sva777

Congratulations on a week sober.

It is true, the conclusion you arrived at. So what we can't drink again. For so long it was such a part of my life and I just figured part of most other people's as well. Turns out it is not a big part of most people's life and I was just caught in the addiction. I am glad you realized that so soon into recovery.

ZeldaFan

I've been there so many times so I can completely relate to how you are feeling at the moment. Once you start and the alcohol kicks in, the beast takes over. Or at least it wants you to think it has. However, there is still a small percentage (even while under the influence of the beast and the drink) of the real you in there.

Just think how powerful you will feel if you can let that small part of you take the victory. A few seconds, one gesture and you win. Then you can get into bed and know you just accomplished something incredibly difficult. Doing that will give you so much strength moving forward with your sobriety and you will be able to look back on it the next time the urge hits. You will get your full self back in no time once the booze is gone. I know it's not easy but I have this feeling you can do it. Come on Mike. Do it for yourself. Do it for me. Do it for us.

MikeM

I wish I could. I really want to. I wish it didn't overpower me. Sorry to disappoint you.

ZeldaFan

You're not disappointing me. It's ultimately your decision. I'm just saying not to discount that little voice still within you. As you continue to consume today, if - even for a second - that voice comes out and says you can do it, don't hesitate to act and take control. You may just surprise yourself if you don't completely give in. The "You" voice can surprise you sometimes over your AV. Even when you think you have lost control as long as you don't total shut it down it can still take the wheel.

thomas11

Sounds great Mike. How is your energy level? Getting better?

Delilah1

Hi Mike,

Hope you are able to find that voice to help you stop today and get back on track.

Caramel

ZeldaFan, your post at #22 really resonated with me and I've quoted part of it on the Class of January 2016 Part 3 thread - thanks.

thomas11

I spoke too soon. It's not the end of the world Mike. I posted on your other thread. This is just my personal opinion, but I think its good that you are bothered by it. It means you care. If it was water off a duck's back, then I'd be concerned. And believe me, I've been guilty of the water off a duck's back attitude too often.

KM0816

Would love to hear how things are going now?

MikeM

Have been drinking still. 5am over here. Going for another beer. Got a headache and will probably collapse in bed for a long time. Fortunately I have no beer left after this last one.

And for some reason I can still type like a sober person. The way I type is not indicative of my alcohol intake. There's empty cans all over my desk.

After the next last one, I will have had 18 cans of beer. Then I will go to bed. I might come out of it tomorrow, but it might take a few days as well.

Not to worry, I will call my doc if necessary and am in control enough.

ScottFromWI

People who are in control don't drink 18 beers at a sitting Mike. Why not call the doctor anyway and get yourself out of this mess. If you cannot stop drinking yourself, go someplace where someone will help you stop.

teatreeoil007

Mike-You are right that your writing is still quite good, friend. As for being in control, bud, hmmmmm? Have you had anything decent to eat today? Reason I say that is you'll feel better tomorrow if you've had some decent food. But on the other hand, having a really bad hangover might help you get in touch with what all this alcohol is doing to your health. I can tell you are a very smart person. Why do you drink? Out of boredom, loneliness, writer's block, love, depression...I'm just wondering because for me it was a turning point to ask myself: "Why in the heck am I doing this?! I know better!!" We know you'd rather not drink, because that is why you keep coming here and are so honest. One of my lines has been: 'I like alcohol, but it doesn't like me'. And, it's true. Alcohol makes a terrible partner; a terrible relationship. It costs money and takes and takes and takes and doesn't give back. It tears you down instead of building you up.

Wastinglife

HI Mike, when I got out of rehab 5 years ago, I stayed with my retired parents for 6 months. I was sober the entire time and felt like I had this beat. So I decided to get myself my own place. My dad and my brother helped me move in. 5 mins after they left I was drinking at a pub next door. I had an overwhelming craving just seeing this bar from my balcony. thought, I can have 1or2 pints.

I drank about 8 or 9.....