Thanks for the input guys. Glad I'm not alone. I really do wish that I could just peacefully pray and meditate and all my cares would vanish. But sometimes I just can't do that. Now I'm not bagging any of the recovery 'process' type stuff that I've learned in AA. I mean, praying in the AM and setting an intention for the day is probably one of the most powerful tools I have. Meetings and communication with another alcoholic, priceless.
I struggle with my own will. But sometimes my own will is the only defense I have. I guess I have work to do
But I see so often people fail (and I fail) because I give up, or I get the f-its. I am a strong person and I don't like to fail. I use that strength in my daily life all the time. No reason not to apply it to staying sober, one. day. at. a. time. !!