Dee74

Definitely no joke. Many of us can attest to that.

Make a plan Swoilbelr - every journey needs a road map

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

make a plan - and follow through.

Anna

This thread is closed temporarily.

Anna

The thread is reopened now.

Berrybean

So pleased to hear you managed your day 1. Sounds like you may have found your willingness and desire for sobriety.

Is it a 12-step rehab you're doing, or AA meetings?

Whichever, of course I wish you all the best with it. This may be painful and unpleasant at times, but it will be more than worth it further along the line.

One of the resource that helped me along the way on my journey (esp in the early days at the moments where it seemed overwhelming) was the speaker recording from AA members. There's a few on YouTube, but thousands on here.... https://www.recoveryaudio.org (hard to know where to start initially - I like Earl H and Sandy Beach a lot. (I also like Clancy, but think he is like Marmite, you either really like him or you really dont lol.) Plus lots of others obviously, but just as a starting point.

Hope you keep reading and posting.

BB

JustTony

Swoib,

You need to be honest with everyone around you. I tried just about everything until I was honest. As soon as I was - it was the gamechanger for me. "It" was out there. Then I could start my recovery.

I really think this time will be different for me as a result.

Strength to you.

JT

Nowsthetime

Hello:

You said something that resonated with me at the beginning of the thread by saying that nobody will know. Are used to say the same thing but then I understood that I would now and I am the only one that matters in this.

Hope things are going well and that you were starting to build a plan .

Swoiblelr

All - Two days sober today.. Getting there.. Let me tell you something. I sat there on Thursday and "fooled" five (5) people. In reality all I fooled was myself. .. I got home and made a cup of coffee, I put half a pint of Vodka in the cup and forgot to put the pod in the machine so all I really drank was a half a cup of hot water and vodka... Am I losing my mind? I've never hear of such a thing.

I'm two (2) days sober. I'm not confident about the next hour honestly.

I'm going to be brutally honest.. Anna/Dee, please bear with me..

biminiblue

If you've made it two days you can make it another hour. Keep posting and reading other threads.

Swoiblelr

Bimini! Thank you, I need it.. It's really a disease, it's crazy.. I don't want to drink and know my wife is going to kill me if i do, yet I want to.....

What?????

Swoiblelr

Has anyone had "warm" water and Vodka, it's miserable.....

biminiblue

That is pretty much the textbook definition of Addiction. You are of two minds. Literally a cognitive dissonance.

Have you read any of the AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) secular recovery stuff? It's worth a read since you are battling that contradiction.

Here: this will keep you busy

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html

Swoiblelr

Thank you!

Swoiblelr

Should I just leave? Let the family dynamic heal?

biminiblue

Read the thread!

Stop letting your thoughts go crazy. They'll talk you into doing stupid things.

Anna

I'm glad to see you back, and 2 days sober is fantastic!

Hang in there and it really will get better.

Nonsensical

It's common to have a racing mind after you quit drinking. We are programmed that way. Believe it or not, persistent alcohol use is generally bad for survival. The homo erectus that sat around drunk and lethargic all day got eaten by saber tooth tigers. Our brains don't want to be tiger food, so they compensate for persistent alcohol use by releasing more and more chemical stimulants to prevent the alcohol from doing it's thing - making us lethargic. (You may have noticed that over time you had to drink more and more to get your drunk on - that's why.)

Then you quit drinking. Which is good, except your brain can't stop overproducing stimulants as fast as you can stop ingesting depressants. The result is over-stimulation. Racing thoughts and anxiety are common. So is insomnia. I was ate up with all of it.

It takes a few months to get your brain chemistry back to normal, although many of us saw improvement in a week or two. The good news is it is TOTALLY worth it to be free from that slavery of addiction.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.
You can do this.

Berrybean

Cant advise on that one, but you know, that sounds like pure AV to me.

What leave and release yourself to sink to the next level of alcoholic drinking and acting out? Satisfy your addiction at the cost of your family?

Really?

Why not commit yourself to honesty with your wife (re your relapse) and commit to meetings, a sponsor and actually working the program of recovery. If that doesnt work the option of lower rock bottom will always still be there for you further down the line.

I know that at the moment things seem hopeless. They will do in early days of recovery. This is why meetings and this place can be so useful. I know when I was completely without hope I went to meetings and read around on here and kind of fed off the hope that others shared as they recounted their experiences. And gradually, as I got better, I found some hope of my own. You can do this.

Please learn to recognise your AV (addictive voice) - it'll be the one coming up with ideas that free you up to drink, or suggest that 'just one won't hurt' or 'whats the point in trying - you're gonna fail anyway ' or 'you deserve drink - a successful hardworking mn like yourself, why do all those alcoholic losers know anyway' or ' people like you better when you've had a drink' or 'i need a drink to xyz'.... and so on and so forth. All those bullpoop rationalisations that spin round in our heads. We cnt shut our AV up, but we dont hve to do what it tells us to do. Once we recognise the little turd we're able to make a decision not to act on that thought. And the longer we starve it (by not drinking) the quieter it will become, especially when we work a solid program of recovery so we don't just sit there listening out for it.

You can do this. You're loved, and you deserve peace and contentment, as do your family. The way to chieve this for you and for them is through sobriety and recovery. Not abandonment and active alcoholism.

Prayers going out for you and yours,

BB