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Old 08-29-2017, 07:27 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Interesting because once when I was 2 weeks short of 3 years sober I attended a wedding where I knew not many people I felt anxious and grabed two beers that was the end of my sobriety.

Seems that weddings can be slippery places?

M-Bob
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:39 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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D122y,

If I were in your position now, I would have kept right on drinking because my beast (addiction) would've known I blew it and It would've jumped right in and taken control.

Your beast was using its addictive voice to provide rationalizations and explanations and back doors and alleys. YOU overcame all of that in very short order. Clearly, the past 2+ years have helped to strengthen your integrity with regard to drinking. You have every reason to take pride in that. It's understandable that you might be disappointed for a time, but I hope you gain a sense of relief and satisfaction from righting your course.

O
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Old 08-29-2017, 04:30 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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All,

I am feeling as solid mentally as I have felt in at least 15 years. My confidence was high enough that I thought I could start to have a "snort" on special occasions. Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. I am an addict for life.

I know from SR, over and over and over, that is how it starts. Some folks go right off the edge into multi week benders. I am tippy toeing up to the edge.

The normies really don't get it. The active addicts don't get it. I didn't get it until I joined this website.

The best advice I received..that I will tattoo on my eyelids is..... when put in that position I will bow out w style. I will give my shot to my nearest friend after a ceremonial heartfelt toast.

The second best advice, if they remain insistent, is tell them I am allergic to alcohol. If I drink it, I get ill and I could have a breakdown. It is not a lie.

Anyway...

This place and AA are my tools to stay clean.

My wife always tells me I don't have any friends, it is hurtful. She does it to be mean sometimes, because I make her mad. That was part of the pressure I felt to drink at the party.

I still suffer anxiety and I know it is directly magnified by drinking. I remember back in the day, how the hangover anxiety started out lasting a few hours, then a day, then a week, then a month, then a year.

I don't have another relapse in me. I will go insane. Addiction is cunning and baffling. It is waiting in the back of my emotions to destroy me.

While normies might not think 1 small shot of booze in over a year is the door to Hell opening again, but that is how I, the addict, need to approach it.

I am not afraid to call myself an addict here. My problem is when I was in a room full of normies and active addicts.

This place is saving my life.

Thanks.
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Old 08-29-2017, 06:08 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post
This place and AA are my tools to stay clean.
You've had two relapses now. I'd suggest expanding your toolbox. Going to a few meetings a year isn't AA. Working the steps, preferably with a sponsor, is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. You can also try addiction counseling, other recovery-based support groups, etc.

But trying to stay sober based on fear and demonization of alcohol isn't going to get you very far in terms of meaningful, long-term recovery.

You put the cards on the table. What you going to do differently this time?
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Old 08-29-2017, 06:36 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob View Post
Interesting because once when I was 2 weeks short of 3 years sober I attended a wedding where I knew not many people I felt anxious and grabed two beers that was the end of my sobriety.

Seems that weddings can be slippery places?

M-Bob
'

I've found no place is as slippery as my mind can be
D
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:00 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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As someone that is still in the war I admire your sobriety and honesty.
The battle comes back terribly. You stand tall for your sobriety. An unfortunate circumstance happened. It's over.

Wish you the best in moving forward.!!!
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:13 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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"What say my AA folks?"

Well, since you asked....

90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, work the steps and the program like your life depends on it. Because, if you're an alcoholic like me, it does.

Wishing you the best, D122y.
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Old 08-29-2017, 09:11 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by digdug View Post
You've had two relapses now. I'd suggest expanding your toolbox. Going to a few meetings a year isn't AA. Working the steps, preferably with a sponsor, is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. You can also try addiction counseling, other recovery-based support groups, etc.

But trying to stay sober based on fear and demonization of alcohol isn't going to get you very far in terms of meaningful, long-term recovery.

You put the cards on the table. What you going to do differently this time?
Toolbox addition? What am I going to do differently?

I am not going to let my wife based peer pressure lead me to take a shot of Cognac.

Next time I drink the water in Mexico, I am going to live with the issue vs try and kill the bacteria with a shot of Whisky.

Those are my relapses. So help me God.

I will deal with new issues as they arise.

Based on online stats available with a Google search, there is no guaranteed way to assure recovery from addiction.

The first thing that pops up is AA has a 5 to 10% success rate.

That is scary, so please be nice.

I still love AA. Lots of people just like me. I disapprove of certain things..blah blah blah...but what do I know.

I am doing ok and I am not drinking anymore.

Thanks to those that agree and disagree. I need supporters and I need folks to challenge me.

