thomas11

I wouldn't take anything off the table, including rehab if you want to remain sober and can not do it on your own.

Volshen

A.A meeting was good.

Volshen

Day 2 ..

ScottFromWI

Congrats on Day 2 volshen, glad to hear the meeting went well too.

Volshen

I want to put this whole mess behind me. That's my goal ...

If I don't drink I can regain the respect and trust of those who know me, I can avoid being punished by the legal system or hurting someone, I can feel better physically and mentally... I won't have to die way before my time ...

It should be the easiest decision in the world... feeling good for a brief period of time with a price tag of all of what I wrote above .... it's not the kind of deal I would make in any other area of my life ... If a store tries to sell me a bad deal I'm the first one to take notice ... but I chase alcohol and am not getting a good deal whatsoever.

Store: We'll sell you this beer, you'll go home and drink way too much of it, alone in your dark apartment while the rest of the world is enjoying a beautiful sunny day. If you don't pass out first, you'll go back to the store in a blackout and buy more beer. You'll then proceed to drive again later to pick your girlfriend up at work. The next day you will wake up after not getting proper sleep and feel like crap, but you'll buy more beer!

And what will you get in return for all of this? An hour, maybe 2 of feeling good.

Anyway ... it is absurd for me to drink .. I am so scared I'll forget.

Volshen

Thank you Scott.

Volshen

In regards to my recent post, I don't literally think it's the stores fault for selling me alcohol .. just saying ... if that were how any product was advertised we'd avoid it like the plague .. since they don't put that advertisement on it for us alcoholics ... somehow we've got to pretend they do.

I want to be able to look at alcohol and immediately think of the word "poison".

ScottFromWI

Yes, it's absurd, insanity really when you think about it. I can't even count the number of times I thought there was no possible way I could ever drink another drop due to the hangover/withdrawals...but I always managed to somehow choke down one beer at some point later in the day. Knowing full well of course that i'd end up exactly the same the next day.

What's key is to find a new way to live your life so you don't have to use the negative consequences as a motivator...because they always go away eventually. AA can definitely help you with that...going to meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps, calling numbers when you need it...all will teach you to live your life in a new way. Using SR on a daily basis or joining a monthly thread can also help as a reminder of the GOOD reasons you have quit.

Good work on seeking help and following through..keep it up!

Volshen

There is an obituary in my local paper, the family actually admitted the man died of "a long battle with alcoholism" We don't have infinite chances to get it right ...

OneIsTooMuch

Just my opinion

From what I understand that second - third day time frame is tough because the alcohol is now about out of our body and our physical addiction is demanding more. Our internal body chemistry has become "adjusted" to the presence of alcohol and we feel emotionally and physically sick without it.

It was very hard for me to get past that point. But I had to. In hindsight I should have gone to an inpatient rehab but I didn't. I did it cold turkey and was very sick because of it. Finally had to seek medical help anyway, on a semi-emergency basis.

So I don't think you have any unique mental or physical issues here just sounds to me like you are entering withdrawal at that time frame and may need help getting past it. I would suggest doing whatever it takes.

IvanMike

Congrats.

Hit another meeting tonight.

Volshen

Day 3..

Coffee time .. then going to figure out what the plan for the day is.

ScottFromWI

Congrats on Day3...keep up the good work. Let us know if you need help with the plan.

Volshen

My girlfriend has the day off and she's bored ... she doesn't drive. She is getting annoyed / disappointed that I don't have any plans for today fun wise ... It's raining here. I told her if it weren't raining maybe we'd go sight seeing or something. I am out of work at the moment and don't want to go spend a lot of money. She's telling me that our lives are boring and we never do anything ...

Point behind telling this? Of course my brain immediately starts telling me the solution is to drink. I feel stressed and pressured to find something to do. But it's my fault .. I shouldn't feel stressed and wanting a drink over a minor decision making process.

She now wants me to drop her off at her mothers house so she can at least wash her laundry and hang out with her mother today ... my brain begins thinking almost excitedly that I could drop her off and drink today.

C23

I father in law is a recovering alcoholic. He is sober for over 5 years now. While he was in rehab, one of his instructors talked about how our brain is designed to forget pain. It really makes sense when you think about it. Take a woman with children for example. She obviously remembers that giving birth was painful and difficult (maybe), but does she REALLY remember the pain? How fast would she have the desire to have another child if she did. Think back to injuries you have had. Broken bones, scrapes, bruises, etc...Do you REALLY remember the pain and suffering. We are programmed to forget. If we didn't, we would most likely lock ourselves in our homes and never do anything in fear or pain. The same thing applies to hangovers. Think about the countless times you have felt like complete death, staring into the toilet, pledging that you will never do this again...only to do it again within a few hours. I believe for those of us determined to stay sober, we have to REALLY remember the pain and suffering. We need to REALLY remember the affects drinking has on us and those around us. It is not something that can be forgotten or programmed out of our minds. For me, this is what makes me realize I am not someone who wants to drink, but can't...I am someone who doesn't drink because I don't want to.

Good luck to ya!

Volshen

But if I drink today... I'd enjoy the first hour .. maybe second hour if I were lucky .. then get sick, possibly get myself into legal trouble ... she'd come home later and find evidence of me drinking .. whether it be a can I forgot to throw out ... or that I forgot to stop drinking in time to appear sober when she got home .. I can't predict how much I will drink anymore .. if I buy a certain amount and have a solid plan to not go back to the store for more ... it doesn't work anymore.. sometimes I will just pass out, but increasingly more common is me going back to the store.

Then even if I did somehow pull it off and didn't get caught drunk driving and didn't get caught drinking by her, I'd still wake up feeling completely hopeless tomorrow ..

Volshen

Thank you C23.

tomsteve

if the aa meeting was good, i suggest hitting one every day. get the big book to find out what the program is. mainly because going to meetings and not drinking dont treat alcoholusm.
there is action involved and that goes for every method of recovery.

sittin in the garage all day wont make me a car.

Volshen

I am headed out for a while to distract myself. Back later.

thomas11

I can relate to this very well. I'm currently not working and my wife is a busy-body and sometimes tells me she's bored. I just had to put my foot down and tell her she needs to find something other than me to entertain her. I also understand the temptation to drop her off and get into the booze. My wife used to go shopping all day and as soon as the truck left the driveway the glass was full of ice. We alcoholics just can't do it. Can't give in, no matter what.

Wish you the best.