MikeM

For all of you even considering drinking one sip. For those of you wanting one last time. For those of you thinking drinking is fun. For those of you who delude themselves into believing that they need to know what it was like again.

For all of you even considering that first sip for whatever reason, I will tell you this.

I relapsed. I'm drunk now. In fact, I started drinking so early that I already have the hangover headache.

You might think there is some fun or anything good when you drink. There isn't. I thought that too. I'm here now and it's a nightmare. I'm drunk and all the fun I thought I've had and I'd have is not there. You imagine it when sober.

All there is, is forgetting things. Stumbling around. Doing stupid things. And if you do do something useful, you forget it. You are numb. Which seems good, but the world looks awfully empty when you're numb.

There is no potential for living a good life. In fact, all there is, is being in this haze in which you accomplish nothing.

Even if you don't have any plans or ambitions at all, being sober is better than being drunk. I'm just sitting here impaired. Dazed. Incapable.

This is me talking from a place of being very drunk. And I've observed the various stages. Even the first buzz is a step down into the descend. It is not good.

My writing... I think I wrote this pretty clearly. Maybe I didn't. I can't tell. I literally am incapable of making that judgement.

But to set aside the idea that I might not be that drunk since I could post this pretty coherently and well-written, especially for a non-native speaker. It's just something I can do. Some functions remain. Most don't though.

Since I've gotten drunk, I thought I might as well write "from the inside". And it's terrible here. Nothing like you imagine beforehand. And tomorrow I will probably be vomiting, lying in bed all day, suffering.

What a blessing this alcohol is...

Anna

It sounds like time to stop Mike and get rid of the alcohol.

Notimetoloose

Mike, you did write that coherently if you are still wondering...
..Thank you, I think it will give pause to any one that is entertaining the idea of drinking.
Also a great time to take your own advice.
I hope that you start again.. We will be here for you.

ZeldaFan

Mike, I've been following your day since you initially posted you started drinking earlier. Just make sure you make tomorrow your day 1 no matter what. Don't let this turn into a downward spiral.

Keep your post saved to your desktop or print it and put it somewhere you can see it often. It was well written and will be a solid reminder to yourself once you get sober again why taking that first drink is a bad idea.

gypsytears

It is coherent and well written and pretty good advice. I hope you pour out the rest and read your own post when you wake up tomorrow.

grizzlybearblue

Thank you for your post. I needed that after fantacizing this week about drinking moderately in the future. I gave it a lot of thought and told myself if I want Everything that comes along with it, then I can do it. Find a good enough reason to give up everything I've gained these last four months. I haven't found a good enough reason, I don't want everything that comes along with it, and your post reminded me of that. Sober is so much better. Day one for you tomorrow?

Obladi

Ok, have you had enough now?
Can you please find it in yourself to dump the rest and get yourself to bed with a huge glass of water?

Most of us have been on the inside, and you're right. There's nothing there - nothing left to find or hold onto.

We'll be here tomorrow (or later tonight) to help with the aftermath.
But can we please get on to the After? I promise you this is the right choice right now.

least

Yes, it is horrible that you drank. Horribly sad. That used to be me.

Hawkeye13

I think all of us have been where you are right now
so in that sense your preaching to the choir Mike. . .

Are you ready to pour out the rest, or are you
going to keep drinking and talking about how awful it is?

courage2

Print your post, Mike, to remember.

You don't have to drink again, and you don't want to. Let this be the last time.

Coldfusion

Thank you for your post. There is help whenever you are ready for it.

Delilah1

I agree with those who have suggested printing your post, a few weeks ago you fell into the cycle of waking up hungover and starting to drink again. As terrible as you feel tomorrow don't drink, you will continue delaying your recovery.

If you are still drinking pour it out, drink some water and get some rest.

TinkerB

Hey Mike, thank you for your post, a very timely reminder for me of a place I don't want to go back to.
I have been struggling and am back on day 3 after kidding myself I can a few here and there... I'm not drunk so it doesn't really count... it all leads back to that nightmare. I had been feeling sorry for myself and remembering the fun times I had with wine but the reality is in your post.
I hope you can pick up where you left off and read back over this as I will when you are tempted.
Thoughts are with you
-Tink

phlowing

I thought about drinking tonight...cold outside, bunch of music to listen to, nice buzz hanging about my apartment...I knew I wouldn't but your post reminded me to crack a seltzer water instead. Don't want to go down the rabbit hole that you descibed, and I know well. I agree you should print your well written post, put it somewhere handy, and take your own advice. Best to you, man.

Nonsensical

Drink some water
Go to bed
Tomorrow is going to be physically hard
You're drunk, but you're posting here
The fire that burns inside you is hotter than the fire that burns outside you
You can beat this

neferkamichael

MikeM, I took that one last sip a thousand time in my 40+ year drinking career. If I hadn't took that "one last sip" all those times I'd have an extra $150 grand in my pocket right now. It's tuff in the beginning, I know, so just do whatever ya have to, and never give up. I'm way better off now that I haven't had that one last sip in 5 1/2 years, we are all rootin for ya.

MikeM

Thanks for all the responses. I'm glad it helped some of you.

I'm in alcohol hell. It is horrible.

Once I get it out of my system, I will be fine though. Life is so beautiful sober.

My challenge is to quit during a drinking session. I cannot do it. But I will make sure there will be no beer left tomorrow.

Really guys, this is horrible.

Soberpotamus

Mike, I wish the best for you. Time to get some rest, and some water.

I find it interesting how articulate and coherent you are while drunk, especially since you say you're a non-native speaker. I'm actually amazed.

When I would drink and write, it was mostly gibberish! Maybe I was writing in blackout.

I do hope you are finished with the drinking. I saw you posted about a plan on another thread. Maybe spend the next day or so working on your approach.

Good for posting and being honest. Many leave to return months or even years later.

Hang in there, and don't give up.

Hawkeye13

Yes you can do it--you just aren't choosing to

You can't BS us Mike, we know all the "keep the buzz going" rhetoric

MikeM

I've had situations in which I had two bottles of wine and people weren't sure if I might have had a drink. Focus is something I've cultivated all my life and it shows here.

But that's not important. I'm almost finished with the drinking. I do have a problem though. I was looking for my 3rd sixpack a while ago and couldn't find it at first and I got scared... Not good.

Thanks for your post!