No clutter Wee-kender December 11th Part 2
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Congrats on the sober promotion, Ken! That's great news!
Ruby, I know what you mean. I was thinking the same when people were posting about being single on the holidays...
This time last year, I was just getting into a relationship. Conveniently there was a small child which was awesome since I have endometriosis and can not have children. Ok perfect. Let's go ride off into the sunset...
Flash forward to this year... I sleep on the pull out couch, I'm filled with dread when we might all have to be together bc my bf either plays video games on his phone the entire time or we go at each other about parenting. He withholds affection claiming its bc he didn't get done what he wanted to get done this year and generally in life, and he says I'm not really a great mother bc I'm not as physically active as him.
He also said we would move back to the city very soon last winter, never did and now I have a three hour commute. That contributes ALOT to my exhaustion, btw.
He says I dont do what I said I was going to do as a mother and supportive partner. I say I said all that thinking we would live twenty minutes from my job. He says how can he move to the city if he has no job there? I'm like well what were you planning on doing when you said we would live there in the first place?
Everything is excuses, nothing really checks out cleanly for me. He seems full of fear and somehow I sense a jealousy, but I hate to say it bc I don't know.
I've been wanting to get this Christmas tree for the child, I was going to wake up and see if he wanted to go today. He had already left for the gym so I have the relief of not having to do something together but still the guilt I haven't gotten the tree.
I don't know what happened to the guy that wanted us to be together and accomplish goals and dreams... He's not a bad guy, but I'm continually baffled as to why he thinks that bc he hasn't done what he wanted to in regards to education, etc., that it appropriately translates into not being supportive of me and not being a normal partner engaged and making plans.
I mean, if you're not happy with what you haven't done, go freaking do it. Why is it my fault?
Soooo, point is I am damn lonely in this relationship. I stay bc I love the child and I see how he's thriving. I try to figure out the ratio between the positives of having a stable mother figure around and the negative of when he's going to catch on that Daddy doesn't really pay attention to Mommy and that we are ships in the night.
I know this doesn't make people who are alone and lonely feel any better or change anything. It's just weird when you get what you think you wanted, like me, and now I feel like I'm in a mess.
I fantasize about getting my own place. It would be so much easier for me to live close to my job... But then I think of the child and it makes me cry.
If I wouldn't have rushed into this out of loneliness and I would have let him handle his issues and problems, he wouldn't be able to blame me for everything and I could be dating him as a single dad. Instead of rushing in to create instant family and feeling sometimes more lonely than I did when I was alone.
Tough stuff for all of us. I'm buying a round... of hugs. xoxoxo
Ruby, I know what you mean. I was thinking the same when people were posting about being single on the holidays...
This time last year, I was just getting into a relationship. Conveniently there was a small child which was awesome since I have endometriosis and can not have children. Ok perfect. Let's go ride off into the sunset...
Flash forward to this year... I sleep on the pull out couch, I'm filled with dread when we might all have to be together bc my bf either plays video games on his phone the entire time or we go at each other about parenting. He withholds affection claiming its bc he didn't get done what he wanted to get done this year and generally in life, and he says I'm not really a great mother bc I'm not as physically active as him.
He also said we would move back to the city very soon last winter, never did and now I have a three hour commute. That contributes ALOT to my exhaustion, btw.
He says I dont do what I said I was going to do as a mother and supportive partner. I say I said all that thinking we would live twenty minutes from my job. He says how can he move to the city if he has no job there? I'm like well what were you planning on doing when you said we would live there in the first place?
Everything is excuses, nothing really checks out cleanly for me. He seems full of fear and somehow I sense a jealousy, but I hate to say it bc I don't know.
I've been wanting to get this Christmas tree for the child, I was going to wake up and see if he wanted to go today. He had already left for the gym so I have the relief of not having to do something together but still the guilt I haven't gotten the tree.
I don't know what happened to the guy that wanted us to be together and accomplish goals and dreams... He's not a bad guy, but I'm continually baffled as to why he thinks that bc he hasn't done what he wanted to in regards to education, etc., that it appropriately translates into not being supportive of me and not being a normal partner engaged and making plans.
