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I had some booze.

Old 08-28-2017, 04:17 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I really can't offer anything that hasn't already been said. I just want to chime in and offer my support D122. I always enjoy your posts and like your no nonsense approach to things. We must move on and live to fight another day. Right?
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Old 08-28-2017, 04:21 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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There is no number of people staring me down that could cause me to drink.

I'm sorry you were put in that position. I think resetting your date was the right thing to do but that's just my opinion.
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Old 08-28-2017, 04:28 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I love this! Brilliant!
Yeah, looks like D just hit a walk off homerun with one hand tied behind his back.
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Old 08-28-2017, 04:39 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post
Sobriety date reset.

28 Aug 2017, about 5 pm, was the last time I drank. I don't drink anymore.

I agree with all of you.

When I think back of the hell on earth I endured getting to this state of grace, I made a mistake by drinking that shot.

But, I drank a shot (larger one) in Mexico, back in June 2016.

So, deciding to maintain my sober date even from that time forward was wrong.

I am not going to live a lie to myself and that is why I am glad I came clean with all of my online siblings here at SR.

I am 800 plus and 2. That is a good record. I am not a day counter anyway. I don't work the steps and don't have a sponsor. I am a nearly non drinker, that drank 2 times in over 2 years.

I still hate booze and after yesterday....will never drink again, even if I think it will ruin someones night or if I am going to get sick if I don't (that was my excuse back in June 2016).

I love the feedback of a symbolic raise of the glass and place the booze down. That will be the plan from now on. Back when I was a drunk if someone offered my their shot, they would not have to ask twice. Lol!

If I ever think I am going to get food poisoning, like in Mexico, I will just get it.

Thanks for the feedback.

At least now I can relate better to folks that relapse, even though my relapses were relatively small compared to what I know I am capable of doing.

I also can stop acting like something I am not.

2 years plus sober has been a lie for over a year.

Yours truly in sobriety.

Thanks.
I'm glad youre starting over... ive always enjoyed your words of wisdom, and in this instance I am sure you are making the right decision.
I am like you, no AA, no sponsor just living my life alcohol free. I did a one plus year stint several years ago and like you had a toast on christmas which led to anither couple of years of the drink.
I came to my senses once again, and started over... but the good news is the wealth of knowledge you now have will solidify your resolve this time.
No more toasts, no more drink to cure Montezuma's Revenge... being alcohol free is the only way to go, regardless of the situation. Your true friends should value your sobriety as much as you.
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Old 08-28-2017, 05:15 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I think it's good that you are resetting your sobriety date because you did choose to drink.

It's great that you are still not drinking after your relapse.
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Old 08-28-2017, 05:42 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I'm glad you are still acknowledging your 2+ years of sobriety. Often, I get so hung up on the day-counting and resetting of the sober calendar, that it all starts to seem hopeless. If I truly started from scratch every time I drank and did not give myself any credit for my sober time, I'd never get anywhere. I feel as though I would just throw in the towel and say, forget it then, Day 0 and keep drinking. So thank you for your honesty, and your determination to not let this shot, or the one in Mexico, take away all that you have worked for.
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Old 08-28-2017, 05:43 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Did the husband know that you are a recovering addict? If so, that would seem heartless for him to insist that you partake. Glad that I am not a "brother" in their family.

My AV would be screaming if it knew that "just a shot" was now on the negotiating table each day. Good luck moving forward.
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Old 08-28-2017, 05:50 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FreedomCA View Post
I think it's good that you are resetting your sobriety date because you did choose to drink.

It's great that you are still not drinking after your relapse.
Yep, resetting that sobriety date hurt.

It really wasn't 842 days anyway, it was more like 440 or so.

But, better my feelings get hurt than losing my mind/body/job/family etc from a huge relapse brought on by living a lie.

Drinking after my relapse was not even a consideration for me thanks to all the information SR, no nonsense folks and supportive alike, has/have given me.

I am working the SR program. A program of tough love, information, hugs, and inspiration.

Never say die.

