Dee74

Theres a lot of suggestions here Heather - all pretty good ones.

what's stopping you from making a day one do you think?

D

keeppushing

I thought you might find it useful from someone who as been trying to stop for some time now:

1. You never know anything when starting any new endeavour. You learn bit by bit until it stops feeling overwhelming. I didn't see anyone post a link to Dee's advice, a good place to start: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html (Dee's guidance on recovery plans). There are others, check the FAQs and stickies.

2. Failing is not having a drink. Failing is stopping trying to abstain.

3. Keep coming to SR and join a class. Feeling all the support changes a lot of things, especially the loneliness.

4. Don't bother trying to understand the different recovery philosophies only based on reading. Pick one, try it, if it doesn't fit, pick another, try it, etc.

5. Even though I haven't reached abstinence, the self-esteem of continuing to work on it is immeasurable. It didn't happen quickly, but it did build up over time. Sobriety is my number one goal. But closely related is continuous work towards that goal regardless of how I'm doing.

As I said, it sometimes helps to hear it from a beginner's view as well as the many masters who have kindly given you great advice.

Keep trying and good luck.

Delilah1

Lots of good advice here Heather. The first few days are the hardest, and once you get through the you never need to again.

It may be helpful to speak to your doctor about the amount you were drinking, withdrawals can be dangerous.

I needed to plan out every minute of the time I would normally be drinking during my first few days, even weeks. I spent lots of time reading and posting on here, went for long walks, yoga, read recovery and non recovery books. The more sober time you get under your belt, the easier it gets.

PhoenixJ

Heather- what could you do differently to get some help? Keep posting. PJ

MellowHeather

Thanks everyone for all the continuing support.

Well - I took a step that I never wanted to do, and told my dad that I had a serious problem. He's been down this route himself and is going to try and put me in touch with somebody.

I hate this so much. I need some.support though. Or somebody to push me through. Which is why I'm taking (weak) action and contacting people - my dad and an AA support line at home - to ask for help.

MellowHeather

'Cause day 1 will mean day 2 and day 3, and I'm just irrationally terrified of that. I'm really trying to fix this now though.

PhoenixJ

A good move Heather

MellowHeather

Thanks. And thanks to everyone who replied. I just read through everything again. Did you ever feel like the MOST alcoholic of all the alcoholics?

Probably a lot of you did. I am really trying though.

MellowHeather

Well - I met with a lady here today who is a very successful recoverer (she's been off it 40 years). It was really nice to speak with her.

I'm going to an AA Thanksgiving meet tomorrow. It's a meet and then a potluck dinner. I'm looking forward to making some nice things for it. Haven't cooked in ages.

I did drink today. I don't plan to tomorrow.I was supposed to go home tomorrow but I cancelled those plans.

Not sure if I'm hopeful or else thoroughly depressed. I don't like pulling people in to rely on. Never been good at asking for help.

Algorithm

It's rather interesting that you recognize this as weak action, Heather. That's the real you, which obviously knows that you probably can't afford weak action. That piercing insight may serve you well.

If it helps, consider that it will always be "now", no matter what day, month, or year it is. If you procrastinate for a year, it will still be "now" when you once again contemplate whether or not to procrastinate yet again a year from now. Day 1, or day 100, makes no difference.

The only time you can drink is now, and the only time you can not drink is also now. In other words, you can certainly waste time getting around to 'working on the problem', letting things get worse and worse, but the best time to fix this is now.

This is your addiction talking, trying to tell you that you are a really tough case, the most hopeless of all -- born to drink. It will organize all of your thoughts around the mandate to drink, and even make your self-identity the desire to drink.

Pay no attention, and don't compare yourself to others, because it doesn't matter how bad they are, or how bad you think you are. You were neither born to drink, nor born to lose by dying drunk.

tomsteve

I felt I was the most hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless POS in the world.
walked into AA completely and utterly demoralized and defeated.
got the big book the first week. went to meetings AND started working the steps.
and ALL of the promises in the big book materialized.

cat1961

Heather, I hope you're doing ok. Your story sounds just like mine. I'm trying to get through the first 24 hours. Great advise here that I am also going to take.

Dee74

I was terrified of change. As bad as my life was (and it was bad) I was comfortable in its badness...I knew all the parameters.

Not drinking was one big ol' mess of unknown.

I got to the point tho where it was stop drinking or die. I was lucky cos a lot of people never get that choice.

So I stopped.

I found that life sober was nothing like I feared it would be, and better than I could have imagined.

The initial transition phase is rough...but really no tougher than drinking all day like I was.

