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Get Stubborn

Old 12-14-2017, 06:03 AM
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Get Stubborn

Hi SR!

I don't post too much these days but I read everyone's stories, usually in the morning and evening. Every day. It helps me tremendously so to all I say thank you. And the biggest thank you to those that have the courage to come back after a relapse and talk about it. Never, ever give up!

I, like I'm sure so many of you, think about this recovery thing an awful lot. That's ok....that's life for me. I think about my waistline and all the stuff I have to do throughout the day too. Just add recovery to the daily to do list.

I often ponder, what IS this recovery thing? What makes one person successful and maybe another less so? What makes ME successful, and then sometimes maybe less so? I attend AA, but am not the 'poster child' for the program. When I am feeling the most 'peaceful' (which is kinda the goal) I am usually feeling my highest level of acceptance. Not just of the fact that I cannot drink and not have dire consequences, but acceptance of everything. I mean, everything. Truly on its most basic level. I accept that I am exactly as I should be. And so are you. BUT.....

That simply isn't always reality. For me. Sometimes life can be challenging. YOU can be challenging. IT can be challenging. THAT, THIS and the OTHER THING can be challenging. It just simply is. So what then?

If my addiction, in simple terms, is my INability to cope with life, and recovery, in simple terms, is my ability TO cope, then how do I cope when that easy, peaceful feeling just simply isn't there?

PAUSE when agitated. I fricken LOVE this. I mean seriously, do NOTHING. If I do nothing, nothing happens. Just don't react. Wait. I don't know about you guys but most things actually don't require my involvement, or reaction. And that includes that little voice in my head that suggests a drink would be a good idea. I hear the voice, its 100 % normal that I have it. But I do not have to act on it. There are literally dozens of better ways to cope than drink for every situation. Recovery is my willingness to use those other coping mechanisms. I doubt I will ever completely lose that voice. But I accept that that is my reality. Makes things so much easier. My feelings and thoughts are not necessarily fact. And really, they usually aren't fact. I don't have to act on them.

Get stubborn. Yeah, I know, not very compatible with that peaceful acceptance thing. And maybe this is where I deviate from AA a bit. But sometimes staying sober requires a HE!! NO attitude. I won't do this. I will prove to myself, to my family, to my community, to the stupid fricken treatment center I went to, that I WON'T do this. I am going to accept that sometimes recovery isn't comfortable. That sometimes it hurts and is hard. But I HAVE to stay sober. My life, and possibly yours, depends on it. Now if I'm always taking this stance, well I obviously have some issues to work out. But if its between me and that drink and my higher power has left the building, its up to me to says NO. Don't drink NO MATTER WHAT. I hear often, from people in very early days, "How do I do this? Its day 5 and the voice won't shut up." Choose a different coping mechanism. Pray, meditate, work out, go to a meeting, eat. But when all else fails, get stubborn. Dig your heels in. Say FLUCK NO!!!!

I dunno. I wonder how you guys feel about that. I can't give up. I can't fail. My life depends on it. And when I'm THAT close to a drink, I really don't want to fricken meditate, ya know? Thankfully, I am usually quite calm. The obsession has been lifted. But ya know, I still think about it. And sometimes just putting my foot down and saying he!! no is exactly what the dr ordered!!!

Hang in there peeps.
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Old 12-14-2017, 08:22 AM
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I agree.
My obstinate streak served me poorly when I was still drinking, but it serves me well in sobriety. Go ahead and tell me I can't stay sober. I'll be sober right in your face.
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Old 12-14-2017, 08:31 AM
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Loooooouuuuve this! I agree and relate to everything you said. Iím at day 12 (once again, ugh) and am as stubborn and committed as ever. I have to do this. I WANT to do this. And we can do this!!!! Have a great day!
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Old 12-14-2017, 08:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Nonsensical View Post
I agree.
My obstinate streak served me poorly when I was still drinking, but it serves me well in sobriety. Go ahead and tell me I can't stay sober. I'll be sober right in your face.
HAHA! Awesome.
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Old 12-14-2017, 08:33 AM
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I couldn't agree more and I really like how you expressed your thoughts on this.