Thanks.
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Old 08-28-2017, 06:21 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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d122y,

I can't add too much more to the discussion, but just wanted to say I feel for you and applaud your willingness to hear the comments here, take them in and turn your thinking on your experience with such grace and equanimity. Really impressed with your attitude. I too say don't let this trip you up, just strengthen your determination to move forward with no exceptions.

As far being in that sort of situation again.. as a mom, I can't help but think of what I would tell my kids, who may be put in a situation where they are pressured to do something they know they shouldn't, to "fit in" or to please peers. Don't do it. No means "no". Who cares what their friends think, I would tell them. You know the old cliche: "But, mom, 'all' the kids are doing it!" followed by, "Would you jump off a bridge if all your friends were doing it?" (It's a cliche for a reason!)

No one can make you do anything you don't want to do or what is not in your best interest. You've got to put your health and sense of what's right, for YOU, first. You can still support your friend without going through the motions of drinking.

When it's an absolute, it makes it easier. No alcohol, ever.
Just like I tell my kids. Just say no.

Way to go on your new resolve.

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Old 08-28-2017, 06:42 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Iím so sorry D122y, it is hard to know what to say, everything you have said to me has been so supportive and helpful. Nothing you have done negates any of that or any of the support you have given to anyone here. Iíll just say keep positive, look forward and learn from the experience.

My thoughts are with you, Lisa
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Old 08-28-2017, 07:09 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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D122y, that two years wasn't a lie over the past year. That was good work and two slips shouldn't affect how you feel.
I think this was a pretty minor slip and I think you're being a little hard on yourself. It happened, it's over. The important thing is that you talked about it and came up with a game plan for next time.
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Old 08-28-2017, 10:17 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Hi D122y I've been following your thread all night. It's great you posted and I would have reset my time clock too. But as others have said your sober time isn't wasted - you learned so much and developed great tools in staying sober -you still have those and continue to stay sober again.
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Old 08-29-2017, 01:07 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Outonthetiles View Post
D122y, that two years wasn't a lie over the past year. That was good work and two slips shouldn't affect how you feel.
I think this was a pretty minor slip and I think you're being a little hard on yourself. It happened, it's over. The important thing is that you talked about it and came up with a game plan for next time.
Thank you.

Definitely minor slips. But, they could have began to add up w the rationalization continuing and growing into a standard addiction move....hiding my drinking etc.

We all here have a desire to stop drinking. I mostly have tried to help those struggling w the crave from a science angle. Working steps etc and failing can be a huge let down leading one to just give up. The dopemin thing is real. Resetting my clock was a looming shadow. Glad I did it.

I told my AA f2f folks about my drink in June 2016. They didn't react negatively. I will tell them, soon enough, about this last drink.

I am not special or different. I am an addict.

Some of the things folks said to me in this thread hurt me. But, for me, that is tough love. I have hurt folks here sometimes w my short, curt, science solutions.

Resetting my sober clock is honest and part of how I have learned is the right thing to do to stay clean.

The 840 days clean is science. My body and mind have healed dramatically.

But, after that shot Sunday, something in my brain felt different and not in a good way. All those clean days didn't erase, but my brain still feels a bit shocked. Scary.

Normies and those not aware of clocks resetting respect my clean time way more than my transgressions.

All the folks here, whether they said nice things, mean things or in between....all want to help. I get it.

My AV had found a way to potentially slowly lure me into the hell hole I had crawled out of.

Cunning and baffling.

God bless us all.

Thanks.
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Old 08-29-2017, 01:10 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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I know I was candid but I hope nothing I said hurt - it wasn't calculated that way.

I figure you're hurting enough, d122y,

D
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Old 08-29-2017, 01:16 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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If I truly started from scratch every time I drank and did not give myself any credit for my sober time, I'd never get anywhere. I feel as though I would just throw in the towel and say, forget it then, Day 0 and keep drinking.
I get your POV LB - but restarting a count isn't about punishment or about negating the very real and true gains we make as sober individuals - although our AV will likely argue that is about cruel and unusual punishment....so why the hell not drink....

It's really about honesty and an sincere acknowledgement that there are parts of our programme that need a little tune up.

It's no more a punishment that a new 2.0 version of some software is a punishment

D
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Old 08-29-2017, 01:34 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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welcome back
Some great posts here, real eye openers.

