Weekenders Thread November 9-12: Get Unstuck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Kampala, Uganda
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue 
On the topic of being unstuck.
Today i got thrown back into fear and lost one round to it.
In brief. As I mentioned I work flexible hours, mostly from home. Last two weeks I've been also doing lots of tasks outside the office. And today I my job assignment didn't require visiting office either.
By the time I got back home the cell phone battery died. When I charged it I saw that a colleague called me.
I immediately got like, at least, 5 horrible scenarios in my head:
- The bank contacted the accounting department so they are looking for me
- Big boss was looking for me
- I am getting fired.
- And so on. You get the picture.
I've been paralyzed with fear like for an hour. I ruined my evening.
I haven't got anything done about my own project.
Finally I couldn't take it any more.
I whatsupped my colleague and asked why she called me.
Her answer was:
"Oh, we've just haven't seen you for a while. We miss you here))".
Really????
I wasn't sure how to react - laugh or cry.
I went for a walk.
I bought myself lots of fruit and nuts and grossly overdid on it.
Sorry, my dear trainer, loss of my 4 extra kilos is postponed again.
Then I re-listened the chapter from the book I am listening over and over at the moment.
"Fighting fear doesn't work. It just drags us in closer. One has to focus on what is real. On the truth. When in darkness, don't fight it. You can't win. Just find the nearest switch. Turn on the light."
The chapter is short and hilarious. I would copy it here but kindle won't let me do it. So I'll give a synopsis.
"Richard Bandler, co-founder of NLP got known early in his career as someone who could cure schizophrenics within hours.
One of his cases was about an executive who started hallucinating snakes. Treatment didn't help. So he was strapped to bed - not very empowering when you believe snakes are crawling all over you - in the mental hospital. And was considered hopeless.
By the time Bandler met him, he was in a bad shape.
Bandler found a barrel of rubber snakes in a pet shop. The owner of the shop also happened to have 3 well-trained snakes - 2 cobras and one python.
Bandler brought the snakes into the hospital's' room. He covered the place with rubber snakes, placed real ones close to the place where the patient would be.
Then he brought the patient, strapped to a wheelchair, to the room, and positioned him right in front of the real snakes.
The moment the patient saw the place he started screaming: "Snakes!".
Bandler left the room.
The patient kept screaming.
After a while he came back.
The patient saw him and was about to scream again, but Bandler cut him off: "Snakes, snakes. I know. Tell me which ones are real, and which ones are not. And I'll wheel you out. Otherwise, I am leaving you here".
"Rubber snakes," the main said motioning to the ground with his head. "Hallucinated snakes", he motioned around. "Real snakes", he pointed to cobras and the python.
This caught Bandler off guard. The man was not only lucid enough to tell hallucinated snakes from real, but could even tell which ones were rubber - something even Bandler had hard time telling, given how realistic they were.
He wheeled the man out and asked how he could distinguish between real ones and hallucinated snakes.
"Easy", the man said. "Hallucinated snakes are see-through".
The man knew it all along. Reality was solid. Hallucinations see-through. But the fear was so intense, he'd lost touch with reality. Bandler taught him to focus on the difference between reality and hallucinated see-through.
So, when fear arises, remember that it is a hallucinated snake, or it is not useful, or it is not real."
These words just resonated with me today:
"fear was so intense, he'd lost touch with reality"
I often feel like I live in two realities - one is real, the other one is warped by fear. It's a 'see-through" , but so scary I am paralyzed .
I need to find that light switch to take me out of the darkness.
Today i got thrown back into fear and lost one round to it.
In brief. As I mentioned I work flexible hours, mostly from home. Last two weeks I've been also doing lots of tasks outside the office. And today I my job assignment didn't require visiting office either.
By the time I got back home the cell phone battery died. When I charged it I saw that a colleague called me.
I immediately got like, at least, 5 horrible scenarios in my head:
- The bank contacted the accounting department so they are looking for me
- Big boss was looking for me
- I am getting fired.