I told myself (and other) at the beginning of my recovery that I am doing this for ME and I deserve to be stubborn on this journey. If I don't want to go to my family Christmas because they are a trigger for me, guess what, I'm NOT going. Don't want to see my friends because they meet in a bar? See ya! I want to spend a bunch of money on candy, sweets, ice cream, guess what I'm doing?

It isn't anything personal against anybody, but I think some people have taken it personally. And right now, I don't care. My life is GOOD, and it's the only life I get.

Thanks for posting this
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Old 12-14-2017, 08:41 AM
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Old 12-14-2017, 09:08 AM
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Sober IN YOUR FACE!!!

Love it!
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Old 12-14-2017, 10:49 AM
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So GOOD!!
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Old 12-14-2017, 03:33 PM
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Absolutely! Defeat is not an option.
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Old 12-14-2017, 04:50 PM
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So nice to see you Fricka! And to know that you are stil around.

Great post!
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Old 12-15-2017, 06:04 AM
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Thanks for the input guys. Glad I'm not alone. I really do wish that I could just peacefully pray and meditate and all my cares would vanish. But sometimes I just can't do that. Now I'm not bagging any of the recovery 'process' type stuff that I've learned in AA. I mean, praying in the AM and setting an intention for the day is probably one of the most powerful tools I have. Meetings and communication with another alcoholic, priceless.

I struggle with my own will. But sometimes my own will is the only defense I have. I guess I have work to do But I see so often people fail (and I fail) because I give up, or I get the f-its. I am a strong person and I don't like to fail. I use that strength in my daily life all the time. No reason not to apply it to staying sober, one. day. at. a. time. !!
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Old 12-15-2017, 06:46 PM
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Good stuff.
Thx
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Old 12-16-2017, 03:05 AM
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Great post Frick - proud of you.

For me, bottom line? I put my recovery first, and EVERYTHING and EVERYONE second - because that way, I get EVERYTHING and keep the EVERYONEs who make my life so rich.
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Old 12-16-2017, 03:33 AM
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Oh yes, definitely!!

I did a therapy course for anxiety but was also useful for getting sober. The course was all about acceptance, being kind, saying thank you to your brain etc... Well, yes, I can do that most of the time but sometimes I just have to tell my brain/voice to b*gger off or I risk it getting the better of me.

Thanks for the post!
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Old 12-16-2017, 06:51 AM
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Great post and nice to hear from you frick.
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Old 12-16-2017, 06:57 AM
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Great post.
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Old 12-16-2017, 11:28 AM
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Thanks again guys! Sigh. Having a 17 year old daughter has taught me so much. And frankly I have AA and the people in AA to thank for pretty much 2/3 of my parenting skills. Its so easy to get swept up in her drama....but now I just sit, listen, ask how I can help? She usually says, oh I'm ok, then I make her food and we move on. Haha. Pause when agitated. If I do nothing, nothing happens. I love that.

So yeah. Reading so many posts here where folks are so frustrated with the 'why'. Why do I do this? How did this happen? What happened? I totally relate. I guess the answer is simply 'Because'. Accept it and move on. And accept that this recovery stuff is hard sometimes. That's ok. It'll get easier. Then harder, then easier....etc etc.

Aries posted a link that I thought was brilliant. Basically, this thing is the hardest in the early days. If ya keep relapsing....let me rephrase that, if I keep relapsing I just keep forcing myself back through the worst part. And teaching my ole brain that there is no pay off in sobriety. Which, of course, is utter BS. And for sure, the more times I say, he!! NO, the more my brain learns "oh, ok that wasn't so bad, I can get through this". The more I halt the process (do not pass go do not collect $200 dollars) the harder and harder this whole sober thing gets. Love that.

Peace to all. I'm going to take motrin (after a 2 hour workout) and get coffee with the kid.....and listen to drama and hysterics. Ok, that's an over statement. You get my drift....
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Old 12-17-2017, 12:06 AM
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Love your post.

Not sure I see doing my HPs will (I.e.staying sober) as being stubborn (will-full) but perhaps more as being 'committed' to my recovery and willing to sit with that temptation, having faith that my HP won't let me down as it is stronger than my AV / the compulsion to drink.

But whichever way you look at it, that pause is powerful. Its like being a puppet that has somehow managed to snip the strings that used to jerk it around. Beautiful. Recovery is amazing.

BB
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Old 12-17-2017, 12:11 AM
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Great post!
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