OpenTuning

I stood about 12 feet away from Johnny Marr at his gig in London recently and absolutely loved it. Completely sober (as was he, don't think he's had a drink for about 15 years). A side benefit was not having to battle through the crowd to get to the bar or loos. Once I had my great spot, I stayed there. Hope you have a great time, and well done again on the amazing change you're making to your life.

RedAndy

Interesting to hear OT and Tufty and certainly a new experience on me.

I have tickets for Stereophonics on Friday and was contemplating not bothering as in all honesty not really in the mood however having cancelled plans for trips away the last 2 weekends and also the weekend after (Xmas party) I think I need to make the effort plus good to get out a night out with the wife - plan is to go in somewhere with no booze for a bite to eat as well - can feel myself going further down so need to get out there - was offered the option to work from home yesterday but declined and got myself in the office again - worried if I do that I'll go further into myself and make things more difficult.

Enjoy the gig and interested to hear how the night goes.

paddyjnr1

. I even had doctors telling me I'm NOT an alcoholic cause I didn't fit the description.

I went to my doc one morning at the age of 28 and said Doc I think I'm an alcoholic, he said "Did you have a drink before you came in here" I said no which i hadn't but was going to have one afterwards.
He said then your not an alcoholic just reduce the amount your drink.
This Doc died a few years later from guess what ??? Alcoholism It really is self Diagnosing. when the **** hits the fan and your waiting a 7am for the early house to open crying because you don't want to but have to for to feel normal.
When you feel like screening on the inside but to everyone around you you are faking a smile.
when you wake up every morning to find your wife in the other room because you pissed yourself again or worse still she's gone home to her mothers because she was so afraid that you might kill her.
Then you need to have a good hard look at yourself because one day you will her and wont even remember it.

OpenTuning

I'm hoping to see the Stereophonics in December, so let us know how that gig goes.

Music has actually been something very helpful with my not drinking. I took up the guitar a few years ago and now find myself in a band, and it's a great way to take your mind off other things. And a way to relieve stress. Luckily I figured out very early on that I don't play very well drunk, so it's always been something I associate with being sober.

RedAndy

ok will do - that sounds like a great way to relieve stress.

Must admit I've reverted to listening to just the music that my wife and I like listening to together a playlist named "Garden Bench" where we sat chatting in the summer putting it together - albeit with a beer in hand - however it is all "our music" .

My side of things with music has for as many years as I care to remember revolved around the rave scene, even in the car it would be blasting out most journeys morning noon and night - however I just feel I really cannot listen to any of it right now - it just immediately means drug fuelled nights out, it feels wrong and makes me feel anxious even though of course I've always loved the music and that scene - I don't want to be that person anymore and guess its my way of pushing it as far away as possible.

tufty13

Johnny Marr, I bet that was good, I saw him play in London with The The about twenty years ago (that makes me feel old).

Well my evening was a disaster, I didn't go to the gig. I drove an hour and a half to my girlfriend's house, somehow managed to pick a fight with her and drove an hour and a half home again.

Everything she said touched a nerve and managed to irritate the hell out of me. I was clearly very tetchy and I reacted which upset her. On the drive over I found myself obsessing about alcohol, not obsessing about drinking, more like obsessing about not drinking. I think this affected my mood.

Oh well, rather a sober grumpy git than a false drunk happy one. It's all real this way.

tufty13

I hope you get to see the Stereophonics Andy, as you'll see from my post above it didn't happen for me. I reacted similarly to when I went to a dinner party sober a few weeks ago. I was really tetchy about the prospect of being around booze and the same happened last night.

I really hope it doesn't last because I'm a really sociable being and I know if I isolate myself I'll get depressed.

I really do need to find some sober social events.

tufty13

Same for me Andy, it's making my toes curl thinking about some of the stuff I've done at festivals. As recently as a few months ago as well. I really want to put that behind me now, none of it's real and I accept that I can't handle it. I don't want that lifestyle any more.

I really hope you are successful on your own journey, any short term feelings of loss will eventually be dwarfed by the benefits. I'm absolutely convinced of that.

Soberwolf

Morning Tufty

RedAndy

Morning Tufty, sorry to hear about the mishap last night and can understand the tetchiness with the thoughts of being around booze - on Saturday I picked the wife up from a place I regularly frequent in Manchester - needed the toilet before driving home so I nipped in - sent me under straight away going in there - hard to explain and questioned why / how it could make me feel like that straight away but guess its the fact that I feel its all over when its been my whole life - more to life tho - that's what I keep telling myself.

I'm going to go to the conert as I've got to get out there - I'm the same as you in the fact I've always been really sociable but already feel I am isolating myself and shutting off from people - this morning tho I've woken early and the wife said I need to calm a bit - gone off the other way and feel like I've got a massive burst of energy after a massive lull last night on the way home (nephew driving) to the point I was in bed by 8.30. Up and down is definitely an appropriate description at present.

