Oldmates third time lucky
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
You deserve help as much as anyone else here oldmate 
Like I said to someone else today - there's no better day to quit than today ...you could come to one morning and find it's March 2018.
Fight it, mate.
D
Like I said to someone else today - there's no better day to quit than today ...you could come to one morning and find it's March 2018.
Fight it, mate.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 206
Hey guys, thankyou.
Today is day 1 again.
In the last week i lost my license,crashed a motorcycle that i'm trying to sell
and ended up in hospital in the resus room with my heart playing up.
Dad died in my arms age 58 from heart related problems.
To say i'm scared is probably an understatement. My anxiety and heart palpitations work hand in hand,and can really get in a bad cycle.
Everyone around me is pretty much over it,being stressed out watching
me almost dying, and hearing me saying i'm not going to do it anymore.
The people close to me are getting tired.
i am not in a good spot mentally at the moment,very depressed.
Just hoping over the next coming days i feel better.
I need to get more tests done on my heart and dont have the money
for it.
Hopefully something works out.
Hope everyones doing well.
Hopefully someone reading this can see how far it can spiral down.
This all happened in less than a week.
All the plants in my garden have died too.
Please stay strong people. I'm lucky to be typing this today.
Today is day 1 again.
In the last week i lost my license,crashed a motorcycle that i'm trying to sell
and ended up in hospital in the resus room with my heart playing up.
Dad died in my arms age 58 from heart related problems.
To say i'm scared is probably an understatement. My anxiety and heart palpitations work hand in hand,and can really get in a bad cycle.
Everyone around me is pretty much over it,being stressed out watching
me almost dying, and hearing me saying i'm not going to do it anymore.
The people close to me are getting tired.
i am not in a good spot mentally at the moment,very depressed.
Just hoping over the next coming days i feel better.
I need to get more tests done on my heart and dont have the money
for it.
Hopefully something works out.
Hope everyones doing well.
Hopefully someone reading this can see how far it can spiral down.
This all happened in less than a week.
All the plants in my garden have died too.
Please stay strong people. I'm lucky to be typing this today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 83
Hello oldmate
I have just logged on for the first time in months having read your thread just to send you my very best wishes and hopes that you can remain alcohol free whilst facing these tough times.
I really enjoyed reading your thread and was sorry to hear about your horrible week. Please decide to stay sober ad the other stuff will be that bit more manageable.
SOSO
I have just logged on for the first time in months having read your thread just to send you my very best wishes and hopes that you can remain alcohol free whilst facing these tough times.
I really enjoyed reading your thread and was sorry to hear about your horrible week. Please decide to stay sober ad the other stuff will be that bit more manageable.
SOSO
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland maine
Posts: 1,330
Oldmate - I have been where you have been and I well know the Hell we put ourselves through. Not just us, but our loved ones. I'm back on day 6 and today is the only day I have. My approach this time around (at 61), is just that. Today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 206
thankyou so much guys. its my 2nd morning now. woke up
with my heart feeling better but very dizzy. had a small bowl of
oats, two campral and a b1 tablet. (vitamin b1)
going to see the councilor today and tell them, all of what happened.
You guys make me emotional, i thank you from the bottom of my heart,
i think we all need eachother.
i think i might take the pushbike out today and fix the gears
so i can ride around when i'm up to it.
Looking around the house theres a lot of stuff i have to fix now.
Lost a whole crop of broad beans and virtually everything else
in my veggie garden from neglect.
I spent a small fortune on that garden (heirloom seeds,organic soil)
etc, and been looking after it since feb. the whole lots gone.
The garden was my safe happy spot and it looks like a battle
field and makes me cry.
Hope everyone has a positive day, and for those of you struggling like this
i give you a hug from my soul. Life is not easy, not easy to keep going anyway.
Just everybody who is having or has had a bad time, you all seem
like good people, too good to die. I'm getting emotional again.
urggh.
I love you all please keep posting here if you want or need to.
with my heart feeling better but very dizzy. had a small bowl of
oats, two campral and a b1 tablet. (vitamin b1)
going to see the councilor today and tell them, all of what happened.
You guys make me emotional, i thank you from the bottom of my heart,
i think we all need eachother.
i think i might take the pushbike out today and fix the gears
so i can ride around when i'm up to it.
Looking around the house theres a lot of stuff i have to fix now.
Lost a whole crop of broad beans and virtually everything else
in my veggie garden from neglect.
I spent a small fortune on that garden (heirloom seeds,organic soil)
etc, and been looking after it since feb. the whole lots gone.
The garden was my safe happy spot and it looks like a battle
field and makes me cry.
Hope everyone has a positive day, and for those of you struggling like this
i give you a hug from my soul. Life is not easy, not easy to keep going anyway.
Just everybody who is having or has had a bad time, you all seem
like good people, too good to die. I'm getting emotional again.
urggh.
I love you all please keep posting here if you want or need to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 206
Just had a slow walk around the yard and did some light exercise, trying to copy
what we did in detox, mainly stretching. Seem to help with my pulpitations.
Also distracts me which is good.
Highly reccomnded.
what we did in detox, mainly stretching. Seem to help with my pulpitations.
Also distracts me which is good.
Highly reccomnded.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 83
Hey oldmate
glad to hear you are a little better.
