Tamerua

Three days is amazing. I was in the same boat, where I couldn't imagine life without alcohol and our stories are similar (dad died of cirrhosis at 59, I didn't drink liquor, just wine and beer and not everyday).. What I have learned is that the amount or type don't matter. How it makes you feel and the way it lowers your expectations of yourself are what matters.

You can do this!

thomas11

Hi tufty, great post, very lucid. I'll throw my 2 cents in. What you describe is how it all starts. Its fun. Period. But over time, its no longer fun, its a nightmare. Congrats on recognizing it before the nightmare begins. Wish you the best.

tufty13

Wow, thank you so much for all your replies, you are all amazing lovely people.

I can't tell you how moved I was reading those posts, it put shivers down my spine reading some of them.

What wise words and so insightful too, everything has touched a chord and I'm left in no doubt that to act now is the right and healthy choice.

A real eye opener for me was last weekend when I cooked a meal for my girlfriend, of course accompanied by a couple of bottles of wine. After the meal my girlfriend tidied the table when I was out of the room and she drank the last mouthful of my glass which I had been savouring as that was the last. When I came back in the room and saw it was gone I actually felt something. I don't know if it was fear or anger or what but I definitely had an emotional response and that frightened me.


So as others have said, it's clearly not the volume but the affect.

This is day four for me and I feel fantastic - I've noticed that too.

I'm making an absolute commitment to 30 days and I'll take it from there. I've even cancelled a social gathering at mine which was arranged for the middle of the month. A poker night - they're always boozy affairs!

Thank you again so much.

lillyknitting

Whilst I wholeheartedly agree that you and your girlfriend do have "fun going from pub to pub" and it was a "blast", I do feel on the other hand that (and I speak from personal experience) eventually this lifestyle canno last and in reality is no way to live a contented, happy life. Get real. Look at the hell life your father lead and gave you. Do you really want to follow that. At some stage we have to face the music and decide what do I want: a life wasted by debauchery, drunkenness, hangovers from hell; unable to function, feeling dreadful and eventually lose everything. Or a beautiful life with your partner and daughters. Let's not kid ourselves; we come here on this forum for help, friendship and support. Stick around and you will soon realise what everyone has gone through and dearly would love to change. Take care and be lucky x

stevepearce

Hi tufty13. Welcome to SR. I can only echo what others have already said. I'm am also prepared to stick my neck out and say that your relationship with your daughters that you currently describe as outstanding is in fact only likely to improve if you stop drinking.

Meraviglioso

I know that feeling well. I also cannot say if it was fear or anger, sadness or rage or what, but I know that feeling and it is not pleasant.
I can tell you that now my dinners with my boyfriend are so much more relaxed and enjoyable now that the wine is not in the mix. No worrying about how much is left, if I am having too much or drinking too fast or splitting the quantity evenly, if we are going to run out, is there more somewhere in the house…. and on and on and on. Fortunately my boyfriend is not an alcoholic so although he enjoys wine with dinner he is also fine not to have it and it is not an issue. Now, without those worries and stressors I am really present in the moment. I am totally focussed on him, the conversation, the taste of the food, just enjoying being there with him.
You are so wise and strong to recognize the red flags now. I really hope you can keep at it. Be prepared for the 30 day mark (or maybe before) when thoughts might creep in "ah, look, I did it, 30 days, no big deal, I really must not have a problem! I'll just try taking it more easy and not drinking as much" things of that sort. Is it really worth it?
Keep checking in, we are happy to have you and share in your experience.

Hevyn

I'm glad to know you're feeling good, Tufty. We're happy to have you with us as you begin this journey.

jaynie04

Tufty, welcome. I recognize that feeling. I used to be so conscious in restaurants if the waiter was pouring for the table. And at friend's house when liquor was being served.

I heard once that alcoholism is the disease of "more", for me that applied. I didn't realize how stressed the fact of having "enough" used to make me.

This past weekend I had to travel and stay with my best friend, sadly her 52 year old husband died after a long illness. While I was there for almost a week there were nightly dinners and afternoons when her friends came by and often there was wine being poured. I can't tell you the relief I felt to know that is no longer an option for me, I don't drink, no matter what. To be able to be in situations without that stress that I always felt of when can I drink, how much can I drink, will anyone notice, can I get more.

It is really like being freed from invisible chains. I have been sober about 2 1/2 years. I had consigned myself at the outset of this journey that I would stay sober no matter what, but I figured my life would be dull and that is just the way it would be. I was (thankfully) so so wrong. Life is colorful, and sharp, and intense again. I feel present and engaged. I could be a good friend when I was needed. I am a better wife and mother. And life is not dull!

It is like learning life all over again when you first take alcohol off the table. But I wouldn't drink today for anything. I don't want to be hazy and foggy, I like this newfound clarity so much. I am 50 years old and I grew up a lot in the last few years. I know how daunting it feels to imagine life without alcohol, but it owned me. I never had marital, financial or legal woes, but I had a head full of concern about a liquid 24/7. I wasn't being the authentic me, I was existing not living.

I grew up with it too, I am glad I got off the elevator sooner rather than later. I know eventually my hand would have been forced from other people, I am glad I made the decision on my own.

tufty13

Thank you all again for your posts and replies. I'm finding them inspiring.

