Simplicity4114

Nicely Done mcFearless!

lyddie

14 Days for me today.

Soberwolf

I hope everyone is having a ok weekend - you guys rock

CaseyW

Congrats to everyone reaching a milestone today, from day one to day thirty! Keep on doing the next right thing...

ben83

Well guys pleased to report I've nearly make it through the bbq alcohol free just a few people left but ill be fine now. And feel great. Thanks for talking me out of drinking

whiteturtle

Hi everyone. I've been at the party for about four hours now. Still sober. My friend bought an entire box of my favorite wine with mostly me in mind. I feel bad at the thoughtfulness, but I know I can't have it for any reason. It's a little hard to see it sitting there, full, waiting to be drank. It's hot and I'm tired from driving a few hours and helping set up, and getting through the social aspect, too. I don't want wine as badly as I assumed I would, or have in the past when sober, but I do want it. I kind of underestimated how the long weekend would affect things. And I haven't even been home to just binge-watch TV shows or play a videogame, which is a big trigger. I am trying to stay strong. Already drank two Diet Cokes, and now having some water.

I felt like I was mostly doing okay, but the minute I got to the bathroom and closed the door, I could feel my expression just fall, and a wave of exhaustion swept over. I really hope I can get through the rest of the afternoon/evening. I will come on here when I can/need to.

whiteturtle

Sigh, I keep looking around at all the people drinking, and remembering how good it made me feel. I wish I could just join them...wish I could go home and then enjoy it with myself, too. I wish my boyfriend and I could just leave the party, but it's still going to be many hours. I'm afraid I will cave in to the AV, with that box of wine just sitting there. It's hard to fight the thoughts of, why should I be punished for my addiction? And is it really an addiction? I might be just fine. I seem fine.

I know that's all the AV. I wish I could stop it from making any noise at all.

Arpeggioh

Glad you posted, whiteturtle. I wish you could just leave, too! My only suggestion is physical distance from that box of effing wine; staring at it, feeling its presence, is messing with your sober head. It was bought "for you" in error, by a well-meaning friend. But it was an error; it's not for you anymore! And it has no power, just like that lying voice in your head has no power to make you touch it.

During one of many sobriety attempts over the years, I needed to dump a box of cheap red wine down the sink. In a fit of dramatic symbolism, I dropped the foil bag in the sink and began stabbing it with a knife! Dark red liquid flying everywhere, looked like a crime scene, and it was oddly satisfying...not in a Dexter sort of way, but it felt good! Die, evil alcohol, die!

Probably not an option for you at your party, though it would be quite a scene...

Just a story to keep you occupied, and maybe shift your perception, your feelings about that damned box at your party; it's full of liquid sadness and grief, and it's not for you anymore. Peace and strength, my friend...Arp

Elke516

Hey whiteturtle, you're doing great, you can do it. Try not to look at the wine, turn your back and walk away. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. You will be so pleased you stayed sober when you wake up tomorrow..... keep posting please if it helps... be strong

Arpeggioh

I think this looooong weekend in the States is going to be challenging for many of us; I'm already looking ahead to lots of free time, which was always my trigger. Extra bonus free time from work always resulted in me chugging vodka like a crazy person.

It's kind of sad that a national holiday created to honor fallen soldiers has also become National BBQ Summer Kickoff Party On, Garth weekend. And then there's the whole decorate the relatives' graves tradition out at the cemetery...

Jeezus, I gotta go sniff a lilac or something! Emergency ice cream run! Yellow AV alert!

Happy Sober Memorial Day Weekend, everybody!!
Love and stuff,
Arp

Elke516

Happy Sober Memorial Day Weekend to you too Arp. Here in the UK we just have a 'Bank Holiday' but it's the same excuse to drink...

It's only my Day 2 today and I'm fine... but then again I avoided the parties this weekend, bit early.

Hope you're doing ok.

ben83

Sounds like we have had very similar days ! Except I couldn't leave I was hosting! managed to get through though everyone has left now and I didn't drink

I feel your pain white turtle. But I feel so much better knowing I can wake up tomorrow and post on here with day 29!

Big thank you to everyone on here I know for a fact I would not have even tried to stay sober today if I hadn't talked about it with you guys.

ben83

One thing that did anoy me today was that after everyone else got drunk they seemed to gang up and refused to drop the subject of me not drinking. They were saying why? for how long? They insisted I give them a time frame. One bloke was even saying it pissed him off and that I was his only drinking buddy ha ha. at one point I was in the kitchen with 6 adults who even after I asked them to drop it kept going and I just told them all change the subject then they said that not drinking made me grumpy ha ha ! Looking from an outsiders point of view I would hate to have been one of those people making someone else feel how they made me feel. Like a cornered animal. It was horrible. Glad it's over and glad I stuck with it

whiteturtle

Thank you, ben, Arp, and everyone! I so so so appreciate the encouragement and reminders. Congratulations on the BBQ, ben!! That is an amazing feat you accomplished, especially with people pressuring you. I'm hanging in there still. My boyfriend is getting pretty drunk, which is a bit annoying. I'm still sober, though badly sunburned from just 20 minutes standing in the sun. Feeling more down the more the day goes by. I just want to go home.

Tomorrow I am going to my parents' to see them and have dinner. I am sure they will have a bottle of wine for me, too. It would be so much easier just telling people I'm not drinking, but I'm embarrassed, and somehow the thought of explaining to people is mentally exhausting. I am more like my old self this past week, before I started drinking heavily, so more outgoing and "squirrelly," as my dad calls it...but at the same time, I feel like I just want to go hide somewhere by myself with no one to deal with.

whiteturtle

Except you fellow Mayflies, of course!

whiteturtle

Just 5 hours, and I will have one week sober.

Arpeggioh

Ben: your friends p*ss me off! It takes a special kind of commitment to stand tough in the face of that kind of pressure...bordering on bullying, man...heavy drinkers seem to feel threatened when one of their own gives the stuff up; I'm sure it makes them question their own health and habits. Hopefully you heard at least one "good for you" today from somebody; if not, you're sure gonna hear a whole buttload from your friends here!

WhiteTurtle: thank you for the update; you're also showing amazing strength today! You're going to feel even more amazing tomorrow morning after resisting the lure of that Box of Sadness and Tears (I don't know what brand it is, but that's the name I'm using for it tonight!) It would be easier to just say "I quit drinking," but I know that comes with a whole slew of questions you'd rather not deal with.

Keeping you both, and all of my Mayflies, in my thoughts tonight. Better days ahead, y'all...Arp

Arpeggioh

WhiteTurtle:

Lonelywombat67

Here's your weekend movie
Why 'The Voices' is the Truly Original Film Starring Ryan | SydneysBuzz
It's on Hulu for streaming and is in the black comedy horror movie genre.
My favorite for my particular mood at the moment.

purplepeopleeat

Ben and whiteturtle: U guys r doing amazing. So proud of yall, staying strong and sober. U all motivate me to keep staying sober every day. Thank u for that.