Mike-You are right that your writing is still quite good, friend. As for being in control, bud, hmmmmm? Have you had anything decent to eat today? Reason I say that is you'll feel better tomorrow if you've had some decent food. But on the other hand, having a really bad hangover might help you get in touch with what all this alcohol is doing to your health. I can tell you are a very smart person. Why do you drink? Out of boredom, loneliness, writer's block, love, depression...I'm just wondering because for me it was a turning point to ask myself: "Why in the heck am I doing this?! I know better!!" We know you'd rather not drink, because that is why you keep coming here and are so honest. One of my lines has been: 'I like alcohol, but it doesn't like me'. And, it's true. Alcohol makes a terrible partner; a terrible relationship. It costs money and takes and takes and takes and doesn't give back. It tears you down instead of building you up.