- And so on. You get the picture.
I've been paralyzed with fear like for an hour. I ruined my evening.
I haven't got anything done about my own project.
Finally I couldn't take it any more.
I whatsupped my colleague and asked why she called me.
Her answer was:
"Oh, we've just haven't seen you for a while. We miss you here))".
Really????
I wasn't sure how to react - laugh or cry.
I went for a walk.
I bought myself lots of fruit and nuts and grossly overdid on it.
Sorry, my dear trainer, loss of my 4 extra kilos is postponed again.
Then I re-listened the chapter from the book I am listening over and over at the moment.
"Fighting fear doesn't work. It just drags us in closer. One has to focus on what is real. On the truth. When in darkness, don't fight it. You can't win. Just find the nearest switch. Turn on the light."
The chapter is short and hilarious. I would copy it here but kindle won't let me do it. So I'll give a synopsis.
"Richard Bandler, co-founder of NLP got known early in his career as someone who could cure schizophrenics within hours.
One of his cases was about an executive who started hallucinating snakes. Treatment didn't help. So he was strapped to bed - not very empowering when you believe snakes are crawling all over you - in the mental hospital. And was considered hopeless.
By the time Bandler met him, he was in a bad shape.
Bandler found a barrel of rubber snakes in a pet shop. The owner of the shop also happened to have 3 well-trained snakes - 2 cobras and one python.
Bandler brought the snakes into the hospital's' room. He covered the place with rubber snakes, placed real ones close to the place where the patient would be.
Then he brought the patient, strapped to a wheelchair, to the room, and positioned him right in front of the real snakes.
The moment the patient saw the place he started screaming: "Snakes!".
Bandler left the room.
The patient kept screaming.
After a while he came back.
The patient saw him and was about to scream again, but Bandler cut him off: "Snakes, snakes. I know. Tell me which ones are real, and which ones are not. And I'll wheel you out. Otherwise, I am leaving you here".
"Rubber snakes," the main said motioning to the ground with his head. "Hallucinated snakes", he motioned around. "Real snakes", he pointed to cobras and the python.
This caught Bandler off guard. The man was not only lucid enough to tell hallucinated snakes from real, but could even tell which ones were rubber - something even Bandler had hard time telling, given how realistic they were.
He wheeled the man out and asked how he could distinguish between real ones and hallucinated snakes.
"Easy", the man said. "Hallucinated snakes are see-through".
The man knew it all along. Reality was solid. Hallucinations see-through. But the fear was so intense, he'd lost touch with reality. Bandler taught him to focus on the difference between reality and hallucinated see-through.
So, when fear arises, remember that it is a hallucinated snake, or it is not useful, or it is not real."
These words just resonated with me today:
"fear was so intense, he'd lost touch with reality"
I often feel like I live in two realities - one is real, the other one is warped by fear. It's a 'see-through" , but so scary I am paralyzed .
I need to find that light switch to take me out of the darkness.
I also have issues with fear. Are you seeing a therapist for your fear or are you trying to work on it yourself? It sounds terribly paralyzing.
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, weekenders.
Ah, all this sugar from fruit messed up with my sleep. Feel uber-groggy.
Vman - Good luck with work and the bull)
Lava - The book is this https://www.amazon.com/Love-Yourself.../dp/B0086BX8UE
And it is amazing.
I've been seeing a therapist for a long time for a different range of issues.
What I've learned thought that there is nothing like action to confront fear.
An action, without overthinking, is that switch which brings the light into darkness.
Time for coffee.
See you)
Ah, all this sugar from fruit messed up with my sleep. Feel uber-groggy.
Vman - Good luck with work and the bull)
Lava - The book is this https://www.amazon.com/Love-Yourself.../dp/B0086BX8UE
And it is amazing.
I've been seeing a therapist for a long time for a different range of issues.
What I've learned thought that there is nothing like action to confront fear.
An action, without overthinking, is that switch which brings the light into darkness.
Time for coffee.
