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Newbie... What makes you an Alcoholic?

Old 07-26-2017, 10:08 AM
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8DC
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Newbie... What makes you an Alcoholic?

Hi everyone. My names Claire and I'm new to this forum. I have started to worry about the amount I drink. I have the drink aware App and have been tracking my intake since April and it's alarming!! On average I'm consuming 35 Units a week and it's mainly wine. I'll easily have 1 bottle of wine a night.

At weekends when I drink more than this I regularly have blackouts where I will lose hours.... I have woken up having slept with random men, fallen over and have the bruises to prove it or done something equally as embarrassing.

I always wake up in the morning and say I won't drink tonight... then tonight comes round and I'm buying a bottle telling myself it's sunny out, I deserve it....

Then some weeks I can go 3-5 days between drinking??... longest I have gone in 2 years is 11 days. I only started drinkzing about 10 years ago when I was mid 20's but it's never been like this. I quit smoking in Oct 2016 and don't really miss it but have stayed off them completely. But I did gain a stone in weight 😫

Reading this back I may have answered my own question but I can't imagine never having another drink. I just want to be able to not be like this.

Thanks for reading x
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Old 07-26-2017, 10:09 AM
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Welcome to SR Clare. You'll find a lot of support and information here if quitting is what you seek.
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Old 07-26-2017, 10:11 AM
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Hi Claire, you have come to the right place for help and support, well done
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Old 07-26-2017, 10:34 AM
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If you promise yourself you will not drink, but you do
If you promise your loved ones you will cut down, but you don't
If you are ashamed and guilty of your drinking, or you contine to drink when you have set limits, say two drinks tops....
well, those were the signs for me

No amount of willpower or moderation worked to free me from my depression over alcohol, the guilt, shame, suicidal thoughts, nothing worked but never picking up the first drink to begin with. I encourage you to read here a lot, to post, to realize though it seems scary to never drink again, in fact it is freeing and a wonderful habit to break.
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Old 07-26-2017, 10:41 AM
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Originally Posted by 8DC View Post
I can't imagine never having another drink.
I couldn't either when I was addicted to it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.
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Old 07-26-2017, 11:06 AM
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I can't imagine never having another drink

I can't ever imagine having another one. And I hope I never do.
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Old 07-26-2017, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by BlownOne View Post
I can't imagine never having another drink

I can't ever imagine having another one. And I hope I never do.
Everything in my life seems to revolve around alcohol. I drove the other night and all my friends were moaning that I was boring... then the next weekend I got wasted and they all moaned about that lol. Argh....
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Old 07-26-2017, 11:22 AM
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Originally Posted by 8DC View Post
Everything in my life seems to revolve around alcohol.
Probably because it does - addiction is an all-encompassing thing. If I was not asleep, I was either drinking or planning on how to get my next drink. The great thing is that it doesn't have to be that way, and you can choose to have your life revolve around other, much more important things.
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Old 07-26-2017, 12:01 PM
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i did things whilst drunk i would never ever do sober. Its like another person takes over, usually I'm a sloppy drunk, want to hug everyone, think im hilarious. But occasionally, a bad side comes out, and its made me do things i am deeply ashamed of. When i connected the dots and could pinpoint that every negative thing that has happened in my life, was a direct result of alcohol, and yet i still had not stopped drinking....then it was impossible to deny i am an alcoholic.

Do i drink everyday? No.
Do i crave alcohol and think about it constantly? No.
Am i sat homeless drinking out a bottle? No
Are there people worse than me? Yes

.....However
When i say i am going to stop drinking, have i? No. (until now, taking it very seriously)
Am i able to moderate my drinking once i take the first drink? No
Have people become concered about my drinking? Yes.
Has alcohol directly negatively impacted my life and made me unable to do certain things? Yes.
Once alcohol enters my veins, does my brain within seconds change, a change i can physically detect and then i obsess on getting the next drink? Yes.

IMO its not frequency, its not amounts, its not if someone is worse than you. Its if you are able to control having the one drink and stopping with ease. Nobody on this site can do that, and that's what binds us and makes us different to most drinkers. It doesn't matter what you tag it, that's not important, what is important is we acknowledge our struggle and we act on it.

