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Worried sobriety will be no fun.

Old 06-07-2017, 03:24 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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One other thought:

I've had loads of fun in the over three years I've been sober.

A LOT of fun.

And.... none of that fun landed me in jail, ended with me vomiting violently, left me shaking and unable to function, cost me any relationships, left me in crushing debt or stuck me in a quivering pile of shame.

I can't say the same for the 'fun' I had on booze and drugs.
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Old 06-07-2017, 04:23 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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"Everything is better sober."

My soon to be fiance says I said this to him on our first date last summer. He recalls that he "didn't quite believe me, but wanted to know more." He completely agrees with that sentiment now- and started doing so maybe 90 days in....

For me, I was so sick and my life was completely out of control when I quit that I could only start by just getting well. Thoughts of "fun" and not having it just weren't relevant because I had to be DONE drinking (have you decided that, yet? done for good?) and just find out what would be on the other side.

I can tell you that the REAL life I have now is infinitely better and more fulfilling, and certainly plenty fun-filled - I wouldn't be getting engaged or have found our first home as a family of three with a step daughter I love, or leading a restaurant-industry recovery group, or running and doing yoga regularly or....just being sober to do whatever the mood strikes in addition to the things I need to do as a healthy adult functioning in society.....

I hope you choose sobriety- you and your family and just everything will be so much better for it.
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Old 06-07-2017, 05:08 AM
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It was only with quite a bit of reflection that I realized, despite drinking every day for the last 3 years, there had only been 2-3 times when it was actually fun.

The hard part for me is knowing that I can't go back to drinking for fun - not only was it not really fun, but if I were drinking I would get so focused on the harm I could be doing to myself, will I withdrawal badly again, neuropathy, etc. etc. So the hard part is finding those other things for gratification.

While I don't have a silver bullet, I have discovered new things: AA group with a fellowship dinner to follow, meditation, and picking up old hobbies that my addiction had pushed away (fishing, exercise, surfing, hiking). It's not a perfect replacement yet, but it shows signs of getting there.
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Old 06-07-2017, 05:39 AM
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Originally Posted by tufty13 View Post
The pure joy of living fully, in the present moment and being aware of everything round me, is a better buzz than hoovering with a glass of wine ever could be. :-)
This ^^^^^^

I recently attended a wedding where I did not know a lot of people. I expected that I would stay close to those I did know and hope we left early.

As it turned out, I had the best time talking to a variety of new people and when my people came up and said a cab had been called, I was reluctant to leave because I was having so much fun!

It would have been a much uglier story if I were still drinking.
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Old 06-07-2017, 05:53 AM
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boring and fun is all in my perception.
first thing this morning i went out and watered my garden and plants, then took a few minutes to sit on the deck to watch the birds at the feeders and diggin for food in the lawn.
some would say that was boring, but i enjoyed it.
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Old 06-07-2017, 05:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Cocobeano View Post
What will I do on Thursday (and every other) evening to reward myself, and to make being home doing chores and bathing children more "fun".
What will you tell one of your children when they ask you that question in 20 years?
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Old 06-07-2017, 06:20 AM
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I have struggled with this question also and then I got to thinking I pretty much only drank after work so that's 2 hours at best since I don't get home till 7PM. I get up at 5AM so that's 14 waking hours of not drinking. And during those 14 hours I do have fun and joy and great conversations and prayer etc.. Especially when I didn't drink the night before. So it began to ring untrue to me that I could no longer have fun or enjoyment because 90% of my day was fun except when I drank the night before. This was a true light bulb moment for me and helped me to see the fallacy of needing wine for anything! Its like at the end of the movie Labyrinth when she says "you have no power over me" with such surprise in that simple truth. Wine you have no power over me!!
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Old 06-07-2017, 06:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Cocobeano View Post
I get bored. Life gets mundane. I use it to mix things up. Working, being a mom and a wife can be hard. How do mom's not drink? 🤔 That seems weird. I wish I were one. Seems boring. What will I do on Thursday (and every other) evening to reward myself, and to make being home doing chores and bathing children more "fun". I know I need to find something else that makes me happy. If it were that easy I wouldnt be here. Booze is easy. It's a "right now it's here, I don't have to go anywhere, I don't have to get a sitter" happy hobby. Till I wake up the next morning wondering why I rushed so much to but the baby down, when I know damn well I was impatiently trying to get back to my drink. Day one here. Day two is ok. Day three sucks. Day 4 will be really sucky. I plan ahead for drinking, things revolve around it. Big changes to come I pray.
Your post speaks volumes to me. I'm on day 10 of sobriety. I seem to be past the withdrawal phase, so I'm happy about that. I've managed to keep myself busy, I'm getting a lot done around the house and my performance at work has improved greatly.

