teaorcoffee

I have read these posts with interest and do see both sides.

It seems like you have a good grip on where you are dizzy and are in pretty good shape. I agree that you should place more emphasis on your 2015 date than your 2017 date, simply because you aren't someone who when they slipped, slipped back into drinking. I believe there is a difference. I know that I belong to the latter category.

May I suggest that 2015 is the date you got your life back and 2017 is your new sobriety date.

I am hopeful that 2017 is the date I get my life back (it will hopefully also be my continued sobriety date, but getting my life back is more important).

D122y

Tea,

Thanks for the idea and the support.

I will do that.

I became...aware...on 9 May 2015 that I was in a hell hole. Climbing out has been the most horrific thing...off and on....I have ever dealt w in my short life.

I remember in the case of each slip I was thinking...this is a legitimate reason to have some alcohol. This is legitimate drinking.

It made total sense. For the June 2016 slip, many folks bought into it because it was medicinal.

The Aug 2017 was peer pressure. That was a tough sell.

I felt the normis and active addicts at the party were really offended by my desire to not toast. I did not make a scene.

The scene occurred when I came clean here. But, we here are talking about life or death. Normis and actives don't get it.

I could feel the door to drinking again opening. Crazy, but true. My first post reflects that.

I needed the reset. I needed the discipline from folks.

The blunt, no nonsense, feedback snapped me out of the spell I was falling under.

i also needed the type of support, like what you and so many others offered me.

So many kind words that will resonate in my soul for the rest of my life.

The bottom line is.....I see a trend developing and I have a plan when the AV tries a sneek attack next time.

5 days clean here.

Thanks.

silentrun

Hi D122y. I admire your honesty coming here and talking it out. I get what you mean by feeling gross when you drink even a little after being clean and feeling it the next day. You are not starting from scratch by resetting your date. I know what you mean also about the day you made the decision to crawl out of hell being the date that matters to you. I drank about 90 days in so I had to reset my date too. I made a deal with myself that at 5 years I would reclaim that date. As I get closer to that 5 years it doesn't seem to matter that much anymore. It's just part of my story now. Feb 10th is the day I both celebrate getting free and remember just how bad it was. You can still have May 9 as your date for reflection. Resetting your sobriety date doesn't take that away from you.

D122y

Silent,

The truth will set me free. I definitely don't feel like I am starting from scratch.

Drinking 2 shots in over 2 years is better than 99% of any normal drinker.

I am not a normal drinker for sure...but I messed up and thought I could be like one....2 times.

I reset the day because of feedback from some folks here. I pick and chose what tools I use to stay clean.

I have a different program that got me this far.

Imo.. resetting is not as important as stopping as quickly as possible when slipping.

Also...way more important than resetting is being happy...or at least content. This is huge for me.

No regrets.

I met a guy the other night, he was 78. He quit drinking when he was 61.

He was on vacation and had been going hard for 7 days straight.

Eating, gambling etc.

He talked about the physical and mental damage he saw his friends deal with, and die from, because they didn't quit.

He was strong. His eyes were so clear. He had great energy. He made no menation of a recovery method. He said he just quit.

I want that.

The main thing is now we have sober habits. We now are used to waking up feeling normal w normal energy.

Changing that, would take me out of my normal rythem.

It is a good thing.

Thanks.

D122y

My tablet was needing a restart and I needed to take a nap...got in really late...so I didn't finish editing the last post.

The part about.....resettng is not as important as stopping quickly after a slip....

I wanted to fix that....

I don't want to ever slip again. I never will. I will never drink again.

But, since I did slip...twice...I stopped before the booze messed me up w the hellish anxiety and crave reset issue.

I am not saying 1 or 2 is ok...for me ever again. I am saying I was lucky, God helped me, to not go into a full blown bender relapse.

The reset is trivial in the big scheme.. e.g. rest of my life.

That is what I wanted to say.

Thanks.

madgirl

I hate that you were in that situation, and I am fed UP with people who would truly get "offended" at someone who chooses not to drink a freaking toast.

We don't have cancer. We ARE sick, though, and asking someone who needs to abstain for LIFE is beyond rude.

I know for me Ive decided to be very honest in those situations. It does NOT matter whether or not anyone else understands - they don't have to live in my head. Saying "no, I do not drink alcohol - ever" should be accepted, or those people do not truly care about you.

I wish you peace today. Onward and upward. Thanks for sharing and being honest.

Delizadee

Yesterday- my frikken ughghgh day yesterday- I had to say no so many times to drink. All it did was make me want to drink.
But not drink to get drunk. The thought of that made me sick.
But I just said, "oh no thanks". After a few hours of that I ducked and ran.