Welcome to the site, im new here too and feel your fear and uncertainty, but feel we are in safe hands!
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Old 07-26-2017, 12:01 PM
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Prior to deciding to stop my life had become completely entwined with alcohol. It is scary thinking about a life without drinking. But what you get for giving up drinking is your life back. Not a life lived in different shades of grey but in full technicolour high definition.
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Old 07-26-2017, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Taevans64 View Post
But what you get for giving up drinking is your life back. Not a life lived in different shades of grey but in full technicolour high definition.
This is a solid gold truth ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

8DC, Welcome!!!

I know it feels scary at the beginning of this journey, but from what you describe, it will be a journey you won't regret!

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Old 07-26-2017, 02:57 PM
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Thank you so much for your messages. They have really helped me to see things from a diffferent perspective. I'm not drinking tonight. I was going to go alcohol free during the week Monday to Friday and then watch how much I drank at the weekend but as a previous poster has said and to which I am the same; once I have one drink I also don't know when to stop.. hence the blackouts...
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Old 07-26-2017, 04:27 PM
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8DC- all I know about booze it I cannot drink. Not just one- or every few months or even yearly. It causes me to blackout and last time that happened I lost everything. Do not let it get to that. See a counsellor, go to a meeting. Support to you.
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Old 07-26-2017, 05:08 PM
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Welcome to SR, 8DC!
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Old 07-26-2017, 06:36 PM
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Glad to meet you, 8DC! Great to have you with us - It's good that you came here to talk things over.

I drank the way you are when I was in my 30's. I wasn't very concerned about how much I drank back then (I'm glad you are). As a result of ignoring the warning signs, I continued on trying to manage the amounts I drank. My behavior became more & more unpredictable & dangerous as I got older. I was becoming dependent on it. When I finally found SR I was in desperate shape, drinking every day. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it's doing to your life. Welcome!
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Old 07-26-2017, 07:03 PM
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Originally Posted by 8DC View Post
I have started to worry about the amount I drink.

I'll easily have 1 bottle of wine a night.

At weekends when I drink more than this I regularly have blackouts

I always wake up in the morning and say I won't drink tonight... then tonight comes round and I'm buying a bottle

I can't imagine never having another drink. I just want to be able to not be like this.
Claire, welcome to SR!

So glad you joined in. It sounds like your drinking is alarming you and causing you some serious issues. Most of us came here for the same reason. I'd say we all "wished" we could, as you say, still drink but "not be like this". If it were that easy, this group wouldn't be here. Unfortunately, alcohol is lot more insidious than that.

I tried countless times to cut down, back off, control amounts or numbers of days. It never worked more than a few days, as you have found. Finally, the only thing that did work for me, was taking it off the table as an option. Not as much "denying" myself drinking but "choosing" to be healthy and not poison myself.

It's impossible at first to imagine "never" drinking again, because alcohol is addictive. Just start with one day, and see how much better you feel. Then do that again.

Keep reading here, and posting. We understand and want to help!

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Old 07-26-2017, 08:02 PM
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Welcome Claire

Keep reading as much as you can from this site. It was a turning point for me.
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Old 07-26-2017, 08:31 PM
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Glad you are here 8DC, you will have to decide for yourself. Sometimes it isn't the amount, although 35 servings is plenty, it is not being able to say no, or if you say no it is this white knuckle event. Non alcoholic don't obsess on when they get to drink next. I thought about it and would plan my day around it. If it got interrupted or delayed.....I got annoyed or outright angry.
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Old 07-26-2017, 09:25 PM
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Welcome, Claire. You have come to a great place for advice and support. I had to accept that I cannot drink or I will die, and that was a painful realization. I have no 'off' switch and once I have that first drink I can't stop. I nearly killed myself before I finally got it, and I feel very blessed to be alive. Things are not perfect for me but 19 months after my last drink my life is infinitely better than it was. I wish you all the best and hope you keep coming back. The support here has helped me stay stopped.
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Old 07-26-2017, 10:55 PM
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Thanks again everyone

This is officially Day 2 sober. I have told my close friends. I have spent the night reading so many stories that sound familiar to mine and how after 30, 60, 90 days more these people now feel amazing and can't imagine life with Alcohol. This has given me inner strength as did this forum. I can do this right 🙏🏼👍🏻
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