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Old 12-13-2017, 12:02 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Swoiblelr View Post
Wow - I'm drunk. I;m going to try and figure this out. Nobody likes me in my life right now. I;m going to say this, not to brag, but show alcohol affects everybody.. My earnings last year were 300K... I'm an alcoholic looking for help..
That's the thing, we get it, you are not the only high earning alcoholic on this board. It absolutely affects everyone, from all walks of life.

There is a whole beautiful life out there, a beautiful sober life. Where the people we love, are no longer angry with us, where they heal as we heal.

I didn't hit a rock bottom, I hit a, "What is my life going to look like in 20 years if I keep this up". I am an incredibly vain person, loving myself is easy, because I am incredibly good looking (jesting a bit) I looked at women in their 50's women who did the same thing I did, hard drinking on the weekends, stressful jobs, those who don't have plastic faces, have horrible faces, leathered, some have lost teeth. I thought about my little girl, I thought about weddings and parties I have been to when a parent has a drinking problem and it is embarrassing and I thought, because my husband and I have lost friends and family to impaired drivers, what if some night she calls me for a ride, and I'm too drunk to go get her. What if she falls out of bed in the middle of the night and breaks her arm - do I call an ambulance and be drunk mom in the hospital. She has an anaphylactic allergy, what if she had an exposure and I was too out of my mind on wine to recognise the symptoms?

I spent 8 years with a high functioning alcoholic and I hated him by the time we were done. I won't put my husband through that, I love him too much and I will not hurt my kids. I only drank one kind of wine and I did most of my drinking at home, in my office, late at night. I could control it, one of my companies does large corporate events, I have never been to a work function drunk, I sure drank when I got home... What I couldn't control is once home, once in my office with that wine bottle, I was drinking it til it was done. I suffered through hangovers, through everything, because somewhere in my past, I was the great party girl, I settled down, married money and was the quintessential hostess. My current husband and I started from scratch in a one bedroom apartment 10 years ago, we are now where our wildest dreams could never have imagined. We have 3 great kids, (one from his previous marriage), a great house, brand new vehicles and a stable of very fine horses. I own two companies and a non-profit foundation, I am also an alcoholic. It does not discriminate, but it will destroy everything if you let it. You don't have to hit rock bottom, you just have to decide if you want to live or not. You might white knuckle a couple days, but you will get through - we all have.
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Old 12-13-2017, 12:13 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Sorry all - I did not read all reply's yet. I will because i need the help.

I just had a 45 minute work discussion. I'm drunk... I think I spoke well but I'm not so sure.

One day I want to be confident that I'm able to speak clearly... Phone just rang and I can't pick up.. They'll know I'm slurring. I'm in hell....
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Old 12-13-2017, 12:20 PM
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We can maintain an outward show of success for a long time while still being consumed with shame, self-loathing, loneliness and an unexplained isolation that comes from being emotionally unavailable. Once we stop measuring our success in money and start measuring it in terms of happiness, loving relationships, self-respect and integrity we realised that we're not so successful as we (and others) may have thought.

That mix of pride (can't accept help, despising other people , and in many regards feeling better than others) and shame (deep inner not-enoughness) and hopelessness are pretty typical.

You can do this. By not taking the first drink. It's the first one that does the damage. It will be uncomfortable and miserable for a while perhaps, not doing what you want. When our AV pulls our strings it stings to resist that pull. But it isn't impossible. Plenty of folk on here are testimony to that.

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Old 12-13-2017, 12:47 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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oh, and you don't have to be a high earner to have a beautiful life. I'm one of the older women with the leathered face and have lost teeth. My husband and I live in a small house in the backwoods with one rusty car and one rusty truck. But you know, every day I feel better and I get to go to my little job that's local and simple. My kids speak to me and l'm starting to really like myself again! Looking out the window now at the lovely pine trees and glad I'm awake.
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Old 12-13-2017, 12:49 PM
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So - I'm drinking water by the gallon right now. Wife coming home in an hour. It's going to be a **** show. Got the kids "snowed" for the most part but I;'m a mess right now..
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Old 12-13-2017, 12:51 PM
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For the record- I'm not going to drive. We're going to Therapist all together
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Old 12-13-2017, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Awake61 View Post
I'm one of the older women with the leathered face and have lost teeth.

I honestly didn't mean any offence, my vanity is one of my greatest shortcomings. It's embarrassing, I was in a store today on lunch at the Lancome counter, searching for a bank card and all this make up spilled out, I was like, I didn't steal this, I have a problem.

I felt like maybe the OP didn't get he's not alone, what we have, where we come from doesn't make us unique in fighting our addictions.
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Old 12-13-2017, 01:00 PM
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How do I handle tonight? Do I come clean? My whole family will be there, or do I try and play it off? Again, I'm a 5th in.. For the record I want to stop. I'm in the throws of addiction.. I don't want to lose my wife and kids..
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Old 12-13-2017, 01:22 PM
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Yes. Come clean to your wife. Hopefully she will be able to steer kids away from the wreckage.

Pointless going to the session drunk. Complete waste of time.

And I'd suggest that you apologise (if you can do so with sincerity) without rationalisation (excuses). Own it. No acting. They're probably as sick of the act as you are to be honest. It's just an elephant in the room, just like the drinking. Everyone knows things aren't right but knows that it's pointless talking about it, as it has to be the alcoholic who wants to change and is willing to do the work. They're just hostages to the situation really.

