Gilmer

Happy 3-month soberversary, Vman!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a lot less trying!

Downthepath

Happy weekend, all.
Really interesting OP, MB. I'm not sure where I stand on it just yet. My initial feeling is that I'm not really too concerned whether I am stuck or not at the moment - I am just enjoying being. Time has slowed right down since I have been sober and I am just loving it. I spent years feeling that I wanted to be more mindful and more present and I was trying hard to make it happen without it ever really falling into place. A couple of months of sobriety and I am just noticing it happening all the time - without me trying to force it. I feel present in everything I do and I absolutely love it.
It is making me less concerned about the past and less worried about the future.
I'm very happy to be stuck here.

Dee74

good to see you back Up
Congrats in 3 months Vman - that went quick

D

happyandfree

I think the messy, cluttered closets gives me something else to beat myself up about. Perpetuating self loathing. So im adressing it and really trying to get tidy. Im taking lots to goodwill. Gonna work on it again tomorrow.

Solarion

MB's "What's stopping you" has been a little depth-bomb for me, and so I made a signature out of it. It's for me as much as anyone.

I think I needed something like that to reorient how I look at things, because I have been a passive drifter most of my life, unambitious, not a goal-setter, with hardly any interest in progress or accomplishment. Lazy and indifferent. My cat has more ambition than me.

So that's how I am stuck. More inertia than momentum. I have to be aware of my tendencies to drift and subside. There's also a sense of pointlessness and futility mixed in, that works against any notion of striving, although I do set some little goals, and I actually do get a few things done.

theVman31

Have a good day everyone

MidnightBlue

Hi, weekenders!

I grossly overslept. Just had time for coffee.

Now off to my Saturday boxing+kickboxing workout.

See you)

theVman31

MB I have the impression everytime you post your off to a boxing / kickboxing session.
You are definitely not stuck there.
Are you in the bodyguard business ?
Joke

I wish I had one quarter of your motivation for sports and exercise.

LBrain

SHOTGUN! Woke up at 4 am to go hunting. Thermometer indicated 17 degrees F. Decided to stay inside.
Nice opening Midnight. Sometimes, as we slowly progress, we do not see the changes (progress) me made. The frog in the pot on the stove thing comes to mind. Yet, if we take a minute to reflect, we see the changes, even if slight. Though we cannot become complacent. We must congratulate ourselves, acknowledge our progress, but we must continue to improve, level up if you will. A master tailor was not a master tailor the first time he or she picked up a needle and thread. So it is with us who are on this journey of life. Strive to "level up" as you go.

Healthyandsober

happy saturday!

MidnightBlue

I am back from my double workout and binging on bananas.

Once I am done with it I will coma back.

LBrain - Great to see you and congrats on a shotgun!!!

STDragon

Morning everyone. Plans today are to watch the ceremony at the National War Memorial in Ottawa. Then more crawling around in the attic draggin network cable to the upstairs bedrooms.

BixBees505

Grossly overslept here, too. But no kickboxing for me!

Making a big pot of beans, corn muffins.

MidnightBlue

Ok, bananas didn't survive...

Vman, you are probably right - my every post seems to have "boxing" in it)

I've just realized that I have 4 boxing/kickboxing workouts a week+2 gym weightlifting sessions. So I workout almost every day.

Anyway. Let me tell you about boxing. My long-term friends here pretty much know the story, so they probably can skip it.

I started boxing when I was about 6 months sober. I was really anxious about going to a class. So, as much as I wanted to go there, I was scared as well. For about 2 months I found all sorts of excuses to tell myself "Next time I will go".

I was stuck in indecision.

One day I got so tired of this that I decided it was easier to overcome anxiety and step over the threshold.

And it all started with one step.

I could contemplate and go through endless scenarios forever still standing in front of that door.

And I wouldn't go anywhere.

First three months I was still very anxious to go there. Every workout was a challenge. I was the only girl among quite experienced guys.

And first few weeks I had to go through the worst torture for me - stand in front of the mirror (I am not a big fan of my own reflection there) and practice movements which were as awkward as it gets.

Now it's a funny story but back then I experienced a "make it or brake it" moment. One gentleman approached me and said "You should consider taking private classes. You throw anything but a jab".

I felt so ashamed.

