pale, cos I had told her earlier I'd been to visit my grandma while I was OOB haha
When I got older, while I was in uni, I made money doing psychic readings. I also did healing (but not for money)
Also a lot of insights about the nature of existence and how a living consciousness runs through everything, including plants, trees rivers.
I am also an empath, I feel what people are feeling. That's a pain in the arse.
Under pressure (from family (husband) and work and busy with kids) I blocked all this off. Then came the drinking.
Being with my dad, in the hospice, I saw stuff my mother didn't the night before he died (the staff said he could last for days). But I could see by his energies he was getting ready to leave.
I think that may have opened things up again, they were so strong. But I blocked it straight back out with drink again the next day after he had passed.
So when I had that dream visitation from Sam, and it shifted something, I think it was meant to shift something.
Even tonight, I did have some drink cravings,easily dismissed, and I didn't consider for a minute I would cave. I just don't want that anymore.
haha
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Anyway, why am I saying I sound mad? I know I'm not mad, or deluded.
Quantum mechanics are starting to prove that things thought totally impossible by material physics may now be possible. And physical reality seems to be dependent on consciousness, not the other way around.
That's not to say I believe in the new age mumbo jumbo thats about.
I also think scientific materialism has been proven to have HUGE flaws in it, but still, the dogma driving it practices cognitive dissonance when any new EVIDENCE arises to contradict it.
Quantum mechanics are starting to prove that things thought totally impossible by material physics may now be possible. And physical reality seems to be dependent on consciousness, not the other way around.
That's not to say I believe in the new age mumbo jumbo thats about.
I also think scientific materialism has been proven to have HUGE flaws in it, but still, the dogma driving it practices cognitive dissonance when any new EVIDENCE arises to contradict it.
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So, I think the problem arises, not because I have had different experiences than a lot of people here in my real life. But because I let their reality take precedence over my own.
Just because they have been brainwashed all their lives with scientific materialism, they feel superior that they know it's not real Ha, until they are in a dire spot.
I am not uniformed. I read a lot of quantum science research. And am in fact quite a down to earth person in real life.
Some recent research from CERN....yes, that really proved the big bang theory
What CERN scientists say as a result of their latest experiment is: the universe itself is a miracle, as it shouldn’t exist at all. This is of course taken in reference to the Big Bang theory. Though the prevailing one, it’s not the only theory to explain how all and everything came into being. Still, in this view, it all starts with the singularity.
According to the Big Bang, the universe began as a point the size of a grain of sand that was unimaginably hot, unfathomably dense, and packed tight with matter and energy. Then of course it exploded, sending its contents sailing out and eventually, forming the universe as we know it. There’s a few problems with this theory. For one, there’s the increasing rate of universal expansion, known as the Hubble Constant. According to the Big Bang, things should be slowing down, or even contracting. Dark energy is the conventional explanation, even though we can't prove it exists.
There’s another problem and here’s where the CERN scientists come in. The environment that produced the particles that make up the universe, as we know them now, should have created equal parts matter and antimatter. Yet, the latter is surprisingly rare. Not only that, a 50-50 split would’ve seen each particle uniting with its polar opposite, creating a burst of unimaginable energy and leaving nothing behind, save a vast howling void of a cosmos. And yet, here we are.
Just because they have been brainwashed all their lives with scientific materialism, they feel superior that they know it's not real Ha, until they are in a dire spot.
I am not uniformed. I read a lot of quantum science research. And am in fact quite a down to earth person in real life.
Some recent research from CERN....yes, that really proved the big bang theory
What CERN scientists say as a result of their latest experiment is: the universe itself is a miracle, as it shouldn’t exist at all. This is of course taken in reference to the Big Bang theory. Though the prevailing one, it’s not the only theory to explain how all and everything came into being. Still, in this view, it all starts with the singularity.
According to the Big Bang, the universe began as a point the size of a grain of sand that was unimaginably hot, unfathomably dense, and packed tight with matter and energy. Then of course it exploded, sending its contents sailing out and eventually, forming the universe as we know it. There’s a few problems with this theory. For one, there’s the increasing rate of universal expansion, known as the Hubble Constant. According to the Big Bang, things should be slowing down, or even contracting. Dark energy is the conventional explanation, even though we can't prove it exists.
There’s another problem and here’s where the CERN scientists come in. The environment that produced the particles that make up the universe, as we know them now, should have created equal parts matter and antimatter. Yet, the latter is surprisingly rare. Not only that, a 50-50 split would’ve seen each particle uniting with its polar opposite, creating a burst of unimaginable energy and leaving nothing behind, save a vast howling void of a cosmos. And yet, here we are.
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Oh no, ranting about this stuff, has really given me a strong urge to drink.
How?
I feel real anger at peoples attitudes to me.
why?
Maybe because I bowed to them and let them make me feel silly and inferior for not "living in the real world, like us"
Then, when I have gone and done research myself, I find they are ignorant in what they believe and are themselves basing their world view on unproven theories they have been taught to accept as reality.
