Dee74

Honestly oldmate I reckon the energy you're expending on these people doing you wrong in the past - even if its justified - is way better spent on making yourself better now in the present.

D

oldmate

thanks dee youre right ive just always helped people. It's a big change doing anything for myself.

just watched a documentary on alchohol. Ross kemp great britian.
Not a big ross kemp fan but the doco was good.

hey talk to different alcoholics there and check out the detox's and that.
Highly reccomended.

One comment in there stuck with me "even after alcohol strips you of everything, it will keep coming back for you" i found that quite powerful.

Not watching too many of them videos as i find them triggering.
anxiety triggering.

Cheers.

Stronger2017

Good to hear your day 1 is going okay. Definitely try not to get too hung up on issues from the past. Focus on the now and you’ll be all good😀 BTW I definitely need to follow this advice too!

oldmate

Hope everyone has a great sober day. I'm feeling better, stilll have bad stomach upset as usual,hopefully clear up today or tomorrow.

cheers.

Stronger2017

Happy to hear you’re feeling a bit better. I hope the stomach stuff clears up soon.

oldmate

Thanks stronger, im amazed at how positive
and encouraging you and other people are on here.

I have a dream to get a caravan and go off the grid or
at least dissapear for a while but ive been told it might
wreck the look of the house having it outside with me
working on it.

Maybe not so unreasonable considering i want to make
it out of a horse float and its a government house.

Makes me grumpy indeed.

anyway.

It's kind of a life long thing for me and a life mission almost,
so im a bit peeved about that.

Hope everyones having a happy/safe/sober night

oldmate

the stomach problems ive had for years from drinking and
is one of the most things i look forward to sobering up when it all goes back
to some normality.

Dee74

Yeah I'd stay where you are for now Oldmate - pretty hard to get a government place back if you leave it.

D

Stronger2017

My stomach is terrible when I drink. It then fixes itself when I stop😃

If it was me I’d definitely not take off into the bush just yet. Maybe start working on one of your other hobbies or start doing a few bits and pieces in the garden.

Enjoy your day oldmate.

oldmate

thanks guys.

I think half the problem is being told i cant do what i want and having to conform.

Ive always had a problem with that. Which is why i want to get away really.

Everyone i know and society itself is based on things, or we are made to
believe we need this or that to be happy, or to be doing this and etc.

Ive worked hard,had all the toys,lost the toys. blah blah blah.
going out spending money isnt enjoyable to me. going out every night,
wearing a suit to the casino,flash resteraunts etc etc. it
was depressing.

Id rather
be cruising around the country in something i built myself,
maybe doing some standup shows on the road at pubs for free.

just to do it.

oldmate

I need a new keyboard today ,man this things bad.

Hope everyones having a good day

oldmate

I'm going to stop posting here, things arent going well. Hope everyones ok

Stronger2017

If it was me, I’d keep posting. Why do you want to stop oldmate?

Dee74

When things aren't going well, it's the most important time to post oldmate.

Have you thought about what changes you need to make to your life? Are you getting enough support? Making use of the support you have?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

Change doesn't happen in a vaccuum oldmate - it need a little elbow grease.

why not dig in with the Class of November support group?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-pt-2-a-6.html

D

Stronger2017

That’s some good advice from Dee. I use the daily support thread and some others related to my interests. It’s really helping me, particularly when I’m not feeling great.

oldmate

Thankyou very much guys.

the forum is great and you guys are champs but yeh.

you may as well bang your head against a brick wall.

i dont want to say much more on here.

Thanks guys.

Dee74

It's not like it's a chore to try and help people oldmate

You're no more hopeless useless or too far gone than I was.

You and I both know that drinking the way we do is not sustainable.
You came here for a reason.

someday you're gonna have to quit if you want any quality of life at all.

It's going to be easier, and better for you, to do it now rather than in a year, 5 years or even ten years time.

Think about what you want for yourself and your life.

Not drinking is the way to get it.

D

Doubledee

Hey oldmate, just read through the whole thread.

I’ve had many stop and starts like yourself. But each one I learned from it and what triggered me. I’m going on a month off it now and owe a lot of that to posting on this site, so if you can I think you should continue to post whether things are going well or not.

Hope your journey isn’t too rough

oldmate

Thanks guys for the advice and help and everything.
Yesterday was a very bad day indeed.

I have a lot of underlying emotional stuff going on from
trauma from things ive seen.

ive had ptsd for 12 years that was never addressed then,
i was badly assaulted for no reason,anyway
drinking alcohol stopped the anxiety.

As we all know alcohol will wreck your life. If youre like me.

I was heavy into drugs when i was younger,all sorts and
plenty of them, im sure that doesnt help from a mental health
perspective.

What im trying to work out, obviously is how to deal with
anxiety with out alcohol. One of the reasons i stopped drinking initially
or should i say started to stop,aside from the alcohol killing me, was
i was having extreme anxiety, even when i was drunk.

I'm trialling meds at the moment and trying to lead a "normal"
life,try to take some time to analyse myself and work out
what to do.

What i'm wondering is are all the toxic chemicals my body makes when im
angry and sober worse for me than the booze.obviously not
drinking massive amounts everyday.

Obviously the main goal is making a life where i am making
happy chemicals in my body without pumping bad ones in
to do it. Or truck loads of them anyway.

If anyone has or has had bad anxiety, it is terrible. It's shlt to be frank,
and frightening.

Thing is i'm not scared of anything really. I go on stage infront
of 50 people and dont think twice but just get panick attacks
at home or wherever for nothing.

The situation doesnt seem to affect it. Obviously if something
really triggers me into an episode it takes a bit to calm down.

I tried some different anti anxiety drugs in the past and had
bad experiences. I'm due to see the doctor this week for a checkup.

I casnnt ring many of my friends when i'm having a hard time.
because they dont pick up their phone and have their own stuff
going on. That was prooved yesterday,anyway.

All good. I'm having a beer now just for anyone playing at home.
Had nothing all day and just opened a stout. Earlier in the day was rough.
I could that voice screaming for the stout.

All day.

I actually found it quite interesting when it was happening,if you
know whats going on.its weird.

Had toast this morning and a coffee while the voice was
screaming. I never eat breakfast. It was kind of like a little
victory.

For me anyway. Ate the toast,drank the coffee and went to the beach for hour.

There is progress i can feel it but i think ive been going at it the way
a lot of people tell me to, but i need to do it my way.

Thanks for reading guys.
and apologies for the short novel

oldmate

Probably worth adding eating is a massive problem for
me and i'm slowly getting better at eating more frequently.

Cheers.