Vinny
10th Aug 2017
In the process of Stopping myself reaching the brink
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Old 08-29-2017, 02:31 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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D122, I also wanted to say that I have found your posts incredibly helpful and supportive to others. I hope you won't feel too raw after the whole experience.

If it had been me (clearly still struggling with recovery), I would have been furious at being pressured to drink and blamed everyone but myself! So thank you....your willingness to take responsibility is demonstrating the path I need to take.

It takes real courage and strength to come back here and reach out to others...knowing there will be some hard to hear opinions and thoughts.

I echo what Simply Free said in his posts- they express my thoughts better than I can manage!

Take care.
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Old 08-29-2017, 03:11 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post
Sobriety date reset.

28 Aug 2017, about 5 pm, was the last time I drank. I don't drink anymore.

I agree with all of you.

When I think back of the hell on earth I endured getting to this state of grace, I made a mistake by drinking that shot.

But, I drank a shot (larger one) in Mexico, back in June 2016.

So, deciding to maintain my sober date even from that time forward was wrong.

I am not going to live a lie to myself and that is why I am glad I came clean with all of my online siblings here at SR.

I am 800 plus and 2. That is a good record. I am not a day counter anyway. I don't work the steps and don't have a sponsor. I am a nearly non drinker, that drank 2 times in over 2 years.

I still hate booze and after yesterday....will never drink again, even if I think it will ruin someones night or if I am going to get sick if I don't (that was my excuse back in June 2016).

I love the feedback of a symbolic raise of the glass and place the booze down. That will be the plan from now on. Back when I was a drunk if someone offered my their shot, they would not have to ask twice. Lol!

If I ever think I am going to get food poisoning, like in Mexico, I will just get it.

Thanks for the feedback.

At least now I can relate better to folks that relapse, even though my relapses were relatively small compared to what I know I am capable of doing.

I also can stop acting like something I am not.

2 years plus sober has been a lie for over a year.

Yours truly in sobriety.

Thanks.
[Said gently] = Perhaps this is the bigger crux of the matter- we are called (in AA) to maintain "rigorous honesty" in all our affairs. For me, choosing to hide this previous choice would be what truly bothered me about this second bad choice.

I hope that the honesty you have shared now (is there anything else? Any other "small" episode? Just a concern as you are now getting things out)....gives you peace and a real freedom to move forward, sober, permanently and completely.
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Old 08-29-2017, 03:18 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post

I am 800 plus and 2. That is a good record. I am not a day counter anyway. I don't work the steps and don't have a sponsor. I am a nearly non drinker, that drank 2 times in over 2 years.


.
Ok so this looks like a harm minimisation or palliative care type sobriety. You might be willing to accept that deal, but I certainly was not.

Lets look at how you reacted. You were put under pressure to take a drink. You made a choice that was not a free choice as far as I can see. You were fearful of other people and what they would think etc, and balancing that against the possibilty that this might be a fatal mistake, you made a rather insane and un balanced decision. You risked your life to satisfy a bunch of fools who didn't give a sh1t about it..

As a revovered alcoholic who has worked the steps and has a sponsor, I have been in the same situations. My reaction is to recoil as if from a hot flame. There is no way anybody could make me take that drink.

A family friend, rather proud of his home brew became more and more insistent that I "just" have a taste. When polite refusal failed I told him "Ask one more time and that whole dang Jug goes on the floor!" I dont drink, I cant drink even if I wanted to. I have lost that option. I would no more drink alcohol than I would petrol. It is as simple as that. No fear about it, I am just filled with revulsion at the thought of taking a drink. I dont care who might be offended by that. Which is exactly how I should react given my history. I react sanely and normally.

You did say you like the SR tough love approach. Hope I wasn't too hard on ya.
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:18 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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The pressure to feel or appear normal.
I did this when I was three years sober when I was forty. I was at a wedding of a very important client to me at the time. The champagne glasses were filled and I did not want to draw attention to myself by not having a drink. So I took that drink. that was 23 years ago and I have never gotten back to 3 years sober since. Oh how I wish I knew then what I know now.

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