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I could use some extra support

Old 12-09-2017, 12:34 AM
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I could use some extra support

Not sure what is going on but I am not feeling too great. I seem to have sunk into a bit of a depression and thoughts of drinking are near constant. I know it will pass. I fortunately do not suffer severe depression (unless I drink!) but sometimes have these dips. This one came on particularly quickly and particularly strong though.

I'm a bit nervous too because I have this big party planned for next week. I had thought it through carefully and felt really ok about it but am now wondering if I should call it off. I am decently convinced that I won't drink at the party because my work colleague are invited and I have already had the opportunity to let them know that I don't drink (which was no big deal, there are also a lot of other non-drinkers who work there). I am concerned about before or after though.

But in reality it is not a party that is going to make or break my sobriety, I could go out right now and get some wine, for no other reason that the fact that I am an alcoholic.

Just feeling really lonely, blue and down. I will try to call my sponsor later when she wakes up. For now, I just need to hold tight and stay busy. Laying around wallowing in my sadness generally does not help me, getting up and active does. And learning to ask for help.
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Old 12-09-2017, 12:38 AM
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The Festive season is actually tough for a lot of people, not just people like us either.

If you think you have too much on your plate I wholeheartedly agree with lessening the load.

It's good to take care yourself, nourish yourself even in the first year.

If you think you might be depressed it might also be good to check in with your Dr or therapist Mera?

D
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Old 12-09-2017, 12:50 AM
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I'll speak to my doctor. I had started on a new medication a few months ago and everything seemed fine, but maybe it is worth a call. The thing is I never go too too deep, I just have these down periods. I have to stay strong though and remember they do pass. Thanks Dee.
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Old 12-09-2017, 01:44 AM
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Mera,
Please don't drink. Remember how terrifying it was when you got drunk the last time? It may have started out with thoughts of having just one glass and ended with total panic. Why would you do this again? You've been here on SR for long enough to have read all the stories of people who have done just that and where did they end up? Day 1 again (if that), and worse for the wear.
As you've said yourself, action is required now: Do whatever it takes to keep yourself busy today and as Dee has already suggested, talk to your doctor and/or psychiatrist about your depression.
Also, remember, what awesome support you provide for the newcomers here - they need you, especially around the holiday season. You're good at this, please keep at it, by fighting through this you'll be a great role model for all of us!
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Old 12-09-2017, 02:18 AM
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Mera:
As mentioned above, you've been a very important and supportive presence on SR for quite some time, and I've read so many examples of you being truly helpful to others who are struggling. You are right to be concerned about your mental spot right now: many of my relapses began with "I could just..." for no apparent reason other than "I could!" Any time that thought crosses my mind, I have to recognize the absurdity of drinking again; truly, what a ridiculous decision that would be! Then I laugh at my AV and go about being sober.

I find it ironic that this season of cheer and parties and expectations coincide with the days when daylight is fading fast, earlier every day; it's a potent combination for feeling depressed, and it affects millions of us, even "normal" people!

I hope you have your alcohol-free party, because I sense you're a natural hostess and a generous one, and I suspect you can toss together a rather stunning yet comfortable gathering for your new coworkers. If the plans are stressing you out, I think you could ask one of them for just a bit of help with some of the details; people love to feel useful and helpful, in small doses, of course!

Just keep your eyes on 22 December: more daylight is coming soon. Hang in there, and believe in the good parts of yourself; many of us here think pretty highly of you, and we wish you only the best.
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Old 12-09-2017, 02:50 AM
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Thoughts and prayers with you. Wish I could loan you some of my sobriety serenity. We had our company Christmas party last night. Alcohol and drinking everywhere. I had my usual discomfort at having to attend these type things (a big reason for drinking in the day). But I didn't have a single inkling to drink. Not even a peep.

Stay strong.
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Old 12-09-2017, 02:56 AM
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Mera dear- hang in there. I strongly agree with Dee's post in particular....and I'd add that when I feel like you describe about events/etc...taking it one day at a time til the event or til I must make a decision (ie if hosting like you) and refocusing on the decisions and things I must do- NOW. Not easy, but I try to practice this so I don't get overwhelmed, spiral, etc.

I know that I got a bit down just about this time last year, and did start taking a small dose of Paxil. I ended up having my best Christmas season ever (this year may top it though, since I got married a week ago!) - the apprehension seems to be something us alcoholics def get as a present at times

Take care of you- see you on here!
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Old 12-09-2017, 04:57 AM
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The holidays are a huge trigger for me.

Big party last night, so many people were very drunk.

I woke up feeling a bit bloated from all the sugar and sodium, but I stayed clean.

Seeing the drunks doing crazy stuff makes it easier to stay clean.

No regrets.

Thanks.
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Old 12-09-2017, 06:23 AM
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Reaching out for help is an important step (something I really struggle with, too). I hope your doctor can offer some help to get you through this rough patch.
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Old 12-09-2017, 06:30 AM
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Hello Meraviglioso,

I just wanted to say that although I've only been on this site for a few months, I've seen you around giving advice and helping people feel better about themselves.