To be honest, once you get as determined to deal with your drinking problems as you currently are to deal with the consequences of being drunk, then you'll be ready to stop. Then you can stop living in the problem and start living the solution, which can bring a lot of peace, and is when you'll start liking yourself again and not feel the need to act.

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Old 12-13-2017, 01:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Swoiblelr View Post
How do I handle tonight? Do I come clean? My whole family will be there, or do I try and play it off? Again, I'm a 5th in.. For the record I want to stop. I'm in the throws of addiction.. I don't want to lose my wife and kids..
That's really up to you swoib - we can't make you do anyting you don't want to do. Being honest is generally going to give you the best chance of making positive change.

You have basically asked the same question about 5 times though, and you keep getting the same answer. I can pretty much guarantee that even if you ask us 100 times, no one is going to recommend that you lie to your family
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Old 12-13-2017, 01:28 PM
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Sometimes, having a prosperous --even gigantic--life makes it more difficult to admit that we have a problem with alcoholism, or that we belong with all the others struggling as well. Last night I was at an AA meeting with a guy who is known publicly to earn at least $30 million a year. He was and is a mess, claiming to have "3 days back..." Remains apart from others, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't share, has the shakes, etc. He is plainly an alcoholic, as he admitted. I know 3 billionaires who are/have been in AA. One with quite long term sobriety who is thriving. One is constantly struggling just like the rest of us, often relapsing. The third died miserable of medical issues caused by excess alcohol and cocaine. the disease goes form "Yale to jail; from Princeton to Prison; from Park Avenue to the park bench...." Many have been all those places. Often, because it is progressive, whatever we may be earning today, we might be penniless and unemployable in a year or two..... The great news is that no matter who we are, we have a chance to get and stay sober today! Just what I've seen...
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Old 12-13-2017, 01:29 PM
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BerryBean - Pretty intense.. I get it.. But complete wreckage is tough. Easy to say, hard to do.. My kids still love me. Blowing everything up tonight would be a big step.. I appreciate your're help but walk a mile in my shoes..
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Old 12-13-2017, 01:42 PM
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Swoiblelr, I wonder if you believe your situation is unique? It isn't. Granted, neither I nor anyone here has walked a mile in your shoes, but we've all gone through very similar situations in our drinking days. We really do get it.
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Old 12-13-2017, 01:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Swoiblelr View Post
Be honest? Not sure it works right now... Not looking to blow up my whole family today..
If as you've said your childs already asked you to stop drinking, I think they know Swoiblelr, so I'm not really understanding here.

If you mean they think you've stopped and you're still drinking thats not a good place to be in, but I'd rather confess today than in 6 months time.

Chances are they know anyway...if you're regularly drinking a 5th I don't think even Laurence Olivier could pull that act off for long.

I'm not trying to be combative - but I think you've probably 'blown things up already - things are all up in the air Matrix like....

The bottom line for any recovery is stop drinking.

alcoholics being what they are, those who can will do it on their own - those who can't (the other 99%) get help.

D
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Old 12-13-2017, 02:29 PM
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Swoib,

You know what to do.

Unfortunately they still haven't produced a magic pill to get us to stop drinking or sober us up when we are. You need to stop drinking and not pick up for the next couple days. Then start on fixing yourself. If you want to cure yourself on the DL, then you have more problems in the family than booze.

Good luck Buddy we are all rooting for you. You can do it and your family and your SR family need you.
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Old 12-13-2017, 09:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Swoiblelr View Post
BerryBean - Pretty intense.. I get it.. But complete wreckage is tough. Easy to say, hard to do.. My kids still love me. Blowing everything up tonight would be a big step.. I appreciate your're help but walk a mile in my shoes..
In my experience, lies and that elephant in the room does more damage than being frank and honest. You think its telling them that yiure drunk that could blow the family apart? No my friend. It's drinking and living a lie that does that.

A mile in your shoes? I did my miles already thanks. Tell you what - I've got a better idea. Why don't you join us on the road to recovery instead? It changes things.

I hope last night panned out okay and you're ready to make some changes so you're not in that situation tonight or other nights. Because if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Wishing you all the best.
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Old 12-14-2017, 06:23 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Swoiblelr View Post
My earnings last year were 300K...
Your addiction is coming for that.
All of it.
It's coming for your family, too.
It'll take it all.

You know how it does it? By telling you 'Don't blow things up, you're not that bad'.
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Old 12-14-2017, 08:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Swoiblelr View Post

I think I am in he**..

I'm tired..

This is hell....
I know exactly how you feel.
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Old 12-14-2017, 09:28 AM
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How did it go?

I know we are all hoping the best for you.
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Old 12-14-2017, 02:07 PM
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All - Thanks for all the reply's, honestly..

Some "tough love", others "sympathy", and then those in between.. I get I need to stop. I'm trying (Rehab, Therapy, Meds, Doctors, etc.). It's Poerful, Cunning, and Baffling..

I've seen the guy with Stage 4 liver disease in rehab that pee'd and defecated on himself. I heard the guys from the local AA group who is facing 20 to life for vehicular manslaughter..

This is no joke ladies and guys.. I'm sober today.. Last night sucked. My younger daughter said some things that hurt like a knife to the heart but I was so proud of her for saying them.. She wants her Dad back.....

Thanks again,...
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