Originally Posted by
Cocobeano 
I get bored. Life gets mundane. I use it to mix things up. Working, being a mom and a wife can be hard. How do mom's not drink? 🤔 That seems weird. I wish I were one. Seems boring. What will I do on Thursday (and every other) evening to reward myself, and to make being home doing chores and bathing children more "fun". I know I need to find something else that makes me happy. If it were that easy I wouldnt be here. Booze is easy. It's a "right now it's here, I don't have to go anywhere, I don't have to get a sitter" happy hobby. Till I wake up the next morning wondering why I rushed so much to but the baby down, when I know damn well I was impatiently trying to get back to my drink. Day one here. Day two is ok. Day three sucks. Day 4 will be really sucky. I plan ahead for drinking, things revolve around it. Big changes to come I pray.
Your post speaks volumes to me. I'm on day 10 of sobriety. I seem to be past the withdrawal phase, so I'm happy about that. I've managed to keep myself busy, I'm getting a lot done around the house and my performance at work has improved greatly.
However, I still have the same thought process that you mentioned. I don't mean in a moment when my mind is convincing me that I need to drink, I mean when I'm at my most introspective and not even struggling with the desire to get drunk. I spent so many years getting drunk every day I don't even know who I am now. I don't want to be a drunk any more and I'm doing great at remaining sober, but I feel completely lost. I sort of feel as though I just left an abusive spouse. I know I'm doing the right thing and that my life will be better without it, but at the same time it was all I ever knew and I miss it.