Jeez, why would this bring on an urge to drink?
I feel real rage about this...bizzare!
How?
I feel real anger at peoples attitudes to me.
why?
Maybe because I bowed to them and let them make me feel silly and inferior for not "living in the real world, like us"
Then, when I have gone and done research myself, I find they are ignorant in what they believe and are themselves basing their world view on unproven theories they have been taught to accept as reality.
Jeez, why would this bring on an urge to drink?
I feel real rage about this...bizzare!
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And the AV is saying "fruck them all, I don't even want to live in their small, narrow minded brainwashed by materialism world"
And I do not want to belong in the "spiritual" community either, because I believe this is just the way things work, the universe, our reality. Nothing to do with anything "supernatural"
I will have to go and distract myself with something.
And I do not want to belong in the "spiritual" community either, because I believe this is just the way things work, the universe, our reality. Nothing to do with anything "supernatural"
I will have to go and distract myself with something.
ours de petit cerveau
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: London, UK
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& breathe 
remember you're probably going through nicotine withdrawal & may be a bit jittery because of that, & things are perhaps going to seem a bit out of proportion. it will pass
here's a nice meditation if you're having a tough time of things:
https://palousemindfulness.com/medit...the-allow.html
remember you're probably going through nicotine withdrawal & may be a bit jittery because of that, & things are perhaps going to seem a bit out of proportion. it will pass
here's a nice meditation if you're having a tough time of things:
https://palousemindfulness.com/medit...the-allow.html
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Things are not out of proportion.
I'm working something out.
I don't like meditation for calming down emotions that need to be addressed and dealt with.
That is a false peace
Not every healing emotion is pleasant
And not everything is down to nicotine withdrawal
I'm sorry I know you mean well, but I just see your post as a condsending pat on the head.."calm down dear"
Thanks anyway.
I'm working something out.
I don't like meditation for calming down emotions that need to be addressed and dealt with.
That is a false peace
Not every healing emotion is pleasant
And not everything is down to nicotine withdrawal
I'm sorry I know you mean well, but I just see your post as a condsending pat on the head.."calm down dear"
Thanks anyway.
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Back
Sorry andyh, I do know you mean well
I have just been to punch the fruck out of the giant ugly teddy someone I don't like gave me years ago.
Feeling better.
I sometimes forget, when I am writing things on here to sort my head out, that other people are going to read it and of course have an opinion. And maybe a solution they have found helps.
Sorry andyh, I do know you mean well
I have just been to punch the fruck out of the giant ugly teddy someone I don't like gave me years ago.
Feeling better.
I sometimes forget, when I am writing things on here to sort my head out, that other people are going to read it and of course have an opinion. And maybe a solution they have found helps.
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I also see consciousness as the foundation of reality.
I am quite familiar with the research you are talking about,
and I find the materialism / dogma of academia & science a huge impediment
to an obvious paradigm shift as well.
Since I work in the above, I have to deal with "educated" people as enmeshed
in their limited worldview as any "regular" person, expect the academic if often
pompous and arrogant about what they know while often lacking the common sense of the regular person for living life.
That's a thing that can drive a person to drink as well
I think and research these things in private, and let the other folk
think what they want at my workplace.
It is all slowly coming out in the wash anyway . . . anthropologists
suggest that these kinds of shifts are generational, and often multi-generational.
I think Internet will speed it all up when the intellectual velocity is finally there.
I enjoyed reading you're thoughts on this. . . great way to get it out there
so keep posting and I'll keep reading
Hang in there pandy
I am quite familiar with the research you are talking about,
and I find the materialism / dogma of academia & science a huge impediment
to an obvious paradigm shift as well.
Since I work in the above, I have to deal with "educated" people as enmeshed
in their limited worldview as any "regular" person, expect the academic if often
pompous and arrogant about what they know while often lacking the common sense of the regular person for living life.
That's a thing that can drive a person to drink as well
I think and research these things in private, and let the other folk
think what they want at my workplace.
It is all slowly coming out in the wash anyway . . . anthropologists
suggest that these kinds of shifts are generational, and often multi-generational.
I think Internet will speed it all up when the intellectual velocity is finally there.
I enjoyed reading you're thoughts on this. . . great way to get it out there
so keep posting and I'll keep reading
Hang in there pandy
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The truth of it is, only my dad understood.
He experienced the same things. He was the only one I could go to with this stuff. All of our very very big family thought we were just bonkers together.
He just took it in his stride. A working class man, brought up an atheist, he just took it as it came.
He understood all this stuff Ive been going on about, he understood why it was so hard for me to pull myself out of the drinking.
In the week before he died, he had an array of his childhood passed brothers come to see him.
But it was when he saw his mother he started to get distressed. He said he wanted to go with her, but didn't want to leave us.
He fought on and on, way past when the doctors thought he would have gone.