I asked for it.

More hugs and tough love feedback is always welcome.

Truly yours in sobriety.

Thanks.
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Old 08-29-2017, 09:22 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dharma33 View Post
"What say my AA folks?"

Well, since you asked....

90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, work the steps and the program like your life depends on it. Because, if you're an alcoholic like me, it does.

Wishing you the best, D122y.
I guess there are levels of personal addiction.

If I can stay clean for over a year, with just a few AA meetings, we are probably different.

We are all different, but for some reason I was hoping for some different answer than 90 in 90 etc etc.

Not sure why.

I wish you the best too, Darma.

Thanks.
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Old 08-29-2017, 09:24 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Obladi View Post
D122y,

If I were in your position now, I would have kept right on drinking because my beast (addiction) would've known I blew it and It would've jumped right in and taken control.

Your beast was using its addictive voice to provide rationalizations and explanations and back doors and alleys. YOU overcame all of that in very short order. Clearly, the past 2+ years have helped to strengthen your integrity with regard to drinking. You have every reason to take pride in that. It's understandable that you might be disappointed for a time, but I hope you gain a sense of relief and satisfaction from righting your course.

O
I believe we think in similar way. There is a ton of self worth from clean time.

Thanks.
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Old 08-29-2017, 09:26 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by letitgo View Post
As someone that is still in the war I admire your sobriety and honesty.
The battle comes back terribly. You stand tall for your sobriety. An unfortunate circumstance happened. It's over.

Wish you the best in moving forward.!!!
Right! You got to be tough to drink as hard as I did.

I got this!
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Old 08-29-2017, 09:29 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob View Post
Interesting because once when I was 2 weeks short of 3 years sober I attended a wedding where I knew not many people I felt anxious and grabed two beers that was the end of my sobriety.

Seems that weddings can be slippery places?

M-Bob
I always appreciate your feedback. You have a way of saying things that hit home without being caustic.

Wish I was more like you.

Thanks.
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Old 08-29-2017, 09:32 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by JoeCree View Post
I'm glad youre starting over... ive always enjoyed your words of wisdom, and in this instance I am sure you are making the right decision.
I am like you, no AA, no sponsor just living my life alcohol free. I did a one plus year stint several years ago and like you had a toast on christmas which led to anither couple of years of the drink.
I came to my senses once again, and started over... but the good news is the wealth of knowledge you now have will solidify your resolve this time.
No more toasts, no more drink to cure Montezuma's Revenge... being alcohol free is the only way to go, regardless of the situation. Your true friends should value your sobriety as much as you.
Normies and active addicts don't get it. Just us ex drunks.

No more toasts. No more curing the big D.

Thanks.
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Old 08-29-2017, 09:42 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LunaBlue View Post
I'm glad you are still acknowledging your 2+ years of sobriety. Often, I get so hung up on the day-counting and resetting of the sober calendar, that it all starts to seem hopeless. If I truly started from scratch every time I drank and did not give myself any credit for my sober time, I'd never get anywhere. I feel as though I would just throw in the towel and say, forget it then, Day 0 and keep drinking. So thank you for your honesty, and your determination to not let this shot, or the one in Mexico, take away all that you have worked for.
Thanks Luna,

Starting from scratch is extremely depressing.

Adding up them sober days is like counting money in the bank. It makes us happy.

I reset my clock, but I didn't fail.

It is a tool to motivate me to stay clean and teach me some humbleness.

Bragging how I got clean without meds and no real program earns me some comeuppance.

Thanks.
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Old 08-29-2017, 09:56 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tealily View Post
d122y,

I can't add too much more to the discussion, but just wanted to say I feel for you and applaud your willingness to hear the comments here, take them in and turn your thinking on your experience with such grace and equanimity. Really impressed with your attitude. I too say don't let this trip you up, just strengthen your determination to move forward with no exceptions.

As far being in that sort of situation again.. as a mom, I can't help but think of what I would tell my kids, who may be put in a situation where they are pressured to do something they know they shouldn't, to "fit in" or to please peers. Don't do it. No means "no". Who cares what their friends think, I would tell them. You know the old cliche: "But, mom, 'all' the kids are doing it!" followed by, "Would you jump off a bridge if all your friends were doing it?" (It's a cliche for a reason!)

No one can make you do anything you don't want to do or what is not in your best interest. You've got to put your health and sense of what's right, for YOU, first. You can still support your friend without going through the motions of drinking.

When it's an absolute, it makes it easier. No alcohol, ever.
Just like I tell my kids. Just say no.

