Purgatory?
 

All,

I think I am in he**.. I've only posted twice but read every day. Out of rehab in October and I'm trying everything.

I've been to AA (For the record when they send the booklet around with numbers and you call, nobody answers.. At least that's my experience) AA, in my area seems to be a lot of older people who like to chat and drink coffee. A therapist, yup, been there, check. Primary Care Physician, yup, been there, check. I'm trying everything.

Had a physical Monday and numbers came back good (amazingly). Was 100% honest. I was prescribed Welbutrin and Librium.

I drink all day and then become an actor at night with my family. I'm so good at acting sober I'm not even sure why I drink.

It's a disease! I'm tired.. Just needed to let it out.. I'm "on" again in 3 hours when kids get home. Then the Therapist with whole family at 6PM. I'll be the main focus, and the only one drunk.. But I've gotten so good at acting, no one will know....

This is hell....

Welcome.

Maybe it's time to be honest with your family/support structure and let them know.

Welcome Swoiblelr,

Did you get the AA book and read it? Did you get a sponsor and work the steps? AA definitely won't work if you don't do the program. Have you tried other recovery programs and followed their map to success?

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. If you want to be successful you have to do the work.

In the AA book there is a comparison of the alcoholic and a stage production. Your post stating you are good at acting and no one will know made me think of that part. Trust me they know and you're not that good.

You sound like you've given up.

Bootstraps and chocolate. That would be my angle. I agree with honesty, as well.

It may be a disease, but the cure is pretty basic. Don't pick up a drink. The rest will fall into place with time and honesty.

Thanks all for the response. I haven't given up, if I did I wouldn't be on this forum..

My "support" structure knows my issues.. They/She is well aware. I'm just trying to not get divorced. Can you imagine an addiction that you're child has said to you "Please" stop drinking, and you do it anyway...

I'm at a loss to understand what is going on..

Yes - I read the entire AA book. It's great. But I'm still drinking. No alcohol in the house, just trying to get through
24.

I found that mixing booze and benzos was a dangerous combination. I did some terrible things while under the influence of that combination.

When I was ready to quit, I went to a week-long, inpatient detox.

I am not in AA, but I do read the big book and I agree, there's some great stuff in it. Having said that, reading the book isn't going to stop you from drinking - you have to do that.

If you do plan on sticking with AA then there's a whole lot more than just reading - did you start working the steps or get a sponsor? Whether or not you follow AA and step one exactly as written, I do feel that the first step for anyone in any recovery method is accepting/acknowledging their addiction first. You mentioned "acting" - that's very common. But it's also a pretty good indication that you have not accepted your addiction for what it is. Being honest with yourself and those around you is key to getting started. You have to be willing to tell yourself that even one drink of alcohol is not an option, ever.

For me the shame, fear, discomfort and anxiety was pretty intense in early days. I made it. Lots of people do - and you can too. One hour, one minute at a time.

Those phone numbers from AA members...whenever I called I left a message and someone always called me back. Are you leaving messages?

We're here, though. Can you clean out a closet or something? Idle hands, and all that...

Hey Sober Recovery - "Rubber to the road".. I'm asking for help. I've been to AA, I've been to my doctor, I've confided in friends..

I'm asking for help from this forum.

When I was in rehab, it was very therapeutic to be able to talk about alcoholism openly and have no one judge.

If I can get that same support here it may make a great difference in my life..

Welcome.

I have found being completely honest is the way to go.

Have you accepted you are an alcoholic and for today you can't drink? If you are drinking, there is your answer.
If that came across as anything, maybe tough love :)

A person can't just be sober and expect to not relapse at some point. There are steps to do, work to be done, acknowledgments to be had.

When I tried to get sober the first time, I did it for my boyfriend. That didn't work, well because it wasn't for ME. Being sober for someone else will never work. I am on round 3 and doing it for me, I have accepted I am an alcoholic.

Think about why you are wanting to be sober?
Make a list of why you want to be sober?
Make a video of the reason to not drink? Watch it before drinking?

be completely honest with your self. IF you have a lie in there, that lie will bring you right back to the bottle.

These are all my opinions/suggestions. Take what you want and leave the rest.

Best of luck.

I am sure your child would love nothing more than for you to be sober and present. Lead by example :)

for many people the thought of NEVER DRINKING AGAIN til the end of time just seems too much. way.too.much. one solution is to just NOT drink TODAY. no matter what - hell freezes over? don't drink. zombie apocalypse? don't drink. ass falls off? don't drink. it IS effective as it helps us break the PATTERN of drinking, the HABIT of drinking for any and all excuses we can think up.

there's a lot to be said for the "meeting after the meeting" - i remember a group of us spending hours upon hours at Denny's after the 7 o'clock meeting, drinking gallons of coffee, eating pie, talking talking talking.....and the best part STAYING SOBER.

try to keep your solutions simple. begin the process of building a successful recovery plan. i wish you the best.

You are getting help from this forum, some good help I would add. What exactly is it you don't feel you are getting?

Discussion is fantastic and encouraged here, you'll find lots of it. But the reality of recovery is that sometimes you need to hear things you don't want to hear. Getting sober is hard - and the bulk of the work is on us to make the proper choices each day. And yes, sometimes it means going back and trying things that didn't work the first time and doing them again.

Guys/Gals,

How do you do it?? I've literally tried everything... My Doctor said "you have the world by the shorts". But I want to drink?? WTF? It's 1:30PM EST, and I'm drinking. I'm going to be very active on this firum. My wife is coming home in two hours and there is going to be hell to py. I'm not a bad person..

We can't do it for you. Of course you're not a bad person, but you are addicted. The only way to break the addiction is to stop doing the thing.

Your hand, your mouth. How I stopped was I stopped pouring it into my mouth.

Pour out what's left and take a nap.

It's dangerous to drink and take Librium. Could be fatally so.

I do it by not drinking, not buying it, not consuming it. I also have tools and resources to utilize if I think I need a drink, because I know damn well I DONT NEED a drink.
I come here often
I go to aa
I work my program every single day, many times a day.
I keep busy, busy mind busy hands. I sew, paint, draw, read, drink coffee, work out, make new foods, go window shopping, go for a walk, play with my child, I signed my son up for activities that we do together..

Look up detox programs in your area. The one I went to was sponsored by the County and there was no cost.

Your doctor is not helping you if he or she is prescribing Librium while you are still drinking.

You do it by putting your foot down and dumping out the alcohol first.

Most likely you "want to" because you are an alcoholic like the rest of us. There is no "reasoning" with addiction, and no -it doesn't make sense. The solution is to accept it for what it is and not drink.

If you are drinking right now, you probably aren't thinking clearly anyway - so this probably doesn't make sense much either. And you aren't a bad person, you are an addict most likely. The rest of us are too, so you are in good company.

Yes - I'm sick.. And have to go to therapist in 5 hours. I'm hoping I'll be OK in the next few days. Just need to figure out how to stop drinking for one (1) day........

You start by taking whatever alcohol is in your hand or your house and dumping it down the drain. Once that's done log back on here and we can help you through the next step.