I love my life and I love who I am - I could never say that as a drinker.

I hope you decide to go for that day one

D

least

If you can get thru the rough part, the first few days, then it starts getting better.

MellowHeather

Thanks all. Your messages are really amazing to read and you have no idea (well - you probably do) - after so long where I had basically given up - how helpful they are. I wish I could multiquote and respond individually, but I'm doing all this on my phone for now as I don't want to use my work laptop for this! So many of your points are making a lot of sense to me.

As I said - I did drink today (yesterday now as it's 4.30 am where I am), but when I ran out, I didn't go and get more - even when I knew the stores were closing. That's a first in a long, long time. My mind is racing, but I've been reading through the forums and will probably go to bed soon. And then tomorrow (later today - Jaysus I need to get to sleep ) will be my first Thanksgiving and spent with an AA community.

I am taking all of this on board and also wishing well to those who are also in early stages, and I hope we'll be seeing each other more frequently here.

HopeandFaith1

MellowHeather I think you deserve a lot better than to drink yourself to death and I think you know that too. I also think you are stuck in a vicious cycle. I too have a stressful job and hold a leadership position which I managed to do for years - albeit miserably a lot of the time due to hangovers.

I put off quitting drinking because I didn't think I could do my job and not drink. Often I used my job as an excuse to drink, and considered drinking my "reward" at the end of the day.

I did this for 20 years. I did not feel I could take time off work to recover but I didn't feel I could recover without taking time off work. This justification kept me drunk a long time.

To make a long story short, I quit drinking 162 days ago without taking leave from my job. In retrospect I could have benefited immensely from a break but it just wasn't in the cards for me. So I worked with what I had.

I guess my point is, it IS possible to break the cycle. You can have a bad day and NOT drink, and be so much better for it. First you need to take the idea of drinking completely off the table. Right now you are bargaining with yourself - "I can drink some now if I don't drink later" but later never comes until you make yourself just stop. One day at a time. Reach out for support, go check out some meetings, have a plan in place BEFORE you get to the witching hour. Watch good movies, read some good books and eat some good food. Immerse yourself in goodness for a change.

A lot of people who stop drinking find that their physical and emotional health improves greatly after quitting. It does take time, one day at a time. You will slowly rediscover yourself and you will look and feel better too. There were many years - decades - I could not stop drinking for even a day or two. When I finally accepted that I could not drink again no matter what, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

You can regain your health and peace of mind and it will be very liberating. I wish for you a new beginning to a healthier and more meaningful life - the life you deserve. Don't let anyone or anything tell you any different.

cchick

Wishing you well. I totally understand the "fear" of not drinking. I hope that soon you realize what it's like not to drink. You will feel so much better.

MellowHeather

Nope, nope, nope.

Drank today. Was meant to fly home today but cancelled that a few days ago as was having a meltdown -so missing a lot there but this was already the plan as I was hoping to go to the AA stuff after having the meltdown.

Texted the AA lady just now to explain and say I wouldn't make it to the meeting and meal - which I was really looking forward to. I had imagined so many scenarios already and I can't even do this.

I actually cannot make it to a meal which is safe and right beside where I live and that I was looking forward to and that could help me and would have been my first Thanksgiving dinner and prefaced by an AA meeting with somebody that I knew.

I am so disappointed in myself and I am so fed up with this constant, constant "can't do this".

Algorithm

Can't do this, or won't do this? There is nothing wrong with you that prevents you from abstaining from drinking alcohol. Addiction is a prison without locks -- an illusion based on groundless fear.

Avoid the chaos of complexity, and focus on the obvious. You will not suffer much if you give up drinking, in the grand scheme of things, and your life may improve significantly. At the very least, you won't be making your life more difficult.

You've received a lot of support, which you seem to appreciate, but don't let that be a substitute for taking strong action. No matter how much support you receive, no one can do this for you.

I prefer the term encouragement, myself.

MellowHeather

Yes - but how. I sat with a drink in my hand for probably 40 minutes this morning without touching it to drink. I don't have anything else except work. No partner and no friends where I live now. It's beaten me time and time again.

I don't want to keep posting - but I do - because whenever I "wish upon a star" - which is sad, but I'm lonely - it's always that I wish I wasn't an alcoholic. I've made a lot of posts so maybe that's positive, in that I haven't posted like this before.

I had high hopes for today. Thought I could do this. I know the alternative and I'd prefer it to be honest. But I can't do that so I have to keep fighting this battle that I simply cannot seem to win.

And I do appreciate the support a lot. I was trying to give it back a bit as we all have some common ground.