You seem like a genuine and decent person. You might feel bad, but definitely don't feel bad about who you are. You get a thumbs up from me.

Good luck!
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Old 12-09-2017, 06:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Rubaduck View Post
Hello Meraviglioso,

I just wanted to say that although I've only been on this site for a few months, I've seen you around giving advice and helping people feel better about themselves.

You seem like a genuine and decent person. You might feel bad, but definitely don't feel bad about who you are. You get a thumbs up from me.

Good luck!
Exactly this!! Xx
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Old 12-09-2017, 07:04 AM
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mera
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Old 12-09-2017, 07:09 AM
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Mera, my suggestion is to not add to your stress level.

As Dee said, the Holiday Season is stressful for many of us, and if you're concerned about the party, maybe consider cancelling. It's not worth stressing yourself.

I hope you feel better.
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Old 12-09-2017, 07:16 AM
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Listen I just relapsed after 'Friday Beers' with my colleagues. I just want to let you know, that nothing in the world will replace that feeling of tranquility the next day.

I get the anxiety from drinking, but if this party is making you anxious, you can call it off.
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Old 12-09-2017, 07:43 AM
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I love the saying, when in doubt, cut it out.

It can mean so many different things, but in your case, do the party when you feel totally up for it. You will be better, and the party will be better.

You got this, and you are seeing the risk. That is so great.

Don't take the risk, not worth it.

If you feel you cannot cancel, co-host with a friend. A sober friend. If such a thing exists in Italy. I don't have any in Belgium.

Lots of friends I adore, but sober, not so much.

XX
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Old 12-09-2017, 07:48 AM
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Mera, sending big hugs.
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Old 12-09-2017, 08:30 AM
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Hi everyone, thank you for your kind words, they help and have helped get me through today. I feel relatively safe for the rest of the evening. I can't wait for bed though. It has been a really sucky day all around. My septic tank overflowed- everywhere...... up the pipes in the house, etc etc. I have been dealing with that which has been less than pleasant.

I also, and excuse me in advance for the drama, but I have just got to vent....
I also met a very nice man today. I had to meet him at one of the villas I manage and we spent an hour having a really suprisingly meaningful and warm conversation for over an hour. There was legitimate chemistry between us and he just seemed like such a healthy, stable, nice person. We went our separate ways and I was just happy to have met him. He later sent a message saying he enjoyed meeting me and then began a series of complimentary, flirty type messages. I was thinking, "you know what, I could do this, he seems really nice, why not have a date?" So when he said he would like to see me again I was legitimately happy. I said I would like that and he suggested this coming Monday morning. Errrrr.... hmmm..... what do you think he wants to do Monday morning? Not take me to dinner... I said that I work in an office and generally the evenings are best for me. To which he replied that he is never available in the evenings... it's complicated and all that. Whatever. I wasn't looking to date anyone anyway and think I'm better off alone for now. I certainly am not interested in meeting for sex on Monday mornings with a married man. I just don't know why I cannot attract a healthy, normal man. I assume it is because I am not healthy myself and I must give off that vibe. Even better reason to stay single.
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Old 12-09-2017, 11:32 AM
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If he is not free evenings then yes, most likely married. Sheesh although you always grab a coffe, but red flags are flying
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Old 12-09-2017, 11:32 AM
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One party is not worth all the stress. Politely decline and set yourself free....from that particular stress. Just my .02.
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Old 12-09-2017, 11:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
Hi everyone, thank you for your kind words, they help and have helped get me through today. I feel relatively safe for the rest of the evening. I can't wait for bed though. It has been a really sucky day all around. My septic tank overflowed- everywhere...... up the pipes in the house, etc etc. I have been dealing with that which has been less than pleasant.

I also, and excuse me in advance for the drama, but I have just got to vent....
I also met a very nice man today. I had to meet him at one of the villas I manage and we spent an hour having a really suprisingly meaningful and warm conversation for over an hour. There was legitimate chemistry between us and he just seemed like such a healthy, stable, nice person. We went our separate ways and I was just happy to have met him. He later sent a message saying he enjoyed meeting me and then began a series of complimentary, flirty type messages. I was thinking, "you know what, I could do this, he seems really nice, why not have a date?" So when he said he would like to see me again I was legitimately happy. I said I would like that and he suggested this coming Monday morning. Errrrr.... hmmm..... what do you think he wants to do Monday morning? Not take me to dinner... I said that I work in an office and generally the evenings are best for me. To which he replied that he is never available in the evenings... it's complicated and all that. Whatever. I wasn't looking to date anyone anyway and think I'm better off alone for now. I certainly am not interested in meeting for sex on Monday mornings with a married man. I just don't know why I cannot attract a healthy, normal man. I assume it is because I am not healthy myself and I must give off that vibe. Even better reason to stay single.
((((Mera)))))
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