However, I still have the same thought process that you mentioned. I don't mean in a moment when my mind is convincing me that I need to drink, I mean when I'm at my most introspective and not even struggling with the desire to get drunk. I spent so many years getting drunk every day I don't even know who I am now. I don't want to be a drunk any more and I'm doing great at remaining sober, but I feel completely lost. I sort of feel as though I just left an abusive spouse. I know I'm doing the right thing and that my life will be better without it, but at the same time it was all I ever knew and I miss it.
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Old 06-07-2017, 07:01 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Coco,
You might find out you'll have No Time to be bored if you:
Get a sponsor, work the steps, join a home group, eventually do service and reach out to others. In addition to your family obligations, with all there is to do in "early sobriety", there is no time to be bored.

That was my experience. And actually still is--too much to do to be bored. Besides meetings, sponsoring, being sponsored, having a commitment, I get to live a life beyond my wildest imagination.

If you put in the work, you'll get the results. Doesn't happen by just not drinking and going to a few meetings.
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Old 06-07-2017, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by nileruns View Post
I sort of feel as though I just left an abusive spouse. I know I'm doing the right thing and that my life will be better without it, but at the same time it was all I ever knew and I miss it.
Completely natural to feel that way on day 10. If you still feel that way at day 100 you've sat around on your duff too long.

Get action. Do things. Be sane. Don't fritter away your time. Create. Act. Take a place wherever you are and be somebody. Get action.

- Theodore Roosevelt
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Old 06-07-2017, 07:19 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I'm finding I am much more engaged in life, much more present, and far more courageous. Fearlessly facing reality without the escape of alcohol or other drugs is an epic adventure, and I'm having plenty of fun with it. Sure, I spend more time at home reading, but man, there are some fun and mindblowing reads out there. And I still go to music festivals and hang with the drinkers and trippers, and who would have thunk it, but I have more energy and have as much or more fun than most anyone there. It's an adjustment. Life is better when we are open and inviting.
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Old 06-07-2017, 07:41 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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just ONE more thought:

The cure for this thinking about sobriety being no fun......

IS TO GET OUT THERE AND START HAVING FUN SOBER.

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Old 06-07-2017, 09:17 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl View Post
just ONE more thought:

The cure for this thinking about sobriety being no fun......

IS TO GET OUT THERE AND START HAVING FUN SOBER.

I could not agree more with this
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Old 06-07-2017, 09:36 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by graciepearl View Post
I have struggled with this question also and then I got to thinking I pretty much only drank after work so that's 2 hours at best since I don't get home till 7PM. I get up at 5AM so that's 14 waking hours of not drinking. And during those 14 hours I do have fun and joy and great conversations and prayer etc.. Especially when I didn't drink the night before. So it began to ring untrue to me that I could no longer have fun or enjoyment because 90% of my day was fun except when I drank the night before. This was a true light bulb moment for me and helped me to see the fallacy of needing wine for anything! Its like at the end of the movie Labyrinth when she says "you have no power over me" with such surprise in that simple truth. Wine you have no power over me!!
This is sooooooo true. Days are better when not hungover. I will every night keep this in mind. It's not worth it and this moment will pass and tomorrow will be worth it. Thank you. Today has been good. No hangover. No cravings. Making plans and planning ahead to deal. Not just winging it. That's when snap judgment fails me.
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Old 06-07-2017, 09:39 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by nileruns View Post
Your post speaks volumes to me. I'm on day 10 of sobriety. I seem to be past the withdrawal phase, so I'm happy about that. I've managed to keep myself busy, I'm getting a lot done around the house and my performance at work has improved greatly.

