Dharma33

"I guess there are levels of personal addiction.

If I can stay clean for over a year, with just a few AA meetings, we are probably different.

We are all different, but for some reason I was hoping for some different answer than 90 in 90 etc etc."

OK, all I can share is my experience.

I went into AA for the first time ever after not having a drink for one year. I got to the point where I was either going to have 'just one' or continue obsessing over how 'not' to drink instead of actually living.

I wanted to be happy in my own head. I decided to try another way, so I wouldn't take that first drink.

SR was huge in my recovery. I've made a lot of friends here. But I got to a point where I needed support with people IRL. This is what I needed. Sure we're all different, but I don't believe for a second there are levels in addiction. You are either an addict, or you are not (and by you I mean all of us). A rose is a rose is a rose.

I did 90 in 90 even at that point. My sponsor said if I wanted to get better, that's the way it's done. Did I fight it? Yes- I thought I was terminally unique because I didn't take that drink for a year.....so I wasn't truly like them- they were worse than me, right? I was wrong. We're all the same. I ceased fighting and now I am free of the obsession to drink. It's a miracle. But that's just me. And after I year plus at the tables, I heard a guy with a very similar path as mine- dry for a year, went to AA then because the thoughts of drinking were too strong. Guess I'm not such a big deal after all!

90 in 90 is a textbook answer because, in my opinion- that's where you learn to put in the work.

*I am not promoting or criticizing any ones road to recovery nor do I wish to argue. This is just my story*

D122y

I'm not dry. I been to AA a bunch. Ive seen dry. I am no longer a drunk. I am a gym rat and a family man.

If i relapse and turn into a gigantic blubbering wreck or dead...all of those that warned me...you were right. It will be tragic.

Otherwise...when i stay a non drinker for the rest of my life, my beliefs in what i feel inside...proudly sober etc etc...are spot on.

Time will tell. Guess i am happily rooting for me. I have a strong belief in myself at this point. I do not need a sponser etc.

I messed up... 2 shots to 2 years. I owned it.

I swear to God i am happy and drug free. I work out all the time and am doing great w God, financially, w my family, and work. I sleep better than ever and pet my little dog all the time.

The world has changed. We are not limited to what we hear at meetings or dig out of a library book anymore. We have SR and the entire www.

Eventually, someone will want to close this thread, based on some rationale. I see it coming.

There are tons of folks reading this and they can make decisions based on what happened here and the cross flow generated.

Thanks.

Rebecc78

What you have achieved in 2 years with only having 2 shots is something to be proud of, it could of lead to a binge but it didn't. so; although not ideal, you have still maintained near almost sobriety for 2 years.

Sometimes I think the day counting is a bit unhelpful when these things happen 'resetting sobriety days' can put a lot of pressure on people and that's why I have relapsed in the past, thinking oh well 'I'm back on day one now, so I may as well carry on drinking'... you have done really well, personally I would call what happened a slip up, you controlled it, before it controlled you.
All the best

D122y

I really appreciate your post Gota.

You write clearly and i get your message.

Hopefully, we can be online friends without me being like you in my recovery methods.

I am not sad. I am happier than i have been as far back as i can remember. I was addicted at 5 years old.

I venture i am happier than most folks...all things considered.

While I've changed my sobriety date, 9 May 2015 will be the one i care the most about for now.

All of this help from you and everyone else here is truly going to strengthen my resolve to stay happily clean.

If i didn't post, i am sure i would have started down a path to doom.

Thanks to everyone for the words of support and guidance.

Bobbieka

D122Y,

Your honesty is refreshing. Keep doing what you are doing. You are really strong and show that you are in this for the long haul. Getting a new date isn't a failure on your part. Just another leg to your journey. Love you!

Nowsthetime

Hello!

I identify too in that I had long periods and then some one night, then another long stretch, then a couple... now I have almost 7 months and I keep working at it. That's all we need to do, everyday.

You make this what you want it to be and create your own recovery. Coming here and posting is working that plan. I agree with the honesty being necessary and I commend you for taking all the feedback for what it is.

I'm with you and I support you. Keep working that plan.

Ps: I enjoy your posts too.

D122y

Bobi,

You rock! While many mean well when telling me they are sad for me and that I needed to reset my clock..if causes frustrating feeling. We are human, not robots.

Those that are walking in the light of pure sobriety for many years don't feel the shame of the judgements rendered.

Judge, advise, next post....

While they are arguably correct, it is depressing for us...relapsers....and could cause folks reading to say...the heck w it, if the vocal players on SR are going to think less of me for having 1 shot of booze, I may as well drink the bottle.

Could be same for any recovery method.

Folks like you, and me, are another side of the sobriety gem.

I want our posts say.....don't drink..booze is a life killer......but if you do slip....stop right away and drink as little as possible.

I had half a shot of strong Cognac and I felt the brain altered issues for over 24 hours.

If I would have done several shots on the 28th, I venture I would still be suffering the I'll effects.

((((((Thanks)))))

Gottalife

D122Y, I am happy to be friends not matter which way you recover. I like to be helpful, but I am not an AA recruiter. The important thing to me is that you find a way to be happily sober.

I noted that you said you are happier than ever in a post just above, but inwortoe what I wrote from what I saw in earlier post where you talked about suffering anxiety and having no friends. That doesn't sound to good to me, but this happiness thing is relative, I would say.