I like the "in the grand scheme of things" and what silentrun said.
I always think to myself, there is sobriety and there is recovery. Those are two very different things in my mind.
I might be sober from alcohol, but I'm still pretty sick. My recovery is really rocky.
There's a world of difference in that to me.
Living in a good recovery is where the happiness and well-being are to be found.
Sobriety is the foundation upon which we can build that.
I've spent enough time walking around in sobriety knowing it's not enough.
To me you seem to have a good grasp on wanting, working and strengthening a life of recovery.

Sobriety date... just a date. Patch up that hole with something good and strong. Do a regular spec check on your blueprints. You get the idea.
Carry on my friend. I admire your honest too, and also thank you for sharing.

ssd858

I agree with the new sobriety date even though I am not in AA. But, that doesn't mean that you have thrown away the 2 plus years of working on yourself and improving your health by not drinking. Move on an upward!

saoutchik

My mouth fell open when I saw this thread, I don't know how I missed it although I am on a different continent so maybe this thread was active when I wasn't.

Anyhoo - i'm so glad things are nowhere near as bad as I first imagined. As others have said, the sobriety date you choose is less important than the fact that you have had two sips of booze in two years. Your body will certainly know it

I am assuming from your opening post that those people in your wife's do not know that you are a recovering alcoholic or whatever term you prefer. I totally get that because I do not tell many people that I am one either - it would negatively impact my job so those close to me know the truth as those people in my wider sphere know a partial truth "I was worried about how often I was drinking so I quit"

The thing is, because they did not know the truth then these people felt it was acceptable to pressure you because they felt the occasion was important. I know this does not deal with any fundamentals but I would not have drawn any attention to myself at the toast, that way everyone would not have been watchin you and you could have got away with pretending.

Anyway, you are doing great D122y all the best.

nmd

D122y, I had forgotten you were part of the may 2015 class as well. Very happy to see you doing so well despite a few slips. My slips turned into full blown drinking and it was not easy to get back on track (if I ever was on track)

Whatever you decide on the date, most important of all, stick around and don't give up. You are doing great!

D122y

Nmd,

I am still alive and very well. Living in the light of truth.

I had such lingering anxiety etc that it gave me a chance to develop some sober muscles that probably kept me from going into benders.

I was kicked in the mouth by a few folks here for my regression. I went around w this thing and i am going to do what I need to do to take care of me.

Right?

The thought of drinking a bottle of booze did cross my mind both times, but I don't drink anymore. So it didn't happen.

Thanks.

D122y

saoutchik,

Thanks. I didn't see this as a black and white relapse and it is my life.

Nobody, outside of my occasional AA meetings and folks here at SR know that I was physically addicted and am still mentally addicted to alcohol.

I have never been diagnosed as an alcoholic, but I know...based on the definition of alcoholism...I am.

Please don't tell my boss or my insurance company.

There is only 1 person in my family that admits to be a recovering alcoholic.

This alcoholic thing is not on too many folks radar in my circle. They don't get it.

In turn...

I have never seen anyone here offer they did 1 shot and stop for a year.

I have heard of 3 beers and stop, but that was the smallest amount.

I appreciate the feedback from everyone. Obviously, I like the hugs best.

It is a great subject and I felt talking about it, might stop someone from making the same mistake.

Because I was so clean, after that 1/2 a shot of Cognac, I felt the change in my brain for at least the next day. Physically, I felt no real difference. It was mental and I hated it.

I will never drink again. It is poison. I have a plan if this happens again. It involves escalating levels of...saying no.

We have a mixed family here at SR. If we were all the same, things would be boring.

I am a religious person and I thank God everyday for my sobriety. I am not in control all the time. When I am not, I pray God has the wheel.

Yours truly in sobriety.

Thanks.

neferkamichael

D122y, peer pressure is something that is never going to go away. You're gonna find out who your real friends are. We are all rootin for ya.

nmd

My forgetting is more of a refelxion of how bad I got than anything and how many times I tried and failed. I wanted to get sober for a long time and went from class to class.

Sending you my support and best wishes

taplow

I'm mental so if I was definite about not drinking I'd enjoy telling them that I don't want to drink. I'd keep on and on, "No, no thank you, no, that's ok, no, no, why's it so important to you?......etc."
I think it's a shame thing. There was a post above about how you wouldn't feel embarrassed about refusing peanuts if you had an allergy. Is there really that much of a difference?
The problem with me refusing is I haven't been definite about not drinking for a few years now and I don't think it would take much arm twisting.
I've never got the pressurised thing though. I hear about it a lot. Maybe I'm just not connected up to other people enough. When I've been sober there are people who clearly don't care about me and who want me to drink for their benefit - "come on, keep me company." Refusing would be easy if that was what I wanted to do. I don't think it's any of their business and why should it be?
I'm a vegetarian. Even today, people still think it's weird. I wouldn't eat a steak just so I wouldn't look silly in front of others. They're not thinking about you, they're thinking about themselves. If your dietry choices matter to them so much then they're not people you should worry about impressing.
I wish I could be so single minded and determined in my sobriety. Don't sacrifice that for appearances sake.