However, I still have the same thought process that you mentioned. I don't mean in a moment when my mind is convincing me that I need to drink, I mean when I'm at my most introspective and not even struggling with the desire to get drunk. I spent so many years getting drunk every day I don't even know who I am now. I don't want to be a drunk any more and I'm doing great at remaining sober, but I feel completely lost. I sort of feel as though I just left an abusive spouse. I know I'm doing the right thing and that my life will be better without it, but at the same time it was all I ever knew and I miss it.
I fear this too. I read it takes 21 days to make a new habit. Maybe after some time a new since of norm will set in. I totally remember in the past when I quit for awhile there was a period where I felt sorry for myself because I had to sacrifice something that was part of me. Not a good part, just a big part. It's so.much easier to fall back to drinking because it's what is comfortable, not good, but familiar. Comfortable and familiar aren't always positive words. I hope that you find some new familiarity hang in there and keep me posted I will look forward to hearing your experience and holding onto your strength and using it for myself.
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Old 06-07-2017, 09:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Ringo123 View Post
Coco,
You might find out you'll have No Time to be bored if you:
Get a sponsor, work the steps, join a home group, eventually do service and reach out to others. In addition to your family obligations, with all there is to do in "early sobriety", there is no time to be bored.

That was my experience. And actually still is--too much to do to be bored. Besides meetings, sponsoring, being sponsored, having a commitment, I get to live a life beyond my wildest imagination.

If you put in the work, you'll get the results. Doesn't happen by just not drinking and going to a few meetings.
Yes I agree with this when I say I'm bored it doesn't necessarily mean with my kids or my family or obligations, I'm hands I'm bored with myself and that I'm using alcohol as an excuse to actually find something instead it's a lot of laziness involved. And it's scary having to tap in deep down inside and figure out what it is that really makes you happy.
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Old 06-07-2017, 04:04 PM
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Coco,

Imo...what you think is bordom is addiction.

Your av will call it whatever you want...it wants booze.

I drank because it was fri, sat, vacation, off work early, off work late, sad, angry...etc etc.

It is 1 thing...addiction.

Booze is no joke. People kill themselves over this neurotoxin.

Don't toy w this thing. We here all quit because booze was ruining us.

Stay clean it gets better. Drink and it gets worse.

Thanks.
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Old 06-07-2017, 06:17 PM
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Day two.

Two days no hangover. Two days no alcohol. Sleep sucks. So far not hard, but the hardest will be this weekend. This to shall pass.
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Old 06-08-2017, 05:12 AM
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Cocobeano, I could have written your post (as could have many here). I am replying with one goal in mind, to give you hope.

I too lamented about life without alcohol and how badly it was going to suck. What on earth was I going to do, especially on weekends which entirely revolved around drinking? It was going to be sooooooooo boring!!!!!!!!

In the beginning it's really hard. The games your head will play with you in trying to convince you that what you're feeling right now is what will be forever, and that this is going to be endless suffering are SO untrue.

Think about what that thinking says about us, that our lives are going to be so boring with no quality due to the simple fact that we can't alter our brains with a liquid we pour down our throat.

On the contrary, it's not that liquid that is the cause of your fun, it's that liquid that's leading you to believe you need it in order to have fun.

I can't begin to describe the joy I have found in life once I realized what I just said. Alcohol was not making life fun, it was keeping me from actually truly experiencing life for what it is. It was keeping me from really having what fun is supposed to be.

I promise you, this is true. You will find this out for yourself if you hang in there and get through all the lies addiction tells you. I am sincerely amazed at the beauty of simplicity.

You will see this, I promise. You CAN do this!
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