I remember next time before the workout I was sitting in the locker room and tried to take deep breaths to calm myself.

And I repeated a mantra from meditation "My actions are blissfully unattached to the outcome".

My work is to step in. Put in my best efforts. Go home.

I questioned myself though: "Why do you need this extra anxiety in your life? Why can't you be like other women? Don't you have anything better to do?".

BTW, I was 36 years old then.

Start of boxing coincided with one of the toughest periods of my life. I had to resolve some real estate issues with the member of my birth family. And every day I had to face the person who inflicted crippling emotional wounds on me back in childhood.

Every morning I wasn't sure how I am going to make it through the day. I was terrified. And no one understood me. Because emotional wounds...people don't see them....people don't see you bleeding inside...and that it hurts 1000 times worse than physical pain.

So, I am sitting on the bench in the locker room and it struck me: "That is life. Here I can learn how to curb my anxiety and enter the "battlefield" leaving emotions behind. Here I can practice detaching myself from the situation. Here I can learn how to control what I can control and stop worrying about what I can't control".

That is why I needed it. I didn't even know it, but I needed it.

At some point anxiety disappeared.

A year later my trainer asked me would I care to compete.

Gradually boxing class underwent a magical transformation - from the place of anxiety to a place of power.

Now I go there to recharge my batteries and reclaim pieces of my real self I lose in everyday battle with so-called "reality". Reality is questionable.

Boxing is honest. It shows me who I am.

I read that a successful investor Chris Sacca once ran a marathon or something like this. At some point he felt he couldn't do it any more. So he kept telling himself: "Tonight I will be in my bed. Tonight I will be in my bed". As a reminder that the marathon, as long as it was, wasn't forever.

When I have a tough day my bed is a poor consolation to look forward to - I still struggle with insomnia and dark thoughts and worries always there to give me hard time.

But what make my eyes brighten up is when I say to myself: "At 7/8 p.m I will be at the gym". Because when I am there, all my worries, and BS from the past, etc. have to back off. It's my zone. It's my time. I am smiling, jumping, high-five with my buddies, joking. I am more myself than ever.

On top of that about 3 months ago 2 new trainers (2 brothers) joined the gym and, my, do they have electrifying personality.

There are people who suck your energy out, there are people who transfer bright energy from some outer place. That's them.

They do both boxing and kickboxing. They talked me into trying kickboxing.

So, I ended up with with fitting kickboxing into my training schedule.

And, for sure, when I feel stuck it's my "go-to place" to remind myself that I do move forward.

andyh

I really relate to this MB, thank you for posting & I'm so pleased for you

I'm not out the other side yet, but I'm some way along the path ...

MidnightBlue

Andy, keep going.

Focus on the step right in front you. Then on the next one. Dark times are not forever. I know now..

theVman31

I loved reading that MB !
Im going to dust off my squash rackets.

I had a great day. Around 20h00 (her bedtime) my daughter came into the sitting room banging on her chest making tarzan noise and saying she was a gorilla. Normally she should be in pj's and calm. The three of us just had a laughing fit.
Got her to bed an hour later

Night night to all.

MidnightBlue

Good night, Vman!

MidnightBlue

Time for me to go to bed too)

I discovered this song very early in my sobriety and it became my sort of hymn

"On an ordinary way
The extraordinary way"

It was so about me. I still haven't much of material possessions, and I had nothing then. All I had was my friends here to speak to. And that turned out to be a lot.

"What I have is nothing to my name
No property to speak of
And no trophy for my game
Intangible and worthless
My assets on the page
My coffers are empty
Any offer of safety has faded away
But what I have
What I have is

On an ordinary day
The extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day
The extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this"



What holds an extraordinary potential in your ordinary day?

See you)

MidnightBlue

Speaking of extraordinary - Venus - Jupiter conjunction

Before the November 13, 2017 sunrise, watch for the super-close pairing of the sky’s two brightest planets, Venus and Jupiter. They’ll be in the sunrise direction, low in the eastern sky at dawn. Depending on where you live worldwide, Venus and Jupiter will come closest together on the sky’s dome on the morning of November 13 or 14. They’ll be snuggling plenty close on both dates

More info here

Venus-Jupiter conjunction Monday a.m. | Tonight | EarthSky

Good luck with weather)