Way to go on your new resolve.

You are a blessing to this site.

Thanks.
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Old 08-29-2017, 11:49 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post
All,

I am feeling as solid mentally as I have felt in at least 15 years. My confidence was high enough that I thought I could start to have a "snort" on special occasions. Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. I am an addict for life.

I know from SR, over and over and over, that is how it starts. Some folks go right off the edge into multi week benders. I am tippy toeing up to the edge.

The normies really don't get it. The active addicts don't get it. I didn't get it until I joined this website.

The best advice I received..that I will tattoo on my eyelids is..... when put in that position I will bow out w style. I will give my shot to my nearest friend after a ceremonial heartfelt toast.

The second best advice, if they remain insistent, is tell them I am allergic to alcohol. If I drink it, I get ill and I could have a breakdown. It is not a lie.

Anyway...

This place and AA are my tools to stay clean.

My wife always tells me I don't have any friends, it is hurtful. She does it to be mean sometimes, because I make her mad. That was part of the pressure I felt to drink at the party.

I still suffer anxiety and I know it is directly magnified by drinking. I remember back in the day, how the hangover anxiety started out lasting a few hours, then a day, then a week, then a month, then a year.

I don't have another relapse in me. I will go insane. Addiction is cunning and baffling. It is waiting in the back of my emotions to destroy me.

While normies might not think 1 small shot of booze in over a year is the door to Hell opening again, but that is how I, the addict, need to approach it.

I am not afraid to call myself an addict here. My problem is when I was in a room full of normies and active addicts.

This place is saving my life.

Thanks.
Previous to your little snort and even more so now you have and are helping ME so very much . Almost all that you say applies to me and I have taken so much from you experience . The line about tippy toeing to destruction is me also , the mental anguish , the progressive recovery times getting longer and longer .

I just want you to know even though you had your toast (which for me would have taken me to the bar for the night) that by the show of strength and commitment you are a tremendous asset to fellow alcoholics .

Thank You
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Old 08-30-2017, 12:01 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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I don't think of alcohol as a poison - thats not helpful to me.
Doesn't go far enough to the real problem - me.

I think of alcohol as something that makes me poison.

WOW!! That is so true Dee.
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Old 08-30-2017, 12:13 AM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post
Toolbox addition? What am I going to do differently?

I am not going to let my wife based peer pressure lead me to take a shot of Cognac.

Next time I drink the water in Mexico, I am going to live with the issue vs try and kill the bacteria with a shot of Whisky.

Those are my relapses. So help me God.

I will deal with new issues as they arise.

Based on online stats available with a Google search, there is no guaranteed way to assure recovery from addiction.

The first thing that pops up is AA has a 5 to 10% success rate.

That is scary, so please be nice.

I still love AA. Lots of people just like me. I disapprove of certain things..blah blah blah...but what do I know.

I am doing ok and I am not drinking anymore.

Thanks to those that agree and disagree. I need supporters and I need folks to challenge me.

I asked for it.

More hugs and tough love feedback is always welcome.

Truly yours in sobriety.

Thanks.
I don't know if it is a matter of agreeing or disagreeing. We just share our experience and knowledge and hope it might help.

In my experience that 5 -10 % recovery rate you mention, would be about right for alcoholics of my type that try and do AA the way you are doing it. Very few of them recover. Even though some build up considerable periods of sobriety,, it is always tenuous at best.

I don't know if you are an alcoholic of my type. Your posts make me think that it is possible you are different to me. And I am fine with that. You may not need to do what the program asks. But some of your writing makes me think your sober life might not be what it should be. It reads like the bedevilments on page 52...

"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people"

This describes what we call the spiritual malady. One solution for this was alcohol, the other is a spiritual awakening. If we don't fix it with one, we end up with the other. I just couldn't live like this. Take away the alcohol and life just gets worse. But maybe you are not like me.
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Old 08-30-2017, 01:06 AM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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D112y I totally sympathize with your experience and story.
I struggled many times with the "resetting" of my sobriety date after having "just one".

It's really incredible what lengths we'll go to in order to validate our slip-ups and try to brush them under the rug and make it seem like they didn't happen.

It's OK to stumble and fall down.

If you learn from this experience and use it as a positive reminder that you ARE strong enough to say NO (to anyone, anywhere, no matter what) because your sobriety is the most important thing....then it's a worthwhile lesson!
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Old 08-30-2017, 03:15 AM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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I think you did a great job. You toasted the situation and moved on. You we're not weak but strong. I toast you(symbolically) of course.
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