I am coming to think that gardening is a really good metaphor for sobriety. Gardens are tough to get going but, with some knowledge, hard work and perseverance, they build up and become richer and more fertile. You learn what works well in your garden and what will not grow there, no matter how much you want it to. But, growth and development come slowly and through hard work. Setbacks can come very quickly through neglect or not being ready for severe weather. You can lose a crop fast - but you don't lose your knowledge and next planting season you can incorporate the lessons from what went wrong. Still got to do the hard yards and get the hands dirty but worth it!
I am on day 5 again having clocked up a lot of abstinent time in the last year or so (3 months last time round) but always drifted back. My metaphorical 'garden' hasn't quite died off, thankfully, but it needs some serious weeding to get back to where was before I started to neglect it again!
Best of luck to you, stay positive and plant again!
SOSO
glad to hear you are a little better.
I am coming to think that gardening is a really good metaphor for sobriety. Gardens are tough to get going but, with some knowledge, hard work and perseverance, they build up and become richer and more fertile. You learn what works well in your garden and what will not grow there, no matter how much you want it to. But, growth and development come slowly and through hard work. Setbacks can come very quickly through neglect or not being ready for severe weather. You can lose a crop fast - but you don't lose your knowledge and next planting season you can incorporate the lessons from what went wrong. Still got to do the hard yards and get the hands dirty but worth it!
I am on day 5 again having clocked up a lot of abstinent time in the last year or so (3 months last time round) but always drifted back. My metaphorical 'garden' hasn't quite died off, thankfully, but it needs some serious weeding to get back to where was before I started to neglect it again!
Best of luck to you, stay positive and plant again!
SOSO
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 206
Great post soso. And i agree completely.
I dont know where you are but on the lower west coast of Western Australia
in the last months weve had lows at 10degreesc,rain,35 degree days,
its all over the place really. Strong gusty winds too. Changing all the time.
If it isnt the bugs eating the plants or the sun burning them or the rain drowning them its the wind breaking them at the stems.
That sounds like a metaphor in itself.
Youre right though,always learning.
Good job on day 5 again SOSO. ) im slowly realising this whole bit isnt as
easy as i thought it was. Were all stuck in this cycle together to some extent, and need to help eachother in the downs so we can appreciate the ups.
I wasnt going to share this but your post made me.
Today im back at square one,and i dont expect any of you guys
to keep giving great advice and encouragement but heres why i'm drinking again.
After a huge argument on the phone (before i even got out of bed)
my heart was racing. From anxiety.
I tried to calm myself down for about half an hour, distracting
myself, breathing techniques,sipping water,playing with the dog,
my heart wont calm down.
Theres too much going to write but essentially my brain and the stressers
in my life are pushing me to only thing available. The doctors wont give me benzos for times like this because of my "addictive personality" - maybe some people are addicted to everything but i have no interest in benzos,
I had a bottle of 50 given by my doctor that sat here for 6 months.
There only used for panic attacks when im not drinking at the start.
Usually as soon as i start exercising after i start feeling better
i dont need them for anxiety.
Anyway my hearts still racing and my chests sore. cheers.
I dont know where you are but on the lower west coast of Western Australia
in the last months weve had lows at 10degreesc,rain,35 degree days,
its all over the place really. Strong gusty winds too. Changing all the time.
If it isnt the bugs eating the plants or the sun burning them or the rain drowning them its the wind breaking them at the stems.
That sounds like a metaphor in itself.
Youre right though,always learning.
Good job on day 5 again SOSO. ) im slowly realising this whole bit isnt as
easy as i thought it was. Were all stuck in this cycle together to some extent, and need to help eachother in the downs so we can appreciate the ups.
I wasnt going to share this but your post made me.
Today im back at square one,and i dont expect any of you guys
to keep giving great advice and encouragement but heres why i'm drinking again.
After a huge argument on the phone (before i even got out of bed)
my heart was racing. From anxiety.
I tried to calm myself down for about half an hour, distracting
myself, breathing techniques,sipping water,playing with the dog,
my heart wont calm down.
Theres too much going to write but essentially my brain and the stressers
in my life are pushing me to only thing available. The doctors wont give me benzos for times like this because of my "addictive personality" - maybe some people are addicted to everything but i have no interest in benzos,
I had a bottle of 50 given by my doctor that sat here for 6 months.
There only used for panic attacks when im not drinking at the start.
Usually as soon as i start exercising after i start feeling better
i dont need them for anxiety.
Anyway my hearts still racing and my chests sore. cheers.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 83
Hang in there oldmate and get all the medical / professional help you can.
For me, panic attacks (and I mean utter panic) are a key part of my drinking experience - usually after a session - and they can be MASSIVE. When I remain abstinent for a while it morphs into a sort of generalised dread, then a bit of a depression, then finally goes away. But it takes a while.
I hope you can combine abstinence and professional support to hep you stabilise your experience.
I know we know this but - it is not fixable while drinking.
Very best wishes to you from England.
For me, panic attacks (and I mean utter panic) are a key part of my drinking experience - usually after a session - and they can be MASSIVE. When I remain abstinent for a while it morphs into a sort of generalised dread, then a bit of a depression, then finally goes away. But it takes a while.
I hope you can combine abstinence and professional support to hep you stabilise your experience.
I know we know this but - it is not fixable while drinking.
Very best wishes to you from England.
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