I mean, if you're not happy with what you haven't done, go freaking do it. Why is it my fault?
Soooo, point is I am damn lonely in this relationship. I stay bc I love the child and I see how he's thriving. I try to figure out the ratio between the positives of having a stable mother figure around and the negative of when he's going to catch on that Daddy doesn't really pay attention to Mommy and that we are ships in the night.
I know this doesn't make people who are alone and lonely feel any better or change anything. It's just weird when you get what you think you wanted, like me, and now I feel like I'm in a mess.
I fantasize about getting my own place. It would be so much easier for me to live close to my job... But then I think of the child and it makes me cry.
If I wouldn't have rushed into this out of loneliness and I would have let him handle his issues and problems, he wouldn't be able to blame me for everything and I could be dating him as a single dad. Instead of rushing in to create instant family and feeling sometimes more lonely than I did when I was alone.
Tough stuff for all of us. I'm buying a round... of hugs. xoxoxo
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
One of the store managers approached me recently to tell me that he complimented my manager on hiring me. They want me to stay. Well, this manager has yet to let me know about this. And now, I'm being given a hard time by her and her underling. Nice.
One would think they'd do whatever necessary to retain me.
This is enough to bore my socks off, honestly. I need to be here at this computer, writing. Period.
One would think they'd do whatever necessary to retain me.
This is enough to bore my socks off, honestly. I need to be here at this computer, writing. Period.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus 
One of the store managers approached me recently to tell me that he complimented my manager on hiring me. They want me to stay. Well, this manager has yet to let me know about this. And now, I'm being given a hard time by her and her underling. Nice.
One would think they'd do whatever necessary to retain me.
One would think they'd do whatever necessary to retain me.
That's awesome about the compliment!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
It's such a no-brainer job, halfway enjoyable, out in the sun and fresh air, with plants, etc.
You'd think these people would be fairly reasonable. No, it's corporate bs and micromanaging nonsense all over again. Nauseating.
Gonna be nice to sail on outta there in the next few months. I will be sailing on out at the perfect moment - - right before the spring rush of plants that will be arriving nonstop.
You'd think these people would be fairly reasonable. No, it's corporate bs and micromanaging nonsense all over again. Nauseating.
Gonna be nice to sail on outta there in the next few months. I will be sailing on out at the perfect moment - - right before the spring rush of plants that will be arriving nonstop.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus
Melina, you are caught in a tough place, it seems.
Do you think he might be jealous of your love and attention for the child?
Do you think he might be jealous of your love and attention for the child?
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
That occurred to me, too, SP. And possibly jealous of all you have accomplished despite the crappy situation, Melina? Jealous of your sobriety and obvious kick-a** attitude? Maybe he feels inadequate. He hasn't achieved what he wanted to, and maybe he feels stuck. Of course, none of that gives him the right to rag on you. Perhaps he doesn't realize where his anger comes from. It comes from his own inner voice telling him to get off his butt, not from what you do or don't do. A tough situation, to be sure.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Why is the grass on the other side of the fence always greener?
Ruby, your Christmas stories are just heartbreaking. I hope this year is better for you. It's hard to detach from such irresponsibility on your husbands part.
I have been through some miserable times in relationships. ...so most of the time I am grateful for the peace that I have in my home. I need to remember that.
Soberpotamus. ..I love the white quartz.
yay weasel! !!! All your hard work has paid off. Your promotion is wonderful news. Congratulations.
Happy birthday to me....
Ruby, your Christmas stories are just heartbreaking. I hope this year is better for you. It's hard to detach from such irresponsibility on your husbands part.
I have been through some miserable times in relationships. ...so most of the time I am grateful for the peace that I have in my home. I need to remember that.
Soberpotamus. ..I love the white quartz.
yay weasel! !!! All your hard work has paid off. Your promotion is wonderful news. Congratulations.
Happy birthday to me....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'm back. I went to an AA meeting with Mr. Ruby after I had breakfast with the birthday friend. The meeting was a good reinforcement that 1) we absolutely do not have to do this alone and it is far easier if we aren't and 2) we absolutely do not have to drink over pain in our lives. One of the guys at the meeting related that he heard yesterday that his sister was admitted to the hospital and is riddled with cancer. He stayed for a meeting and went home.
