wildflower70

Hello SR friends,

I was doing so well, had several months of sobriety under my belt. And then that first drink, that high took away all of my troubles. And now, of coarse my troubles have tripled.....calling into work sick, saying the wrong things to friends/family, and feeling alone, scared and sick. How is it that I can go for months, and then get back on this crazy train???

doggonecarl

You are still in the grip of addiction. Abstinence isn't recovery.

What thoughts led to your picking up?

Nonsensical

I always did it because I believed my AV when it told me next time will be different.

It took me far too long to figure out that next time was never going to be different.

I hope you figure it out sooner.

wildflower70

My best friend of 6 years is leaving, I thought we would be together forever. I came back from seeing my grand babies (a new relationship due to being sober!) and the loss is debilitating. I tried to do it sober, I actually never even thought about drinking......and then on Saturday, there I was, buying the wine.......and 10 bottles later, I am here...ashamed, alone, sick and tired.

Nonsensical

Wine caused at least half those problems and didn't fix any of them.

Let's find a solution that works and doesn't come with horrific side effects.

What's the plan?

wildflower70

Carl,

Have I been fooling myself? You say that abstinence isn't recovery. I literally go for months without thinking about booze, I have rebuilt relationships that were broken for years....is that not recovery?? I'm not sure how to accept that this has all been a waste....I have just been in the shadows of this beast....waiting to kill me again?

I sincerely felt that I was in recovery, and now I'm not sure...

Dee74

Abstinence is a fundamental part of recovery but I think it's only a part of recovery.

The rest of recovery for me has been learning to deal with all the stuff I used to drink over....or what I usually call building a sober life I love.

I don't want to escape from a life I love.

Maybe more support, or using the support you have more, would help in times of sadness or fear wildflower?

D

wildflower70

Thank you Dee,

Right now I am just hanging on...it has been 2 hours since my last glass of wine. All I can think about is getting more.

This is what I don't understand...How can I go months without even thinking about booze, and right now I feel that I'm going to die without it??

doggonecarl

You came to SR a binge drinker, you said. I'm going to assume that meant you cycled through periods of not drinking followed by episodes of heavy consumption. If that pattern continues, is it recovery? Wanting to be sober is extending the periods where you aren't drinking, but certain events drive you back to drinking. Recovery will shore up your ability to cope with life without resorting to alcohol.

So what are you doing in your periods of not drinking to deal with your alcoholism?

Zebra1275

How is it that I can go for months, and then get back on this crazy train??

Let me guess, are you an alcoholic?

chiquen81

Thanks for sharing. This post is a great reminder of the insidious nature of this insane disease. Have you tried AA meetings?

Horatio48

I was exactly where you were recently. Months of sobriety. Picked up a glass of champagne at an airport. Didn't stop drinking for seven days. Ended up with bad withdrawals. What distinguishes many of us is the inability to stop once we start. But we can also all stop and try to make another fresh start. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. I think pigeon holing may sometimes be unhelpful. There are so many phrases (in recovery, recovered, one day at a time, a sober life). Sometimes nothing fits precisely. You did well for long. I hope you can start again and wish you all the best.

thomas11

Hi WF70, alcoholism is completely illogical, makes no sense, and is a formidable opponent. It must be dealt with in the strictest terms. Get back on the train.

DarklingSong

Wildflower, it sounds like things have been going well before this relapse? Take heart from this....you know life can be better. Gather all your strength and quit again.....more drinking will only bring greater pain.
Take care.

Dee74

hows it going wildflower70?

D

BD84

If you picked up then you have been thinking about it.

Anna

Wildflower, I don't know if you have been in recovery or not. But, maybe you can try to add more tools to your program, so that a best friend leaving would be very sad, but you would be able to handle the emotions. You need to believe you can do this!

Chilledice

You say you haven't been thinking about booze but a relapse starts well before actually picking up the booze.

axeman5971

I agree with some thoughts shared here. Abstinence alone isn't long term recovery.

Took me a while to learn that, and I didn't even have much abstinence. However, I am learning to work at it. I am in outpatient rehab/treatment, going to meetings, and I plan on getting a sponsor and working the 12 steps.

That seems to be the way to go.

Good luck!!!!

heavencanwait

Sorry to hear you are having trouble. Get up, brush yourself off, and hop back on that saddle. Today is another day!