For me, there was a tremendous improvement in my life just in the first few weeks of stopping drinking. I had found a solution, the bad stuff had stopped happening, relatively speaking life was fantastic. But I didn't know what I didn't know. Life just kept getting better, maybe taking on new meaning, or a deeper meaning, mifpght describe it, and I picked up this sense of purpose and this strong internal conviction that everything was going to be ok, no matter what was happening in my external world. There is better than bad and better than better I suppose.

I anycase your are perfectly free to travel your own path and find your own truth. Anything I can do that would help you with that, I will gladly do.

D122y

Thanks gota.

My wife says i don't have friends but i believe i have some friends. The relapse was partially generated by that.

I suffer some anxiety still, but it is now like a light rain compared to Hurricane Harvey.

I have been invited to several AA parties and functions. I am slowly getting over myself and coming to grips w where i belong.

Thanks for everything.

soberandhonest

There is a LOT to learn from this thread, for all of us! Thank you D122y for sharing your honest feelings about so many important issues and for inviting a very sincere discussion of these issues.

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel shame D122y - I like to suggest again that's not what anyone here intended.

I was, & am still a very proud man.
I have, on occasion, a very thin skin.

I have, on occasions,. let my pride lead me into bad decisions.

I still do not like being embarrassed when I've done something wrong or silly.

Often I don't like to feel, much less admit, I still have much to learn.

All these are, as you point out, perfectly valid human reactions.

but if I just deal with them to that point, say oh well I'm human, go figure, and push them to one side - they're likely to fester and grow into resentment, even anger - maybe even justification for future bad decisions.

I'd contend that every post here - even the ones you do not like or the ones that you feel lead you to feel shame - are here to help.

I haven;t forgotten what it was like and I daresay neither has anyone else here.

Don't let pride get in the way of healing.

If you want me to close it I will, but I have no plans to.

I hope you'll leave it open.

D

D122y

D,

I was worried it was turning into a debate over recovery methods and get closed.

I want it to stay open and die of natural causes.

Thanks.

NessunDorma

Hi D122y

I don't have much to add on the debate about dates/methods beyond my support and best wishes. You posts suggest a person of integrity and intelligence who will work their way through this incident.

The aspect that did resonate was that there is ever any sort of obligation to drink for other people. I was brought up to believe this, its sociable etc, and over years have come to understand the reverse is true. While others are free to drink, and for most it's harmless, its wrong to force it on others. This is ususally done in ignorance - when drinking I was certainly many times guilty - but wrong nonetheless.

There often seem to be threads on tactics, ways of saying no etc, but I found I had to reprogramme my core belief about how to behave, beliefs which had developed over many years when I was younger.

A few days ago we had a works dinner, and my boss encouraged me to have a brandy as I was was flagging in the drunk company. I just smiled and sort of ignored it, he was drunk and moved on without giving it another thought. But my unspoken instant, gut feeling was not guilt or defensiveness...sadly it was too rude to repeat here....

Anyway, all the very best with it.

Delilah1

I think it took a lot of courage to make this post. I also think it is going to put you back on an incredible recovery path.

Meraviglioso

Hi there, chiming in late but just wanted to add my support and sympathy to what you are going through, I know how it feels to fail and the mental anguish that comes with it.

I have been in similar situations where I felt pressured to drink. In Italy (maybe other places?) it is considered bad luck to toast with a glass of water. So if there if ever a toast situation people all notice and call out my water glass. Those that are aware of my very hard earned sobriety throw caution to the wind regarding the luck bit and laugh about it while toasting with my water glass in the mix. If I am with others who do not know about my sobriety and I don't want to get into it I simply don't lift a glass or pour about a sip's worth of wine into a wine glass and toast and then pass the glass off to someone else.

I have had 2 situations in the past where I was legitimately pressured to drink. I think it had to do with the fact that those pressuring me were already well into a few glasses themselves and they simply would not let up. I was polite for the first part of this, giving them a chance to "get it" and finally when they didn't I calmly but strongly gave them an earful on what it is like to be an alcoholic. They were quite embarrassed afterwards- rightfully so. Peer pressure has no place in this world- no matter the age.

Oh, edited to add, regarding the toast situation, I have also simply raised my hand into the mix of glasses and touched each glass with my hand instead of a water glass or empty glass, thus symbolically participating in the gesture.

Dee74

Maybe I'm old and cantankerous but I don't think there's any such thing as 'legitimate pressure' to drink.

I understand intellectually about customs and etiquette but if etiquette required me to play chicken on a busy highway, go a round of Russian roulette, or smoke a crack pipe I wouldn't do it.

I don't know why we convince ourselves drinking is any different for people like us.

D

Meraviglioso

I guess I chose the wrong wording, what i meant by "legitimately pressured" was the pressure was real and strong and unrelenting, not just a "heat, have a drink with us" but a continued focus on me and why I wasn't drinking and repeated calls for me to drink. Not legitimate in that their arguments had merit, but legitimate in that the pressure was really over the top.

DontRemember

Wow! Very interesting thread. I'm surprised I'm just now reading it.

At first I was 'thinking' "I'd have taken the one shot."... Then I read on. This is why I LOVE this site! I'm a few days over 9 months now with a one night 'slip' in there, that started with the old 'just one' and led to many more that one night (2+months ago). But this has really made me re-access my 'plan' a bit.

Seriously..THANK YOU! for coming back and owning this and thanks to everyone else for your 'take' on it!

Dee74

.

Dee74

Sorry Mera - maybe 'socially sanctioned pressure' is more precise.
I still think it's bogus tho.

Old and Cantankerous D

D