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Months of sobriety....and now a 4 day binder

Old 08-27-2017, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
hows it going wildflower70?

D
Not so good Dee. I'm ashamed to say that I've been using again since yesterday. Made it 3 days this week, and argued with myself all the way to the store. I'm struggling to claw my way back...to sobriety, to happiness.
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Old 08-27-2017, 03:36 PM
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do you WANT sobriety?
do you WANT to be sober more than you want to drink?
are you WILLING to do anything to get and stay sober?
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Old 08-27-2017, 03:47 PM
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tomsteve,

I WANT to be sober, over the past few years I can go for months (8-9) at a time. I don't even crave the booze.......and then one day something in my mind snaps. I begin to tell myself "I'm gonna get hammered". I seem to forget the nightmare that comes with it, the one I'm in now.

I'm ashamed to even post here, feeling like a failure, like my words of encouragement to others in the past mean nothing, like now I am just a worthless drunk who needs to wake up.

I don't know what else to do at this very moment, but ask for help and forgiveness.
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Old 08-27-2017, 04:24 PM
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Go back to basics - think about what you did to quit last time and think about things you might add this time.

A good recovery plan is a pretty good help:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
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Old 08-27-2017, 04:37 PM
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Wildflower like your picture says, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

I understand where you are. I worry everyday that I will get that overwhelming urge... Please try again now. Xo
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Old 08-27-2017, 04:43 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
I don't know what else to do at this very moment, but ask for help and forgiveness.
You have done the very best thing that you could do, you asked for help. Forgiveness is not needed, we are all human beings and flawed. What you did was not done maliciously, so no apologies necessary to anyone here.

Learn from this experience and take it to heart. Remember exactly what and how you feel at this moment. File it away, but keep it readily accessible. Use it as a valuable tool in the future so that you never have to feel this way again. Also, use your experience to help others.
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Old 08-27-2017, 06:01 PM
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Wouldn't you say that having a "plan" is necessary to fill the void of addiction. That way, when you feel the urge to drink, there's enough going on in your make to ensure that there's no reason and really no time to drink.
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Old 09-27-2017, 10:59 AM
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I can't seem to stop

I am coming back here again, depressed and ashamed. I have been drinking an insane amount of wine, maybe 2 liters a day for 5 days. I had my last drink 9 hours ago, and I'm committed to stop.

I need some encouragement so I don't feel so alone.
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Old 09-27-2017, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Abstinence is a fundamental part of recovery but I think it's only a part of recovery.

The rest of recovery for me has been learning to deal with all the stuff I used to drink over....or what I usually call building a sober life I love.

I don't want to escape from a life I love.

Maybe more support, or using the support you have more, would help in times of sadness or fear wildflower?

D
This resonated with me. I haven't gone to any meetings yet, but as a lover of all things psychology, I looked into the basis of them and was surprised to learn that only the first step actually addresses alcohol. The rest of the steps are things that even everyday people, forget alcoholics, should look at more closely. It's how to deal with life, so that you feel less and less inclined to drink to resolve issues or gain any sense of "self".
Thinking of you, Wildflower, and I'm still new to this so I'm afraid I don't have any good insight to give you, but just try and take some comfort in the fact that you're definitely not alone.
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Old 09-27-2017, 11:25 AM
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You can to it! I'm new to recovery, so I don't have much advice to offer other than it will get easier after a couple of days. You probably know this already.
Hang in there, and hang out here.
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Old 09-27-2017, 11:42 AM
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The depression and the shame is only going to get worse from here. If you want it to stop you need to get back on the sober track.
Get angry at the wine for what it's done to you, tell it to F off, then make a plan
Wishing you strength! We're all here for you if you need us.
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Old 09-27-2017, 12:00 PM
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You are not alone here Wildflower and we all know what your going through, I personally have had many day 1's.
You can put the drink behind you, remember where it takes you, how you feel afterwards. Make a plan, that made all the difference to me.
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Old 09-27-2017, 12:13 PM
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It is great you are posting. Keep going, one hour at a time if needs be.
I really feel for you....the first few hours and days are hard...but you have done this before so you can do it again.
Support to you.
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Old 09-27-2017, 12:24 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
...I'm committed to stop.
Then do what it takes to support that decision. Post daily to SR. Find face-to-face support, seek a doctor's help. There is AA, out-patient substance abuse programs, inpatient programs.

Put as much energy into your recovery as you've put into your drinking and you will have a chance.
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Old 09-27-2017, 01:22 PM
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I have taken days off of work, I have lied to my boss, my friends, and myself. As the day goes on I don't seem to be feeling better. This is exactly what sent me to back to the store yesterday...twice. I don't want to cave in today. Why is more booze the only thing that kills the physical pain? I've tried Tylenol, Xanix, and nothing is helping. I can't eat, sleep, or even sit sill for 10 mins.

what now?
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Old 09-27-2017, 01:27 PM
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hi wildflower,the first few hours, days even are rough and painful but it WILL get better. I promise you. you never have to go through this again if you don't pick up. You've done the right thing taking time off work, stay at home, rest, drink plenty of water or juice, herbal tea might help to calm you.

Sleep can be difficult, impossible even in the first 2 or 3 days but nap when you can and try to relax. your body and brain are adjusting. Don't fight it, just let it be. you will feel better soon. Be kind to yourslef, take a hot bath, forgive yourself for lying ( it's not really a lie anyway calling in sick from work because you ARE sick)

we are all here for you.stay on SR and post away Maybe come and join us in the September class for everyone quitting this month.

Sending you hugs and strength.
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Old 09-27-2017, 01:56 PM
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Keep going, keep trying, dig deep and you will find your way back. All those months weren't a waste. Remember what you learned. Im new to this but Im reading every day of people working their way back from relapse. You CAN do this. Love and support to you.
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Old 09-27-2017, 01:59 PM
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It's how the disease is hun, get back on the wagon now.. We are here to support you!
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Old 09-27-2017, 02:54 PM
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I was right where you were 34 days ago. I just could not stop after relapsing. It's almost as if you need some type of miracle. My miracle happened when I broke down crying to my family about something bad that happened to me when drinking. Paradoxically, that bad thing became my miracle, and I now have 33 days sober. I empathize with where you are at right now. My two best suggestions would be AA meetings or inpatient rehab. All the best!
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Old 09-27-2017, 03:00 PM
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Part of me wants to tell my work ( I am self employed and work for several clients)

Does anyone feel this an important step to recovery? Do I need to tell them? They think that I am sick with the flu, and so far they have bought the story.

I do have a dear friend and my mom for support, so I can talk openly to them.

Any thoughts or experiences with telling your bosses, they offer no treatment help as I'm not really considered an employee.

The guilt of lying is eating me today.
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