See you)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
its three in the morning where i am i can't sleep. i was basically told i was fire unless i made the two sale targets for the last two months of the year. The targets are too high i won't make it it is impossible. I also don't want to work for this company or the people anymore for obvious reasons.
i am really scare what I'm going to do now. obviosly i suck at what i do so what to do next. i am also sad i worked so hard for this company i brought over my best clients and for what i feel mistreated no one is making goals because they are too high yet i am the only one being fire. why? they most be right so what am i going to do for a living.
failure is a difficult thing to swallow I'm 21 days sober today and i feel my whole world is falling apart and i just load myself i feel stupid its so humiliating I'm not young to start again i am afraid of what the future may bring and i can't find the light
i am really scare what I'm going to do now. obviosly i suck at what i do so what to do next. i am also sad i worked so hard for this company i brought over my best clients and for what i feel mistreated no one is making goals because they are too high yet i am the only one being fire. why? they most be right so what am i going to do for a living.
failure is a difficult thing to swallow I'm 21 days sober today and i feel my whole world is falling apart and i just load myself i feel stupid its so humiliating I'm not young to start again i am afraid of what the future may bring and i can't find the light
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,873
H&S ~ Maybe it's a blessing in disguise because something better is coming? Congrats on three weeks! It's a great time to be sober so when the opportunity arrives you'll be ready ~ you're doing great! 
Just wanted to stop in and say hi before getting ready for the day ~ Good to see everyone!
Just wanted to stop in and say hi before getting ready for the day ~ Good to see everyone!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Trust sobriety, HAS.. You can do this. How about checking with some of those clients who came with you...maybe there are opportnities on their side of the equation? I seriously doubt you really suck, and sober you can explore what is possible. Good clients would not have come with you, if you weren't good for them.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I think Bix has a fine idea, H&S. It wouldn’t hurt to ask around.
Your future is brighter than the present: no matter where you go, you’ll be a better-quality employee because you don’t drink.
Hang in there! You’ve got a lot to cope with, and you’re handling it very well.
Your future is brighter than the present: no matter where you go, you’ll be a better-quality employee because you don’t drink.
Hang in there! You’ve got a lot to cope with, and you’re handling it very well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 959
Originally Posted by BixBees505
Trust sobriety, HAS.. You can do this. How about checking with some of those clients who came with you...maybe there are opportnities on their side of the equation? I seriously doubt you really suck, and sober you can explore what is possible. Good clients would not have come with you, if you weren't good for them.
Wishing you the best, H&S!
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, weekenders.
I am back from...the gym. Surprise, surprise. 3 hours of workouts today)
My new trainer asked me would I care to compete on November 25. Hmmm... I don't feel emotionally ready. But I am flattered he considers it as an option.
Healthyandsober - Lots of great advice here. I would add just my 2 cents. You still have 1,5 months at your job till the end of the month, right? And you have this impossible target of two sales.
And you have nothing to lose now, right? So, what if you make it a game, a challenge? You can let go of the outcome. And this is the perfect time for aiming for impossible. What if you do something you would never do because you always needed approval from your boss. Now you are getting fired anyways. So, be creative. There is nothing more awesome than doing impossible things. It provides that feeling which Richard Branson calls "being high on life".
Do it. What would you do if you were not afraid what others will think of you?
And congrats on 3 weeks sober!
Time for bed for me.
See you)
I am back from...the gym. Surprise, surprise. 3 hours of workouts today)
My new trainer asked me would I care to compete on November 25. Hmmm... I don't feel emotionally ready. But I am flattered he considers it as an option.
Healthyandsober - Lots of great advice here. I would add just my 2 cents. You still have 1,5 months at your job till the end of the month, right? And you have this impossible target of two sales.
And you have nothing to lose now, right? So, what if you make it a game, a challenge? You can let go of the outcome. And this is the perfect time for aiming for impossible. What if you do something you would never do because you always needed approval from your boss. Now you are getting fired anyways. So, be creative. There is nothing more awesome than doing impossible things. It provides that feeling which Richard Branson calls "being high on life".