Like you I'm driving tomorrow night also so takes the drinking out of the equation to an extent - last event I went to at the arena was to see Micky Flanagan, the wife couldn't go so I went with a mate who was driving - 6 or 7 very quick pints for me and a couple of packed joints before the show meant I was in no fit state for that and ended up asleep before it was even half way through it - that's not normal !!

Toe curling is a good way of putting it too, in the cold light of day, the more I look back on the festivals / raves / nights out / trips away - in fact virtually every time I go out in all honesty and the states I've been in it's ridiculous - more ridiculous is I wore it as a badge of honour for so long and was actually proud of being the biggest err.. idiot !!

Hope you're able to patch things up with the girlfriend and she's understanding of where you're at presently.

OpenTuning

I'm sorry to hear your night didn't work out like you hoped. Early sobriety can mean emotions and mood flying in all directions. The first gig I went to sober felt very strange indeed. It was in a club literally just down the road, so I just popped in for the second set and left again as soon as it finished. And was probably only the last song or two before I'd stopped obsessing about the fact I wasn't drinking and began to actually enjoy the music. But a few gigs later and those feelings had passed. Mainly because I realised I was still getting lost in the music without alcohol. It actually hadn't been adding anything useful to the experience. Hopefully you'll get there too before too long. There's no reason to take going to gigs out of your lifestyle just because you're sober, but it may take time to break the false connection your brain has made between the two.

Dee74

Things will get better Tufty

I got back into music about a year after I quit - my first sober gig was nerve wracking but great. The most important thing was - I didn't want to be one of those people drinking. That was a huge moment for me.

Hang in there

D

RedAndy

Biggest thing for me is the fact that the rave scene and e's have been a massive part of my life - unfortunately they do go hand in hand and there's no doubt on this planet that music is enhanced - dancing all night is the norm - never done that on alcohol or with a straight head and find it difficult to imagine but need to get past such hurdles and learn how to have fun without the drugs or drink - not relevant for tomorrow (altho the norm would be a few joints) but the reason I really can't listen to any dance music at all at present.

tufty13

Big challenge coming up for me. I've had my first really bad cravings today and now my two older daughters and my son in law have gone to Lidl to bring back wine. My other two daughters have never touched a drop in all their twenty years.

They don't know I'm not drinking any more. They would be utterly shocked if they knew I was an alcoholic. I guess it's time to shock them.

I'm not nervous about picking up because I know I can do this. However, if I am really honest with myself (and my sweaty palms are testament to this) I'm petrified of saying the words "I don't drink anymore".

There's a finality to those words that I'm questioning, despite the bravado of my internal voice, whether or not I've really faced up to yet.

"I'm not drinking at the moment" is a cop out and will merely play into the hands of my bas*ard AV at any given time in the future.

I swear, I'm nervous as hell but it has to be done.

Apologies for the long post but this is a huge step for me.

RedAndy

Good luck Tufty you can do it mate and sure you'll feel great when you do.

Just watching BBC news and they were doing an article on mad Friday at the end they mentioned an online calculator to see where you stand compared to the rest of the world which they advised ranged from the rowdy Belarussians to the teetotal Kuwaitis - I proudly advised the wife and daughter that I am now therefore a Kuwaiti !!

JD

You can do this! We'll be pulling for you.

OpenTuning

Hi Tufty,

Good luck with breaking the news. I do think it's the right thing to do. You don't have to go into all the gory details if you don't want to. My explanations vary depending on who I'm talking to and the situation. But I do always make clear that I've quit for good, not just a temporary break. Thing is there were a whole bunch of reasons I quit, so it isn't lying to choose which of them to say at any one time. The one I use the most is that I'd taken a break that started due to illness and continued as I didn't want to risk getting ill again before playing my first big gig. And when I next had a drink I realised I didn't really enjoy it, and started asking myself what I actually gained by drinking, decided I didn't gain anything, and eventually decided I'd quit. Not the whole story. Leaves out the alcoholism bit. But true, and a key part of my decision.

Also, what you just said reminded me that I'd quit for 4 months before I finally used the words "I do not drink and will never drink again". I guess part of me wasn't ready to close that door yet, even though I was feeling solid in my sobriety, but by the time I said it I knew it was true. It reminded me of when I jumped off the 10m diving board at a swimming complex for the first time. Something I'd been terrified of. That rush of excitement, fear and exhilaration as I thought to myself "I've actually done it. Yay me!"

Mel12

Thank you for sharing your situation, Tufty. Though reorienting my social life is still a work in progress, I feel secure in the decision to avoid drinking scenes.

tufty13

Thanks Andy,
All good here, I reckon I was making a mountain out of a molehill. I'm good at that, I overthink everything.

I had an early night in the end, it wasn't the proximity to wine which did for me, it was my son in law playing Justin Bieber through my iPad.......surely reason enough to drink in anyone's book?

I'm loving your positivity toward sobriety. I'm really happy for you and your family.

tufty13

Thanks Jd, got through it unscathed. You probably know yourself but any and all words of support go a long way. So thanks again.