Part of my difficulty in admitting I have a drinking problem has been (as outlined in my first post) that I haven't viewed myself as a typical alcoholic.

So as suggested by some I've considered whether or not alcohol is negatively impacting my life.

Here's what I scribbled down this morning:

It's costing me money. Recently about £150 - £200 a month just on drinking or the facilitating of drinking.

I wake up regularly hungover. This is giving me an excuse to be unproductive at home and at work when I have so much to do.

It changes my behaviour, not just when I'm drunk. It's more like the effect of having alcohol in my system changes my personality for the worse.

It regularly robs me of time.

It contributes greatly to my depression.

It's unhealthy. My eyes look so dull when I have periods of regular drinking.

It prevents me from clear thinking, clear seeing and clear being.

There's probably more but I think that's enough to suggest my 38 year old relationship with booze should end now.

I'm really happy to have found this site and it feels good to be here, thank you all again.

Day five for me. And my first sober weekend for a long time.

Sheila66

Hi Tufty, and well done on day 4. I posted earlier cos I am on day 1, I wonder how did you manage to get started on your day 1.

I'm fine all day but come the witching hour of 6 pm the cravings start, how did you manage those?

Dee74

Have you tried changing your routine around a little Sheila?

If 6pm is a problem hour, maybe do something different then - hobbies, read a book, exercise, go for a walk or something?

D

tufty13

Hi Sheila,

Everyone's different and I'm afraid I don't have any golden nuggets of advice as my problem has never been abstaining for a day or two, my problem has been one of drinking to excess when I do drink and then spiralling from there.

So the question might be "how did I handle day three?"

Well firstly I found this site. I've read and read so many posts and threads and found so much inspiration; it's been such a fantastic motivator and people have said the loveliest things.

Next - I've been drinking lots and lots (and lots) of water with slices of lemon. I don't know why? It's working though.

I've also been eating really healthily - lots of greens.

Good luck to you, it will be worth it I know. I'm already feeling like a new person, and I'm really not missing the hangovers.

Be strong, you can do this!

Oh, I've also avoided my usual haunts. Stayed away from temptation you might say.

tufty13

Hello all, I hope you're having a lovely day.

I'm just checking in here because I think it's important to stay close to this community during the early days of my journey.

This is day seven for me and I'm really appreciating the clarity of mind and thought I've found these last few days.

I went to a Quaker meeting this morning for the very first time (I've never really been into God) and I found that to be a positive experience. I'm hoping it might be an additional aid to staying sober.

Many thanks to all on here for their support.

Mountainmanbob

Tufty

Honestly, it sounds like you may be slowly following in your father's foot steps. He might have gotten there much faster but, you don't sound like a normal (normie) drinker.

The differences between you and your father may not be so profound if you keep on with your intake ?

Mountainmanbob

tufty13

Thank you. I am in total agreement with you.

Mountainmanbob

My grandfather and I were both alcoholic. I partied real hard throughout my earlier years where he seemed to only hit it hard occasionally. From a hard working life grandpa owned many things including apartment buildings and a few homes. After he retired and grandma died he got himself a young wild drinking mixed with a few other things girlfriend. It was sad to watch him go downhill. As he was losing his mind he actually thought that he was having fun. In the end he died with next to nothing and had never given a thought for a Higher Power.

Anyway, after what I have lived through durning all of my heavy drinking years, I wish to meet my maker sober. I truly think that to be of most importance.

tufty
if alcoholic ?
one will either die drunk or sober
if alcoholic ?
the choice should be a simple one
if ?
we are still thinking with a sound mind ?

there that may be a problem for some boozers
in time alcohol takes away the ability to think straight.

if ?
we still have that ability -- we should be very grateful
for many we know don't.

MM

tufty13

Thank you MM, that's a fantastic post.

It's interesting that I see some of my father in me but I see much more of your grandfather in me.

If you knew how hard I've partied this year it would make your toes curl!
I had a good think about this last night. I looked at myself and my life through sober eyes and realised that's not how I want my children to remember me.

tufty13

Hi all,

Just checking in as a reminder to myself to stay sober.

Day 8 for me, I'm happy with that.

My girlfriend came over for a meal last night and brought a bottle of wine with her. It was an opportune moment to tell her that I thought I was an alcoholic and wouldn't be drinking again. I don't think she believed me but I know she will support me. I've never actually ever said those words to anyone before, that was a bit strange.

Thank you and best wishes to everyone here.

Soberwolf

tufty13

Hi folks,

Just checking in - this is my day ten and I'm still feeling motivated.

Its helped reading all the posts on here, I really appreciate this site.

I've had a some recent challenges; my girlfriend bringing wine round to my house, staying away last night in a hotel with booze included as part of my pre-paid "meal deal".

Last night was a challenge too, I would normally buy a bottle of wine after being away for a couple of days with work but I managed to refrain.

I'm really appreciating the clarity of mind I have at the moment, the energy and a zest for life that I thought had left me forever.

Right now I'm full of hope for a new life and despite my protestations about being an alcoholic (see my first post), I am happy to shout from the rooftops...

"....I am an alcoholic and I will never, ever drink again."