Melina, that is tough and I fully understand the loneliness. It's like being in a bar with a thousand people around and feeling lonelier than you've ever felt in your life. Crushing, at times.
SoberP, a friend of mine had a job after college where she did an amazingly awesome job. Always there. Always went above and beyond. Got mediocre performance reviews because her supervisors told her that her stellar work performance was threatening to her co-workers. Essentially they were asking her to "dumb it down" because she was making the other people look bad by comparison and drawing attention to the fact that her department should be so much better if the other people actually did their work, as expected. People are threatened by success because it draws attention to their failures.
I'm going to run errands. I cannot find the stupid receipt for the television that isn't working so I'm crossing my fingers.
Melina, that is tough and I fully understand the loneliness. It's like being in a bar with a thousand people around and feeling lonelier than you've ever felt in your life. Crushing, at times.
SoberP, a friend of mine had a job after college where she did an amazingly awesome job. Always there. Always went above and beyond. Got mediocre performance reviews because her supervisors told her that her stellar work performance was threatening to her co-workers. Essentially they were asking her to "dumb it down" because she was making the other people look bad by comparison and drawing attention to the fact that her department should be so much better if the other people actually did their work, as expected. People are threatened by success because it draws attention to their failures.
I'm going to run errands. I cannot find the stupid receipt for the television that isn't working so I'm crossing my fingers.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Just talked to my dad. He sounds really good and he was told that he may be going home tomorrow! Thank you for all your kind words and support and good thoughts along the way. He's been in since November 18. Almost a month.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, weekenders.
Been a long day - walked all the way to the bank - about 30 min each way- after walk under heavy snow. Well. at least some kind of exercise.
Also I had my share of political chat today. Unexpectedly. There is a new project at work, and a guy from another city came to collaborate on it. I have some vacant space in my office , so they put him there for 3 days. He was pretty quiet the first day, but today we started some small talk which pretty fast spiraled up to hot argument. He gave me just an adamant anti-capitalism speech. Well, I kind of not the fan of everything that goes on in this world, but didn't share his ideas either. For some reason I just found myself involved in this conversation heavily and defended my points of view like I am running for the Office) . Anyway, when he went for lunch I cooled off and , after all, it was quite interesting,. But probably he hit my sore spot - I had my share of extreme poverty in life and can't stand all this talking "why one person needs that much", "greed rules the world", and so on on so far.
Ok. He'll be back next week.
HAF - Happy birthday!
SP - Ah, that sucks. Last year I was kicked out of training to be a sales person for being "too smart" - I started asking questions the trainer couldn't answer)) Keep your chin up - better be too smart for the job, than "dumb to fit".
Ruby - I so hope this year your Holidays will be free from all this drama. Nothing drains energy like things like this.
My best to all.
See you.
Been a long day - walked all the way to the bank - about 30 min each way- after walk under heavy snow. Well. at least some kind of exercise.
Also I had my share of political chat today. Unexpectedly. There is a new project at work, and a guy from another city came to collaborate on it. I have some vacant space in my office , so they put him there for 3 days. He was pretty quiet the first day, but today we started some small talk which pretty fast spiraled up to hot argument. He gave me just an adamant anti-capitalism speech. Well, I kind of not the fan of everything that goes on in this world, but didn't share his ideas either. For some reason I just found myself involved in this conversation heavily and defended my points of view like I am running for the Office) . Anyway, when he went for lunch I cooled off and , after all, it was quite interesting,. But probably he hit my sore spot - I had my share of extreme poverty in life and can't stand all this talking "why one person needs that much", "greed rules the world", and so on on so far.
Ok. He'll be back next week.
HAF - Happy birthday!
SP - Ah, that sucks. Last year I was kicked out of training to be a sales person for being "too smart" - I started asking questions the trainer couldn't answer)) Keep your chin up - better be too smart for the job, than "dumb to fit".
Ruby - I so hope this year your Holidays will be free from all this drama. Nothing drains energy like things like this.
My best to all.
See you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
