bunnezjp

Liver failure at 33.

~Bunnez

KiKi0615

I've done this. So sad . :-(

KiKi0615

I'm so sorry. Are you ok now?

kenton

Halloween 2016. Scared myself sober with my ridiculous drunken antics. Woke up on 2 November and knew I was done with drinking for good. Best decision ever.

tnek97

Annie Grace. This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol.

It is a great book, and exactly what I needed at that moment in my life.

tealily

Thank you everyone for sharing.

For me it was cumulative too. Things like:

-- Giving myself a black eye running into a door while trying to sneak into bed after drinking at home alone.

-- Waking up on the floor of my closet at like 4 am with vomit on the carpet. (Thankfully my husband didn't find me.)

-- Sneaking out to drive to a store super late to buy wine while my family slept at home or in hotels on trips.

-- Feeling horrid every single morning.

-- Not remembering the next day a very important heart to heart conversation with one of my teenagers and the disappointment in her eyes.

-- Looking down an unable to see my toes over my bloated stomach, when I'd always been slim and trim before.

On and on. It was exhausting and shameful. I didn't want to live that way anymore.

KiKi0615

This thread has really helped me today!

rascalwhiteoak

This gave me goosebumps.

Late one evening I came out of a blackout to the voice of my addiction telling me to kill myself. In the following weeks I realized that I had been committing a passive suicide of sorts. I decided that I should either kill myself properly, or start living again.

And so, I'm here

tonggau

I had been building up to stop for a few years of trying to moderate. I knew I was going to stop but I kept delaying it. Then a party which ended up with me blacking out and crashing my bike on my way home made me make the final decision. My drinking wasn't at a level where it affected my marriage or work and I was rarely drunk (that party was a rare exception), but I knew that if I didn't give it up it would eventually have a severe health impact.
Six months later, it's now obvious that my relationship with alcohol was/is not normal and never will be. I have very little cravings but there is weird nervousness/tension/obsession around alcohol and it's still there. No one close to me believes that I am ever an alcoholic and don't understand why I have given it up since I didn't drink the amount and way people think of as alcoholic.

Quincy

Like many others I was trying to moderate and was having very limited success or I must admit in reality no success. My turning point was when my best friend told me she no longer wanted to be friends because she was scared of my drinking. That's when I knew drinking was having a very profound and negative effect on my hopes, dreams, desires.

Avra

No single defining event for me. Just generally worked myself to it. Last couple years of drinking were overwhemingly filled with anxiety, stress and worry about what was happening to my life. I finally had enough last October. I just simply wasnt going to do it any more. No matter what.

Shitzupuppy

My best friend age 52 died. She had cancer when she was a teenager and beat it. But the toll it took on her body eventually got her. She had done all sorts of treatments in the past 5-7 years to make her body better. She cared for life. I was throwing mine away, included my greatest support and love, my wife.
I was constantly worried about my own health because the doctors told me several years ago I needed to quit drinking.

I finally did and feel the best ever. Am not going back.

Silvermaster

This curse has to stop ..
Weekly anxiety ..restless nights..cranky mornings ..no love inside for anything except next drinking session..self pity..blaming everything else for my faults..
One week off it and today is a good day
Feeling fresh ..great night sleep..positive thoughts..more money...
Im not missing out no more
Hello to a new start and hoping to staying free of the devil juice

LadyBlue0527

..............when I woke up, opened my eyes, and was in a cell staring at concrete walls with no idea what happened.

The choice was no longer mine. For years I had denied how bad my problem was. I had gone back to what I considered to be controlled drinking. I had a predetermined set amount of alcohol when in public situations before I had to leave to head home so I could drink the way I wanted to. I thought for sure that was safe to do.

Only this time the universe proved to me that determination was no longer possible. It's pretty scary.

Thank God no one died but they could have.

Finally, I hated alcohol. It's been a little over 15 months and that has not swayed.

Silvermaster

Well done good going keep up the momentum☺

Silvermaster

Pat on the back to everyone here ☺
A problem shared ...

Georgie123

I echo this, I have read each and every one, have so much admiration for you all...I have gained even more strength and determination as a result. Thank you...

Chilledice

Well my story isn't really all that unique from others here, I drank for just over a decade trying to drown out trauma and, depression and for a long time it helped mask the symptoms.

I lost a girlfriend over it, we never argued and I was never abusive but I tried to hide my addiction from her.....she rightly decided to leave. That didn't stop me drinking tho.

I once got into a fight which could EASILY have been avoided had I been sober! Ended up being arrested on two accounts of assault one for actual bodily harm and one for grievous bodily harm, nothing nicer than waking up in a police cell hungover and waiting for detectives to interview you because someone got knifed through the hand ( I was found innocent on that charge)

I STILL kept drinking after that!

Finally after years and years of trying to drown out the trauma I ended up having a severe mental breakdown two years ago and tried drinking my way outta that but the anxiety and panic eventually just pushed through the booze and I knew it was either suicide or put the bottle down and work my way outta the nightmare!

MLD51

After several years of pretty heavy binging, two DUI's, hurting myself accidentally while drunk (including falling face first onto concrete steps, knocking myself out and ending up in the hospital with two skull fractures), and so on, I was getting to the point I would rather be dead. I would wake up in the morning wishing I hadn't. I figured my family and friends would all be better off without me. That scared me, but not enough to quit. I had been attempting moderation for a while when I got DUI number three - running into a parked car in the process. That was it for me. While I was sitting in the police station waiting to be picked up, I had what I can only call a spiritual awakening - I surrendered in a moment and that was the turning point. I called a sober friend and asked for help that night when I got home. I started treatment and going to AA a few days later. I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.

icantfindmymind

I look at what my father has become and I don't want to turn into that. I want to be a good mother, a good wife, I want to be happy. And I realize that I am poisoning my body with alcohol. It isnt "fun"....
I've wanted to quit drinking for the past two years or so and havent been successful any of the five or so times I have tried. My blackouts have been occurring frequently
Dec 2016 I attacked a family member in a blackout.
July 2017 I screamed at my husband in the middle of the night for no reason, waking up my boys and their friend sleeping over and terrified them all
August 2017 Woke up to a bloody kitchen, covered in bruises and unable to walk

I am so done. I am not "giving up" anything. I am choosing health, happiness and peace over poison....