Do it. What would you do if you were not afraid what others will think of you?
And congrats on 3 weeks sober!
Time for bed for me.
See you)
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Great point, Andy)
I don't remember who said that "Wisdom is an ability to follow your own advice".
Something i need to work on)
I don't remember who said that "Wisdom is an ability to follow your own advice".
Something i need to work on)
ours de petit cerveau
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,630
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
Great point, Andy)
I don't remember who said that "Wisdom is an ability to follow your own advice".
Something i need to work on)
I don't remember who said that "Wisdom is an ability to follow your own advice".
Something i need to work on)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
thank you MB and everyone you guys have give me something to think about. my day was horrible i was in a meeting with HR for an 1. i could not stop crying quite embarrassing.
they wanted to offer me severance for 1 or 2 month if i want to just leave now. i said no i will let it run its course try to make this money and look for a job. i don't know if this was the right move. I just feel i don't want to give no one the pleasure to run me out. I mean they could just have fire me on the spot so the fact that i could get to spend two more months has to mean something.
well maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment i just would like to do or try to do the impossible and get high on life.
still here still day 21
they wanted to offer me severance for 1 or 2 month if i want to just leave now. i said no i will let it run its course try to make this money and look for a job. i don't know if this was the right move. I just feel i don't want to give no one the pleasure to run me out. I mean they could just have fire me on the spot so the fact that i could get to spend two more months has to mean something.
well maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment i just would like to do or try to do the impossible and get high on life.
still here still day 21
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
On the topic of being stuck.
Why all the guilt and shame? Why do I feel I must be stuck and feeling bad for myself sorry for myself that I can't control my drinking like 8 out of 9 people in America last time I checked. Why can't I be one of those for lack of a better word Health nuts that are darn proud that they don't drink and go around happily touting that they don't put that poison in their bodies there training for this Marathon there retaining all their brain cells for one reason or another. Oh what about those folks that don't drink for religious reasons and simply say all I don't think because it goes against God's word. Why do I have to say something is wrong with me because I don't want to drink anymore and because I can't drink anymore if I want to avoid the consequences that my drinking gets me. I'm going to say forget all that shame and guilt. Forget all that poor me. I don't want that poison in my body. And I should be just as proud and happy for myself as any other person that takes a non-alcoholic route.
Why all the guilt and shame? Why do I feel I must be stuck and feeling bad for myself sorry for myself that I can't control my drinking like 8 out of 9 people in America last time I checked. Why can't I be one of those for lack of a better word Health nuts that are darn proud that they don't drink and go around happily touting that they don't put that poison in their bodies there training for this Marathon there retaining all their brain cells for one reason or another. Oh what about those folks that don't drink for religious reasons and simply say all I don't think because it goes against God's word. Why do I have to say something is wrong with me because I don't want to drink anymore and because I can't drink anymore if I want to avoid the consequences that my drinking gets me. I'm going to say forget all that shame and guilt. Forget all that poor me. I don't want that poison in my body. And I should be just as proud and happy for myself as any other person that takes a non-alcoholic route.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
What a tough day you must have had, H&S. I’m sorry.
LiveLikeGold, I think that one of the greatest features of stopping drinking is the ability to shake off the guilt and shame that it caused us. A lot of the reason people have the baggage of guilt and shame is because they actually did mess up their lives pretty badly. Maybe it’s not so much the actual alcohol that caused the shame, but the aftermath.
The good thing is that once the alcohol abuse is gone, we can do our best to make amends for the damage we’ve done, embrace a new start, and move on.
LiveLikeGold, I think that one of the greatest features of stopping drinking is the ability to shake off the guilt and shame that it caused us. A lot of the reason people have the baggage of guilt and shame is because they actually did mess up their lives pretty badly. Maybe it’s not so much the actual alcohol that caused the shame, but the aftermath.
The good thing is that once the alcohol abuse is gone, we can do our best to make amends for the damage we’ve done, embrace a new start, and move on.
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