It was only when me and my mother told him to go with his mother that he went..10 minutes after.
It would have been his 73rd birthday tomorrow and the loss is like a bottomless hole.
He experienced the same things. He was the only one I could go to with this stuff. All of our very very big family thought we were just bonkers together.
He just took it in his stride. A working class man, brought up an atheist, he just took it as it came.
He understood all this stuff Ive been going on about, he understood why it was so hard for me to pull myself out of the drinking.
In the week before he died, he had an array of his childhood passed brothers come to see him.
But it was when he saw his mother he started to get distressed. He said he wanted to go with her, but didn't want to leave us.
He fought on and on, way past when the doctors thought he would have gone.
It was only when me and my mother told him to go with his mother that he went..10 minutes after.
It would have been his 73rd birthday tomorrow and the loss is like a bottomless hole.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
I also see consciousness as the foundation of reality.
I am quite familiar with the research you are talking about,
and I find the materialism / dogma of academia & science a huge impediment
to an obvious paradigm shift as well.
Since I work in the above, I have to deal with "educated" people as enmeshed
in their limited worldview as any "regular" person, expect the academic if often
pompous and arrogant about what they know while often lacking the common sense of the regular person for living life.
That's a thing that can drive a person to drink as well
I think and research these things in private, and let the other folk
think what they want at my workplace.
It is all slowly coming out in the wash anyway . . . anthropologists
suggest that these kinds of shifts are generational, and often multi-generational.
I think Internet will speed it all up when the intellectual velocity is finally there.
I enjoyed reading you're thoughts on this. . . great way to get it out there
so keep posting and I'll keep reading
Hang in there pandy
I am quite familiar with the research you are talking about,
and I find the materialism / dogma of academia & science a huge impediment
to an obvious paradigm shift as well.
Since I work in the above, I have to deal with "educated" people as enmeshed
in their limited worldview as any "regular" person, expect the academic if often
pompous and arrogant about what they know while often lacking the common sense of the regular person for living life.
That's a thing that can drive a person to drink as well
I think and research these things in private, and let the other folk
think what they want at my workplace.
It is all slowly coming out in the wash anyway . . . anthropologists
suggest that these kinds of shifts are generational, and often multi-generational.
I think Internet will speed it all up when the intellectual velocity is finally there.
I enjoyed reading you're thoughts on this. . . great way to get it out there
so keep posting and I'll keep reading
Hang in there pandy
AT LAST, someone who understands what the fruck I am going on about!I do not take this phenomenon as spiritual, otherwordly, or any of that. Just the real reality!
I feel for you.. emducated (aka as even more dogmatic in their narrow view of what "reality" is ) must be a total pain!
Thanks for this Hawkeye
You have totally lifted my freaking mood ..up!! haha
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Hey mandy
Just a quick drive by on my way to bed! I have been feeling a titch overwhelmed the last couple of days. No reason comes to mind, but there it is.
I am glad to see you are posting in your thread again, I always find food for thought here
I identify with a lot of empath traits, too.
"It would have been his 73rd birthday tomorrow and the loss is like a bottomless hole."
RIP Mandy's dad
Just a quick drive by on my way to bed! I have been feeling a titch overwhelmed the last couple of days. No reason comes to mind, but there it is.
I am glad to see you are posting in your thread again, I always find food for thought here
I identify with a lot of empath traits, too.
"It would have been his 73rd birthday tomorrow and the loss is like a bottomless hole."
RIP Mandy's dad
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Sorry you are feeling a bit overwhelmed rose, hope you feel better today. And thanks for message
Yes, Hawkeye, left all that stuff behind while I was drinking, it just burst out there. No idea why. But I reckon this "no one understands me" self-pity contributed some to the drinking. Best to dig the bugger out and deal with it.
And yes, I can keep up better with the latest research sober haha
Yes, Hawkeye, left all that stuff behind while I was drinking, it just burst out there. No idea why. But I reckon this "no one understands me" self-pity contributed some to the drinking. Best to dig the bugger out and deal with it.
And yes, I can keep up better with the latest research sober haha
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I am meant to be visiting my cousin this morning, but it's been snowing and it's freezing. Apparently, the winds are straight from Siberia, lovely. So I am thinking of cancelling, I'm just too delicate to be out in this weather haha
And talking of Schadenfreude and karma, I reckon karma is waiting to ambush me in the snow. Last time it was snowing, I was on the bus, looking out of the window and an bloke with a walking stick was passing. There must have been a hole in the grass under the snow and his stick went straight down it, and he toppled over, he jumped straight up though. I didn't mean to laugh, but I couldn't help it!
And talking of Schadenfreude and karma, I reckon karma is waiting to ambush me in the snow. Last time it was snowing, I was on the bus, looking out of the window and an bloke with a walking stick was passing. There must have been a hole in the grass under the snow and his stick went straight down it, and he toppled over, he jumped straight up though. I didn't mean to laugh, but I couldn't help it!
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