Volshen

Day 5 ..

I was drinking in a dream .. woke up feeling mad like it had actually happened. Took a few moments after waking up to register in my mind that it didn't actually happen.


Have been irritated and thinking about beer in the hour or so I've been up .. but I keep remembering it won't work .. it's not a real solution to anything. I don't want to make that dream into a reality.

ScottFromWI

I still have those dreams occasionally. Kind of freaky but it's comforting to wake up and realize they are just a dream. Especially early on, I think our minds are just "stretching their legs" after being sedated for so many years.

Volshen

Yesterday I was able to stay home and not give in ... maybe today could be the same but I don't want to risk it .. the drinking thoughts are stronger today. I have made plans to visit with family today and am making plans for tomorrow as well.

Volshen

I made it through the day.

fantail

Congrats on another day! Do you have your action plan for the weekend?

Volshen

Day 6.

Thank you Fantail.

I realized yesterday I need some kind of a plan everyday .. I woke up yesterday feeling irritated and felt very similar to how I have felt when I have given up and bought beer in the past.

I was lucky .. the part of me that doesn't want to drink was stronger for a brief moment ... turned out to be long enough to scare me into getting a plan for the day.

Every day is a risk for me .. I was never a social drinker. I usually drank alone right here at my computer.

ScottFromWI

Congrats on day 6. Regarding your statement above, I think that's a very good point. Nearly everyone needs a plan of some kind..have you given any thought as to what you might do? There are many organized recovery plans/programs of course, and some choose to go with more of a self-plan.

Either way, simply "not drinking" is not a plan - as you are finding out.

Volshen

Thank you Scott.

I go back and forth in my mind about my opinion on A.A as you may have seen in my previous posts. Last night I was invited to a meeting by a family member in recovery I was visiting. So I went. It does inspire me to see the happy faces and to see how much better off they are without drinking.

But that alone isn't really a plan.

You are right .. right now I'm hanging on simply by reminding myself drinking doesn't work for me .. but I made it to 8 days once with that same method and blew it.

ScottFromWI

Yep, just like any plan there's a lot more than just going to a few meetings to make AA work - working the steps, getting a sponsor, etc. All plans involve work - and doing things we aren't comfortable with doing. But that's all because it involves change...change in the way we go about our lives.

Volshen

I have been told to make my higher power A.A itself ... but can't wrap my head around that because certain steps, at least to me .. are talking about the typical concept of god .. It appears to me they say make your higher power whatever you want .. just to help you get started, but hope over time you'll develop some kind of legitimate belief in something.

I don't see myself getting the intended result of the steps without believing as they believe.

I don't like talking about this stuff because I feel like I am going to offend someone .. but I also like to express what is going on with me in case someone has any ideas for me.

Volshen

I made it through day 6.

Delilah1

Great job Volshen!! There are lots of supports out there, and AA is one that works for many members on here. SR is my biggest support, and I had to plan alternate activities for the time I would normally have poured a glass of wine. Today is Day 113 for me and I seem to have settled into my new routine, but if thoughts of drinking pop into my head I immediately go for a walk, take a bath, go out and jump on the trampoline with the kids, anything to change my thought process.

You should feel proud that you made it through day six, tomorrow will be one week. Keep up the great work!!!

❤️ Delilah

Volshen

Made it through day 7. Haven't been home today til now. Going to bed soon.

Volshen

Thank you Delilah.

Dharma33

Good work, Volshen. 7 days is a great beginning to a new sober life

bemyself

Hi Volshen, just caught your thread - well done on getting as far as you have. To non-addicts, 6 or so days don't sound like much - but for all of us, we know very well (too well) what it's really like.

It may be night time where you live, but I wanted to pop in and suggest re AA that you check out (via Google) a couple of most excellent websites which I've found immensely helpful as an agnostic member of AA. Agnostica AA and Beyond Belief. Heaps of terrific stories, essays, reviews of, and links, to various 'secular' recovery books etc.

And the comments section below each essay make you realise how many atheist / agnostic / freethinker people have stayed very happily sober and productive in AA. Quite a few full-on 'old timers' are amongst them. PS you have to read the comments from the bottom of the page; I keep meaning to ask them to change the order on the website to make it easier !

If you're in USA or Canada or certain parts of the UK too (from memory) they have AA meetings. The number of meetings is growing exponentially, and you'd be more than welcome there as you tread your journey.

Thinking of you, Volshen, keep going!

Dee74

Congrats on your week Volshen

D

Volshen

Thank you everyone.

Day 8 almost over.

Dee74

good for you Volshen
D

Volshen

Day 9.